June 05, 2008

The Ultimate Poll

So, it's finally come to this Philly.com poll to settle it once and for all.

Do you believe in God? [Philly.com]

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May 05, 2008

Philly Coalition Of Reason Billboard

No longer will we have to simply be terrorized on I-95 by multiple Christian billboards; now the atheists have their own billboard, too! It is not nearly as stupid as the one that says "Jesus hated going to church, too," but it's up there. Leave alone the weirdness of doing a billboard of, uhm, the sky: I thought the bonus about not being religious was not having to deal with getting together with a bunch of people you don't really know or like to do chants and such.

I believe it's time for us to pool our money and get a billboard urging people to worship Jupiter.

Don't believe in God? You are not alone. [Phillyblog]

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November 14, 2007

God's Warriors Not So Proficient In HTML, Photoshop

The above is the official website of the Million March 4 God, an event apparently so important the organizers decided not to get a real website or spellcheck anything. The event will be officially introduced tomorrow at Independence Mall. (The march will take place in DC, though.)

The MM4G is organized by Joel Cody, who was also part of the Guardian Angels, Live Aid and Hands Across America, all other equally annoying events and groups. The Daily News summarizes the event as encouraging a law to mandate insurance for handguns, pushing to require annual mental health checks for guns -- these previous two planks have about as much chance of happening as I have being elected Pope -- and asking churches to provide in-house medical care.

Continue reading "God's Warriors Not So Proficient In HTML, Photoshop"

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July 05, 2007

Philadelphia To Soon Be Free Of Thetans (Or Whatever)

As you may have heard, the Church of Scientology recently purchased a 15-story building on Chestnut Street along with a former toy store in order to expand in the City of Brotherly Love. (One can only wait until the first Scientologist member of the Philadelphia Phillies arrives; the Phils train in Clearwater, Fla., world headquarters of Scientology.)

Just like Christians believe a Jewish carpenter 2,000 years ago was the Messiah and Jews believe they're the Chosen People of God™ and Hindus believe widows should be shunned and Muslims believe in predestination and a lack of free will, Scientologists believe Xenu came to Earth 75 million years ago with a bunch of humans, who he then blew up with hydrogen bombs, and their spirits harass humans to this day, and Scientology can get rid of them.

Fortunately for Scientology, and unfortunately for other religions, the religion has a group of high-powered lawyers. All hail Xenu! Or, uh, boooo, Xenu! Whichever one is right! Boooo psychiatry! How dare it attempt to help people through science instead of science fiction!

And, of course, this new building will cost the city money:

Property taxes for 2007 on the Chestnut Street parcels were $56,195, according to city records. But if the acquisition is deemed to be a house of worship, it will be exempted from taxes. The church does not pay tax on its headquarters at 1315 Race St., which it bought for $325,000 in 1979.

Eh, at least it's not another dollar store.

Church of Scientology buys site in Center City [Inquirer]
Shunned from society, widows flock to city to die [CNN.com]

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December 20, 2006

This Explains Church Bingo, At Least

In today's Jill Porter column about the new casino at Philadelphia Park, she writes about how fun it is to play slots, people who think slot machines are worse than Hitler are elitist (I would have used a stronger word) and a cocktail waitress from South Jersey might get some good tips.

I'd argue that Bensalem is a bit different than Philadelphia, but fair enough, whatevs, etc. Porter also talks to Betty Stanley, a West Philadelphia woman who won a cool $2,700 at Philly Park on the first day. She said her win was nothing short of divine intervention:

The beautiful Tina Turner look-alike retired recently after working for the city for 40 years. Yes, she's a lucky gambler who's won many jackpots in her day. And yes, she knows why.

"You won't believe me," she said.

I promised I would, expecting some dubious metaphysical explanation.

"I just completed the Angel Tree Project for my church, St. Thomas Episcopal," Stanley said. That means she personally bought, paid for and wrapped Christmas gifts for 64 children of incarcerated parents.

"If you give to the less fortunate, you will be rewarded," she said, grinning.

"This is my reward."

I don't profess to know much about anything, especially God or slot machines, but I'm not quite sure that's how it works. But, hey, whatever keeps you doing good deeds, I guess.

It's here: Racino Royale [Daily News]
Earlier today: Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

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November 27, 2006

New Jersey Church Discovers Masturbation Bans No Longer Attracting Converts, Sells 99-Cent Gas Instead

The "Liquid Church," a Somerset County-based nondenominational Christian church, decided to cancel services yesterday and instead sold gas really cheap. (Take that, Catholics!)

The church's pastor, Tim Lucas, explained: "We called off services today because we wanted our service to be serving our neighbors instead. We say, 'The church has left the building.'" (Later, Lucas explained that those who live their lives without religion make him say, "Where's the beef?") The church paid about $4,000 to subsidize the cheap gas, and members of the congregation wore knit hats bearing a cross, a liquid drop and a gas pump.

The church's 250 volunteers -- about half the congregation -- made sure that the event was not just a quickie fill-up. Some handed out food, some cleaned windows and tires, some explained about the church to volunteers and others prayed for filler-uppers who needed some help.

The event was all smiles and all the quotes in the Courier-Post article are all rainbows and glitter. (Seriously. Who knew you could make people so happy with just a little 99-cent-a-gallon gas? Even the station's owner bought pizza for everyone.) Some, though, wished this was a more common occurence:

"This is excellent. I really appreciate it, and everybody is real nice too," said Karel Zerjav of Bernardsville who heard about the cheap gas from a neighbor. "Every pump should do this."

Every gas station with a church, that is.

'Liquid Church' offers cheap gas [Camden Courier-Post]

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September 15, 2006

Pup Benedict

We can only wonder if they'll have all his fashions available for dress-up.

Sept. 6: We've Said This Before, But We Actually Mean It This Time: NBC 10 Unveils Greatest Slideshow Yet

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September 07, 2006

And Jesus Cast The Illegal Immigrants Out Of The Temple, Saying...

Illegal immigration is one of those can't-miss column topics that is sure to generate a lot of reader commentary. It's also something people (those people, of course, not including me) feel strongly about, and so it gets written about a lot.

Stu Bykofsky weighs in again on the debate today. It's a pretty good column premise at first, asking people to tone down the religious rhetoric when it comes to the immigration debate:

It's a fair fight, mostly, but the "condone" crowd has claimed the moral high ground for itself. It basks in its self-anointed goodness, purity and saintliness.

Not content with legal and moral arguments, its latest thrust - unveiled in demonstrations over the Labor Day weekend - is religious, which is a very dangerous game to play, especially with what's going on in the world today.

"A law that opposes the law of God is not a law that should be obeyed," thundered Agapito Lopez, an opponent of Hazleton's ordinance against illegal immigration.

I'd tend to slightly agree. While religious beliefs certainly influence one's own views on hot-button topics, it's not much of a debate tactic to simply say, "Well, God doesn't want us to obey this law." It may be how you feel -- and, that's certainly okay -- but you're not really going to convince anyone who doesn't already think like you (or share your religious beliefs) if you simply say that God is on your side.

So, I suppose, I want to commend Byko for... oh, what's that?

He certainly wasn't talking about Jesus' admonition to "render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's." Jesus meant the Romans had the right to tax the Jews and to impose Roman law. I'm no Bible scholar (as if you didn't know that), but I conclude Jesus would agree that civil authorities can take action against illegal immigrants.

You see, Rabbi, it's best to keep religion out of this debate.

Oh, by the way, Jesus is on Byko's side.

Stu Bykofsky | Keep religion out of illegal immigration [DN]

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April 11, 2006

The Coolest Reverend Ever

Cross earrings? A half goatee? This guy's the most badass reverend on the planet. They need to get more guys like him to get people back to the church.

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April 06, 2006

And, Come On -- Two Of *Every* Animal?

From the front page of Action News' website:

Coming soon: "I mean, water into wine? Seems pretty unlikely!"

Did Jesus Walk on Ice? [AP/6 ABC]

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March 24, 2006

This Would Never Happen On Craigslist Kabul

I don't know if there are any holy men or women in my readership, but, just in case, I'd like to direct you to this ad on Craigslist:

looking for a priest to bless new home

Hi, I'm not sure this posting will be found by a qualified priest, but I'm looking for someone to bless my new home. I have been searching for a Hindu priest mainly but honestly, any religious denomination is fine. Preferably I'd like to hold the ceremony within the next week.

I think this is a little risky. Any denomination? What if a Trekkie answers your ad?

looking for a priest to bless new home [Craigslist]
Religion: Star Trek [Galactic Guide]

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February 23, 2006

Out, damned spot

Back when I was in school, there were teachers I didn't like. Of course, that's how school (and life) works.

Some of these teachers I didn't like my parents also didn't like. And they may have silently grumbled or complained or whatever. I don't really know what they did. What they didn't do was take out an ad in a local paper hoping to get that teacher barred from teaching.

Wait, it gets better: The reason for the ad wasn't because the substitute teacher does a bad job. She could be Peggy Hill-quality for all I know. No, the reason he wants her barred is because she used to be a he. Lady Macbeth used to be Sir Macbeth.

At least by the NBC 10 story about her, there seems to be no real problem with her teaching. But Mark Schnepp, parent of an Eagleswood, N.J., high school student, doesn't want his child taught by no man-turned-woman. He also wants his kid to live in a giant protective plastic bubble where he can teach little junior to be an asshole in peace.

Fair enough. Mr. Schnepp has every right to do that. He has every right to say this teacher shouldn't be instructing his kids. However, he doesn't think that Lady Macbeth has any right to teach his kid. You see, he's an expert in the First Amendment:

Schnepp, who is a Methodist, said that Macbeth's sex change is against his religion and the school board is violating his rights if Macbeth enters a classroom.

Freedom of religion, indeed! In fact, Schnepp's fight is just like when Jesus took that ad out in the Nazareth Times-Herald saying all the prostitutes should be stoned to death.

Transgender Teacher Angers Eagleswood Parent [NBC 10]

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February 06, 2006

You kind of expect this thing more from Scientology

Ah, yes, these are how things work nowadays: Draw a cartoon, have people protest, burn some places down. And whatever. I don't light fire to South Bend, Indiana, every time I see the Notre Dame Fighting Irishman, but to each his own.

Personally, now that the Inquirer has run the cartoon next to a story about the uproar over the photo, I want to know what Sylvester Johnson thinks of it. In related news, a group of protestors gathered outside 400 N. Broad today. Naturally.

And naturally the Inquirer has splashed the coverage on the front page of Philly.com, because this is what you do when you do something you know is going to anger people: You bend over backwards to meet with them and then run coverage of the event but you (of course) don't apologize. (Not that the Inquirer should. In fact, if I edited the paper I'd probably put a drawing of Muhammad fellating Jesus on the front page. But maybe that's why I'm not the editor.)

The money quote from the Inquirer article:

One demonstrator, 54-year old Aneesha Uqdah of Philadelphia, argued that precedent exists for newspapers to withhold some information to prevent harm: "If a woman was a rape victim, you wouldn't publish her name," she said.

Coming soon: Protests over Google Image search's numerous results for the prophet's name.

Addendum: After thinking about it, I realized I feel the same way about this as I do about Matt Donegan. He said stupid stuff, and these cartoons are stupid (and people have a right to be angry), but I don't think anyone should be fired (like the editor of a French newspaper was). But, then again, "Oh, really, people got upset at a drawing of Muhammad with a bomb for a turban? How shocking!" But at least no one's been killed in the Matt Donegan fallout.

Muhammad cartoon in Inquirer draws protest by Muslims [Inky]
Cartoon protests turn deadly [CNN.com]
Mohammad | Muhammad [Google Image Search]
Nov. 30, 2005: Drawing conclusions

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December 21, 2005

Democracy by Internet poll

A poll from the front page of CBS 3:

Oh, better reverse that court ruling, then.

CBS 3
Yesterday: State beats Church in blowout

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December 13, 2005

Reaching a milestone

We've hit critical mass here, people. I'm excited. Yes, not even four months into the launch of this blog, we have our first comparison of me to Hitler. It's not direct, but it's close enough to warrant mention. As we all know, the probability of a comparison to Hitler on the Internet approaches 1 as time goes on. First, something I wrote on the the original post last week about the guy handing out condoms at the church:

Eh, you know, there's nothing like a good publicity stunt. And there's really nothing like a good publicity stunt that will piss off a bunch of old Catholics minding their own business and going to church. (I've seen a lot of angry old Catholics in my life, and it's a fun sight.)

Not exactly my best work. But, you know, it was worth it due to this anonymous comment left on the post yesterday:

Second, do some word replacement here: "David Lynn, the webmaster of FreePoliticalSpeech.com, is dressing as a rabbi and handing out 'Holocaust denial' tracts at the synagogue on Saturday morning." After all, "there's really nothing like a good publicity stunt that will piss off a bunch of old Jews minding their own business and going to synagogue. (I've seen a lot of angry old Jews in my life, and it's a fun sight.)!"

Which one is "hate speech" deserving of imprisonment, being called "fascist hater," and having the ADL and FBI have files on you, and which is kewl -- the Catholic-bashing or the Jew-bashing?

Shit. First I'm a self-loathing Catholic, and now I hate Jews? Putting your opinions on the Internet is tough work.

Dec. 8: Condomania at the church!
Yesterday: Condom story expands
Godwin's Law [Wikipedia]

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December 12, 2005

Condom story expands

Whoo! I wasn't able to make it out to the condom party outside the Basilica on Sunday, but apparently it was pretty much a dud.

Well, that's not really fair. It was a publicity stunt, and the Daily News wrote about it, so it worked, in theory. But the DN's story pretty much said the guy was ignored. And nobody took any condoms. Not only that, but the lone protester, David Lynn -- webmaster of FreePoliticalSpeech.com -- is a Penn grad! I had no idea we had so much in common.

The heckling, too, seemed a little more angry that I expected, but, you know, the one parishoner's quote made everything worth it:

"What gives him the right to do what he is doing?" asked Darrin Declementi, of South Philadelphia. "He has no right to judge other people."

Declementi then entered the church, where the priest told him how evil two dudes who have sex together are. Who has the right to judge, indeed.

Condoms in hand, lone protester heckles worshipers at cathedral [DN]
Dec. 8: Condomania at the church!

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December 08, 2005

Condomania at the church!

With a last name like "McQuade," it's no surprise that I'm really excited about a coming event I got a press release for today. David Lynn, the webmaster of FreePoliticalSpeech.com, is dressing as a priest and handing out condoms at the Basilica on Sunday morning.

"In addition, the grand jury's report makes clear that even priests are not always honest about their sex lives," Lynn was quoted in the press release. "People who might have sex with their priests need to understand this, and practice safe sex with their clergy -- you never know where their hands have been."

Eh, you know, there's nothing like a good publicity stunt. And there's really nothing like a good publicity stunt that will piss off a bunch of old Catholics minding their own business and going to church. (I've seen a lot of angry old Catholics in my life, and it's a fun sight.) But calling for safe priest-lay people relations? Now there's one I haven't heard before.

Oh, and kiddies: sadly, this free condom hand out is for adults only. But Lynn doesn't specify if you have to be Catholic! (Or if you have to be looking for a relationship with a priest.) So if you're a human adult and looking to get your groove on, hey, here's a chance for some free protection.

Full release after the jump.

Continue reading "Condomania at the church!"

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Crime does pay!

An ad in today's Metro:

Whoo! They're back! We've seen this before, in both November and October. The bottom of this one (which I didn't scan in) is the same as before, just without typos, so clearly these people have gotten a little better.

Far be it from me to mock anyone trying to turn his or her life around, but, well, something about Damien's story just seems a little weird. It's a little hard to read, so I typed it out below:

My name is Damien; I was an alcoholic. I lived on the street. I joined a gang (one of the worst in America). I stole or ate leftover food, sold drugs, and I went to jail four times for attempted murder. I was determined to change. I went to the Universal Church, and got the help I needed. I did a chain of prayer, and now I'm free. Come to the Universal Church; you can change too!

Shit. He was in jail four times for attempted murder and is now a free man? Forget his church -- I want to meet his lawyer.

Nov. 17: Expect to see Donovan McNabb at this service
Oct. 17: Advertisement from today's Metro, presented entirely without comment (honestly, because there's just too much to mock)

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December 06, 2005

Only Darwin can save him now

Because, really, what would Jesus do?

Professor beaten for evolution views [AP via KYW 3]

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