November 30, 2007

Google Body: Denouement

It appears DigPhilly caught wind of my little media expose about its Google Body story (uhh, yeah) and now there's an explanatory note on the text by its author, PWD fave Teresa Masterson.

Awww, crap. It has come to my attention that the Google Body story from wired.com may really be made up... I already knew I hated certain Philadelphia bloggers. I’m ready to expand my hatred to wired.com bloggers. Suck it Bruce Sterling.

Hey, hey. Hate me, sure -- unless Masterson's referring to Dan Rubin -- but wired.com's Google Body blog entry was dated the year 2022 and featured quotes like "You know what the top two search terms are, after 'ass'? They're 'aorta' and 'arterial plaque.'" Hating Bruce Sterling for thinking that entry is real is like hating a stop sign because it doesn't turn green and tell you to go.

But I really enjoy the comments of another apparent NBC 10 staffer, PSUPhilly22, who states the following:

Look, if Philly and wired.com bloggers can giggle at the joke, then clearly - mission accomplished. remember, these people don't get out much anyways - they have to do what they can for entertainment. as for the story being made up, it'd be funny if it was about a joke or something, not about a computer program. it's like trying to joke about HTML coding - it'd be more fun to hit your hand with a hammer repeatedly.

Well, I'll agree that the Google Body entry wasn't funny, but it certainly spawned some hilarity. And HTML jokes are awesome. Haven't you ever seen my page trying to validate? And remember when I left that </strike> tag open and the entire page was crossed out? Ha!

Google to show your hoo-ha to the world [DigPhilly]
Yesterday: DigPhilly Speaks Out Against Fictional Programs

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November 28, 2007

DigPhilly Speaks Out Against Fictional Programs

Yesterday, NBC 10/DigPhilly's Teresa Masterson reported on a pretty creepy new Google technology: Google Body, which will attempt to scan the body of every living thing on Earth. Google said they'll be able to help companies know where to spend their research dollars and help match up organ donations. There is a way to opt out.

I don’t like to use strong language in writing, but there is no other way to describe it: This is fuuuuuucked up.

The project, known as Google Body, sees the company partnering with public transportation systems, libraries, and motor vehicle departments to place scanners in highly trafficked areas, doorways, etc., that will scan every person’s body in order to make it available to anyone.

The best part? If you don’t want people to be able to google your ass, (and yes, I mean your ass in the literal sense) you need to wear a yellow and black headband in public. I really wonder if this is a joke. I’m praying that this is a joke. But it’s not. It’s insanity masked as innovative technology.

You may have guessed it already, people: The original article on Wired's website was a joke.

Continue reading "DigPhilly Speaks Out Against Fictional Programs"

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June 01, 2007

Chat™: Meeting Of The Minds

First, a story: I actually saw Teresa Masterson on the street the other day. She was on Broad Street taking a photo of the Union League. I would have said hello, but I figured it would be bad for my image to be murdered in the middle of Broad Street.

Anyway, here's a discussion of her latest DigPhilly column.

anonymous reader: you have to read this new digphilly article. teresa masterson visits christopher hitchens!

pwddmac: but she admits she didn't read his new book in the paragraph five.
reader: first of all, is not teresa masterson's JOB to write for digphilly?
reader: meaning, if you have to review someone who is speaking at the library, would it not behoove you to actually READ his book?
reader: i mean, i don't advocate reading his book either, but to announce it to everyone so flippantly?
pwddmac: i can't believe she likes hitchens so much even though she doesn't agree with him. he's pretty much the most un-charismatic person on the planet and i'd probably agree with his annoying god book.
pwddmac: but, i, too, haven't read it.
reader: i've never seen him, mainly because i can barely stomach reading him
reader: i do, however, agree with hitch on one thing: apparently women really AREN'T funny.
pwddmac: hahaha
pwddmac: see, i just laughed
pwddmac: you got THREE has
reader: well, at least one woman is an idiot
pwddmac: "He sternly addressed the anti-war people in the crowd. The soldiers in Iraq defending democracy 'shouldn’t be sneered at in my presence,' he said."
pwddmac: i'll keep all my soldier sneering away from chris hitchens
reader: right, because sneering at the deceitful bloodbath of a war is akin to spitting on soldiers
reader: oh wait, you're coming up on my favorite part
reader: the droll lavender reference
pwddmac: ha ha i get it!
reader: see, because he's red AND blue
pwddmac: because everyone else in the world adheres to the strict principles of the democratic and republican parties
reader: lavender is a good war color
pwddmac: "oh my! a public figure who isn't a shill for a particular political party GASP!"
reader: "maybe i WILL read his book!"
pwddmac: "This man with the British accent had more American spirit than most people I know."
pwddmac: what exactly IS "american spirit"
pwddmac: does she mean the cigarettes?
reader: there weren't any photos! i wanted the usual teresa slideshow
reader: why didn't she hug hitch?
reader: oh, also: "The United States still remains the only country where others’ religious beliefs are not forced on anyone; where people can worship freely; where the government cannot force you to pay homage to any god."
reader: i know there are "examples" in the next graph, but come on
pwddmac: she might be right. i hear in canada everybody has to make sacrifices to puckface, the god of hockey, while smoking free medical marijuana to recover from government-funded gender reassignment surgery
reader: that is one of the dumber positions she's ever taken on anything
pwddmac: liking christopher hitchens?
reader: no, that the US is the only secular country on earth
reader: liking christopher hitchens is also pretty stupid too
reader: i hope she just happens to not know that he's a borderline mysoginist
pwddmac: borderline?
pwddmac: that's being generous
reader: ok, i was trying to be (uncharacteristically) nice
pwddmac: don't be nice to hitchens!
reader: i hope she just didn't do her research
reader: didn't she just write about how sexist philly.com is?
reader: i want to send her a copy of that vanity fair story
pwddmac: if i link it here hopefully she'll see it
reader: teresa: seriously. i was on the verge of saying nice things about you recently. please reconsider your position on hitch. thx.

Update: Being Christopher Hitchens. (Thanks, Amara!)

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May 23, 2007

Philly Women Like 'Home Improvement' In A Browser

A few words about Philly.com's new "Philly Women" section with (the female) Anonymous Reader.

AR: i'm sort of wondering who their demographic is

like it seems like it's designed for idiots
i just think it's the newsprint equivalent to those old penny's commercials -- remember those?
where the dads are left to parent the kids while moms are out shopping?
and the kids go ballistic and nearly tear down the house or something?
me: i think you're thinking of graham greene's the destructors
AR: phillywomen is the same schlock
me: so it's like home improvement, say?
AR: now i can put a grown-up sociological reason for why i hated that show as a child, ha

Continue reading "Philly Women Like 'Home Improvement' In A Browser"

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December 18, 2006

PWD People Of The Year: Teresa Masterson

pwddmac: so i need to name teresa masterson one of the people of the year

anonymous reader: well duh
reader: i can't believe she's not THE person of the year
pwddmac: she was in the running, believe me.
reader: i should hope so!
pwddmac: the hard part was trying to figure out what to honor her for.
reader: hugging.
reader: it has to be the hugging, doesn't it?
reader: the inappropriate, non-stop hugging?
pwddmac: i was thinking going pole dancing -- and then bashing it! -- led the way, but you might be on to sometehing there.
reader: i'm sure she hugged the pole. heh.
pwddmac: and all her potential suitors on that speed date +1.
pwddmac: man, there was just so much! it's really hard to narrow it down to just a few things.
pwddmac: don't forget this: "But in this Britney Spears culture, where women feel it necessary to show it all, it seems like we’re missing the good stuff when everyone is showing off all of their stuff."
reader: oh if we're turning this into a "find the best line in her ouevre" contest, it's going to take a while.
reader: oh what about that phil roy dinner party she thought she was covering but ended up working for him?
pwddmac: that was great. and she also whined that she couldn't get into the trenton thunder locker room.
pwddmac: oh, and how about the one where she dieted and later got drunk?
pwddmac: wasn't that supposed to be just a part 1 of many?
reader: oh yeah!
reader: what happened, teresa?
pwddmac: god, we're like two kids discussing simpsons episodes. i dare to bring up steve irwin or paula deen.
pwddmac: or when sharif street tried to pick her up.
reader: where has she gone, anyway?
pwddmac: she's working on digphilly.com! remember her Myspace stalking article?
reader: yeah, but she hasn't been on there in ages
pwddmac: well clearly they're holding her back for the big opening
reader: oh right
reader: they're putting out on feb. 1
pwddmac: yeah, remember, something like: "come feb. 1, we're no tease. we put out."
pwddmac: or: "come feb. 1, we break our hymen."
pwddmac: something like that
reader: ewww
pwddmac: ha, i'm totally keeping that in.
reader: gross

Philadelphia Will Do People of the Year | The List So Far
Archives: Teresa Masterson

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November 20, 2006

Chat™: Fear And Loathing In Online Philadelphia

It's time for another Chat™, in which our protagonists discover NBC 10's new website:

pwddmac: okay, lemme set the intro real quick: so remember how I told you that nbc10's starting a new website called bigphilly.com?

pwddmac: it's actually digphilly.com.
anonymous reader: digphilly.com?
reader: why on earth would they name it that?
pwddmac: dunno. i figured out it was nbc 10's site by checking the domain's registration.
pwddmac: also there's a photo of teresa masterson on the front page.
reader: oh look at you, encyclopedia brown.
pwddmac: i prefer to think of myself as more of a contestant from the carmen sandiego game show.
pwddmac: "This is not the real digphilly.com.This is just a taste of what’s to come. Don’t worry, we’re no tease. Feb. 5 we put out."
pwddmac: get it, it's like SEX!
reader: we're putting out with blog entries about exercise pole dancing, maybe?
pwddmac: perhaps. but for now: there's a new article!
reader: ok, this blog is so pointless i'm not even sure it's good sport to make fun of it
pwddmac: no, it's very important. the entry's about things that let you see if someone checked your myspace profile.
reader: i didn't know those things actually worked
pwddmac: what if she knows i checked hers???
reader: oh no!
reader: WHAT IF SHE KNOWS I CHECKED HER PROFILE?
pwddmac: she might be able to figure out who you are and they she will hunt you down and kill you since YOU are the one who always makes mean comments because i'm a pussy.
reader: come on, be mean. i dare you.
reader: say something mean.
pwddmac: the current administration's handling of the war in iraq is sub-par at best.
reader: have you looked at the rest of the site?
pwddmac: you mean this: "wawa has the best phuckin sandwhich wraps doggz...... nosh the buffalo chicken wang wrap its the shizzle."
reader: wait, what?
pwddmac: this has to be just the staffers fucking around and testing it, right?
pwddmac: i'm sorry, phucking around.
reader: did you read the one about 20 cents?
reader: ninja staring contest, too.
1:45:45 PM pwddmac: "I saw that ninja fighting a parking meter on South Street last week. I think they're still at it."
pwddmac: NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE AT ALL
pwddmac: WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE
reader: you're right, i think they're phucking around
pwddmac: but even for that, it's phucking retarded
pwddmac: i mean i know test messageboard posts don't need to be "The Tiger" but this is a bit much.
reader: if it's so bad i don't even want to waste company time looking at it, then you know it's not worthwhile

Their Space [DigPhilly.com]

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November 08, 2006

Chat™: From Sharif, With Love

It's been a long time, but Election Day finally brought Teresa Masterson back out again:

pwddmac: first off: rumsfeld -- gone.

anonymous reader: yes!
pwddmac: second off: teresa masterson, BACK.
reader: happy day!
pwddmac: she goes to the famous 4th street deli for the election to meet ed rendell, but fast eddie doesn't show
pwddmac: i was going to go there, we could have had a meeting rivaled only by gorbachev and reagan!
pwddmac: or i could have been like, "Dr. Masterson, I presume?"
pwddmac: but that would have been weird. i don't even know if teresa has a license to practice medicine
reader: i just got out of the most annoying meeting ever, and this drivel is on the verge of making my head explode
reader: seriously
reader: excited and eager!
reader: excited AND eager!
reader: wow
pwddmac: why use just one when "excited and eager" will do just fine?
reader: because you're getting paid by the word, dickens-style?
pwddmac: if i were being paid by the word, i would have been "excited and eager and anxious and happy and nervous and hungry and gassy"
reader: she makes a good point about unions ("'I believe in our union; whatever they feel is right, that’s the way we go,' said Mike. Nothing like an uneducated voter trying to educate voters.")
pwddmac: i agree, but i thought that was the good part about being in a union, you don't have to think for yourself
pwddmac: that and $2 co-pays
reader: wait, i just finished. that's it?
reader: seriously - i don't need someone to re-tell the fourth street deli story
reader: lynne abraham got thousand island dressing on her blazer
reader: that's the kind of stuff i want from teresa
pwddmac: oh, now now, look, we DO learn a lot: "The lunch tradition began 30 years ago when Philadelphia political boss Pete Camille started coming to the deli on Election Day to drink a glass of tea while holding a cube of sugar in his teeth for good luck."
pwddmac: what a tradition!
pwddmac: i hope the next one starts when vince fumo goes to the new city public toilet and takes a big dump for good luck
reader: did you look at the photos?
reader: i like teresa's snappy blue coat and her glasses
pwddmac: the glasses are top-notch. i'd like the coat more if it had a charlotte hornets logo on the back
reader: check photo 14: do you think sharif street is trying to pick teresa up?
pwddmac: YES!
reader: awk. ward.

Blog: The Governor Eats Chopped Liver [NBC 10]

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October 18, 2006

Chat™: NBC 10's New Website?

An anonymous tip turns into a chat on the future of the NBC 10's website:

pwddmac: so you know how teresa masterson hasn't written anything in a while? (i won't get your hopes up, she still hasn't.)

anonymous reader: oh, shoot. yes, i have noticed that.
reader: is there a blog turf war going on?
pwddmac: yeah she defected to phawker to interview the ghost of lester bangs
reader: NO
pwddmac: kidding, kidding
pwddmac: but i got an anonymous tip today that she's going to be spearheading a new nbc 10 website/blog thingy called bigphilly.com
pwddmac: kinda like how fox 29 has myfoxphilly.com, without the myspace co-branding, i guess
reader: shuuuuuuut up
pwddmac: i whois'd the site and it says it's registered to a leonard pannucci of vegas, so i doubt that's the name
pwddmac: i'd confirm the tip but i doubt teresa masterson would take my call
reader: maybe she would?
pwddmac: plus i'd have to pick up a phone
pwddmac: okay the second reason is more the reason
pwddmac: anyway i figured i'd chat and post this and hopefully dan gross will confirm the tip
pwddmac: which is sort of how i like to roll, anyway
pwddmac: also: that fan blogger didn't blog the saints game, as far as i know
reader: well he may not have survived the disappointment
pwddmac: hopefully he's working on bigphilly.com with teresa and leonard
reader: well it's good if all the suck is concentrated in one place anyway
pwddmac: bigphilly? more like bigSUCKY!
pwddmac: man, i'm hilarious
reader: isn't bigphilly dropped like twenty times in every will smith song?
reader: why not gettinjiggy.nbc10.com instead?
pwddmac: great, now they're gonna see that and use it

Archives: Chat™

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September 25, 2006

Chat™: Cooking Butter With Pauline Paula Deel Dean Somebody

Oh snap! It's Teresa Time!

anonymous reader: hey, whatever happened to teresa masterson's diet?

pwddmac: hm. i dunno. she does have a new blog entry up. it's about meeting chef paula deel.
pwddmac: looks like she has about as much of a followthrough as i do on dieting.
reader: Paula Deen?
pwddmac: paula dean? that's the name of that woman, right?
reader: it's Paula Deen!
pwddmac: i keep wanting to write "pauline kael." god, i am such a nerd.
reader: oh my god!
reader: yes you are!
pwddmac: i don't watch food network. who is this woman?
reader: you don't like cooking, so you have no need to know who paula deen is
reader: she's a jolly southern lady who cooks with pounds and pounds of butter.
pwddmac: so, really good for TM's diet?
reader: oh, absolutely.
pwddmac: i liked the part where she teresa revealed deen learned how to deep-fry butter
pwddmac: i was wondering how to make butter less healthy.
reader: i'm sure paula could teach you how to, ha
reader: actually, paula's sons are on the food network now too
reader: shut up - we watch a lot of crap television during the day on the weekends
pwddmac: yeah, i'm doing more important things like trying to win a third college world series in four seasons in mvp 06.
reader: but still, maybe more entertaining than "ham on the road" or whatever their show is called.
pwddmac: their show is called "ham on the road"? is it like an antiques roadshow for food?
reader: it's as ridiculous as it sounds.
reader: can we talk about the lead for a sec?
reader: "You have got to be doing something extraordinary if you are a 59-year-old mom, who spends most of your time in the kitchen, and men and women in their 20s and 30s are bragging to their friends about meeting you. I’m not talking about Cher."
reader: first off, it's a little pretentious.
reader: secondly, how does cher fit in?
reader: i'm confused.
pwddmac: i don't know if it's pretentious. it's just a little overstated. i don't know how great paula deel could be unless unless she cooks food for refugees in darfur or something.
pwddmac: now, the headline "the deen of women," that's a little pretentious.
reader: paula deen!
reader: paula deen!
pwddmac: whatever. i bet sher can't spell her name correctly, either.
pwddmac: can we talk about the closing line?
pwddmac: Teresa Masterson, 9/21/06: "We do too, Paula. We do too." Daniel "Dan" McQuade, 12/9/02: "Me, too, coach. Me, too."
reader: anyway, this blog is completely pointless
pwddmac: this blog entry? or all of her blogs?
pwddmac: or all blogs in general?
pwddmac: please say that one.
reader: if i say "all blogs in general" then it's a sad statement about what i read while i'm supposed to be doing my job now, isn't it?
reader: i just mean - the only thing we learn in this blog is that paula deen is a good hugger
pwddmac: just like we learned about al roker, actually.
reader: right. i'm mildly concerned about her and the hugging.
reader: did she hug that guy who made her work in his kitchen?
reader: please look at the slideshow
pwddmac: there really are a lot of hugs.
reader: hugs can be awkward
reader: especially when they are with STRANGERS
pwddmac: who you're interviewing
reader: oh please. this is not an interview.
reader: it's a description of butter and hugs
reader: with a little bit of scatalogical humor thrown in. nice!
reader: i have a new favorite line: "... riddled with chuckles."
pwddmac: riddle me this, paula deen!
pwddmac: did i get her name right this time?
reader: yes! well done.

Blog: True Grits -- A Conversation With Paula Deen [NBC 10]
Archives: Teresa Masterson

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September 18, 2006

IM Conversation Theater: On Teresa Masterson, John Madden, Text Messaging, Etc.

What does Steve Irwin's death mean to all of us? Teresa Masterson investigates:

pwddmac: oh oh oh!

anonymous reader: teresa!!!!!!!!!
pwddmac: today she ruminates on steve irwin and how she used to watch him in college
pwddmac: she sent her friend a text saying steve irwin died
pwddmac: just like the text you sent me!
reader: i know!
pwddmac: you two should hang out
reader: maybe we can hang out after stripper-pole-dancing class sometime
reader: "He had zeal for what he did." incidentally, lots of people have zeal for their professions. it's not always a good thing.
reader: see: dealers, bush, etc.
pwddmac: aaron rowand
reader: i also kind of hate it when people say college was "a simpler time."
pwddmac: yeah. can't we all just agree ALL times of life suck(ed)?
reader: seriously.
pwddmac: i mean, okay, when i was 3, that was probably simpler, but i remember being really upset that nursery school picture day was just that, pictures, and i wouldn't get to play with toys
pwddmac: seriously i think i'm crying in my school photo
reader: life gets more complex just by existing
reader: i bet in college, no one paid teresa to "blog," either.
pwddmac: yeah, in college i made $225 a month at my school paper
pwddmac: hot times!
reader: oh, burn! we paid better than that.
reader: there is something to be said about the fact that when i hear about a murder in west philly i don't immediately text any friends who live there, yet i did feel compelled to broadcast the crocodile hunter's demise.
reader: i didn't text anyone when the pope died.
pwddmac: well, if the pope was killed by a stingray or a nun, you'd pry text me
pwddmac: jp2 was on his deathbed, it's not like it was unexpected
pwddmac: god, i hope when john madden dies i don't spend 1000 words writing about how i we played madden 04 for approximately 250 hours my senior year of college.
reader: well maybe you can text teresa when madden dies.
reader: (which will be soon, i hope. turducken!)
pwddmac: no joking about john madden's death!
reader: i hate john madden!
reader: someone should write a column - or book - about all the people whose video game/non-reality alter-egos are actually better than their real-life personalities. (john madden = top of that list.)
pwddmac: paging chuck klosterman!
reader: oh god. or not.

Blog: Croc 'O Nostalgia For Gen X [NBC 10]
Archives: Teresa Masterson

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August 30, 2006

From Pole To Pole

And away we go:

pwddmac: so, that new teresa masterson thing, i think we should just leave it alone this time. i don't want to do TM overkill.

anonymous reader: no! we can't not talk about her pole dancing.
reader: although for some reason, i feel almost bad when we make fun of her now
reader: she does seem reasonably cool
pwddmac: i agree. but it's just a shtick. i mean, we're not all that mean, are we?
reader: i guess we're just more detached. i've never thought of her reading this before.
pwddmac: hmm. so do you want to let it go?
reader: uh, no. i'm just going to feel bad about it afterward.
reader: let's play a game called - can you diagram the following sentence:
reader: "But in this Britney Spears culture, where women feel it necessary to show it all, it seems like we’re missing the good stuff when everyone is showing off all of their stuff."
pwddmac: okay.

pwddmac: i gave up after that
pwddmac: did you know there's a pole in big boi's bedroom?
pwddmac: i saw it on cribs. t.o. also has a room called the "chocolate room" in his atlanta house where you have to take your shoes off to enter.
reader: oh god, she should go interview t.o. that would be amazing.
reader: or at least drew
pwddmac: "Next question!"
pwddmac: "Drew, do you think that, in this Britney Spears culture, where women feel it necessary to show it all, it seems like we’re missing the good stuff when everyone is showing off all of their stuff?"
reader: the next "crazy" thing she does for the "blog" should be a "date" with john ogden, i think
pwddmac: or she can get help him do things to get evicted

Blog: Beyond The Pole [NBC 10]
Archives: Teresa Masterson

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August 17, 2006

Skinny NBC 10 Blogger Attempts To Make Us Fat Bloggers Feel Even Fatter

Geeze. It's been a while. But it's time again for another episode of IM Conversation About Teresa Masterson Theater! (Warning: Lengthy dialogue containing run-into-the-ground jokes by me ahead.)

pwddmac: hey, are you there? i have big news.

anonymous reader: of course. hit me.
pwddmac: new teresa masterson blog post!
pwddmac: or, as i like to call them, "articles."
reader: eee!
reader: this is the best news i've heard all day.
pwddmac: in this episode, she's trying to lose weight.
reader: um, what?
reader: despite mocking her "blog," i think she's kinda cute in her pictures.
pwddmac: her lead references the "This is an eatin' town, and I'm an eatin' man!" SEPTA ads
reader: incidentally, those ads on buses? they're like a year old.
pwddmac: anyway, she wants to lose eight pounds in three weeks
reader: jesus
pwddmac: apparently if you go on this diet, you go insane with hunger
pwddmac: "My sister points out that I’ve been pacing while talking complete nonsense for a good 15 minutes straight. I realize she’s right. I sit down."
reader: is she sure that her "insanity" was zone-fresh-philly-related and not just "nbc10 wacky blogger" related?
pwddmac: i don't know, we'll have to ask hurricane schwartz or that dizzle stizzle guy
reader: i'd like for them to have an online roundtable.
pwddmac: oh, that would be fantastic.
pwddmac: maybe they could have talking barbaro and irresistible ella, too.
reader: nbc10 online allstars, unite!
reader: wait, she's supposed to eliminate all liquid calories?
reader: i'd die. without coffee, i would die.
reader: and what about alcohol??
pwddmac: no, she apparently ends up getting drunk and then eats a pint of ben & jerry's
reader: awesome
reader: maybe i would like her in real life after all
pwddmac: although i thought it was another drug that made you all hungry
pwddmac: then again, instead of a diet, she could have just done a whole lot of coke and lost eight pounds in 2 days
reader: ohmygod. teresa on a coke-tear through philly.
pwddmac: now THAT'S a story i want to read
pwddmac: but it seems she's pretty dedicated to the diet she chose
pwddmac: "Next Week: More Health, Nutrition and Fitness tips as I get to the conclusion of whether or not I have discovered the solution to America’s obesity problem."
pwddmac: I hope she has. that'd be quite a scoop for NBC 10. i bet she'd get a raise.
reader: NBC10 EXCLUSIVE: LOSE WEIGHT AND ONLY GO SLIGHTLY [MORE] CRAZY
pwddmac: NBC 10 SOLVES AMERICA'S OBESITY PROBLEM
pwddmac: BUT FIRST AN UPDATE ON BARBARO

Blog: Losing Those Brotherly Love Handles [NBC 10]

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June 21, 2006

Speed Dating Solves The World's Ills

Gather round, children! It's time for another episode of IM Conversation About Teresa Masterson Theater!

dmac: so. new teresa masterson article.

dmac: blog post, if you will.
dmac: it's about speed dating. i think this one is fairly normal, though, until the end
anonymous reader: yes; of the teresa ouevre, this is the best so far
reader: until the end
reader: which is almost too contrived to be believed
dmac: also, she seems to be in a cab at the start, but not at the end: does she walk all the way from 12 lounge to south street?
reader: i know!
reader: i'd be way less scared of meeting strange men at a speed dating event than of meeting them while walking between university city and south street at night.
dmac: perhaps she took a cab. but wouldn't she just take a cab right to her apartment?
reader: she says she "ducked into a neighborhood pub" after the homeless man on the street serenaded her
reader: maybe she took the cab to the pub
dmac: do you think nbc 10 reimburses cab fares? probably.
reader: yes, i bet she got the cash for it.
dmac: but this is definitely the first time she's gotten introspective
dmac: "There are droves of people walking past us daily, standing in lines with us, sitting next to us on the train. Why aren’t we talking to each other?"
dmac: that's fuckin' deep.
reader: wait wait wait
reader: "So much could be solved if we all would just find the guts to talk to a stranger."
reader: i'd like to see someone put that theory into practice
dmac: AIDS! The Iraq War! Homelessness!
reader: i'm going to start talking to the homeless guy on the harmonica outside my apartment.
dmac: and i'm going to talk to the transvestite prostitutes on my walks home!
reader: soon, the city will be wireless
reader: and people will be singing in the streets
reader: holding hands
dmac: and blogging about it.
reader: i'm totally signing up for email alerts for all of her stories.

Blog: Inside The Speed Dating World [NBC 10]
Archives: Teresa Masterson

Posted by D-Mac at 01:48 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

May 24, 2006

Turns Out, Al Roker Likes To Hug

Actual conversation I just had over IM, annotated with some links for your reading pleasure:

dmac: ohmigod are you there

dmac: there's a new teresa masterson blog post!
dmac: we need to discuss!
(Editor's Note: Teresa Masterson has previously been chronicled here due to her articles about the Trenton Thunder and Phil Roy.)
anonymous reader: ok, let me read the post first
reader: this is so far the most uninteresting thing i've EVER read
reader: (and remember, i read about tax law some days, for a living)
dmac: it's amazing
dmac: she really only asks al roker about hugging
dmac: and if other 'today' show members also like to hug
reader: ooh, she got to ride in an NBC 10 news van?!
reader: wow
reader: like, ohmigod
reader: a real news van?
dmac: i thought it was okay, but maybe i just can't hate the writing of non-sylvia plath females.
dmac: although this was a little boring.
dmac: isn't it weird that they keep calling her a "blogger" when she just writes articles for the website
reader: yeah, she is totally not a blogger
dmac: it's as if a news organization is hopping onto a "trend"
dmac: without having any real idea what that trend is
dmac: i mean, at least set her up with wordpress or something
reader: definitely
reader: oh my god, this was so bad i can't even believe it
reader: irresistable ella would have done better
reader: "good afternoon, and good luck?!"
reader: i wish i were illiterate.
dmac: this is still way better than that article in metro yesterday where dan dunn hangs out with paris hilton and perez hilton
reader: indeed

Update: We retract any mean things said, if only because of the photo on the slideshow of a person holding a sign that says "Philly's more fun with Al Roker."

Blogger Unmasks The Real Al Roker [NBC 10]
An American in Cannes: Part trois [Metro]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:50 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

May 17, 2006

And They Wonder Why Bloggers Stay Indoors

Teresa Masterson has struck again! You might remember her from when she wanted to take photos of the half-naked baseball players in the locker room, but they wouldn't let her because they were eating chicken or something, and also because it was the locker room.

Nonetheless, NBC 10's blogger embarked on another adventure recently, covering a concert in singer/songwriter Phil Roy's home. Roy recently moved back to Philly and began having $100-a-head private concerts at his house. Masterson decided to cover one of said events, and Roy allowed her to come and bring a friend -- for free!

Of course, Roy then puts them to work at his party:

I tried to interview him as he prepared the soup, and instead of answering questions about his music, his cooking and his life, he began directing us to chop vegetables and light candles and carry chairs up three flights of stairs.

OK, the interview will come later, I thought. It’s time to “help out.”

I started to relax when it came close to the arrival of the other guests. It was time to transition from “helping” mode to “guest” mode, I thought. When he said that we should talk about what was going to happen when the guests arrive, I grabbed my notebook, pen in hand, ready to jot down his description of the surely eclectic and exciting group that was to come.

Instead, he told my sister to follow him to where she would be putting the coats.

“What coats?” I said.

He asked me to pick out some wine for the guests, and stole my sister out of the room. Confused, and my reporter’s instinct suddenly screaming back into action, I placed some bottles on the table and waited.

My sister came back into the room alone.

“I just made a bed,” she whispered.

To be honest, I don't know what I would do if I were covering an event and the person I was interviewing started telling me to serve the guests and do work for him. (Besides punch him in the face, I suppose.)

The night wasn't all bed making and veggie chopping, as later things got ugly:

When it came time for the “concert,” Maire and I sat down in the back of the room after having cleared the dinner table. Within moments, one of the guests, who had gotten very drunk, spilled an entire glass of wine on my new skirt and my reporter’s notebook. The crimson stain on the page seemed a perfect symbol of the entire night. If I hadn’t been done earlier, seven and a half hours of being an unpaid waitress, caterer, bartender and maid, I was definitely done then.

The guest became belligerent and when he announced he was leaving, Roy asked my sister to escort him out and lock the door behind him, making sure he “doesn’t do anything.”

In disbelief that my sister now had become the bouncer, I followed her out into the hall to make sure “he doesn’t do anything” to her.

For what it's worth, the guests had a fabulous time. They said the service was excellent.

The only that that'd make this better is if they had Irresistible Ella reporting live from Phil Roy's house.

Local Reporter's Celeb Nightmare [NBC 10 via Blinq]
May 8: You See, This Is Why We Don't Let Women Into Locker Rooms

Posted by D-Mac at 01:53 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 08, 2006

You See, This Is Why We Don't Let Women Into Locker Rooms

Ha ha! Just kidding, folks. Most of the female sports reporters I've met are among the most professional in the business. Plus, they dress nicer than the guys, who are mostly slobs. (The exception is the Inquirer's Kevin Tatum, who always dresses magnificently.)

And, yeah, it sucks being a female sports reporter, since a large number of the guys hit on you, sometimes players don't treat you with respect, and sometimes players who treat male sportswriters with respect don't treat the female reporters with respect. (Ha ha! Just kidding. No players respect sportswriters.)

So, right: Anyone not wanting women to cover sports is stupid. You know the drill. But, because men's sports are more popular than women's sports, every once in a while a woman (a gay man could do it, too, I suppose) gets all giddy while she covers sports. (It happens every once in a while when a man covers a women's sport, too, of course.)

And you get things like this, from NBC 10's blogger Teresa Masterson, who went to a Trenton Thunder game. I'm actually kind of torn on this, because, well, her recap of a Trenton Thunder game was actually a pretty enjoyable read, but, well, it did contain this:

Here's the thing: I was promised a chance to meet the players, and had visions a la Carrie Bradshaw using her press pass to get into the Yankee locker room.

Boys. I'm not going to lie -- I stayed for the boys. What I forgot is just that. They're boys.

I followed my fellow pressmen into the locker room post loss only to find a group of angry, silent boys eating chicken fingers, who forbid the lone female reporter from taking pictures of angry, silent boys eating chicken fingers.

Then again, maybe this is a lesson on why major league baseball doesn't give press passes to bloggers.

Blog: Take Me Out Of The Ballgame [NBC 10]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:07 PM | Comments (45) | TrackBack (0)

November 04, 2005

Day 5: Breakin' (down) the strike

Five days in and we're still nowhere closer to a settlement. Pack it in for the long haul, people. Some recent developments:

• Downed power lines caused delays of up to two hours on all Regional Rail lines during the evening rush hour yesterday. Reportedly, the lines were backed up all the way from the station to the Gallery. From 30th Street Station to the Gallery. [KYW1060]

• Philly School District wants students to be able to get on Regional Rail with a token. Yeah. Over my cold, dead body (that's clutching $3.75 for the ride to a Zone 3 station). [KYW1060]

• Fast Eddie looks to enter the ring, provided the negotiations have a buffet. [DN]

• The NBC10 SEPTA strike blogger has been idenfitied -- online editor Teresa Masterson -- and she can't find a cab: "So I did the only thing I could do. In the words of Forest Gump, 'I...WAS...RUNNING!' I may have actually looked like Forest Gump, too." [NBC10]

• And when things are tough, it's best to think of the little people: the strike is hurting Main Line commuters. [Main Line Life]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:05 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)