August 13, 2008

'Trolley' Crash Has Predictable Timing

Monday afternoon at around 4:20, a Philadelphia Trolley Works bus (which is not really a trolley) crashed onto the sidewalk at 3rd and Market.

Ahh, yes, the fake trolley -- i.e., a bus -- injured one person; it apparently had its brakes fail. And, yes, if you will note the time, I'm sure you can figure out that's not the real reason.

"Trolley" crashes onto sidewalk in Old City [SEPTA Watch]
Myspace-style photo actually from some kid's Myspace

Posted by D-Mac at 10:50 AM | Comments (2)

July 21, 2008

Bees Swarm New Jersey Turnpike

Over the weekend, the New Jersey Turnpike was covered in beeeeeeees. Yes, a box of bees fell off a truck on the Turnpike in Cherry Hill on Saturday, releasing thousands of bees onto the roadway.

Although the bees hovered around the northbound lanes for a few hours on Saturday, they didn't cause any traffic accidents or even any slowdown. (A good idea: When accidents cause gaper delays, just release thousands of bees around the area, forcing cars to speed away from the thousands of honeybees flying around.)

"Those poor bees," said Landi Simone, vice president of the New Jersey Beekeepers Association. "It would be very distressing...it's conceivable that somebody could get stung, because you've got some really confused honeybees there."

The president could not comment because he had surely been moved to a secure undisclosed location in order to protect him from the thousands upon thousands of bees, too eager to strike back at the man keeping them for so long.

The liberal bee-loving Inquirer decided to take the story a bit differently: "Thousands of bees die when hive falls onto turnpike." (The story was, naturally, written by Faye Flam.) The bees are being fostered by a local beekeeper; the owner has yet to come forward to get all of his buzzing friends.

Box falls off truck, releasing thousands of bees near Turnpike [The Star-Ledger]
Photo by aussiegall, Creative Commons license

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July 15, 2008

Mayor Nutter Takes On Gaper Delays

So, uh, the mayor helped Dorothy Krysiuk do traffic this morning on Good Day Philadelphia. Apparently the economy is so bad, Mayor Nutter needed to pick up a part-time job, just like how Ed Rendell does Eagles Post Game Live.

Redlasso clip after the jump. (P.S. Somebody get the mayor to dance with mascots next time.)

Continue reading "Mayor Nutter Takes On Gaper Delays"

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June 24, 2008

Philly.com's Quest For A Traffic Spike

Ah, yeah, the current Philly.com front is the kind of thing that gets put into museums of pure awesomeness. It was great when I woke up this morning, but since then it's only gotten about 100 times better. My personal favorite part came when I realized that none of these people pictured are even all that remotely famous, but the new photo arrangement is completely amazing, too.

A friend and reader chimes in: "I think getting Kidd Chris' thoughts on the whole ordeal puts it over the top. There are just so many layers. It's getting to the point where I no longer think, 'Oh, the paper i once loved,' and instead think 'Well, this is pretty hilarious.'"

Bravo, Philly.com.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:16 AM | Comments (9)

June 13, 2008

City To Fool Motorists Into Hitting Brakes

Um, so here's a good idea: Let's put plastic on the ground that makes it look like there's something in the street. That way, drivers will swerve and crash into a parked car full of orphans, killing 7 slow down, have a good chuckle and make the roadways a little safer.

That's the plan of a new program called DriveCare Philly, which attempts to make people slow down with the use of these "high-tech" devices. Take, for instance, Bluegrass Road in the Great Northeast (if you must know, it's near my parents' house). The speed limit is 25, and yet people -- get this! -- drive much faster than 25 down that road.

And these fake 3D bumps and a few other things are going to solve that problem, hallelujah. Then we can move on to the inevitable rear-end crashes these plastic things cause, knowing Philadelphians.

3D Images Part of City's Effort to Slow Down Drivers [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:09 PM | Comments (4)

June 09, 2008

Beer Truck Crash Fails To Spill Any Beer

Ha ha, a truck carrying Yuengling crashed on the ramp off I-95 at Woodhaven this morning, tying up traffic and not even spilling any beer on the road. Geeze, what's the point?

Photo via David Swanson/Inquirer

Posted by D-Mac at 12:10 PM | Comments (1)

May 19, 2008

Carnival Ride Crash!

The Fox 29 news at 5 o'clock reported on this carnival ride crash on the Northeast Extension:

What is that, some kind of Tilt-a-Whirl knockoff? Tea cups? Either way: At least it wasn't the Gravitron.

Posted by D-Mac at 06:25 PM | Comments (1)

March 18, 2008

I-95 To Be Closed For Several Days

Whoops! There is apparently a cracked support column on I-95, and it's now closed between the Girard and Aramingo exits in both directions. It could be closed for days.

How big of a deal is this? For some reason Michael Nutter was even on the scene and gave a quote to KYW 1060: "There will be some inconvenience that's tremendously unfortunate, but public safety is our primary responsibility." Wait, was closing I-95 his decision?

Anyway, all your friends from Northeast Philly are... well, okay, the people you know in Northeast Philly are going to be stuck in traffic for approximately the next 45 years. I can only assume Richmond Street will collapse under the weight of all the traffic on it in sometime soon as well.

Cracked Support Column Closes 95 [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:31 AM | Comments (3)

January 11, 2008

Things I Learned From The Radio Today

I wake up to KYW 1060 almost every day. Here's what I learned waking up today:

• There's some new Inquirer job section this weekend. (This was an ad.) And part of the ad says the section is "unlike the other guys." Is there a Brand X job section I don't know about?
• There's a big slowdown on the Blue Route because somebody bent a Villanova University sign.

Well, at least nobody will get into accidents while reading the job section in the car, since that exciting bent sign will keep things under 30 mph.

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October 24, 2007

This Is Philadelphia's Wildfire

I mean, I guess it's kinda big, but when I saw the headline with "huge pothole" in it, I kind of was hoping for car-swallowing huge. Doesn't the news media have standards anymore?!

Huge I-95 Pothole Stalls Traffic [NBC 10]

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October 11, 2007

Anti-Violence Event Hopes To Avoid Shootings

Sadly, the safety event did not go off without a hitch, as 250 people were killed when the Safetymobile missed a turn and went skidding into the crowd. Better luck next year!

Safety event's goal: Zero traffic fatalities [Burlington County Times]

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September 24, 2007

Ha, Old People Don't Have Time To Cross Street

A new study from AAA says that traffic signals change too quickly for old people to cross the street. As a young person, I only have one response: Ha ha ha you may have Social Security and pensions and money and no work to do and have led a good life but at least I can cross the street in a timely manner! Score one for young people!

According to The Intelligencer, the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety found that old people walk 0.5 to 0.8 feet per second slower than young people, making them unable to cross the street without a car running over them. (Unfunny fact: Actually, 170 pedestrians died in the state last year; a third were over 60.)

But, for the most part, this just inconveniences old people while we all run across the street 20 times before they get to the center median.

Study: Traffic signals change too quickly for some seniors [Doylestown Intelligencer]

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August 02, 2007

Thousands Of Cars No Match For Red-Tailed Hawk

Traffic on I-95 was "snarled" this morning, preventing thousands of people in this car city from getting to their Stephen Starr restaurants on time.

Anyway, traffic was backed up because there was a red-tailed hawk in the left lane near the Academy Road exit, which is also near where I grew up. Coincidence? Uh, yes, of course. The bird backed up traffic on both sides for about an hour, largely because of gaper delays. But despite everyone slowly driving by the hawk at 10 miles per hour, nobody knew what the hell it was.

A radio report mentioned it might be an osprey. Or it could have been an owl, said a representative of the Philadelphia Animal Care and Control Association.

It looked like one, according to Inquirer Inqlings columnist Michael Klein, who was driving by.

But New Jersey editor Kurt Heine was fairly certain: "It was a red-tailed hawk," he said. "This was a brown and white bird, a big raptor."

What did I say before about taking breaking news media reports with a grain of salt? Yeah, that. I think the real question is, what the hell kind of owls do we have in this city if they can be confused for hawks? Will we one day be under siege from giant owls with the wingspans of small trucks? Hopefully, because then Steven Seagal could save us, and if I remember correctly from sixth grade there's nudity in that movie, too.

It was a hawk that snarled I-95 this morning [Inquirer]

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April 17, 2007

Baseball Bat Purchase Turns Into Near-Riot

It's not just race riots that are in our impending future. No, yesterday there was nearly a riot in a shopping center in Jersey thanks to your friend and mine, the Great Ides of April Nor'easter of 2007.

The incident began after flooding closed Route 1, sending drivers to a street which the Nassau Park Shopping Center empties out onto. Naturally, traffic was backed up, and the Trenton Times does a great job of getting quotes from enraged drivers who just wanted to purchase some pogs or whatever.

• "I don't know quite what the trouble is," Tom Quigley of Hopewell said as he and his son, Dylan, sat in their pickup truck stopped in traffic. "We just came to get a new (baseball) bat.... It's as if someone playing with a model train set down in the basement moved all the tracks around without telling the conductor," Quigley said, trying to explain the motorized chaos surrounding him.
• "This is just crazy. I'm getting sick sitting here. I started out at Wal-Mart and now I'm here. It's been two and a half hours and this is how far I've gotten," one woman, who declined to give her name, said as her car idled near the Best Buy store, only a few hundred feet from where her journey home had begun.
• A man traveling a few vehicles behind her described the situation with a string of expletives, then proceeded to give his analysis of the problem. "Half the people out here are idiots. No one out knows how to take turns. Everyone's out for themself and no one's getting anywhere. Take this woman -- she's stayed on that pickup's bumper and hasn't let anyone in," he said, pointing to the sport utility vehicle directly in front of him. He did not give his name.

Hm. The reporter should have introduced Tom to that expletive-laden man. Tom could have lent Cursey McGee his bat to smash that SUV to bits. And that would have made that Wal-Mart shopper happier, too. It's a win for everyone involved!

Highway closure traps shoppers [Trenton Times]

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February 05, 2007

Prison To Close; Worse People To Move In?

See the people in the photo at right? That is the America's new enemy. (Not specifically them, but I was searching for "white affluent-looking couple with no taste" and I think this stock photo fits it perfectly.)

But, anyway, the white suburban family with at least one kid is America's new enemy not so much for what it it -- though its members are usually annoying, natch -- but for what it brings: Traffic. And on suburban Philadelphia roads originally designed for plows and the Amish and the one motor coach owned by the Pitcairn family (or whatever), traffic is a major problem with new developments sprout up and suddenly you're sitting in traffic on Old Goat Road, one lane each way, and it takes you 45 minutes to get to the ACME down the street.

In fact, traffic is such a problem that Skippack residents are ready to rally to keep a jail in their community. The state is contemplating moving decades-old Graterford Prison, and Skippack Township residents are worried about new condos and other houses, and worried about the extra traffic it would bring.

The site is currently only zoned for a prison, farming or open space, but if the state can make a killing off of a nice-sized plot of land if Graterford were to be closed... well... let's just say if you live in the 'burbs, you're going to be stuck in traffic for the remainder of your natural life. Maybe longer.

Worse than jail? Sprawl [Inquirer]

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August 28, 2006

By The Time You've Read This You've Already Read It

A late-breaking update from the Inquirer brings the following news:

As of 7:40 this morning, the eastbound Admiral Wilson Boulevard was closed from the Ben Franklin Bridge tolls to Airport Circle, and westbound traffic was reduced to one lane, according to traffic.com.

Flooding is also diverting or slowing motorists on eastbound Route 30 (White Horse Pike) at the Collingswood Circle, on Atlantic Avenue in Camden near Route 676, and in both directions along Route 73 at Main Street (Route 537) in Maple Shade.

In Philadelphia, a trouble spot was 26th Street near Girard Avenue.

If you sat in traffic all morning on your way to work, you can relax in your cubicle with Philly.com and read about the traffic you sat in on your way to work.

Rain snarls commute; more tomorrow [Inquirer]

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June 27, 2006

Nightmare on I-95

I-95, in Delaware County:

Yikes. Might want to avoid that area for however long it takes to clean that up, which should be sometime in 2022.

Editor's Note: Earlier this morning, I'm fairly sure that on KYW 1060, the reporter said an accident on the turnpike was caused by a truck that crashed and caught fire -- and it was hard to put out, because it was a truck carrying paper. Tee hee.

Three Major Backups Causing Traffic Delays [KYW 1060]

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June 07, 2006

Actually, This Sounds Kind Of Awesome

Are you a local blogger not currently employed by, say, a newspaper? If so, Traffic.com wants you:

Are you a witty and enthusiastic writer looking for an AMAZING summer gig?

Traffic.com is looking for an experienced blogger to write from the road during a two week promotional road trip, beginning in Philadelphia and ending in Los Angeles.

Blogger will be responsible for posting daily entries. Content should include interviews with commuters, local event coverage, traffic reporting, etc. Trip will begin around July 7th and end approximately July 21st.

MUST have previous blogging experiece--preferably an active blog with loyal readership.

We're looking in your direction, Albert Yee!

Blogger/Adventurer for Cross-Country Trip [Craigslist]
Photo by Mike 626, licensed via Creative Commons

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January 26, 2006

Chestnut Street to allow right turns, nothing to change

In what is clearly the biggest news of the day, City Council is planning on soon allowing drivers to turn right on Chestnut Street.

The strange rule banning right hand turns on the street dates to the late 1990s, when the ban on all traffic except buses was lifted. The right line was still designated bus only, which the federal government required in order to give the city $800,000.

I know it's legal and all to place restrictions on federal money, but this sort of seems like the most confusing, weird requirement for money I've heard. (Well, it makes a little more sense than the highway funds-tied-to-21-as-the-drinking-age one, but still.)

The city lost the federal money when City Council lifted the right turn ban from Broad to Sixth in 2002, which means right now the ban on right turns is only from 18th to 15th.

Anyway, the right lane will remain bus only, but right turns will be allowed, which leads to some interesting questions about how that's possible, but, really: does this really matter? Everyone turns right on Chestnut Street anyway. Heck, you probably did it today.

Chestnut St. right-turn ban may end [Inky]

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January 23, 2006

Monday + Rain = MAYHEM!

If there's weather in this town, people are clearly going to go crazy. When it snows, people buy up all the bread in the ACME. When it's 100 degrees, people act as if they're on the surface of the sun. And when it rains, people drive like a newly-licensed 16-year-old at the wheel of a Corvette.

As such, the morning rush hour is a disaster! The westbound Schuylkill Expressway is closed in Center City and there's a gaper delay on the eastbound side (in addition to the usual traffic). According to TV (Good Day Philadelphia, natch), there are "big tow trucks." Let's hope they open it before 8:15 p.m. this time.

Additionally, South Street between the bridge and 27th Street is closed due to a "giant hole." Hooray for weather!

Schuylkill Closed, Rain And Icy Mix Falling [NBC 10]
Jan. 18: Apocalypse Philadelphia: The Xylene Spill

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December 16, 2005

But did the motorist get a ticket?

This accident in Penndel is probably my favorite Bucks County Courier Times police log entry ever:

Wed, no time given, Penndel police officer struck a deer while following motorist for traffic violation on I-95, substantial damage to vehicle, no reported injuries to officer.

As a Pennsylvania resident, the Penndel police officer can legally claim the deer's dead body. So at least he's got that going for him.

Public safety log 12.16.05 [BCCT]
Oct. 28: Deerly beloved (if you're a Pa. resident)

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December 09, 2005

All the snow that's fit to broadcast

Because God forbid there's a story on the front page that doesn't mention snow.

6abc.com

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Breaking snow news!

From NBC 10, your source for all things snow:

NBC 10 has found a number of snow-covered roads around the area, especially to the north and west of Philadelphia.

Snow-covered roads! When it's snowing? What a scoop!

Conditions: Commute Is Slippery; Poor Visibility Reported [NBC 10]

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