September 26, 2007

Mmm, Animal Liver Really Wets My Appetite

I don't like food, but if I did, I'd have a rule for the meat I eat: If I know where it came from, I don't want to eat it. We know hamburgers come from cows, but who knows what part of the cow it came from. We know hot dogs come from pigeons and rats and shoes, but who knows what part of the shoe you're eating.

Anyway, this -- well, among other reasons -- is why I have absolutely no desire to eat lobster. You know it's a lobster when you eat it. You know when you eat the... whatever part of a lobster you eat. (The claws? You don't eat the claws, do you?) And this is also why I have absolutely no desire to eat foie gras (foy GRASS). Mmm, goose/duck liver? Yum!

But that doesn't mean I want to cave in to the four people who don't want you to eat foy grass. Well, actually, I don't care; if restaurants don't want to serve it because of protesters, go ahead. And if they want to serve it, uh, that's okay too? Anyway, as part of a promotion, a group of local restaurants will be serving foy grass for just five dollars.

We do not believe that a minority of animal rights zealots should determine the direction of our business. Nor do we want to be intimidated by them at our restaurants or homes. We want the City Council to know that these few do not represent the whole of Philadelphia.

In the city of Philadelphia, the birthplace of American liberty, we want to keep the right to serve foie gras.

I believe that's in the Declaration of Independence: That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to eat as much disgusting-sounding Duck Liver as they want.

Try foie gras for $5 [Foobooz]
[Image by Pikaluk, licensed via Creative Commons]

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September 17, 2007

Boardwalk Wood Protesters Have Already Lost It

The city council of Ocean City, New Jersey, voted earlier this year to buy Brazilian ipe wood that was certified Logged Friendly™ (or whatever) because of protests from environmentalists. After doing so, of course, what Ocean City got was lots and lots of protests from environmentalists.

Now Ocean City's city council wants out of the deal. But, whoops!, they already bought the wood, and the mayor says if they pull out of the deal other vendors will be unable to trust the city and suddenly Mack's won't have any flour. So the Brazilian wood is coming in, costing $1.1 million to repair a block-long section of boardwalk. And protesters are ready with their over-the-top similes :

That has protesters like Georgina Shanley vowing to do whatever it takes to stop the plan. "We are considering stopping it physically from coming into Ocean City by standing in the middle of the road like that young man in Tiananmen Square in front of the tank," she said. "It has to be stopped."

Ahh, yes, it's just like that, only without the chances an oppressive government will literally crush you into pieces with a giant tank. And we'll know who you are, and you'll be in a mob instead of just one person. Pretty much the same thing as Tiananmen Square, then.

Boardwalk plans set off huge protest [AP/The Courier-Post]

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September 11, 2007

More People To Tell Us What To Do With Our Lives

In the future, 9/11/07 will be known as the day that the tide finally turned and the ducks and geese would be free to, uh, die in peace. Yes, a new group has joined the fight against foie gras, bringing the total number of people who really care about this issue to 15. (This will probably get them about 48 more Sunday Inquirer cover stories.)

Foie gras -- pronounced "foy grass" -- is made from the fattened liver of geese and ducks. About 2-3 weeks before slaughter, the goose or duck is force-fed through a tube in its esophagus. Some people think this is cruel to the animals, sometimes pontificating about it while they chew on a juicy hamburger.

The new group that's entered the fray is called Professionals Against Foie Gras; its members are attempting to convince City Councilman Jack Kelly to push a bill through City Council that would ban foie gras; he introduced a bill back in April 2006 but -- surprise! -- nobody who matters actually cares.

Meanwhile, a bunch of horses were killed today after breaking their legs on horseracing tracks, but that's heroic.

Local Group Enters Fray Over Idea To Ban Foie Gras [KYW 1060]

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July 26, 2007

President In Town To Get Everyone Fired

KYW 1060 is currently aiding the terrorists by reporting that President Bush's motorcade is traveling down I-95, disrupting traffic all over and making everyone late for work. But, yes, the prez is in town today to talk to conservative state legislators from around the country.

He'll be talking with the American Legislative Exchange Council, which is apparently a fiscal conservative with Democrats as a third of its members. The prez will be at the Marriott at 12th and Market, and fortunately the protesters apparently won't be confined to "free speech zones" miles away or something:

At a news conference yesterday, leaders of several groups that oppose the war in Iraq said they planned to set up shop directly across the street from the Marriott and haven't heard whether the Secret Service will direct them to a more distant locale.

"Two blocks away is no way. One block away is no way," said Bob Smith, staff coordinator of the Brandywine Peace Community.

"We will have our protest right there. That's where we want to be," he said. "That's where we need to be."

Uh-huh. Just wait 'til the president uses that new executive order to seize all the assets of the Brandywine Peace Community for aiding the terrorists. Ain't democracy grand?

Update, 9:18 a.m.: Actually, I think I went on a Match date with this girl whose parents ran some suburban peace group, and then she never called me back. Could you seize their assets, Mr. President? This is why I would make a terrible leader. (Well, one of the reasons.) I'd constantly be signing executive orders to punish ex-girlfriends, get myself free puppies, give the Philadelphia sports teams all the best players, etc. Congress would be passing joint resolutions daily telling me to put some pants on. Actually, I'd be the most interesting president in a while -- or I'd at least be better than Bush.

Pres. Bush Addresses Conservative Legislative Group in Philadelphia [KYW 1060]
War protesters vow to be seen, heard [Inquirer]

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July 06, 2007

Chris Freind Stands Up For French, The White Man

It's been a while since I've checked in on Chris Freind, America's Best Columnist™. But, since he stopped by the comments to plug his interview with Georges Perrier, I figured it was time to take another look.

In his interview with Perrier, the two talk about how awful the foie gras protesters are and how the ducks actually enjoy being tube fed until their livers become the size of Buicks. (Apparently, ducks don't have a gag reflex, which means they're not being tortured. I prefer my animals to suffer before they die, so forget foie gras as a delicacy.)

Perrier also bashes all the other restaurants in the area for not defending him from the four people protesting over foie gras: "Steven Starr is a coward. It makes me mad. Starr used to be a big leader in the restaurant industry, but he removed foie gras because he didn't want to fight (the protesters)." Oh, wah, wah, wah. How dare he run his business how he wants to! Did you know he made his restaurants no-smoking, too, before the smoking ban passed?

Continue reading "Chris Freind Stands Up For French, The White Man"

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