May 13, 2008

Man Lands On Freaking Moon

Guys, get this! Sometime "a generation or so ago" something simply horrendous happened in Philadelphia, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette's Dave Molinari:

He might have a valid point, but in a city that celebrates the hostility of its sports fans -- remember, these are the folks who, a generation or so ago, generated national headlines by booing Santa Claus -- chucking popcorn hardly seems to constitute an act of wanton violence.

OMGZ! Who knew?! It's amazing that his column also references The O'Jays, whose only #1 hit was five years after Eagles fans threw snowballs at Santa. "Love Train," I will note, was on Philadelphia International records.

Malkin not a fan of free popcorn provided to bench [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:28 PM | Comments (1)

May 10, 2008

Dirty Old Man, Santa Arrested

Who would have thought that a dirty older man would be arrested in an Internet sex sting? It's more likely than Santa Claus, I'll tell you that.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:15 AM | Comments (0)

April 24, 2008

Billy Wagner Bashes 1960s Activists

Oh my god, you guys have to hear this joke ex-Phillies closer and apparent bagel tosser Billy Wagner told about Philadelphia fans. It was so awesome and fresh and new Sports Illustrated's John Donovan made it his quote of the week!

"This is about the only place I've seen that. Shoot, they booed Santa Claus. They've taken this to a whole new level..." -- Mets closer Billy Wagner, on the fans of Philadelphia, some of whom cheered when Mets shortstop Jose Reyes was injured in an on-field collision Friday

Bahahaha! They booed Santa Claus! Yes, back in 1968 that was quite the story, Billy. Being negative three years old, you must have remembered it well.

The Windup [SI]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:45 AM | Comments (2)

April 20, 2008

1960s Radicals Continue To Be Attacked

Look, a man goes to a Phillies-Mets game at Citizens Bank Park with his Met fan wife and says Philly fans are awful. His reasoning? "You must remember that this is the same city that is famous for booing Santa Claus during a pro football game a number of years ago."

Uh, no, you probably don't remember it, because it happened before Woodstock. Complaining about Philadelphia sports fans and referencing the Santa Claus incident is like going to Chicago and saying it's a bad place because of the police response to protesters at the 1968 Democratic National Convention. It's kind of exactly the same, since both happened the same year.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:51 PM | Comments (4)

January 30, 2008

Validation That Your Life Sucks

Hey, are you miserable today? Sure, even if you're on some legal mind-altering pills, you might still be a little down. Well now you have some validation from a magazine with annoying slideshows using a pointless index of miserableness: We're the 5th most miserable city in America!

How miserable is Philly? The residents of the City of Brotherly Love once booed Santa Claus and pelted him with snowballs at an Eagles game. Maybe it's the long commutes, violent crime and plethora of toxic waste sites that has people grumpy. Philadelphia scored in the top 20 in all three areas.

Zzzzzzzzz... oh, I'm sorry, I've read "booed Santa Claus" so many times that my brain automatically shuts down when I see it. Anyway, the most miserable city in the country is Detroit, and number three is Flint. Eat it, Michigan, we're way better than you! Meanwhile, Forbes' plan to get people to write about them has worked again with another stupid list.

America's Most Miserable Cities [Forbes]
[Image via]

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November 29, 2007

Santa's Elves Need A Better Union

Every year, children write letters to Santa Claus. Santa's too busy making presents (or, rather, making plans to outsource it to Chinese elf labor) to respond to all the letters, so post office workers do the deed for him.

Only, uh, now the post office is making everyone who answers letters for Santa provide photo ID and sign a liability waiver because it's worried about sexual predators. While the waiver is also to absolve the post office of any liability in case of a lawsuit -- maybe if little Johnny didn't get that Nintendo Wii he wanted, he'll sue Santa -- apparently the whole thing is for, uh, protecting the children.

A corporation or nonprofit must promise not to hold the post office responsible for legal action that might result from “authorized or unauthorized handling, use and response to the subject Letters to Santa by any person.” [...] Worries about sexual predators, identity theft and frivolous lawsuits make it imperative that the names and addresses not fall into the wrong hands.

“Protecting our children is our No. 1 concern, so we want to know who is requesting the letters,” [Doylestown Postmaster Eileen Wilkinson] said.

Continue reading "Santa's Elves Need A Better Union"

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July 17, 2006

Mascot Monday Has Totally Gone Nuts

While this isn't quite at the level of the minute-and-a-half Phillie Phanatic Mascot Monday, this is seriously effed up. Today's Mascot Monday features a giant sun, freakin' Santa Claus and the return of Jennaphr Frederick:

Some thoughts about today's Mascot Monday after the jump.

Continue reading "Mascot Monday Has Totally Gone Nuts"

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December 20, 2005

Ho ho ho (and a bottle of rum)

All right, kids! Where do you want to see Santa this year? The mall? The basement of your church after mass? A parade of some sort?

Well, you know what, we're going to somewhere even better: The Prison System's Training Academy! Yes, Thursday night, from 5-7 p.m., the Philadelphia Prison System's training facility (across from the defunct Holmesburg Prison, natch). Things don't really get better than this, do they?

The press release quotes:

"The Training Academy is right across the street from the Enfield and Holmesburg neighborhoods," said Director of Training Lt. Frederick Abello. "We want to welcome our neighbors and help celebrate Christmas with them this year." Santa Claus, in the person of Correctional Officer Orlando Carugno, will be on hand to greet children and their families.

You know, I'm all for outreach by the prisons -- okay, to be honest I don't really fathom how anyone could have an opinion on this -- but I think it might be some sort of a trap. Doesn't Santa know all the boys who are naughty and nice? And doesn't Correctional Officer Orlando Carugno know that as well? (He does.) Don't you all see it? They're going to arrest the bad kids! And possibly give the good ones candy canes!

Eh, maybe that's not so bad. Either way, full non-jokey press release after the jump.

Continue reading "Ho ho ho (and a bottle of rum)"

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December 06, 2005

Quickies: Don't call him D-Mac

• A bit of housekeeping: Yes, the links are darker now. Easier to read? And in case you're wondering, re the essay yesterday: My plan for now is to do a few per week, say three. But we'll see where that leads.

• Ahh, Jerry Mondesire says that Donovan McNabb doesn't care about black people. He says that McNabb changed from a running quarterback to a passer and that made him a worse player and it was race-related. Um, okay. All I have to say: Football-wise, running quarterbacks haven't quite done so well, have they? Or did I forget the six Super Bowls Fran Tarkenton and Michael Vick have won? [Attytood]

• I didn't know there was a list like this, and it's kind of amusing: Santa Claus tops Forbes' Fictional 15. Not that he's not real. Oh snap! Somehow I think Forbes just crushed the dreams of a million kids. [Life, Family at al]

• If you're into the whole "stuffing your face with good food thing," The Reading Terminal Market is now open on Sundays. Mmm... cookies. [Metroblogging Philadelphia via dragonballyee]

• Being fans of local community newspapers and the pointless stories contained within -- and a media nerd also -- I was excited to read this, even though it's from England: Shopping cart found 30 minutes from store. Oh, man. That really might be the most boring story in the history of newspapers. [Londonist]

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