February 15, 2008

Hey, Brett Mandel Made A New Game

Brett Mandel, the Will Wright of tax reform, has released yet another video game. The Philadelphia Forward guy who sends out all those emails previously released a game where you drop tax reform proposals on City Council members' heads. (Anvils would be better, but I can deal for now.)

Now comes a game where you fight the Philly Tax Monster, which has such memorable quotes as "I hit you with High Taxes" and "Say bye to jobs and neighbors." Oh, it's like Final Fantasy VII the dialog is so well-done.

Philly Tax Monster

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July 16, 2007

'Punch-Out!' Has An Apocrypha

Now that I've realized that it's the drugs, stupid, I've decided to pander to the base a bit. And what's funnier to stoners than unintentionally hilarious Wikipedia articles? Well, unintentionally hilarious Wikipedia articles about Punch-Out!!.

Here's what I learned:

• "The Electronic Arts game, Fight Night: Round 2 for the Nintendo GameCube identifies this character as 'Little Mac', but his appearance and naming in Fight Night is not considered canonical due to the third-party nature of the product. [I didn't know Punch-Out!! had a canon. —dmac]
• Doc also utilizes his almost magical healing powers brought about by pushing 'select' one time per fight. [I already knew this, of course.—dmac]
• "However [Von] Kaiser can still attack with his flurry of left and right uppercuts, but with any skill at all his celebration will be short lived."

Continue reading "'Punch-Out!' Has An Apocrypha"

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July 13, 2007

Bednarik Unsure How Magic Image Box Works

There's a new video game coming out that features legends from football's past. The game was made because there's a big market for pro football's past, as everyone loves to remember history and respect elders.

Ha ha, of course not. It was made because EA Sports has an exclusive NFL license for Madden, and so another company wanted to make a football game. At least one Eagle of yore is in the game, although I think he has a little trouble figuring out exactly how a video game works:

Of the 300-some players 2K Sports targeted, 241 ended up in the game. Among the ones who got away, Jackson wanted too much money. Lawrence Taylor already had a deal with another publisher. Then-Pennsylvania gubernatorial candidate Lynn Swann declined -- no joke -- on the recommendation of his political advisors.

By contrast, Chuck Bednarik said yes. But only after the game maker cleared a few things up for the man who nearly ended Frank Gifford's career.

"We were on the phone, and I actually had to explain that he would not physically be in the television set," recalls Sandra Tabata, who works at IMG World, the agency 2K Sports used to locate former players. "The younger guys are familiar with it, but some of the older guys, they didn't even know what video game technology was."

If anything, this only increases the legend of Concrete Charlie. I mean, he clearly was born in approximately 1862, so it's pretty amazing he led the Eagles to the 1960 NFL Championship.

The ultimate retro football experience [ESPN.com]

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June 29, 2007

A LOVE Park You Can Skateboard On, Still

Speaking of John Street, there's a nice little screw you to him in the upcoming Tony Hawk's Proving Ground, the 79th (I think) installment in the skateboarding video game series. And by "a nice little screw you," I mean "a completely rendered version of the new LOVE Park that can be skateboarded on."

See, suburban white kids? You can have you revenge on John Street after all. Well, you know, kinda. Hey, if you can't do it in real life, then do it in a video game. I guess that works for Grand Theft Auto, too.

Tony Hawk 9: Love Park?! [Planet Tony Hawk]

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May 03, 2007

Pitfall + Skateboards = Love

Yeah, this game by Space 1026's John Freeborn is pretty much the greatest thing ever. I'm seriously thinking of hooking up my old Intellivision controller so I can play this game in all its glory. But, y'know, Nintendo Wii calls, too.

Skatefall! The Video Game [JohnFreeborn.com via]

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December 06, 2006

BREAKING: BANANA TRUCK CRASH ON I-95

Word is that a banana truck has crashed, possibly spilling its bananas, at the intersection of I-95 and I-476 -- really -- injuring several Super Mario Kart racers. More TK.

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November 21, 2006

The King Rides Again

Everyone can stop writing now. There is a winner in the competition for Best Sentence Ever in the English Language, and it is this one, in an article about the new Burger King Xbox games:

Pocketbike Racer will feature a number of Burger King mascots, including the King, the Subservient Chicken, the Whopper Jr., and former host of E!'s Wild On series, Brooke Burke.

Please note that there are three Burger King Xbox games, including Sneak King, a Grand Theft Auto-style game where you play as The King and sneak up on people to give them whoppers. All three went on sale Sunday.

Sometimes humanity makes you just sit up and smile.

Burger King orders up Xbox games [Gamespot]
Aug. 29: Someone Who Has A Bigger Head That T.O.

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November 16, 2006

Sex Still Having Trouble Selling Video Games

As you may have noticed in the news yesterday, residents of the Philadelphia area have been stuck with Pac-Man Fever, and the only way to cure it is with a brand spankin' new video game console.

Sony fanboys are already in line for the Playstation 3, which comes out tomorrow, and presumably there are already a different set of Nintendo fanboys beginning to line up for the Wii, which hits Sunday. Inquirer video games writer (uh, yes, the jealousy in pretty thick here) Rob Watson chronicles some of the hype in today's paper, including this interview with a mom who was looking to pick up a PS3 but found the outside line already too daunting.

"Look at this line. These are all mostly guys and they look serious," [she] said. "Maybe if it was all women, I might stand a chance, buy them a drink or something."

Uhh, I think your "buy them a drink" strategy would work a little better on the men. Or is she saying all female video gamers are lesbians?

A video game showdown [Inquirer]
Yesterday: Gamers Already In Line For New Playstation; Surviving On Steady Diet Of Crash Bandicoot Meat

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October 17, 2006

Just Wait Until 'Ulysses Grant vs. Predator' Comes Out

Today, Inquirer video games reporter Rob Watson covers DigitalLife, the Ziff Davis personal electronics and video game showcase.

One of the perks? He got to play Playstation 3 before it comes out, including the new game Resistance, which is the must-get launch title for hte console. Here's how Doug Beauchamp, 21, of Hoboken, N.J., described the game to Watson:

"While I think they [Sony] have made a lot of mistakes, Sony still has this game," said Beauchamp, pointing to the screen with Resistance. "I mean, just look at it. Fighting aliens with World War II weapons never looked this good. This is what I came down here for."

Yeah. Those old games where you controlled World War II soldiers against aliens had shit graphics.

Gamer's delight [Inquirer]

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October 13, 2006

Breaking: Over A Month Before Launch, Nerds Already Forming Line For New Nintendo Product

Yes, today is the official start of pre-ordering for Nintendo's new Wii console, which goes on sale on Nov. 19. (On a side note, that Wikipedia page for the console is protected, which means people who are extremely loyal to Xbox, Playstation or Nintendo have been getting into edit wars over it. Hilarious. I love people.)

And Phillyist is on the case, snapping this photo of those in line at the Gamestop at around 8:30 this morning:

Awesome. Better get those pre-orders in, boys, before they sell out! (Yes, I know, consoles tend to sell out ridiculously quickly, even in pre-order. That doesn't mean I can't make fun of these guys. Plus, if I discourage people, then maybe I can sneak in and get one.)

It's Time To Pre Your Wii, Philadelphia [Phillyist]

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September 15, 2006

Philadelphia Crimes: Blame The T-Shirts

It appears that, as we quickly approach fall, fine citizens of Philadelphia are finding new and exciting reasons to commit crimes.

Case in point: Uhh, where to we start? I think a charticle is in order.

• Here. Here's a good starting point. Tyrone Spellman, 25, has been arrested and charged with murdering his 17-month-old daughter over a video game. This brings up so many questions -- and not just "What game were they playing?" But it's all answered by this one little paragraph:

"His confession was she pulled the cords in the game, the system is -- the box itself -- fell, and he was upset and then responsible for paying for the game, so he hit her in her face twice," [mother Mia] Turman said, adding that Spellman also allegedly slung the child over a chair.

We'll avoid the debate about whether losing your Madden save is worth killing over.

• Of course, sometimes the crimes aren't so strange. They're fairly normal. The pregnant woman who allegedly tried to buy crack has been released on $150 bail. (The same woman who also pled guilty to involuntary manslaughter of her son in 2002.)

Here's the kicker of the NBC 10 report: "City cops see mothers-to-be involved with drugs frequently." Oh, goodie.

Police: Pregnant, Crack-Carrying Mom Let Off The Hook [NBC 10]
Mother: Father Killed Child Over Video Game [NBC 10]

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August 21, 2006

Boom! An End To Gun Violence!

Tomorrow marks the release of Madden 2007, the latest version of the ubiquitous football video game that last year did $289 million in sales.

But, according to the Inquirer, it's not just a great way to waste time and improve those hand-eye coordination skills. No, Madden 2007 could make the world a better place:

It was this passion that led Rod Lane, a Hackensack, N.J., middle school teacher and a national tournament organizer, to push for a national Madden holiday, all for a good cause. He will be promoting his idea at the Cheltenham Square EB Games store late Monday. The store has the highest number of Madden reservations in the area, a good place to gain recruits.

"A Madden holiday could be used to do a number of things," Lane said. "Take Philly, for example. Look at all the kids involved in gun violence lately. I'd be willing to bet some hard money that most of them play this game. Maybe the hook is to get them participating in tournaments and then get them into something else positive while we have their attention."

Later, Lane is going to end teen pregnancy by doing a really neat trick in Super Mario Bros.

Almost time to stand in line for Madden 07 [Inquirer]

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July 07, 2006

Self-Indulgent Post Alert: Tecmo Super Bowl Ad

Okay, this is only going to appeal to, say, male readers under 27 or so -- yeah, I know those stereotypes aren't exactly true, but whatever -- but we spent about 30 minutes laughing about this last night, so it's going on the blog. Hey, it's Friday.

This random YouTube video is a homemade ad for Tecmo Super Bowl.

We'll spare those of you who are trying to figure out what a football and/or a Nintendo are and throw our thoughts after the jump.

Continue reading "Self-Indulgent Post Alert: Tecmo Super Bowl Ad"

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June 05, 2006

'Inquirer' Turns To Underrepresented Nerd Fanbase

In an apparent effort to boost readership of nerds, the Inquirer covered the live video game concert held Saturday night at the Merriam Theater. In all fairness, this looked pretty cool, but for Inky reporter Rob Watson, it was apparently heaven.

The concert features live orchestras performing the music of video games from Pong to Halo, which is fairly nerdy in itself. But, when you write this, you've eclipsed even my nerdiness factor:

Thankfully, I wasn't alone as other fans of these old school games made their voices heard in the audience.

"Tell me that's not Dragon's Lair up there," a gamer asked his friend in front of me. "That game took all of my allowance for years!"

Me too, brethren, me too.

Coming soon: Inquirer special edition 'Magic: The Gathering' cards.

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May 17, 2006

Call 'Em The Fightin' Phils

apologize for missing this yesterday; it's simply the greatest lead of the year so far, and the second reference to Mike Tyson's Punch Out! and the Phillies in media reports this season.

Thanks to Todd Zolecki in yesterday's Inquirer, we have this lead:

MILWAUKEE - Charlie Manuel took more shots to the solar plexus than King Hippo in the video game Mike Tyson's Punch-Out when the Phillies stumbled to a miserable 9-14 start last month.

And, hey, David Bell kinda looks like Glass Joe, doesn't he?

Todd Zolecki's Phillies Report [Inky]
Feb. 24: Charlie Manuel loves him some 'Mike Tyson's Punch Out!'

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April 19, 2006

And Here's Some More Free Advertising

Here's how the story goes: Video game company creates awful, awful video game. Not in content, but in playability, fun, etc. It falls by the wayside and is forgotten... unless it has some sort of controversy attached!

And such is the case with 25 to Life. In the game, a sort of Grand Theft Auto clone -- only really, really bad -- you can play as either a cop or a "gangsta," with lots of violence, swearing and predictable results. It got an average rating of about 40 percent from reviewers. Needless to say, it's bad.

But it came out in January. It's pretty much forgotten by now. Until the DA of Delaware County suddenly decides to organize a boycott of it!

Yes, he's a little behind -- but here's where it gets really old. He's asking people to sign a petition in protest of the game. The petition, organized by the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund, is to be presented to a hearing in Congress on video game violence (sigh).

Er, sorry, was to be presented, since the hearing was March 29. So, basically, signing the petition now does nothing -- except that this KYW 1060 news report gave the game some free advertising.

Look for Delco DA Mike Green to call for a boycott Ice-T's "Cop Killer" any day now.

Law Enforcement Officials Urging Boycott of "25 To Life" Video Game [KYW 1060]
25 to Life [GameRankings.com]
25 to Life Petition [NLEOMF]

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March 07, 2006

Blogicized: Tolling the bell, or a similar bad pun, &c.

• With David Bell getting older and less healthy, could he really be done? Maybe that's why he always looks so sad. [Beerleaguer]

• If you pay your credit card bills too well, Homeland Security might need to know. [The 14th Windiest State]

• This Friday at the Kimmel: "You can't tell me you're going to miss Beethoven 7, Strauss Til and Carter & Lieberson??????" Well, are you??? [Kimmel Center Blog]

• Celebrities die; one man writes edgy funny obits. [Johnny Goodtimes]

• A Philadelphian is fighting obesity one Hadoken at a time. [Phillyist]

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March 06, 2006

Finally, a way to introduce those sagging Olympic ratings

A new online game could probably be a big hit for Vancouver 2010:

With Philadelphia Will Do and puppy curling, you ain't getting any work done today.

Puppy Curling [Games Arcade via Deadspin]

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February 24, 2006

Blogicized: Ride or die

• Yay! Ecstasy doesn't make you depressed! It does have the unfortunate side effect of usually making you look like a total jackass, but, hey. [The Trouble With Spikol]

• Philadelphia photobloggers Brad of Phillyskyline and Mark of All Proper had an opening for their show at Day by Day last night. It's fantastic, you should check it out.

• When your house is hit by a car twice in a year, it might be time to move. Stay away from the infield at Daytona when picking a new place to live, too. [Metroblogging Philadelphia]

• Ladies and gentlemen, a guy who's both nerdier and cooler than all of us. Enjoy. [Joystiq]

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Charlie Manuel loves him some 'Punch Out!'

There's nothing like a conversation about old-school video games to get everyone excited. Mention Tecmo Super Bowl in a group of 20-to-30 year old guys and you'll get bombarded for an hour with stories of QB Eagles, ridiculously long punts and braggadocio about 106-0 wins and 14 safeties in a game.

Tecmo may be the gold standard of Nintendo sports games, but one that wasn't far behind was Mike Tyson's Punch Out! (You must spell this game's title with the exclamation point.) The plot of the game is this: You're a 10-year-old (or so) named Little Mac and you fight guys three times your size, culminating in the final fight against Mike Tyson.

And yesterday, as the Phillies were photographed for the upcoming game MLB '07 -- MLB '06 is due out next week -- Charlie Manuel shared his fondness for the 1980s classic:

Most, too young for the Atari revolution, first played a version of the ricochet game "Breakout" on a personal computer before graduating to the wonders of Nintendo staples "Super Mario Brothers," "Donkey Kong" and "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out."

"You got to fight Bald Bull," recalled manager Charlie Manuel, a "Pacman" fan who, at 62, owns a "Tetris" game.

Yep. You got to fight Bald Bull. (Twice.) Go get 'em, Fightins!

Phillies have video games on their minds [DN]

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February 21, 2006

Quickies: He's outta here!

• Little late on this one, but Phillies organist Paul Richardson is retiring after 35 years. It was nice to see him in the CBP concourse the first two years of the park, though. [AP/Yahoo!]

• In Bucks County, things are going so well people are still up in arms over a bad video game nobody's heard of except for people protesting it. If I ever have a really bad idea that I want to sell, I'm just pepper it with references to killing cops, eating babies and gutting puppies. Hmm, maybe I should do that here. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Of course, the cops did just catch two eighth graders who made bomb threats. So maybe everything is safe up there. Seriously, though: Bomb threats? How 1999. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• And, hey, the U.S. men's hockey team managed to advance to the gold medal round of the Olympics without even playing. Now that's sport! U-S-A! U-S-A! [AP/Philly.com]

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February 17, 2006

Quickies: Short bus

• The reason local boy Johnny Weir finished fifth in the Olympics? They changed the bus schedule. Or maybe he was secretly worried about how he was looking in front of his new pal Vai Sikahema. [ESPN.com]

• Geeze. I can't believe that Jessica Pressler quoted a girl saying that Jennifer Aniston "was sooo nice." That's made me angrier than anything else she's written in the Times! [New York Times]

• In Bucks County, they're doing what's important, i.e. passing resolutions saying a certain video game sucks. Oh, yeah, and they want to ban it from being sold in America. Sigh. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Don't bother playing Powerball, because I have it on good authority that I already bought the winning $365M ticket. [AP/Yahoo!]

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February 15, 2006

Action News BS

When media outlets are looking for a way to drum up ratings and scare their readers/viewers/listeners, they usually resort to attempting to educate their older audience about things that only kids know about.

Usually, the answer for this has recently been exposes on "The Choking Game" or Myspace. And that's fine and all. Kids could get stalked on Myspace and any game where you could possibly kill yourself is a good one to stop, I suppose.

But, last night, Action News decided the newest danger to kids across the Delaware Valley was Nintendo's hand held DS system. (The photo's from Nintendogs, the cutest game ever.)

And, so, what 6 ABC did, of course, was broadcast an "important warning" talking about the Nintendo DS' wireless capabilities and how you can play anyone in the world. This is true. The problem is, after saying this, they talked about a message a young girl received from a "screen name is so offensive, we can't even show it to you."

She got the message in PictoChat, a built-in chatting tool for the system. And after Action News talks to 'experts' and tries to scare every parent of a kid with a DS is that... well... Pictochat can only go 65 feet at most. (Well, they say the company "claims" that.) So the offensive message she got had to be from someone, essentially, in the room with her. And when you can play with people over the world in, say, Mario Kart, you can't see who they are.

This, of course, means the Nintendo DS is essentially just as dangerous for a kid as going outside. But maybe Action News was just buttering us all up for their big "THE SKY: COULD IT BE FALLING?" exposé during sweeps.

The Nintendo DS System [6 ABC]

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January 03, 2006

And Peter Forsberg says LOL

Hello, 2006! We'll begin today with something a little stupid -- okay, very stupid -- but amusing nonetheless. If you're not a regular reader here, or you're just not very perceptive, you might have not noticed that I'm kind of a big nerd. Not like a D&D/Philadelphia Science Fiction Convention nerd -- please -- but one nonetheless.

And, so, yesterday I was playing my Xbox season of NHL 2006. In recent years, a bunch of the sports video games have added features that let you be the GM of whatever sport you're playing. Some of the features are normal (setting ticket prices, signing contracts, etc.) and some are pretty silly (like getting emails from players).

And, yesterday, I got an email from a Flyers forward Simon Gagne during my season. And here's what I got:

Simon Gagne (or at least his video game equivalent) uses emoticons. Sadly, I didn't get an email from Bobby Clarke saying "OMG Eric Lindros sucks!"

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December 16, 2005

Imagine if this guy got an Xbox 360

And now, your moment of zen:

I can only guess this guy actually said "It's aaaaawwwwesome."

U.S. Editions [Metro]

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