August 14, 2008

SEPTA To Doom Us All

How about that: SEPTA will be rolling out more buses and late-night regional rail trains. Hot dog! Now we can go out and party in Torresdale and come back to Center City at night!

As far as SEPTA goes, the announcement comes with the usual aplomb:

After lowering riders' expectations for years, SEPTA officials acknowledged the challenges they face in offering more to passengers. "Certainly, there is a risk," said Pat Nowakowski, assistant general manager for operations. "We will create expectations, and we have to work to make sure we meet them."

You think that sounds weird, but I'm pretty sure that SEPTA meeting riders' expectations is a sign of the apocalypse. In that case, it is a bit of a risk.

SEPTA to offer more buses, late-night trains [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:42 PM | Comments (0)

July 29, 2008

Why Eagles Training Camp Sucks

Every year in late July, a group of millionaires known collectively as the Philadelphia Eagles head up the Northeast Extension in their giant custom SUVs, hyperbaric chambers strapped to the top. The destination: Lehigh University, in Bethlehem, Pa., birthplace of Jesus and home of Eagles training camp. Well, actually, it's Lehigh's "Murray H. Goodman Campus," which is like 40 towns over from where all the academic buildings are.

Almost every year, the mood going into training camp is kind of sour. A player or two is holding out (this year, it's Shawn Andrews for unknown personal reasons) and a bunch of players are unhappy with their contracts even though they're not holding out.

The only reports from training camp that grab anyone's attention are injuries; there's not much fan interest in who's going to end up the right gunner on punt coverage and there's really not that much writers can do besides describe the day's big hits over and over.

The only good news out of camp is, then, silence. But, no: Tons of players get hurt every year at camp. Victor Abiamiri has a broken hand, free agent signing Asante Samuel has a strained hamstring and Chris Clemons had to be rushed to the hospital today.

I scream at the TV screen whenever Charlie Manuel bunts with a perfectly good hitter in a stupid spot in May. By August, I can barely handle them. I can't take six weeks of training camp injury reports with the only real news being updates on the "important" fullback battle. Oh, boy! Another whole month of this.

Image by texas_mustang, Creative Commons license

Posted by D-Mac at 01:41 PM | Comments (1)

July 10, 2008

Citizens Flee Philly For Philly.com

Excellent front page, Philly.com. This is sure to attract a ton of awesome Philly hate quotes. Let's pick one at random. No, wait. Let's pick the first fucking comment.

Philly is filled with ignorant Democrat sheep who continue voting for the same party while the city gets worse and worse. Out of control black racism, as a white guy I'm scared to walk around at night because of high % of black racists (yes I know not all blacks are racist!!).

This guy's username is, naturally, "utleyrules."

Phila.'s population shrinking, though region's is growing [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:56 AM | Comments (4)

June 16, 2008

Barack Obama Mentions Philadelphia

Here's my legally obligated post about Barack Obama and his comments about Philadelphia sports fans.

Why does Barack Obama glorify gun violence? Doesn't he watch Jeopardy! and know that John McCain hates war? What a sad day for the republic.

Eagles Fans Love a Good Brawl, Says Obama [The 700 Level]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:43 PM | Comments (2)

May 27, 2008

Finally, Vilification For Philly's Boobirds

Cheer up, Phillies fans! Not only has your team scored thirty-five runs in the past two games, but it appears your hearty boos over 125 years of the franchise has actually paid off. So, uh, rather: Get angry, Phillies fans! Boo anything you can think of!

The idea that a team's passionate fans helps a team win -- or, rather, helps a team avoid long losing streaks -- comes from superb baseball writer Joe Posnanski. While he goes over the league-leading 11 losing streaks of eight games or more by the Kansas City Royals since 2002 -- 9 since '04! -- he notes that only three franchises haven't had a losing streak of eight games or more since then: Yankees, Red Sox and (!) Phillies.

Yes, somehow the Fightins haven't lost over a week's worth of games since Terry Francona skippered eight straight defeats in late August and early September of 2000. (It wasn't a September swoon, as the Phillies weren't even above .500 all season; that team had both Ron Gant and Desi Relaford.)

I wonder if the booing fans, the angry media, the intensive talk shows, the angry Internet boards — I wonder if these things keep the players a bit more on edge. I'm not saying this can make the players BETTER over the long term — I'm not saying boos can turn a 73-win talent into an 89-win team. But we’re not talking about that — it only takes one victory to break a losing streak. And maybe in the angriest towns there is a heightened sense of awareness when the losses start to mount, a greater sense of agitation, a feeling like, "Um, we better freaking go out and win a game already or it's going to get really ugly around here."

I'm not one to take a throw-it-out-there blog post -- where the author writes, "I suspect that if someone did study it they would find there's nothing to it" -- and treat is as gospel, but... wait, yes I am. Okay, Philadelphia fans, let's all use this as an excuse to boo the players mercilessly after a single loss. After all, we wouldn't want them to go into a two-game losing streak.

Fans Who Boo Loudest Suffer Least [Joe Posnanski]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:20 PM | Comments (1)

Respected Paper Mentions Our Hamlet

Hey, Philly's in a new Onion piece, one you will be forwarding around to your local friends in just a few minutes. (Just share it on Google Reader already, people.)

It's titled "Stolen Tour Bus Leads Police On Chase Of Historic Downtown Philadelphia." Not bad, couple good references of downtown Philly -- though it needs more incorrect facts! -- ending with the ubiquitous cheesesteek reference. But, what, no Rocky? That would have really sold it.

Stolen Tour Bus Leads Police On Chase Of Historic Downtown Philadelphia [The Onion]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:25 AM | Comments (0)

May 07, 2008

Pens-Flyers Seemingly Months Away

Ahh, yes, the Flyers. For some reason the NHL decided after all the excitement of the first two rounds, what the hockey players really needed was a week-long break so they can play hockey until June.

I understand the players are tired and maybe a break means better hockey. But it's leading to people writing "breaking news" stories about plots to put a Penguins statue on the Rocky Statue. Oh, no. What. ever. would. we. do.

Meanwhile, check out the mother's basement reference in this piece. Oh, no, Philadelphians make fun of Philadelphia! Please: Youse think guys from Pittsburgh would take some pointers from Philadelphians and bash their own city once in a while.

The Flyers only need to be better than the Penguins in the Stanley Cup semifinals. Similarly, I only need to show that Philly is better than Pittsburgh. I don't really even have to try to do that.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:04 PM | Comments (1)

May 02, 2008

WIP: Marvin Harrison Investigated In Shooting

Hey, we Philadelphia fans may have a bad reputation -- and some Philly athletes don't exactly have stellar resumes -- but at least we have Marvin Harrison, eh? Roman Catholic guy (the school), really nice guy, everybody likes him.

Oh. A report on 610 WIP (I know! Something notable!) says Harrison is being investigated for a shooting outside his North Philadelphia bar, Playmakers -- note: no one has been able to confirm the existence of this actual bar -- on Tuesday.

The source said the alleged victim came into the bar, Playmakers, around 5 p.m. and engaged in an argument with Harrison, who was at the bar. The victim then left the bar, heading to his car, with Harrison following. Gunfire broke out, the victim was hit in the hand, and a young girl was slightly injured by flying glass from a car that apparently was hit by a bullet.

Police came to scene, but the victim did not identify a shooter. On Wednesday, according to the source, ballistic tests showed that the gun that had fired the shots was a custom-made Belgian weapon, and police determined that Harrison owned such a gun.

Police then went to a Philadelphia car wash owned by Harrison to question him about the gun. Harrison admitted owning such a weapon, but claimed it never left his suburban Philadelphia home. However, the source said the gun was discovered in a bucket at the car wash, and tests showed that it had fired seven bullets that matched those found at the scene.

Seriously? Wow. When a friend first IMed me with "Marvin Harrison???" I thought the Eagles had just traded for him.

Bump up Reggie Wayne and Anthony Gonzales on your fantasy football cheatsheets.

Update: Dave Schratweiser on Fox 29 reports just now the police have no suspects, although Marvin Harrison was questioned. And they showed the bar on TV, so we now know it exists, and is at 25th and Thompson.

Report: Harrison investigated in shooting outside bar [ESPN.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:29 PM | Comments (5)

April 30, 2008

Philly Tops Meaningless List (!)

Hey, Philadelphia won some sort of pointless ranking! Yes, venerable research institutions Apartments.com and Careerbuilder’s CBCampus.com joined forces to produce a report claiming ranking Philadelphia as the best place to live for recent college grads.

This is doubly hilarious when one considers the situation in 2004, when all my friends from school moved away from Philadelphia to New York, Boston, D.C. and other cities not Philadelphia. But now that gas is $80 a gallon and a trio of pretzels costs $1.50 (a buck-fifty!), look who's laughing now? Muahahahahaha!

Er, anyway, the criteria for the study includes "the population of people age 20 to 24, the number of entry-level job openings suitable for new grads, and the average cost to rent a one-bedroom apartment." Because it's 2008, we kids (I'm 25 now, but 15 mentally, so it averages out) also want the all-important "green" buzzword.

But, hey, it's an article about Philadelphia, so it's not like there can't be some good old Philly-bashing: "The nice parts of Philly are really nice. But the bad parts are awful." Yes, just like every city anywhere ever. And then there's this:

Hopkins, the Select Greater Philadelphia executive, says that his son, a 24-year old working at insurer AIG and living with his parents to save money, is now debating whether to move to the New York area or stay closer to home. Because he wants to buy a home, he has no options in Manhattan—and few options in nearby New Jersey cities.

“He can’t afford the monthly payments in Hoboken, Jersey City, or Manhattan,” Hopkins says. “So now he’s thinking about Philadelphia.”

Ahh, yes, he can't afford Hoboken, so he's moving to Philadelphia. If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere!

Philadelphia named best city for new grads [MSNBC]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:43 PM | Comments (6)

April 21, 2008

An Early Philadelphia Photograph

The eerie-looking photo at right comes from Shorpy, "the 100 year old photo blog." According to the site, this self-portrait of Robert Cornelius was taken in 1839 in Philadelphia.

On the back of the photo, the following note is inscribed: "The first light-picture ever taken." Whoa! According to Wikipedia, though, Cornelius wasn't a portrait-maker for all that long: "Cornelius would operate two of the earliest photographic studios in America between 1839 and 1843, but as the popularity of photography grew and more photographers opened studios, Cornelius either lost interest or realized that he could make more money at the family gas and lighting company." As usual, big oil is making big profits. If only those people in the 19th century had Barack Obama to rescue them!

It makes sense that one of the first photographs ever taken would be from Philadelphia. It makes even more sense that the Philadelphian in the photo would look kinda pissed off in it.

First Ever Taken: 1839 [Shorpy]

Posted by D-Mac at 07:39 AM | Comments (5)

April 15, 2008

76ers Robbed At Whistlepoint

The 76ers defeated the Cleveland Cavaliers last night, 90-89, but then David Stern called up and said he wanted the Cavs to have home-court advantage in the first round so Lebron James will be in the playoffs longer, so the referees went back and made up a foul in order to screwjob the 76ers out of a win, 91-90.

Okay, maybe that's not how it happened. But if the referees can review a foul call to see if it occurred before the expiration of the clock -- which was definitely true, though I don't think it was a foul -- why can't they go back and review Lebron James for taking more steps down the lane than the Art Museum has? The loss means the 76ers are locked in to the No. 7 seed and will play the Detroit Pistons in the first round.

The team was visibly pissed after the game; Andre Miller kicked the ball up into the air á la Nick Nolte in Blue Chips and then threw the ball into the stands. But the best part is when a fan yells right before the second free throw to the referee: "That's robbery! You should go to jail for that!"

Tremendously entertaining (and so Philly) video after the jump.

Continue reading "76ers Robbed At Whistlepoint"

Posted by D-Mac at 11:20 AM | Comments (9)

March 06, 2008

Phila. Meaninglessly Ranked Again

Walkers in Philadelphia have had it pretty tough over the last couple years. Sure, a recent survey ranked Philadelphia tied for 15th in the country in walkability, but what about the constant ups and downs of walking in this city.

While Philly's ranked 15th this year, that's up from 86th last year! Oh, what beautiful changes the city has made over the last 365 days to improve its walkability -- things had been slipping from the previous year's ranking of 31st. So, yeah. Philadelphia's wild walkability ratings suffered through The Great Concrete Drought Of 2006, but now we are 15th and hopefully won't have our sidewalks abducted by aliens anytime soon.

Trenton was eighth.

Philly's the 15th most-walkable city ... but watch your step [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:26 AM | Comments (0)

February 14, 2008

Snider: Somebody Please Go To The 76ers

The 76ers defeated the Memphis Grizzlies last night for their fifth straight win, moving the team to 23-30 (and the eighth playoff spot) right before the All-Star break. Only problem is, despite it being Mr. Potato Head Night, fans showing up 10 minutes before gametime were still getting a Potato Head, meaning they were among the first 5,000. Officially, 12,026 people showed up at the Wachovia Center last night, which is a bit of a generous figure.

Sixers Prez Ed Snider is not happy about this. The 76ers are 27th out of 30 NBA teams in attendance. One might think Snider should just be happy his baby, the Flyers, played to 99 percent of capacity last year despite winning only 22 games. But, no, he'd rather complain that you're too dumb to realize how exciting the 76ers are:

"Our kids play hard every single game, every single minute," Snider said. "You can see them getting better right before your eyes. I would hope they deserve more recognition and support from our fans. I think those fans who come to the games are enjoying immensely what they are seeing."

Snider said he had a better feeling about the Sixers at the start of the season than reporters who almost universally picked them to finish last in the Eastern Conference.... "I feel the prognosticators wrote us off before the season began," Snider said. "And that's why people have taken a show-me attitude."

You're right, Ed! It's the media's fault. It's not that Comcast charges over a 50 percent surcharge on the cheapest ticket. It's not that the team is headed into the All-Star Break without any all-stars. It's not that the team has been run into the ground since the 2001 Finals on your watch. (Aaron McKie is being paid $7 million by the Sixers this year, the last year of his contract. Who the hell thought McKie would be contributing to the team in 2008?) It's not that, uh, attendance is down around the NBA and the Sixers are still one of the NBA's lesser teams. It's the media predicting the 76ers wouldn't be very good.

Jesus, Ed. Can't you just go back to doing non-destructive things, like supporting sending American troops to their death? Oh, crap. Maybe you just better stick to overpaying basketball players.

Snider unhappy Sixers aren't drawing more [Daily News]

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February 13, 2008

Phillies Sure To Win Pennant With Signing Of Another Cheap, Low-Risk Player

Pretty much everybody is reporting the Phillies are going to sign oft-injured, oft-mediocre starter Kris Benson, who you may know best because he has a hot wife (at right). Todd Zolecki says it's actually already done.

Benson is yet another in a long line of "meh" signings this winter by the Phillies, who really only excited anybody this offseason by trading for Brad Lidge. Meanwhile, the Mets traded for the best pitcher in baseball; the Phillies have so far been too cheap to even pay Kyle Lohse a few mil to sure shore up the rotation a bit. Instead, the Phils got Pedro Feliz, Geoff Jenkins and a maybe few other guys you don't really know.

Anyway, the newest Phillie will compete for the fifth starter's job with a bunch of other awesome players, such as Adam Eaton, J.D. Durbin, Chad Durbin and Travis Blackley. (Who the hell is Travis Blackley?) Personally, I'm starting to get excited -- for the team's next playoff appearance around 2020. OMG, Anna Benson is hot! Let's have a parade for that!

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February 12, 2008

Hooray: You Might Not Die Soon

This is the most uplifting sentence you'll read all day:

If you dial "911" in Philadelphia for a medical emergency, you may soon have a better chance of surviving.

Well, okay, it's still a maybe. Hopefully City Council will get on that after they get finished figuring out what to do with the city's golf courses.

Philadelphia To Add Additional Medical Unites [CBS 3]
Phila. Council takes up city-owned golf courses [Inquirer]

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February 11, 2008

Mermen For Mike Gravel

Now that Hillary and Barack are close enough in delegates that the election will be decided in a back-room deal or something else equally awesome, it's (naturally) time to start pretending that your vote counts. As you may know, Pennsylvania's April 22 primary could be an important one; people will be urging you to vote because your vote could determine who becomes president of the United States.

You can feel free to believe that, but probably not if you're handicapped. About two months before the primary, 200 of Philadelphia's polling places are still not ADA-compliant; there doesn't seem to be much hope that they will be fixed by election time. Of course, the non-compliant locations might be acceptable places to vote for some -- they might just not have a parking spot for a handicapped van, for example. Plus, look how hard it is to fix these problems!

"One of the moves was to move a polling place from the 38th ward to the 52nd ward, which meant you'd have had to walk through Fairmount Park, go down across Kelly Drive, swim the Schuylkill, cross the Schuylkill expressway. So that's the difficulty that we've been having."

Oh, I see. That makes sense, then; we really don't want to have to make people swim across the river in order to vote.

Phila. Officials Work to Make Polling Places ADA Compliant [KYW 1060]

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February 08, 2008

'Twin Tickets' Upsets 'Online Pedophiles'

Hot on the heels of Jill Porter's crack candy story going national, fellow Daily News columnist Ronnie Polaneczky's story of the man who the city hounded for 17 years about his twin's parking ticketshas hit CNN.

Hey, it's #10 on the most-read list. Of course it's below Facebook rocks the vote, but it has just begun. It's just a shame I had pedophiles stealing your wireless in the pool.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Oh, So A House Blew Up Yesterday

A building at Sixth and Bainbridge was minding its own business yesterday when all of a sudden it exploded. A truck driver heard a whistling sound and, then, kaboom.

The explosion happened at the Queen Village rowhouse at around 4 p.m. yesterday. (Note: All references to Queen Village in news stories should contain "posh" as an adjective somewhere.)

Nobody knows why the explosion happened, but gas lines were cut off, the right people are investigating, etc., etc. Meanwhile, a window shattered at 16th and Walnut and closed off the street and Terminal A East was evacuated at the airport.

Be afraid today?

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February 06, 2008

Locals Try Futile Attempts At Voting

Philadelphians put their best feet forward yesterday and attempted to vote in the Most Important Election Ever Between A Black And A Woman. Only problem: Pennsylvania's primary isn't until April 22.

But, still, the city's most informed residents lined up to vote yesterday, apparently confused by the media into thinking their votes counted. They usually don't count anyway, but this time nobody could even get a chance to pretend it did.

It was among the first of more than 400 calls from people who thought it was Election Day in Philadelphia, according to workers in the city commissioners office. "We've been telling people the only way they can vote is to get in their car and drive to Jersey," joked Tim Dowling, a campaign finance specialist in the office.

"We were very patient and explained [that] there was a primary in New Jersey but not here," said another worker who asked not to be identified.... Most people were very polite; they apologized for calling. But some of them insisted, they knew it was Election Day and they were going to vote. So we told them to go over the bridge."

Unfortunately, those who attempted to cross the bridge into New Jersey accidentally drove off the bridge. Election officials were counting a jump off the northern side as a vote for Hillary, and a jump off the southern side as a vote for Obama.

Don't feel bad, though, Philadelphians: This happened all over the country.

Sometimes voting 'don't come easy' [Daily News]

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January 30, 2008

Validation That Your Life Sucks

Hey, are you miserable today? Sure, even if you're on some legal mind-altering pills, you might still be a little down. Well now you have some validation from a magazine with annoying slideshows using a pointless index of miserableness: We're the 5th most miserable city in America!

How miserable is Philly? The residents of the City of Brotherly Love once booed Santa Claus and pelted him with snowballs at an Eagles game. Maybe it's the long commutes, violent crime and plethora of toxic waste sites that has people grumpy. Philadelphia scored in the top 20 in all three areas.

Zzzzzzzzz... oh, I'm sorry, I've read "booed Santa Claus" so many times that my brain automatically shuts down when I see it. Anyway, the most miserable city in the country is Detroit, and number three is Flint. Eat it, Michigan, we're way better than you! Meanwhile, Forbes' plan to get people to write about them has worked again with another stupid list.

America's Most Miserable Cities [Forbes]
[Image via]

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January 28, 2008

It Could Be Worse. Much Worse.

Happy it's not 1936? I am, of course, because back in the pre-Internet days I'd have to do something a little more respectable than blogger, like begging on a street corner. But, sports fans, it appears 1936 (and 1940) were not the best times for Philadelphians root, root, rooting for the home team as well. Ex-Inquirer reporter Jayson Stark summarized the worst years for cities in combined baseball/football records (I think this is behind a paywall; sorry). Philadelphia actually leads the list with a pair of trifectas of last place finishes.

Philly also had all four major pro sports teams go to the finals in the 1980 season, but naturally managed to lose three of those. The more I look back at the 1980 Phillies' World Series win, the stranger it looks to me.

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December 18, 2007

Reader Starting To Sum Up Stories Pretty Efficiently

Google Reader
SEPTA considering ticket machines [Courier Times]

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December 07, 2007

SEPTA On Long, Endless Path To Go Sans Tokens

It's been a week since SEPTA said they were finally beginning to look at new card technology to replace tokens, and yesterday Metro had a nice little wrap-up of a ton of little facts about SEPTA and transit cards in general.

In short, it seems like this: By the time SEPTA finally introduces its smart card -- which will allow riders to simply zip through the turnstiles -- you probably won't live here anymore. Well, okay, you might still live here, but in Atlanta it took six years and $190 million to fully install the system. Translate that to Eastern Standard Philadelphia/SEPTA time, and you're looking at smart cards installed in Philadelphia sometime in the neighborhood of 2045.

But no matter! Although SEPTA estimates the system would cost somewhere between $130 and $190 million, officials both in the ATL and with PATCO said ridership increases should be able to offset any upgrade costs. Because PATCO is on a new industry standard, SEPTA could just use the same-style card and it could be used on both!

If this all sounds convenient and smart, you just figured out why you won't be seeing smart cards anytime soon.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:15 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

December 04, 2007

Bloggers Have High Number Of Workplace Homicides

The Labor Department released statistics yesterday that showed 1 in 4 workplace deaths in Philadelphia is a homicide. The national average is 1 in 10.

Nationwide, the most common way to die on the job was to get in an auto accident. But in Philadelphia, auto accidents made up only one in eight deaths. Enjoy the rest of your workday.

Update: Oh, yeah, and this graf (thanks Mike):

"Among them was Zong Xiang Wang, 44, fatally shot during a robbery Aug. 11, 2006, behind his takeout at Fifth Street and Lehigh Avenue in North Philadelphia. Wang had hoped his restaurant would be the ticket to the American Dream. Instead, mourners placed dumplings, noodles and rice at his grave to nourish him on his journey to the afterlife."

Phila. tops in workplace homicides [Inquirer]

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November 28, 2007

Fictional Bands To Apparently Headline N.J. Fest

By now you may have read the music festival to be held on Belmont Plateau next summer has been scrapped and moved to Vineland, New Jersey. Yes, Vineland. Dan Gross reports the concert was moved to Vineland so as not to upset the impressive cross country course on Belmont Plateau.

Ha ha, of course not. "Electric Factory Concerts/LiveNation followed with a proposal, which people in the concert industry and some involved in the negotiations believed had been intended merely to keep C3 away," Gross reports.

But enough of that. The Associated Press article concludes with an important detail about the Vineland concert:

Vineland is home of the fictional cinematic rock band Eddie and the Cruisers.

Other bands set to perform at the Vineland fest are The Monkees, The Commitments and Josie and the Pussycats.

Concert set for Vineland farm [Daily News]
Promoters say NJ will get mega-rock fest [AP/Daily Record]

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