Rock Paper Scissors Tourney Offers PBR, Uh, Bike

Hey! In case you didn’t know, I’m kind of a big wheel in the world of competitive rock paper scissors. (Photographic evidence here in shot #2.) And by “big wheel,” I mean, “I’m actually quite atrocious.”

Unfortunately for the rest of the league, I hit an inexplicable hot streak during the finals of the RPS City League this year and ended up advancing to the final eight before losing to the eventually runner-up. And, so, I am technically ranked in the top eight in the city, a notable fact I enjoy bringing up every 30 seconds or so. Mwahahaha!

Anyway, Saturday, October 6 is the annual “Keystone Classic,” which I kind of like to call the state championship of RPS, a moniker I am fairly sure is inaccurate. Perhaps it’s the Northeastern United States championships. Last year I refereed the Keystone Classic, and managed to do a terrible job.

Anyway, this year’s RPS Keystone Classic features a $5 entry fee and a top prize of $500. Second place, though, is a Pabst Blue Ribbon bike. I’m kinda hope it’s made out of cans of PBR, but I assume it’s just a regular blue bike with a Pabst logo on it. If you win this bike and lock it in the City of Philadelphia, it is guaranteed to be stolen within 15 minutes.

Sure, you could buy a PBR bicycle on eBay, but what’s the point when you can get one just for placing second in a rock paper scissors tournament. Honestly, when I get to the finals, I might just throw the match so I can drunkenly ride that bike home. Actually, that’s probably a bad idea; I’d better just win instead. Or, more likely, lose in the first round.

Full release after the jump.

More »