Unisys Wants Sign On Liberty Two

Daniel Rubin writes in his Inquirer column today about new Liberty Two tenant Unisys’ plans for signs 2/3rd of the way up the building. He even talks to Mr. Beautyman for his opinion on the signs. (Surprise: The tenants don’t like them.)

And he also gets someone to say that the Unisys signs could be a target for terrorists!

Charles Mouzannar, an engineer who bought a home on the 43d floor, argues that the signs would paint a bull’s-eye on the sapphire blue-and-silver glass building.

Unisys, he writes, provides IT services to the military. “A prominent Unisys sign could potentially entice terrorists to target this building, believing that this is the Unisys headquarters or a structure solely occupied by the corporation.”

Are we to assume terrorists do no research before they commit an attack? They have the Internet, they can probably look up the tenants of a building in the planning stages.

Liberty Place residents fight Unisys plan [Inquirer]
Original photo by Brad Maule

Al-Qaeda Will Never Take Our Dippin’ Dots

You can feel safe, area shoppers! Oxford Valley Mall recently held a mock terrorism drill, in case al-Qaeda ever decides it has a serious grudge against Forever 21.

The drill started about a month ago when police learned that a fictitious organization with a grudge against corporate America was targeting an area mall.

Since then, they received information that it was the Oxford Valley Mall that was targeted, and now they are playing out how they will handle that threat.

Things apparently went well, no one was harmed (due to it being a fictional drill) and no one will ever think of attacking the Oxford Valley Mall ever.

Police Hold Mock Terrorism Drill at Oxford Valley Mall [KYW 1060]

Cops Bring Out Firepower For Rushdie

Salman Rushdie spoke at Widener University yesterday, and the school took a few extra precautions for security in case anybody tried to assassinate the writer (pictured at right, with his estranged, possibly ex-, wife). The school apparently forgot that assassinating Rushdie is so early ’90s, and had SWAT teams (”tactical units,” sez the DN) and K-9 units guarding the place.

Rushdie was kinda confused at all the security. “It’s insane!” he told the Daily News. “I was absolutely horrified. Assault rifles, tracker dogs - they scare me!” The school said it knew Rushdie, who called Barack Obama “the change guy” during his speech, didn’t want security; top brass from Chester County met him at 30th Street Station.

There don’t appear to have even been any protesters at the event. Still, at least the dogs could search for kids who know you really need to be stoned to enjoy Salman Rushdie in full. It’s of no surprise this kind of thing happened at Widener.

Salman Rushdie ‘horrified’ by security for Widener U. visit [Daily News]

Super Mario Finally Defeated

The Fort Dix Six’s tremendous alleged plan to deliver pizza and attack an army base was foiled by the FBI last year. But the anger about the plot still apparently lives on with New Jersey residents.

Last year, the Council on American-Islamic Relations wanted a little boy arrested and thrown in jail forever for calling the sister of one of the arrested a terrorist and punching her in the face. And now, the father and owner of the pizza shop says his life is ruined. It’s the New York Post’s fault, of course.

The demise of the pizza business began abruptly three days after Serdar was arrested, Muslim Tatar said. That’s when an editorial cartoon in The New York Post showed two soldiers buying a pizza from a bearded, turban-wearing man with a gun. The pizza box says “Super Mario’s Pizza,” and inside, along with a pizza, are a bomb, stick of dynamite and hand grenade.

He also got a bunch of hate mail from idiots and lost a customer who said, “We didn’t want to get involved with it.” Now the shop is closed. Another victory over Islamic terrorism!

Dad of Fort Dix plot suspect says his life’s in shambles [AP/Camden Courier-Post]

Gov’t Outsourcing Intelligence To Online Polls

Courier-Post Online News

The Best Headline You’ll See All Month

3 Arrested In Europe For ‘Dirty Bomb’ Fixins [AP/KYW 1060]

Pa. To Be Attacked By Terrorists Next Week

On Friday, an Associated Press article revealed Pennsylvania wouldn’t be revealing the list of polling places to voters (except online) due to fears of terrorism inspired by the 2004 Madrid train bombings.

On Friday, everybody laughed and laughed and laughed at Pennsylvania for not even trying to come up with a good excuse to attempt to get fewer Democrats to vote.

And then Ed Rendell decided the state was going to release a list of polling places. But nobody really cares, since everyone already laughed at Pennsylvania and moved on.

I’d wear a bulletproof vest on the first Tuesday in November, since terrorists are now going to be able to find out where you vote. The Taubenberger-Nutter election must not go off without a hitch!

In About-Face, Pa. to Release List of State Polling Places [KYW 1060]

Terrorists Finally Win; Pa. Hides Location Of Polling Places

You know, I was thinking of voting the first Tuesday in November, but it seems kinda scary. After all: What if a terrorist attacks my polling place? You might think that’s a little silly, but the state of Pennsylvania doesn’t! Yes, the locations of polling places will not be published this year due to fears of terrorism.

Yes, that’s right: Usually, the state publishes a big ol’ list of, you know, places where you can vote. Even though your vote is meaningless, it’s at least nice to keep a semblance of a representative democracy. But since terrorists have been thinking about disrupting that all-important Nutter-Taubenberger mayoral election, the Department of State has decided not to release a list of places where you can vote.

The reason, of course, is the 2004 terrorist attack in Madrid, Spain, which happened just before an election there. (News of it didn’t reach Pennsylvania until last week.) And since Michael Nutter and the Area Comptroller in Nowheresville County were the ones who got us into this war in the first place, terrorists might be thinking about taking action against Pennsylvania polling places. Especially in Berks County.

“The agencies agreed it was appropriate not to release the statewide list to protect the public and the integrity of the voting process,” Department of State spokeswoman Leslie Amoros told the Associated Press. “It certainly had nothing to do with wanting fewer Democrats voting,” she added in a quote I just made up.

If you need to know where you vote, you can call the state or county election bureau. Oh, and it’s all freely available on the state voter services website. Terrorists, as we know, do not have access to the Internet.

Pa. Won’t Release List of Polling Places [AP/The Guardian]

Turns Out We Were Attacked By Terrorists

That robber (Mustafa Ali, from right by Franklin Mills) who allegedly shot and killed (and, later, confessed to) shooting two armored truck guards: Totally doing it as a part of Islamic terrorism’s reign of terror in America.

Or so says a website with a lot of animated smilies and ads for curing your asthma in one week and, literally, I swear to God, a non-ironic usage of the crying bald eagle.

The families of Joseph Alullo and William Widmaier are grieving today as the so-called ‘religion of peace’ can lay claim to yet another vile act of murder on American soil.

A few days ago, two retired Philadelphia policemen lost their lives in a vicious attack while they were servicing an ATM for an armored truck company. As it turns out, the thug who murdered these two men was a black Muslim with a long criminal history.

It’s nice somebody figured out what kind of article you’d get if you combined the Daily News‘ crime writing with The Bulletin’s general right-wing ridiculousness. And be sure to read that link to the plot by Chairman Mao to reform the American media.

Muslim Monster Confesses To Killing Two Retired Philadelphia Cops [American Daily]

Fake Disaster Goes Off Without A Hitch

The fake disaster last night was smooth sailing for everyone involved, especially since it was fake there weren’t any dead people. The disaster was actually a terrorist attack, where there were bombings at 30th Street Station and the Art Museum.

A pretend car bomb went off that left almost 100 volunteers wounded or dead on the street in front of the museum. The street was strewn with arms and legs of manikins to add a touch of realism, along with the moans of the seemingly injured.

Did they have recorded moans? How does one volunteer for “injured in terrorist attack” acting? At least we do know we’re safe the next time al-Qaeda attacks 30th Street Station and the Art Museum.

Simulated Mayhem Tests Area Responders [NBC 10]
Yesterday: Let’s Get Pumped For Fake Disaster 2K7!