May 16, 2008

CBS 3's Photo Gallery Confuses Us

bryan (a friend): have you seen this CBS3 "hottest athletes" gallery?

bryan: first of all, it's 85 slides, which is beyond excessive
dmac: they do weird galleries all the time. oh, look: gay celebrities! vegan authors! robot lesbians!
bryan: second of all, i'm only 5 slides in
bryan: donovan mcnabb?
dmac: hahaha
bryan: sasha cohen...that's just creepy
dmac: maybe they meant "athletes"
bryan: ryan theriot?! wtf?!
bryan: this just keeps getting weirder and weirder
bryan: brian roberts from the baltimore orioles?!
bryan: this may as well just be an "athletes" gallery
dmac: tyrone hill show up yet?
dmac: sam cassell?
bryan: no but there's just been an eric lindros sighting
dmac: peter zezel must be next
bryan: I mean theyre doing somehting right i'm actually going through all 85 of these
bryan: JAVIER LOPEZ
bryan: come on now
bryan: some of the photos are just terrible
bryan: this is the worst internet photo gallery i've ever seen in my life
dmac: this really is just an "athletes" gallery, but since the people picked are so weird we're both going through it all
dmac: damn you cbs 3
dmac: haha dale earnhardt jr.
bryan: right!?
bryan: like he's just straight up ugly
dmac: it's like picking tyrone hill
bryan: i'm so pissed i just gave cbs3.com 85 clicks of traffic

Posted by D-Mac at 01:15 PM | Comments (1)

Kidd Chris Fired; B-Day At Whiskey Tango!

Looks like that billboard ought to have said "I will not be racist!" Ho ho! Dan Gross reports 94.1 WYSP's Kidd Chris has been fired due to a guest's racist parody song; it was so racist it took the station 'til now to fire him for a broadcast in March. (Gross has a rough transcription of the lyrics.)

The song, a parody of Blondie's "Call Me," was titled "Schwoogies" -- a Yiddish word meaning "shadows," used as racist slang for black people like 800 years ago. The artist who did it is Lady Gash, who this blog describes as "THE Premier female song parody artist in all of radio and is one of the best in radio male or female, bar none." She also apparently did the "Schwoogies" song with Suge Knight.

Also, look, here's a response to another question on that blog about a song parody contest or something:

My entry is no SCHWOOGIEs since another racist song would not fit the rules of the contest and since there are no darkies on the staff. Who am i going to go after next... the Jews?

Pfft, yeah, no more racist songs, Lady Gash. Anyway, Kidd Chris was supposed to have his birthday party at freaking Whiskey Tango in the Far, Far Northeast, which is pretty much the funniest part of this whole story.

94 WYSP's Kidd Chris fired over guest's racist parody song [Phillygossip]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:45 PM | Comments (18)

Meanwhile, Also Also In New Jersey...

A 78-year-old woman from Point Pleasant was attacked by a raccoon: "The woman fell down and the animal kept it's hold on the woman's calf for five to ten seconds Thursday, said Lt. Rich Larsen. The raccoon ran away when the neighbor jumped the fence to help the victim." Oh, what a wimpy raccoon. Sure, it'll attack a 78-year-old woman, but when an able-bodied neighbor shows up... Thanks, Rob

Posted by D-Mac at 12:25 PM | Comments (0)

Meanwhile, Also In Jersey...

A man was arrested after authorities said he "stalked and beat three goslings to death with an umbrella in Middletown." He was smiling after the event, witness said. What, he was just saving the schools some cash by keeping the geese off the football field!

Posted by D-Mac at 10:46 AM | Comments (1)

May 15, 2008

Scientology's Lawyers Threaten Anonymous

Hey, so you all remember how Scientology scheduled a protest for last month so as to hold off a protest by Anonymous? And then they didn't protest at all? Well, for some reason the city has given the Church of Scientology yet another permit, for a June 14 protest against Xenu knows what, despite barely protesting at all during its last all-day protest.

The City of Philadelphia protesting code states that "[t]he term "Demonstration" shall not mean the casual use of City Property which does not have an intent or propensity to draw a crowd or onlookers." Scientology's last "protest" was just a few people handing out fliers for an hour or so despite the permit being requested for the entire day.

There's more: Anonymous is, well, anonymous, and is designed to stave off any legal threats from the Church of Scientology; apparently the Philadelphia group looked into the local college student who handed in the check for a previous anonymous protest (apparently) and had a lawyer hand-deliver a letter to her parents' house in Johnstown.

The greatness of Anonymous is the idea that no one can retaliate, physically or legally, against the group while it speaks out against whatever the cause is. But, of course, anyone can also claim to be Anonymous and send out anything in its name. And, as such, the letter from Scientology's lawyers recaps a bunch of bomb threats and other related hoaxes sent to Scientology from people it identifies as members of "Anonymous."

The letter then tells our fair college student that Scientology "has place[d] you on notice" -- ha! -- and tells her not to commit any illegal activities against the church. Yes, that's right, Scientology has placed a member of Philadelphia's Anonymous group who says she has done nothing wrong on notice.

Letter after the jump.

Continue reading "Scientology's Lawyers Threaten Anonymous"

Posted by D-Mac at 03:28 PM | Comments (49)

Okay, This

Okay, yeah. This has been on Philly.com front all day. And, um, yeah: As usual, anytime somebody tries to tell you how Philadelphia is a big city, you can just show them this. Something like that.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:26 PM | Comments (1)

Sen. Specter Has Priorities In Order

Yesterday, former New England Patriots employee Matt Walsh met with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and Sen. Arlen Specter to talk about Spygate, the scandal where Walsh and others videotaped other teams and helped the Patriots kick some puppies, beat up dwarves and cheat to several Super Bowl titles.

The NFL says, "Oh, this scandal is all over, sorry everybody." But Arlen Specter isn't having any of that! Yes, the man who should be investigating any one of the number of United States atrocities in the name of the wars on Iraq or terror or drugs is content to investigate the New England Patriots.

"They are enormous role models for everybody," Specter said. "If you can cheat in the NFL, you can cheat in college, you can cheat in high school, you can cheat on your grade-school math test. There's no limit as to what you can do. I think they owe the public a lot more candor and a lot more credibility."

Cue your own favorite stolen 2000 election joke up, people!

Anyway, Congress will probably do a hearing or a Mitchell Report-type investigation while President Bush continues to videotape other team's playcalling signals unabated.

Sen. Specter wants independent investigation into Spygate [AP/Philly.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:44 AM | Comments (12)

May 14, 2008

Ron Paul Clone To Run For N.J. Senate

Oh no. Some dude is running for Senate in New Jersey and... oh no, he's a maverick! But, uh, not one like Walnuts McCain -- who, uh, isn't a maverick -- one like... you know who.

Contending that Washington is "bankrupt" of both money and ideas, Dr. Murray Sabrin said the country is in a "perfect economic storm" that demands a return to free enterprise and confines the federal government to the role outlined in the U.S. Constitution.

"There's nothing (in the Constitution) about agriculture, housing, education, or energy," Sabrin, an economics professor at Ramapo College, said. He proposes that the federal departments bearing those names and functions be eliminated. Social Security would also be phased out under Sabrin's plan, with new workers shifting their contributions to 401(k) plans.

Yes, that's right, a libertarian doctor is running for Senate in New Jersey. We can shortly expect Dr. Sabrin to have a blimp, his own coinage and an army of angry online followers. And, look, thinks are going well for Maverick Murray so far!

Sabrin calls himself "Maverick Murray" and, lacking support from the party establishment, has striven for media attention in the primary in novel ways, such as inviting people to bet on his pick in the Kentucky Derby (Cowboy Cal) and contribute the winnings to his campaign.

Cowboy Cal finished sixth, out of the money.

Well, at least Cowboy Cal didn't die, like Hillary Clinton's horse.

Maverick label a fit for Sabrin [Camden Courier-Post]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:22 PM | Comments (22)

Who To Blame For Flyers 3-0 Deficit?

Okay, so the Flyers were beaten 4-1 by the Penguins last night and are down 3-0 to the Penguins. Alas, alas. Who to blame for this 3-0 hole?

Oh, Metro's Clark DeLeon had an idea on Monday:

Then the son asks everyone in the Cathedral to sign the "Let's go Flyers, let's go." Fight song. And again, rather than appreciate the sentiment, my immediate reaction was, "He just jinxed the Flyers."

Yes, that's right: Clark DeLeon is blaming the dead cop's son for the Flyers' loss. "Geeze, couldn't that kid think of anyone but himself once in a while?" I assume he was thinking. A poster at Domelights -- clearly a liberal hippie communist college student -- advocates tossing all the copies of Metro in the trash, which you may know is against the law.

Posted by D-Mac at 12:18 PM | Comments (2)

Exciting Center City Activity!

Yes, Center City is abuzz today with tons of activity. At Broad and Walnut, you have Marley & Me filming at one corner and, uh, a McDonald's-sponsored "Chicken Dance Down South" at the other corner. Apparently, McDonald's thinks you're going to stop what you're doing and dance with corporate tools and, uhm, some Mummers, of course. Or maybe this is the part of Marley & Me where the dog mauls Ronald McDonald to death.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:19 AM | Comments (4)

OMG! College Kids Drinking Outside Ballpark!

The Pennsylvania state police didn't have anything to do yesterday, so they invited NBC 10 along with them and busted around 100 underage drinkers outside Citizens Bank Park yesterday. The only good thing is that a bunch of Natty Light was poured out onto the ground.

Ninety-one people over the age of 18 but under 21 were written up, while 9 people under 18 were also cited. One of the cited teenagers -- he's 19 -- told NBC 10 he would be able to fight in a pointless war but can't get plastered outside the ballpark so he can fight other drunks inside. Or something like that.

Anyway, we're all safer now, and the state has a bunch more money to bust more 20-year-olds drinking beer. Erhm.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:32 AM | Comments (2)

Could Beer Be Easier To Buy?

KYW 1060 reports on the latest case the Pennsylvania Supreme Court is hearing: The Sheetz convenience store chain wants to be able to sell beer at its locations.

John Rafferty (R-Chester, Montgomery Counties) is chairman of the Senate Law and Justice Committee, which oversees liquor issues. He thinks the court will rule in favor relaxing beer sales: "I have a feeling that – and this is strictly a gut feeling – that the court is going to open the windows for us, and that there will be a more liberal ruling, if you will, widening the market for selling beer."

Making beer easier to get? Who knew Pennsylvania could even do that? Hopefully the court will rule with that "gut feeling" clause in the state constitution.

High Court Ruling Could Make Selling Beer in Pa. Easier [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:03 AM | Comments (1)

May 12, 2008

Smerconish Just Messing With Us Now

I was grilling while we simultaneously played a game of family soccer. Four hand-molded ground sirloin patties simmered on the flame alongside four all-beef hot dogs. The smell of dinner wafted through the neighborhood as we staged a match between "Man U" and "Chelsea."

That's from the fourth paragraph of Michael Smerconish's Sunday Inquirer column yesterday. Get it? Ha ha, he puts the things in quotes to show that soccer is stupid! Or he's unfamiliar with it! Not a terrible writing tactic, but not one I'd like to go into my archives to see how often I've fallen back on it. But it's kind of silly to put quotes around Manchester United and Chelsea, which is sort of like writing, "I was at this so-called sporting event, 'The Olympics.'"

The column is actually about the exploitation of racehorses leading to Eight Belles' death. But he's also eating hamburgers at the same time, so maybe he's making a point! OMG is Michael Smerconish going to become a vegetarian? Is he going to grill up murder suspects and eat them? Is it really funny that his dog is named Checkers?

The first two I'm not sure. But the third one is a definite yes.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:59 AM | Comments (7)

Condo Destroying Earth One Trip At A Time

There's a story in today's Inquirer about the residents at the new condos at Liberty Two. The cheapest place in the skyscraper is $1 million, but you do get perhaps the best view of the city. There are only about 20 residents in the building, but they already have four concierges doting on them 24/7, a complimentary driver and Mercedes from 7 a.m. - 11 p.m. and probably anything else you could imagine.

Then there's the story of Michael Beautyman, who used the driver to help him find a couch.

A health-care attorney, world-class athlete and divorced father of two from Flourtown, Beautyman is still decorating. Last week, he asked the Residences' driver to take him around the city in search of a sofa. No hunting through Macy's for a floor model. No flipping through Pottery Barn catalogs, or testing the springs on a garage-sale special. The driver took him from store to store. [...]

So, did he find the couch? "No. I found three possibilities. More important, I found an interior decorator at Mitchell Gold who's helping me."

Liberty Two: 16th and Chestnut streets. Mitchell Gold and Bob Williams: 13th and Chestnut streets. I would always suggest driving when attempting to hire an interior designer from down the block. Fortunately for Beautyman, even if all the ice caps melt he'll be about 700 stories up, sitting on his comfy oatmeal-colored couch in peace.

Tip-Top Service [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:27 AM | Comments (1)

Marvin Harrison Tale Gets Surreal

Dan Gross reported last week that 6 ABC's Keith Russell talked about the Marvin Harrison situation on a radio show and didn't exactly stick to the, um, facts (apparently I missed it on PFT also):

6ABC sports anchor Keith Russell has reportedly supplied wholly unsubstantiated details to a Florida radio station about last week's shooting linked to Marvin Harrison, the Indianapolis Colts and Roman Catholic football star. [...] According to ProFootballTalk. com, Russell appeared with Jason Jackson on Miami's WQAM, and said his sources told him that the man who was shot had come to carry out a gangland-style hit on Harrison. According to the Web site, Russell said during the segment that the issue relates to Harrison's father, who Russell told the radio station was incarcerated.

Harrison's father is deceased, according to several stories. But, hey, who knows! Maybe his pops is the movie version of the Kingpin and we've all been lied to!

6ABC's Russell's tale baseless [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:11 AM | Comments (0)

Family Guy-Quoting Racists!

Hey, look, there are racist posters everywhere! I guess. The above shot is from Cottman and Frankford; it was posted at Domelights (the thread later turns into posters arguing that few black officers go to benefits for slain white officers). It's also, uhm, a freaking joke from Family Guy.

And, hey: A poster at Young Philly Politics found a different one (uh, I guess) after regaling us with a story of buying a new belt at the Gap outlet and realizing some people might not like Barack Obama because he's black.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:41 AM | Comments (3)

May 09, 2008

Phillie Phanatic Made More Horrifying

It almost burns the eyes. And it's only $24.99!

Forever Collectibles Philadelphia Phillies 18 Inch Plush Mascot Clinger [MLB Shop]
Thanks, Rob

Posted by D-Mac at 02:02 PM | Comments (2)

May 08, 2008

Great Rant From Police Commissioner

Okay, this is an ESPN Instant Classic rant from Police Commissioner Charles Ramsay after an Inquirer reporter asked an annoying question, and by that I mean one that referenced Wikipedia. Ha ha, silly journalist, you're supposed to hate Wikipedia. The video does confirm the "fricking" variant said by Ramsay.

Earlier today: Wikipedia Blasted For Its Accuracy

Posted by D-Mac at 05:59 PM | Comments (3)

Specter Asks Us To Be Nice To Ry-Ho

A letter in today's Inquirer about Ryan Howard:

Cheer Ryan Howard On Monday, I suggested on Angelo Cataldi's WIP radio talk show that Philadelphia fans should give Ryan Howard a standing ovation every time he comes to the plate. Those cheers would tell Howard that we understand the struggle, that we are with him, and that he still is the same hero in our eyes who won MVP and Rookie of the Year in successive seasons.

On Tuesday, I read that Pat Burrell attributes his success this year to confidence. From my own experience, I can attest that state of mind or confidence are crucial factors in success.

Obviously, Howard has been a big disappointment this year to the fans and to himself ("Manuel sits Howard against Big Unit, guarding progress," May 7). However, there's a good chance that a standing ovation and cheers could give him a shot in the arm and the confidence to shake out of his slump.

U.S. Sen. Arlen Specter
Washington

Yes, apparently ol' Arlen is following in the footsteps of Post Game Live panelist/Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell and weighing in on the sports topics of the day. He's actually involved in all the facets of sports: Spygate, the NFL Network and Comcast, Ryan Howard's feelings. Aww, let's all be nice to Ry-Ho so he hits some dingers.

Letters to the Editor [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:52 AM | Comments (1)

Mayor Disappointed In Murder Suspect

Eric Floyd, the fugitive suspect in the slaying of police Sgt. Stephen Liczbinski, was captured yesterday. All good.

Then things got surreal:

Afterward, the mayor told reporters said he got within two feet of Floyd. "I looked him dead in the eye when he came in, and I told him how disappointed I was in him," Nutter said. There was no response from the suspect, the mayor added.

Ooh, you showed him, Mr. Mayor! Two feet! Maybe someone can set up a trip for the mayor to death row where he can tell every killer how disappointed he is. "Don't murder, guys! You might let the mayor down!"

Suspect caught, arraignment today [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:59 AM | Comments (0)

May 07, 2008

Your Marvin Harrison Update

ESPN's Sal Paolantonio reported the other day that six of the bullet casings police removed from the wall of Marvin Harrison's car wash -- what is it with athletes and car washes! -- belonged to a gun registered to the Colts wide receiver.

Harrison's people have said he wasn't involved in the shooting and neither was his gun. But if his gun is involved in the shooting, he could get in trouble anyway even if he wasn't involved at all. Whoops! Apparently he could be charged with a misdemeanor and -- even worse -- could violate the NFL's gun policy.

Sources: Six of casings found after shooting came from Harrison's gun [ESPN.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:10 AM | Comments (0)

May 06, 2008

Why Is Indiana Jones In Phils' Schedule?

Your move, Philly.com. Phillies.com has embedded Indiana Jones into it's schedule page. What's best is it's there with no explanation at all. Maybe the Phillies will wear Indiana Jones hats that day!

I'm sure I'll see the new Indiana Jones movie. I'm sure everyone will know about it. It'll definitely be advertised heavily. I already saw an ad for it. I fully expect ads for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to be broadcast directly into my brain by George Lucas. I'm sure I will see it sometime on opening weekend. Do really need to sponsor the Phillies schedule?

Something like Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay would be a much better choice to advertise the schedule. It needs to be something you forget you want to see.

I could be wrong, though. Maybe Harrison Ford is entering the starting rotation on May 22. Shape up, Kyle Kendrick!

Phillies Schedule
Yesterday: Fake Mexican Beer Takes Over Philly.com

Posted by D-Mac at 11:40 AM | Comments (5)

Donovan McNabb Is 15 Years Old

The always good (and thorough!) Bounty Bowl points out (with censored vulgarity!) over the weekend Donovan McNabb was wearing a one-liner t-shirt. And not just any kind of one-liner t-shirt: An inspirational one-liner t-shirt. (He's also wearing a WWJD bracelet, which means not only is he 15 year old, he's 15 years old in 1997. Like me!)

The blog also helpfully transcribed the shirt for us, since, yeah, I wasn't going to read all of that:

"If you prepare to be the best in everything you do in life, you will receive great results. But if you are just satisfied with mediocrity, that’s what you will be."

Gah. Gah. GAH! Donovan. You're in your 30s. I stopped wearing one-liner shirts sometime before freshman year. (Yes, I have a t-shirt with a bracket on it that has the #16 seed me over the #1 seed you, but I bought it to support my friend's website.)

McNabb actually seemed to figure out that inspirational slogan t-shirts -- even worse than "funny" shirts -- were bad, as he stopped wearing them after showing up in 2006 with one. But now... ugh. Ugh. But please: If you're going to wear an inspirational slogan t-shirt, at least make it a little better than that? That's clumsier than my dancing.

Sweet f*cking Chr*st, he’s wearing T-shirts with slogans again [Bounty Bowl]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:45 AM | Comments (4)

May 05, 2008

A Criminal Mastermind

Earlier this year, Mary Jane Fonder allegedly murdered Rhonda Smith because she thought her pastor was giving the woman too much attention. In court on Friday, prosecutors made their initial case and issued a copy of Fonder's daily planner from Jan. 23, the day of the murder:

Written inside the dated block were these three entries: “Rhonda Murder Hairdresser”

If you're going to commit a murder, please don't write it in your planner. Everyone knows you should use your Palm Pilot to plan your murders.

'Rhonda - murder - hairdresser' [The Intelligencer]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:07 PM | Comments (1)

Fake Mexican Beer Takes Over Philly.com

Yes, once again Philly.com has been overrun by advertisements, this time for Miller Chill, some sort of light Corona-like beer. (Happy Cinco de Mayo!) The front page pretty much has all the hallmarks of annoying Internet ads (sans pop-ups): Flash ads that take over your screen, that change in size, that are incredibly distracting, etc. Although I didn't see it on my page, I'd like to thank The Illadelph for the photo of the revised dot in Philly DOT com above.

In case you're wondering, things like this are why Adblock Plus was invented.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:36 AM | Comments (2)