August 05, 2008

Troops In Danger Of Consuming Fake KFC

The crack morning show team at Fox & Friends reported last week on a KFC now open in Fallujah. For some reason the U.S. military reported on the opening of a branch of the fried chicken chain, instead of some sort of company spokesperson. Anyway, the opening of a fried chicken restaurant in Fallujah meant that Iraqi citizens were no longer killing each other and were doing their killing the American way: To themselves, by clogging their arteries.

Anywho, it turns out the KFC in Fallujah is an unauthorized knockoff, as if you hadn't already guessed. (Why else would I be writing about it?) TPMMuckraker got this comment from a KFC spokeschicken:

I understand you wanted some details about the store in Falluja that looks like a KFC. This store is not approved by KFC International and we have [been] working with the US Military to warn the troops of this situation.

Yes, please warn the troops immediately! We wouldn't want them eating chicken not up to the colonel's usual standards.

I also enjoyed this little bit at the end of the article:

We've also called the number of the faux KFC itself, but no one at the restaurant seems to speak English.

Gee, nobody seems to speak English at the bootleg KFC in Fallujah? I think they're just stonewalling, scared of the muckraking about to take place. Someone will get to the bottom of this.

KFC In Fallujah? Too Finger-Licking Good To Be True [TPMMuckraker]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:51 AM | Comments (3)

May 23, 2008

Daily News Takes Controversial Stance

Gee, thanks, guys. But, heck, we haven't started a new war in like five years! We're totally overdue for one; who doesn't want to go into Iran, or North Korea, or Burma, or Canada...

LET'S REMEMBER TO NOT START ANOTHER WAR [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:49 AM | Comments (0)

November 21, 2007

Media Still Reporting On Vince Papale

Fear not, soldiers getting ready to head off to war! Some lawyer and some Jefferson Hospital spokesman are serving you dinner! For some reason, KYW 1060 pairs this like a Wunza movie (e.g. "One's a cop. One's a crook. When they get together, hilarity ensues!"):

He's the president of the Camden County Bar: "When we are at war, whether we like the war or not, we support our troops."

He was portrayed by Mark Wahlberg in the movie Invincible: "Whether you believe in what we're doing overseas is right or wrong, you have to believe in these men and women because they're laying it on the line for us."

For our soldiers already overseas, we're doing something even nicer: Sending them Nintendo Wiis. Don't send them Manhunt 2, though; we don't want to turn our soldiers into killers.

Ex-Eagle and Local Lawyer to Serve Holiday Dinner to Troops [KYW 1060]
Wii bit of fun for troops [Courier Times]

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June 26, 2007

World War II Vets Too Dead To See Unbuilt Memorial

Back in 2000, people in New Jersey decided there really should be a World War II memorial in the state. The reasoning: If there's any war we don't really honor the soldiers from, it's World War II.

Now it's 2007, and it still hasn't been built. This is worrying quite a few people because there's a chance by the time it's finished there won't be any more WW II veterans alive to see the memorial.

The Garden State's been on a bit of a memorial binge recently, with a Vietnam one opening up in 1995 and a Korea one opening in 2001. While the funding for those projects went smoothly -- possibly because there are veterans of those wars not in nursing homes -- people just don't feel the need to honor the greatest generation or whatever. (Fun fact: 1,100 World War II veterans die every day in America. Wait, I guess that's not fun.)

The state has kicked in $3 million for the memorial, but it's now going to cost about 80 billion dollars to build and they could really use some money. And whose fault is it that the memorial isn't done? That's right.

While the state has allocated $3 million for the project, the commission in charge of the memorial has received only about $200,000 in donations from individuals and organizations, and not one cent from any New Jersey corporation, he said. The latter especially angers [Stephen] Abel, who said many of those corporations made windfall profits from wartime profits.

“It's been a significant disappointment,” he said.

How dare those corporations make wartime profits and then not remember it like 60 years later. Come on, Standard Oil of New Jersey!

Few, if any, WWII vets to see N.J. memorial [Press of Atlantic City]

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June 12, 2007

U.S. Soon To Be At War With Every Country In World

Front page on CNN:

Ha ha! Good one, Onion! Yeah, as if we'd start another war when we ... wait, what? Oh. He did say that. Oh.

Lieberman says strike on Iran is an option [AP/Boston.com]
Lieberman Advocates Attack On Iran [The Onion]

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May 01, 2007

And Counting, Really...

As you may have heard about 48 times already today, May 1 is the first anniversary of President Bush's "Mission Accomplished" speech. Yes, it was four years ago that we won the Iraq war! Duh!

Anyway, Good Day Philadelphia's Clayton Morris chimed in this morning on the subject, and as you might have guessed, it's a beauty:

It's hard to believe that 4 years ago today President Bush landed on that aircraft carrier announcing "Mission Accomplished." The war is, of course, a long forgotten memory; but whatever happened to that fantastic banner? Does someone have it? Is it hidden in someone's closet? Who knows? What do you think should happen to that banner?

1. Put it on display at the George W. Bush Presidential library?

2. Sell it on Ebay?

3. Ask for their money back?

4. Not sure?

Normally I'd just think he's kidding about the "long forgotten memory" part, but, remember, Fox 29 meteorologist David Aldrich doesn't believe in global warming.

I'm actually down with item #3, though. I want my $421 billion back!

Happy Mission Accomplished Day [MyFox Philly]
Cost of the War in Iraq [National Priorities]
April 21: Weekend Weather Guy Not Convinced Of Something

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April 09, 2007

American Fighting Men Read American Fighting Books

The American soldier has it tough. Most likely, there are people who hate you wherever you're stationed. There's not enough of the right equipment. Oh, and there's a war going on.

But there is one thing that keeps them upbeat: Comic books. (Or graphic novels, if you wish.) The Courier-Post reports today on a Burlington County comic shop that sells tons of comics to soldiers stationed overseas. It's hard to get American comic books when you're not in America. It's so bad Captain America recently died.

And why do our men and women read so many comics while stationed out of the country?

On a recent day at Ron's, Spc. Brylan Vanartsdalen, a National Guard recruiter, collected issues of Marvel Comics characters like Wolverine, Spider-Man and The Avengers. He's been collecting since he was 5 years old and has thousands of comic books at his Lumberton home, he said.

"It's just the stories, man, it's reading," he said. "It gets my mind off things."

See, it's simple! To get their mind off of fighting, war and evil, they read books about... ah... fighting, war and evil.

Burlco shop gives overseas troops their comic-book fix [Camden Courier-Post]

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April 06, 2007

South Philly Resident Has Future In American Diplomacy

The word on the street question in this week's South Philly Review is about the capture of 15 British sailors by Iran.

Although Iran has agreed to release the 15 British sailors and marines who were captured two weeks ago, how do you think Britain should have responded to the situation?

This is (by far) the most American, and therefore best, answer:

Word on the Street [South Philly Review]

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New War To Be Just As Successful As Current Wars

While it appears we won't be seeing World War III start today, it's still been a while since we've started a war, and consarnit, it's time for another one!

Iraq War vet and U.S. Congressman Patrick Murphy explains:

With several local officials standing at his side, Congressman Patrick Murphy revealed Thursday the beginning of Bucks County’s "war against flooding."

Judging from how well our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and on drugs are going, I expect Bucks County to be fully under water by 2009.

Murphy ready to tackle flooding [Bucks County Courier Times]
Tuesday: Bunch: You're All Gonna Die In A Pointless War!

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February 05, 2007

Right Idea, Wrong Execution

No, you idiots! Body armor! They need body armor!

Haddonfield, NJ Kids Honor Troops With Heroic Pillowcases [KYW 1060]

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January 09, 2007

Santorum To Identify America's Enemies By Buying Globe

Hey everybody: Rick Santorum's back! And he's an employee at a Washington-based think tank! And he's in charge of the Ethics and Public Policy Center's new "America's Enemies" program!

Yes, our favorite ex-senator is now in charge of finding enemies for America, and will most likely be paid six figures for helping the think tank come up with ways to convince the president to nuke Iran. He's also going to join a law firm, which means he'll be able to send his kids to private school in Virginia, instead of having Pennsylvania taxpayers homeschool his Virginia-based family.

In the National Review Online article by John J. Miller, Santorum says he was a bit too pro-war in the fall -- "Maybe that wasn’t the smartest political strategy, spending the last few months running purely on national security. I was even more hawkish than the president." -- and also addresses the name of his new department. In fact, he's already carving up the world between America and, uh, America.

“It’s a stark name,” says Santorum. “But we wanted to be candid about the fact that America really does have enemies and to point out that the nature of these enemies is much more complex than what people realize. It’s not just Islamic fascism, but also Venezuela, North Korea, and, increasingly in my opinion, Russia.”

Huzzah, huzzah, my friends! Even though we voted him out of the Senate, Rick Santorum is still going to do his best to start some more pointless wars we can die in. Sweet.

Rick’s Return [NRO via Wonkette]

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November 21, 2006

Leftovers: EZ-Pass It Along

• In order to raise money for transit projects, the state is considering selling the turnpike in order to get a boatload of money to spend on roads paved with silver and SEPTA trucks that run on rainbows. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Can't do any better than just quoting it: "Why wasn't Afghanistan enough?... We had a chance to do all the things the Quiet Americans wanted us to do. Invade a country, get rid of their bad leaders, pave the streets with gold, and create a wonderful paradise which could be an example for the world. Why couldn't we do that in Afghanistan?" [Atrios]

• A lesson to all Philadelphians: If you go to New Hampshire, there's a good chance you'll be tasered. [NBC 10]

• Action News lets us know the skinny on HPV. [6 ABC]

• And, finally, the Catholic Church in America may have had its problems dealing with pedophile priests, but it's not the mob. You see, the mob is a different group of Catholics. [Daily News]

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November 14, 2006

Crest Fights Cavities, Quells Insurgency

Now that the election is over, all Americans except John Kerry can get back to doing what we do best: supporting our troops. And if you're one of those troop-supporters who wants to do more than put a magnetic ribbon on the back of your truck, then Soldiers for Hope is for you.

The group, founded by Montgomery County's Tricia Pine, collects donations for care packages for soldiers. And what, exactly, are they sending over there?

It's indescribable how much joy can result from a travel-sized tube of toothpaste, according to Tricia Pine.

That amount of joy does, no doubt, resist description.

Group collecting donations for soldiers’ care packages [Bucks County Courier Times]

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August 24, 2006

Several Excerpts From Today's 'Evening Bulletin'

Robert Sandler, Shedding Light On 11B, The Amendment No One Knows About:

And it's why, if we're going to have the strong two-party system that we need, the Democrats ought to come to their senses and kick out the CrazyCrats so they can field candidates acceptable to their base and to moderates. Or they can keep on losing. If they choose losing, they have no one to blame but themselves. They're trying to win with a "Left Wing and A Prayer." Sorry! The Left does not believe in G-D. That makes it a "Left Wing and No Prayer." And they wonder why they keep losing!

Herb Denenberg, Defibrillators, Wiretaps, Pork, And The Stomach Talking To The Brain:

Question: Is the recent decision holding the wiretapping of terrorists to be illegal and unconstitutional going to help the Democrats?

Answer: You'll get many opinions on that, but here's mine. It will help the Republicans. That's because it shows the Democratic Party, which generally failed to condemn the decision, is soft on terrorism and wants to handcuff the American war against Islamic/Fascist/Nazis. What's more, the decision will be reversed on appeal. This is just part of a pattern of the ACLU, the rest of the loony liberal establishment, and the Democratic party opposing almost every attempt to fight terrorism.

Jason High, Republicans Would Do Best To Follow Santorum:

This will further provide a backdrop for our necessary involvement in the conflict with the nations of Iran and Syria.

Some great political discourse from five-year-olds followed by a call for more wars! G-D Bless America.

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July 13, 2006

Leftovers: Recycle, Beautifully

• Rejoice, Northeast Philadelphians! You can now recycle without sorting and you'll get it picked up by these spiffy trucks! Because nothing is going to make people on the Avenue recycle than pretty, pretty trucks. [Metro]

• Hey, look, there's war going on in the Middle East. Man, I thought that show was cancelled. [CNN.com]

• Article of the Day™: This New York Times piece about the word slut. Apparently, "Like 'queer' and 'pimp' before it, the word slut seems to be moving away from its meaning as a slur. Or is it?" One day, I hope to be able to write an article with a paragraph that profound. [NYT]

• Philly: Not prepared for an evacuation. So if aliens attack, we're screwed. [Inquirer]

• More Metro fun: Goers, who lives in the G-Ho section of Philly, is a computer programmer." G-Ho! [Metro]

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May 17, 2006

Soldiers on Paxil Most Important Problem In Iraq War

Today's Metro person on the street interview:

Well, at least they didn't ask Tom Cruise his opinion.

Metro Philly

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April 28, 2006

From The 'Holy Crap, How'd I Miss This Before' Dept.

Via The Illadelph, comes this amazing, amazing t-shirt drawn by local artist Thom Lessner (of Space 1026):

Okay, it might not look all that much like Iverson. But, c'mon, do you remember those A.I. bobbleheads? They looked more like me than Alley I.

The Answer T-Shirt [Urban Arts]
Further evidence that Allen Iverson should never, ever be traded [The Illadelph]

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April 12, 2006

Quickies: Blogging Just Can't Win

• Money magazine lists the Top 50 Jobs and... blogger isn't among them. Damn anti-blog dead tree media! [CNNMoney.com]

• A local auto dealership in Doylestown has had three tragic accidents, two fatal, in the past three years. Seriously, yikes. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• If you haven't read the New Yorker piece about President Bush possibly attacking Iran with nukes -- no, I don't possibly think he could do that, could he? -- you should give it a lookover. [The New Yorker]

• Just in time for the holidays next year, a kids' book about the War on Christmas will be coming out. Ahh, yes, move over, you liberal Choose Your Own Adventure books! [Inky]

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March 27, 2006

Blogicized: When Mr. Bush Gets Angry, People Die

• A new memo, written before the start of the Iraq war, reveals that Bush was sending us into war even if Saddam apologized and sent the U.S. a nice basket of apples. Seriously, does this even surprise anyone? It's like the big news about Barry Bonds being on steroids. What a shocker! Next, you'll tell me that President Bush might've underestimated the military force an invasion of Iraq would take! Oh, wait, the memo says that, too. Hey, but at least nobody got hurt, right? Er. [Dick Polman's American Debate]

• At his talk at Penn last week, Kevin Smith mentioned that, hey, Jason Mewes -- that'd be "Jay" in "Jay and Silent Bob" -- had sex with Nicole Richie in a bathroom stall. Somebody wrote about it in a blog and another blog picked it up and then another and another and, suddenly, it's in the newspapers. And Kevin Smith is now going, "D'oh!" over the whole thing. Of course it's news over the fact that Mewes overcame his drug addiction! We Americans like our news as disgusting as possible, and really it doesn't get any lower than screwing Nicole Richie in a bathroom. [Defamer]

• Josh Beckett got into a spat with everyone's new favorite Phillie, Ryan Howard, yesterday, but no punches were thrown. Which is good, because I think Howard would tear Beckett in half like a baseball card. [Beerleaguer]

• What's the best thing a Philly expat can do? Why, lead his team to a victory in a lego competition in Alaska, of course! What else do you do after you leave town? [To Philly, From Alaska, With Love]

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March 20, 2006

Blogicized: Sunday 'Parade'

• If you're not reading the Sunday Inquirer's Parade supplement, you're totally missing out on some tremendous insight. [Wookified]

• No war! Instead, let's make Mercedes Benz! [All Spin Zone]

• When the Kimmel Center is on Flickr, you know that said particular photosharing application has hit critical mass. [Kimmel Center Blog]

• The Minneapolis bracket matches up two Catholic schools in the Sweet 16, as 'Nova and BC tangle on Friday. Not just that, but Georgetown's in the bracket, too! Those heathen Florida Gators will end up advancing to the Final Four, just watch. [The 700 Level]

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January 27, 2006

Blogicized: Villanowhere

• Villanova has gotten $100,000 from the EPA in hopes that the school can "identify ways to better manage how prescription and non-prescription pharmaceuticals are discarded from university dormitories." One hundred thousand dollars. For that money, you could give 100 people without healthcare enough money to at least buy a little. Or you could burn 100,000 one dollar bills. Either way, it seems about as useful. [The Trouble With Spikol]

• Filling the former Today's Man spot on Chestnut Street is Loehmann’s, who has signed a 10 year, $5 million deal. [America's Hometown]

• Huzzah! It's nice to see a local soldier getting home okay, especially nowadays. [Grizzly Mama]

• Effin' A. Philabuster rocks out to Mozart on his 250th. [Badminton Stamps]

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December 27, 2005

An army of one

A story in yesterday's Inquirer noted that the National Guard is now now advertising on pizza boxes and offering free iTunes downloads in order to attract new recruits. Previously, the National Guard was a pretty nice option for some people, but now with the chance of being sent off to war instead of some training ground, well, the numbers in the National Guard are dropping like President Bush's approval ratings.

I've seen the three free iTunes downloads if you sign up for info advertisement before, but the pizza box setup has eluded me so far. (At left is an image of a pizza shop in China, so our boys know what they're fighting against!) The Inky says the ad has a photo of a young (presumably attractive) woman, with a message saying that if you join the Guard, they'll pay you and help pay for college.

The boxes mainly are placed at mom-and-pop pizza joints in college towns, a strategic move due to the "well-established pizza-ingestion habit" of college kids, according to the Inquirer.

All well and good. They have pizza, iTunes and a NASCAR team. But what's next for the new frontier of Guard advertising? A Northwestern prof has an idea: "I'd like see an ad with somebody listening to Mozart and reading Milton or Shakespeare."

Next up: National Guard pogs!

Guard turns to pizza, iTunes for recruiting [Inky]
Sept. 29: Had I known there was a war going on...

Image by ethergo

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December 19, 2005

Bush's speech puts off another disappointing 'Family Guy' for about 15 minutes

Last night was Our Fearless Leader's big ol' speech about Iraq. It delayed my Family Guy, but I figured Bush was going to talk about, oh, you know, the illegal spying on Americans that he "authorized." (He left that to Dick Cheney.)

And, you know, whatever. I guess I pay attention to the news a little more than Joe Average, being a quasi-media critic and all, but -- come on! -- Bush was talking about WMDs and how we didn't find them but, come on, everyone thought Iraq had them. Eh? Eh? I'm sorry, Mr. Bush, but I don't even remember what "WMD" stands for anymore. Watermelon something? Washington? No idea.

Eventually, around 9:10, Bush got to the idea that Iraq had elections and "YAY!" and everyone was smiling. He also quoted some Iraqis' one-liners about freedom and voting after the election, which is fine, but I was kind of hoping he'd say it in the original Arabic (or whatever) first. Because could you imagine Bush trying to speak a foreign language? But, alas.

At that point I about tuned out. I did hear, though, that Bush things terrorist try to be on "the offense." Which means terrorists have some good shooters, but they don't play much D. So they're kind of like the Sixers. I always knew that Allen Iverson was up to something.

In Sunday Speech, Bush Is More Humble, but Still Firm [NYT]
US Defends Decision on Domestic Eavesdropping [Reuters via NYT]
Photo by Elginite

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December 12, 2005

Stop the war! Zzzzz...

Okay, protesters. I know you can't actually protest near the President because of the whole "free speech zone" thing (I guess) and you're stuck on Walnut and Broad, but could you be a little more interesting? Geeze. I haven't been this bored since that Eagles game last Monday.

Obviously, I'm on your side. (Hence the bathed in light photo I took with my camera phone; sorry, no digital camera at this point.) But, man, most of the protesters I saw were old ladies. Okay, not really. But where were the crazy anarchists, the annoying hippies, the cute girls with wry smiles on their faces?

What an uneventful day: some guy hit me in the head with his giant sign. There was a trumpet player that was doing the worst version of "Blowin' in the Wind" I've ever heard. (That could have just been a dude who's there every day.) There was a guy handing out flyers that turned out not to be with the protest; he was just trying to piggyback with them and hand out flyers for some printing service. This is rather clever, actually. But that's about it.

I'm willing to give you anti-war people a pass on this one. It was a pretty quickly organized one, and you managed to get the streets closed off, so I'm okay with it. But next time, could you do it maybe in front of a warm fireplace with a cup of hot cocoa? It's freezing out!

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