April 22, 2008

Vandalism Running Wild Locally

A few incidents of recent vandalism are sure to have people angrily writing on messageboards and blogs. Let's go over the recent attacks on inanimate objects and how they show the downfall of America, or something.

• The vandalized item: Daniel Faulkner's memorial plaque at 13th and Locust. The time: Sometime between Saturday night and 10 a.m. Sunday. The damage: "Fuck him" written across the late officer Faulkner's plaque. The culprit: Uh, Free Mumia people were in town over the weekend, so them. Or could it be a set-up attempting to demonize the innocent (but annoying) protesters? Yeah, I'vealready thought about this too much. The likelihood alcohol was involved: 100%.

• The vandalized item: About two dozen flags, part of a display of over 4,000, one for each solider killed in Iraq. The time: Sometime overnight. The damage: Two dozen broken flags, duh. The likely culprit: Unclear, but probably the Mumia people, or some right-wing warmongers. There's also a chance it was a hard-up flag manufacturer. The likelihood alcohol was involved: 100%.

• The vandalized item: Mets fans' dignity, as at least two fans of the New York National League club were arrested. The time: Saturday's Phillies-Mets game. The damage: I'd say "clean arrest records," but who knows if that's true. Let's say the price of a ticket and bail. The likely culprit: The Mets fans themselves, of course. Phillies fans are veritable saints. The likelihood alcohol was involved: 100%.

Wow, annoying people vandalizing heartfelt displays. Uhm, shocking.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:32 PM | Comments (2)

March 05, 2008

Pellet-Packing Punks Probed

Pellet-packing punks! That's the newest scourge in West Chester, according to Action News and its annoying seizure-inducing website. People are so mad about said "pellet-packing punks" (who are apparently white aka moon tigers) Action News' David Henry says the damage has gotten "has gotten way beyond ridiculous."

Vandals in West Chester have broken the windows over 100 cars with pellet guns, causing $40,000 worth of damage. Things are so bad even the glass replacement people are unhappy! Apparently dealing with "angry customers" outweighs huge amounts of profit.

It's okay, though, the cops have a few leads and will soon find and execute the punks. And if they don't Henry notes it's okay, too: "It's gotten to the point where the vandals better hope the police catch them before someone else does." Ahh, I see West Chester is a lot like Upper Darby.

Hunt continues for pellet packing punks [6 ABC]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:30 PM | Comments (0)

February 29, 2008

Demons! Well, Okay, Not Demons

Ahh, remember how the all the local media reports on the church vandalism in Bucks County were about how a pair of "demons" showed up at a church. The police wouldn't even report the demons' names so as not to taint the investigation.

Anyway, it looks like it was just a bunch of stupid kids! Everyone already knew this anyway, but it's more fun to write about demons and devils and whatever other shit was printed.

Four kids from Falls were arrested for allegedly vandalizing Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church earlier this month. There was also graffiti all over the area, but, you know, demons. Oh, and when one of the kids parents apologized the church was all like "OMGWTFHOWDAREYOU!!"

“He's not a demon. He's not a monster. This was not a hate crime,” Klein said. “He's a smart kid who made a stupid mistake.” Klein said the vandalism had nothing to do with religion. He said Stetson's parents are “mortified” but standing behind their son.

“Harry has never even tagged [done graffiti] before,” Klein said. “He bowed to peer pressure that night. He's very sorry and willing to scrub it off if the church will let him.” It's too late for that, said Kay McFarland, a spokeswoman for the parish.

“We took care of that already. We're not going to let that kind of hatred and dirt stay on our statues. Come on, we weren't going to leave that on our church,” she said.

Let's just throw these stupid kids in jail for 30 years so they can be in prison with the rest of us. DEMONS!

Teens charged with church vandalism [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:07 AM | Comments (0)

February 25, 2008

Possible Demon Arrested, Charged

There is now more information on the area's demon infestation; authorities in Bucks County revealed more info over the weekend about one of the possible demon vandals. Sandralee Banks-Kastrup, 40, was arrested Thursday night was undergoing a psychiatric evaluation.

The Bucks County Courier Times was nice enough to print all the weird shit she said:

Inside the court on Trenton Road in Middletown, Banks-Kastrup questioned why officers weren't arresting other people in the court lobby for “killing Brittany.” She told three retail theft suspects who were in handcuffs on a nearby bench that she was God and her daughter was the mother of Jesus Christ.

She repeatedly asked police to take off her handcuffs, but was told that rules of procedure require suspects to be handcuffed during arraignment. “I don't care about your rules; I made the rules,” she responded curtly.

Continue reading "Possible Demon Arrested, Charged"

Posted by D-Mac at 02:18 PM | Comments (1)

November 20, 2007

Elmer's Glue Vandalizes NE Philly Churches

Up in Northeast Philly, a bunch of churches were vandalized by somebody (probably punk kid atheists) putting glue on the locks.

Somebody went up and down Tyson Avenue in Tacony/Mayfair, gluing the locks and breaking keys off in the doors of eight churches. How many churches are there in this town? I feel like there's one for every resident. Anyway, guess who apparently got left alone: Catholic churches. Yeah, somebody managed to vandalize eight churches in Mayfair and not hit one Catholic church. That has to be intentional.

Here's the head of the Tacony Baptist Church: "It’s really comical. They keyed that door and instead of jumping up and down smoking, I just thank God, because the devil is trying to tell us we are doing something right for the Lord."

Hey, turning the other cheek? I thought Christians weren't in to that anymore. Anyway, the best part of this story is definitely the graphic KYW 1060 came up with. Did they really use Elmer's glue? Or am I just supposed to work a Barbaro joke in here?

Vandals Keep Phila. Worshippers Stuck in the Cold [KYW 1060]
Oct. 29: Graffiti Vandalizes School [6 ABC]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:20 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

March 13, 2007

Vandalism Of The Moment

Apropos of nothing, but check out Air Bud's Wikipedia page:

Come on: You know you'd see this movie, too.

Air Bud [Wikipedia]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

November 17, 2006

Police Appeal To Robber's Economic Senses

This one isn't so much the crime as the description. From 6 ABC:

EGG HARBOR TOWNSHIP, N.J. -- Detectives in New Jersey are trying to track down a coin bandit who has caused several thousands of dollars in damage all to nab some change.

Police say the man has struck several times, hitting businesses along the Black Horse Pike in Egg Harbor Township. They say he busts coin-operated machines open, usually between 1 a.m. and 4:30 a.m.

"Unfortunately he's getting a little bit of cash but causing a lot of damage," said Marc Romantino of the Egg Harbor Township Police Department.

Officials say he's getting less than $100 in each of the robberies, but is causing damage to the machines that is in the neighborhood of $2,000 per machine. "He's working pretty hard for a little bit of cash," Romantino said.

Wait, why exactly is the police officer appealing to his sense of... what, poor cost-benefit analysis for taking so much time opening machines? Civic duty that he's vandalizing more than he gets in cash? Maybe the man is a taxpayer in Egg Harbor Township, and he knows that his crimes could end up raising his taxes due to the city's soda machine repair budget being stretched to the limit. Yeah, that's it. Okay, I get it now.

Destructive Bandit On The Run [6 ABC]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

November 03, 2006

If Your Car Isn't Vandalized By Stupid Kids, The Philadelphia Police Department Will Do It For You

And this, my friends, is why I love this city.

Philly cops vandalizing a Philly cop car [YouTube]
Cops' prank on the 'Net [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:00 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

September 20, 2006

Leftovers: Hey There, Blimpy Boy

• The feds arrested 115 illegal immigrants over the past five days in Pennsylvania and Delaware. Holy Geno's, Batman! [AP/6 ABC]

• The blimp flight that was the dream of seniors went off yesterday, although high winds grounded at least one person's turn on the blimp. (They went one at a time, it seems.) Alas. [Doylestown Intelligencer]

• NB to vandals: The police have access to your Myspace bragging, too. [Inquirer]

• The space shuttle Atlantis is cleared for landing! Chris Ferguson can come back to Earth and prep for a parade down Woodhaven Road. [AP/Phillyburbs.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:17 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

September 19, 2006

Rocky Statue To Provide Jobs For Vandals

The big debate about the Rocky statue's placement is over, but the letters to the editor are still rolling in. And, well, things may be more complicated with the statue right next to the Art Museum:

Now that the Rocky statue is permanently in its place, the thought occurs to me that it should have some kind of protection around it, like they do for the Liberty Bell, just in case someone in the middle of the night tries to knock a piece of Rocky off, just for the fun of it.

There it is now, out in the open, for anyone to take a potshot at it. Don't laugh. It could happen, God forbid. I had a dream like this.

Pity the man whose dreams consist of vandals destroying the Rocky statue. Implementing this protection idea could be part of the "jobs [and] economic development" John Street promised the statue would bring.

Protecting Rocky [DN, 4th letter]
Sept. 11: Rocky Statue To End Homicides In Philadelphia

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May 08, 2006

Everyone's Attacking Everything (Except The Easiest Target Of All)

Seriously, everyone's on the attack. Just look at the news!

• A teen in Northampton is charged with attacking goats! The teen went to a farm with some friends intending to "hassle some llamas," according to the Associated Press article. (No, really.) But the teen stayed behind and killing two newborn goats and injuring several others. The farm's owner vows to "sue the teen's parents for damage to their farm, the cost of veterinary care and their emotional pain." But of course! [AP/NBC 10]

• But that's not all. Someone in Methacton, N.J. (D'oh!) Montgomery County, vandalized all 110 of the school district's buses, forcing school to be canceled today. Police are on the lookout for a Bart Simpson-like kid who had a really big test scheduled for today. [CBS 3]

• Meanwhile, also in New Jersey, two people in a foursome attacked each other over the weekend. (No, not that kind of foursome.) The two golfers were arguing over a shot when one grabbed two clubs and hit the other one over the head with them. The clubs broke. I guess they were a cheap brand. [AP/6 ABC]

• The Pagans and the Outlaws are close to fighting, as the Pagans don't want a new motorcycle gang in town. Anyone think motorcycle gangs are just like the Boy Scouts: Homoerotic, really exclusionary and really, really lame? [Daily News]

And the only one not being attacked is... drumroll, please...

• SEPTA! Wha... you say? Well, SEPTA's not going to raise rates this year, so the budget hearings are going to go by without a peep. That's, really, the only way SEPTA can get treated nicely: If they don't make us pay more for their crappy service. [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:47 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

March 28, 2006

Spurlock Strikes Again!

NBC 10 reports this morning that vandals hit a playground in Chester County primarily used by disabled kids.

The graffiti, which was cleaned up by Monday afternoon, was on every piece of equipment in the Sky's the Limit All-Abilities Playground.

What was written? According to NBC 10:

Police said every piece of equipment at the park had some sort of racial, pornographic or slur against the disabled.

You know, the police might want to take a look at that Morgan Spurlock guy. I hear he's got a beef with mentally challenged kids.

Yesterday: Morgan Spurlock Apologizes To Helmet-Wearing Kids The World Over

Posted by D-Mac at 09:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)