Philadelphia Will Do

Blogger + Mayor = Awesomeness

Oh, yes, this is Mayor Michael Nutter with Albert Lee, this morning. Oh, yes.

There's A Joke Here Somewhere

Rendell leading gay pride parade [The Intelligencer]

Pot Bust? Of Course.

Yeah, of course I have to post about the pot bust in Germantown/Logan. (They called it both on the news.) And, as a treat, I have dual mid-day news report action!

The cops got "$700,000" worth of pot "off the streets."

Update: Huge comment argument on 6abc.com. Join in!

CBS 3's Photo Gallery Confuses Us

bryan (a friend): have you seen this CBS3 "hottest athletes" gallery?
bryan: first of all, it's 85 slides, which is beyond excessive
dmac: they do weird galleries all the time. oh, look: gay celebrities! vegan authors! robot lesbians!
bryan: second of all, i'm only 5 slides in
bryan: donovan mcnabb?
dmac: hahaha
bryan: sasha cohen...that's just creepy
dmac: maybe they meant "athletes"
bryan: ryan theriot?! wtf?!
bryan: this just keeps getting weirder and weirder
bryan: brian roberts from the baltimore orioles?!
bryan: this may as well just be an "athletes" gallery
dmac: tyrone hill show up yet?
dmac: sam cassell?
bryan: no but there's just been an eric lindros sighting
dmac: peter zezel must be next
bryan: I mean theyre doing somehting right i'm actually going through all 85 of these
bryan: JAVIER LOPEZ
bryan: come on now
bryan: some of the photos are just terrible
bryan: this is the worst internet photo gallery i've ever seen in my life
dmac: this really is just an "athletes" gallery, but since the people picked are so weird we're both going through it all
dmac: damn you cbs 3
dmac: haha dale earnhardt jr.
bryan: right!?
bryan: like he's just straight up ugly
dmac: it's like picking tyrone hill
bryan: i'm so pissed i just gave cbs3.com 85 clicks of traffic

Kidd Chris Fired; B-Day At Whiskey Tango!

Looks like that billboard ought to have said "I will not be racist!" Ho ho! Dan Gross reports 94.1 WYSP's Kidd Chris has been fired due to a guest's racist parody song; it was so racist it took the station 'til now to fire him for a broadcast in March. (Gross has a rough transcription of the lyrics.)

The song, a parody of Blondie's "Call Me," was titled "Schwoogies" -- a Yiddish word meaning "shadows," used as racist slang for black people like 800 years ago. The artist who did it is Lady Gash, who this blog describes as "THE Premier female song parody artist in all of radio and is one of the best in radio male or female, bar none." She also apparently did the "Schwoogies" song with Suge Knight.

Also, look, here's a response to another question on that blog about a song parody contest or something:

My entry is no SCHWOOGIEs since another racist song would not fit the rules of the contest and since there are no darkies on the staff. Who am i going to go after next... the Jews?

Pfft, yeah, no more racist songs, Lady Gash. Anyway, Kidd Chris was supposed to have his birthday party at freaking Whiskey Tango in the Far, Far Northeast, which is pretty much the funniest part of this whole story.

94 WYSP's Kidd Chris fired over guest's racist parody song [Phillygossip]

Meanwhile, Also Also In New Jersey...

A 78-year-old woman from Point Pleasant was attacked by a raccoon: "The woman fell down and the animal kept it's hold on the woman's calf for five to ten seconds Thursday, said Lt. Rich Larsen. The raccoon ran away when the neighbor jumped the fence to help the victim." Oh, what a wimpy raccoon. Sure, it'll attack a 78-year-old woman, but when an able-bodied neighbor shows up... Thanks, Rob

Wireless Philly Costs You Almost $2

Crack Metro reporter Josh Cornfeld continues on the Wireless Philadelphia beat today, which is way more interesting than whatever beat I used to poke fun at him for being on. (I've done too many posts -- this is post No. 7,338 -- to remember what that was.)

He has quite the scoop: Apparently, this whole free wi-fi thing wasn't all that free for the city. (Shocking.) Ha ha, whoops, it actually has cost the city $2.6 million so far, including lots and lots of consultant fees so Dianah Neff could answer questions on Philly Future. Or something like that. Two-point-six mil would equal somewhere close to $2 a person in this city. (I don't understand finances.)

Aside from the loan, the city has also paid technology consulting company Strategic Staffing Solutions $571,279 since 2004 and $463,000 to Civitium. Civitium has since hired Dianah Neff, who proposed the network as Street’s Chief Information Officer.

While Earthlink apparently wants to pull out, Wireless Philadelphia is going to go kicking and screaming to the grave, it seems, or possibly rise again like the Phoenix.

Meanwhile, Also In Jersey...

A man was arrested after authorities said he "stalked and beat three goslings to death with an umbrella in Middletown." He was smiling after the event, witness said. What, he was just saving the schools some cash by keeping the geese off the football field!

Dead Employees Do Hard Work

Hey, so KPMG audited a bunch of New Jersey school districts. And here are some of the more fun expenses!

Camden: $380,000: Checks issued for 10 dead employees. District said they were data entry errors and no money was paid; $3 million: The amount of federal grant money the district lost in 2005 after mismanaging the funds, jeopardizing future grants.
Gloucester City: $1,140: Desk used by a summer employee; bids were sought from other companies, but this was lowest bid; $6,116: Rain jackets for football team; jackets were just one on a list of many items on this appropriation; $14,901: For professional geese removal from athletic fields; this is a year-round health problem on fields and parking lots requiring professional help.
Pemberton Township: $999: Flowers for Secretaries Week, School Nurses Week, Special Education Week and Teachers Appreciation Day; $1,163: Mahogany desk, chair, bookcase, umbrella stand for elementary school curriculum supervisor; desk was actually steel but colored mahogany, and was a reasonable expense from state-contracted business for furniture set.

Man, I want a mahogany-colored steel desk! I could sit at it in my rain jacket and shoo geese away all day while paying dead employees to blog for me.

Flowers, catering, goose chase among flagged expenses [Camden Courier-Post]

A (Blurry) Message To All Philadelphians

There's an art project going on all month called Show Someone How You Feel About Something, where kids draw something to show how they feel about something. (Duh.) The project takes place at Clark Park on Saturdays and A-Space on Sundays and Mondays.

SEPTA Watch points out one bitching about SEPTA, always a fun pastime of any adult or child. But I happened to be at A-Space last night to talk with the Philly NORML guys and spotted a bunch of them on the walls.

There was one with drawings of condoms, telling Mayor Nutter to allow 'em in Philly schools, a couple addressed to The Pope and one saying Bush should be impeached, saying kings have been beheaded for less. And then there was this one, addressed to Lynne Abraham. I snapped a photo with my camera phone.

Aw, hell. It came out all blurry. Well, I started the post, I might as well finish it. (This is the kind of award-nominated dedication you can expect from Philadelphia Will Do.) Anyway, if you look closely, you might be able to see what it says: Dogs, not semi-automatic weapons. Why didn't we all think of that before?

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Christine Flowers: You see, the joke here is that Flowers is very dismissive and elitist in her columns, and here she's criticizing elitism among Democrats. What do you mean she's dead serious?

Elmer Smith: "The prudent politician would sooner French-kiss a snaggletoothed crocodile than hear his name and the words 'tax hike' in the same sentence." Mhmm, yes.

Jill Porter: This is some sort of heartwarming story.

Shameless-Self Promotion For 5.15

Check this out: NORML posted my column this week, which was about the media's coverage of drugs. I'll be High Times Stoner of the Year in no time.

And, in other news, I'm a finalist for an Association of Alternative Newsweeklies Alt-Weekly award for best blog at a paper with a circulation of over 55,000. I'm up against Nikke Finke's Deadline Hollywood Daily and Washington City Paper's City Desk blog. (And I even forgot to submit that post about the Barbaro messageboard!) I plan on breaking kneecaps 'til I'm the only one left standing.

Scientology's Lawyers Threaten Anonymous

Hey, so you all remember how Scientology scheduled a protest for last month so as to hold off a protest by Anonymous? And then they didn't protest at all? Well, for some reason the city has given the Church of Scientology yet another permit, for a June 14 protest against Xenu knows what, despite barely protesting at all during its last all-day protest.

The City of Philadelphia protesting code states that "[t]he term "Demonstration" shall not mean the casual use of City Property which does not have an intent or propensity to draw a crowd or onlookers." Scientology's last "protest" was just a few people handing out fliers for an hour or so despite the permit being requested for the entire day.

There's more: Anonymous is, well, anonymous, and is designed to stave off any legal threats from the Church of Scientology; apparently the Philadelphia group looked into the local college student who handed in the check for a previous anonymous protest (apparently) and had a lawyer hand-deliver a letter to her parents' house in Johnstown.

The greatness of Anonymous is the idea that no one can retaliate, physically or legally, against the group while it speaks out against whatever the cause is. But, of course, anyone can also claim to be Anonymous and send out anything in its name. And, as such, the letter from Scientology's lawyers recaps a bunch of bomb threats and other related hoaxes sent to Scientology from people it identifies as members of "Anonymous."

The letter then tells our fair college student that Scientology "has place[d] you on notice" -- ha! -- and tells her not to commit any illegal activities against the church. Yes, that's right, Scientology has placed a member of Philadelphia's Anonymous group who says she has done nothing wrong on notice.

Letter after the jump.

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Click to enlarge either image.

Still Winless Since Opening Night

I'm now officially mired in a slump worse than Ryan Howard. I had a tremendous offseason and looked poised to dominate this season in the Rock Paper Scissors City League. Whoops! After a first-round loss at Dirty Frank's on Tuesday night, I still have not once a match since the opening night of the league season.

As such, I still don't have much to write about. I'm tied for eighth in the league simply by sheer volume and the fact that all the season events are within stumbling distance of my apartment. My record, I believe, is 1-8 (I might have won two matches the first night). I've acquired more free packs of cigarettes from cigarette guys (6) this year than I have matches won -- and I don't smoke.

I did win a match in a bonus second tournament at The Dive last week, but it was against Sarah (aka Gossip Girlfriend) and was in a tournament that wasn't for points. I made her play Tuesday night and she did the Danny Awesome! name proud by losing in the first round.

Tonight is the weekly event at The Dive, 9:30 p.m. If you go, be sure to call an official Philadelphia Will Do timeout.

Okay, This

Okay, yeah. This has been on Philly.com front all day. And, um, yeah: As usual, anytime somebody tries to tell you how Philadelphia is a big city, you can just show them this. Something like that.