February 29, 2008

Rick Santorum Breaks Big News

American voters will choose between two candidates this election year.

This is the first sentence of his column yesterday. (Also, the Inquirer printed his email address wrong.) Thanks for the big scoop, Ricky!

Obama: A harsh ideologue hidden by a feel-good image [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:39 AM

September 24, 2007

Newspaper Writing: It's Like Magic!

A magician who also does comedy was arrested. And here was the lead:

He performs under the name of Ron Geoffries: The Magic Comedian.

But nobody was laughing Wednesday when Jeffrey Leach, the magician's real name, was led away in handcuffs here on his way to Ocean County to be charged with criminal sexual assault and endangering the welfare of a child.

Many people were laughing, however, after reading those first two sentences.

Woman accuses magician [Camden Courier-Post]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:49 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

August 29, 2007

Awesomest Lead Ever

God might be ever-present but representatives from the Roman Catholic Church were auspiciously absent from Monday night's Bensalem Council meeting.

Church absent from cemetery hearing [Bucks Co. Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:26 PM | TrackBack (0)

August 24, 2007

Are You Afraid Of The Dark?

Ahh, let's check the lead to the Temple News intro-to-college editorial:

As the early 90s Nickelodeon show states, "Welcome Freshmen!"

Ahh, yes. This isn't quite nearly on the same level as the Neil Young/Philadelphia Parking Authority lead from earlier this week, since (1) this is a college paper and (2) at least the show Welcome Freshman is somewhat related to the subject at hand. Somewhat.

Hot Spot [Temple News]
Wednesday: The World May Be Free To Rock In, But Parking Is Not

Posted by D-Mac at 12:50 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

August 22, 2007

The World May Be Free To Rock In, But Parking Is Not

"Okay, parking, parking, what would be a good lead for a story about parking... hmm... euphemism for car sex? Nah, not in the Inquirer! Wait, a music reference! Yes, that's it. Well, let's see, the story's about the Philadelphia Parking Authority's new overnight ticketing of people in front of hyrdrants, in fire zones, et cetera.

"The Cars? 'More parking enforcement is just what the city needed!' Nah, that's too on-point. How about Gary Numan? 'Here in my car, I can get ticketed for parking, in front of a fire hydrant, even at four a.m. ... in cars!' No, no, that's too long. Paradise by the dashboard light featuring Phil Rizzuto?

"Wait, I got it!"

Rust never sleeps.

Neither does the Philadelphia Parking Authority, which since October has run a third shift between 10:30 p.m. and 6:30 a.m. to crack down on the most potentially dangerous violations of the city's parking laws.

Over at 14th Windiest State, RJ came up with a mini-contest: Come up with your best alterna-lead for the story, using other Neil Young song titles. Buffalo Springfield and CSNY count, too, which is nice, because then I can use "Stop, hey! What's that sound? Your car is headed to the impound!"

Ticketing on four-way street [14th Windiest State]
Overnight parking crackdown grows [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:53 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

July 17, 2007

This Is Kind Of Like Che Guevara Shirts For $29.99

Geeze, and you thought Byko's Harry Potter reference yesterday was shoehorned in? Here's Cal Thomas, syndicated in The Bulletin:

"All we are saying is give peace a chance," says John Lennon's anti-war protest song. But though President Bush's recent remarks to the Greater Cleveland Partnership may have borrowed a page from Lennon's songbook, they sang quite a different tune to a pro-war beat.

I can't wait 'til Cal Thomas' review of President Bush's memoirs. "This book is a pro-Jewish Mein Kampf!"

Bush's Song: 'All We Are Saying Is ...' [The Bulletin]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:03 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

April 20, 2007

'Daily News' Has Some Choice Leads Today, Too

It wasn't just the Inquirer who had excellent, well-written leads today. No, the Daily News did its part as well to make sure the stories of the day were introduced in the most ridiculous way.

For example, longtime high school sports writer Ted Silary does a nice job introducing this story about some high school shot putters who rescued a woman from a burning house.

This was a track meet with no ordinary highlight. The best performance, by far, did involve running and jumping and teamwork, though. Along with wonderful bravery.

Hey! That's unfair to shot put competitors. When's the last time a shot put highlight included running and jumping and teamwork?

Continue reading "'Daily News' Has Some Choice Leads Today, Too"

Posted by D-Mac at 11:41 AM | TrackBack (0)

'Inky' Destroys Field In Inappropriate Lead Competition

Today is the last day of classes at Penn -- which means it's almost my ex-girlfriend's birthday, so I should remember when to call and say hi. But it's also the tradition known as Hey Day, allegedly started by some student who said "If I make it to senior year, I'll eat my hat!"

I'm sure this story, much like the "Penn kids stopped drinking at football games after Prohibition" one, is false. But no matter: Penn juniors will officially become seniors today after they put on red shirts, eat pieces off each other's Styrofoam hats and dance around with old-timey canes.

In recent years, those oh-so-clever Penn kids have added two more traditions: (1) Chanting "show your tits" at the University President and (2) Members of the current senior class pelting juniors with mustard, shaving cream, ketchup, etc.

New tradition one was, apparently, sexist or something, and not just a way to tell ex-Penn president Judith Rodin she had a nice rack. And so people wrote letters to the editor and guest columns in the school paper and the Inquirer put it on the front page or something and eventually it stopped.

New tradition two, however, continued until last year, when apparently some whiny juniors couldn't take getting hit with a couple condiments and the University threatened to cancel Hey Day. Eventually, this year's Hey Day eliminated this tradition by making students sign responsibility pledges, always the cornerstone of any fun activity.

Anyway, Hey Day. Today. And here's the Inquirer's lead to today's story, written by one Julie Stoiber:

Even before the horror at Virginia Tech this week put campus safety in the spotlight, administrators at the University of Pennsylvania had taken steps to quell what they say was a menacing turn in the school's "Hey Day" ritual, scheduled for this afternoon, in which juniors are pelted with ketchup, fish, and other gross and potentially hazardous foodstuffs by graduating seniors.

After the jump, a few similar leads throughout the ages.

Continue reading "'Inky' Destroys Field In Inappropriate Lead Competition"

Posted by D-Mac at 09:22 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

April 02, 2007

'Inquirer' A Total Buzzkill

On Saturday night, Kimberly Rogers won the annual Miss Philadelphia pageant. Rogers is a 23-year-old graduate of Princeton. She has a degree in molecular biology. She's also a pharmaceutical marketing consultant for TargetRx in Horsham, which I'd assume pays pretty well. And, uh, she's Miss Philadelphia. And she's gorgeous. (Geeze, she's almost date-able!)

Gee, any way you can be a total buzzkill, Inquirer reporter Diane Mastrull?

As the newly crowned Miss Philadelphia, Kimberly Rogers smiled easily for the camera yesterday in a hotel suite fragrant with congratulatory bouquets.

It was not, however, a proud morning for the city she will spend the next year representing. Since Rogers' pageant win Saturday night on the stage of Drexel University's Mandell Theatre, three more lives had been lost to homicide, boosting the city's death count to more than 100.

Continue reading "'Inquirer' A Total Buzzkill"

Posted by D-Mac at 02:26 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

March 09, 2007

One Way To Make People Not Read Past First Graf

CAPE MAY COURT HOUSE, N.J. - It may be the most compelling question since people started wondering who fathered Anna Nicole Smith's baby.

N.J.'s Mega Millions mystery prompts a wealth of questions [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:42 AM | TrackBack (0)

January 26, 2007

Lead Of The Day, Chosen People Edition

In Hebrew, rabbi means "teacher."

Rabbi adapts to new kidney [Camden Courier-Post]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:06 PM | TrackBack (0)

December 19, 2006

Keystone Cops: Wait, 'America's Most Wanted' Is Still On?

Keystone Cops is a look at police, crime and public safety news.

• New Jersey authorities began receiving tips about the Atlantic City serial killer after the killings were featured on America's Most Wanted. Authorities responded by saying it's not a serial killer. [Inquirer]

• After Felicia Johnson was convicted for first degree murder, she tried to throw a water pitcher and a microphone at the judge. She was found guilty of murdering a 15-year-old and making the janitor work overtime. [NBC 10]

• The (Pointless) War on Drugs did at least lead to this lead today: "More than a dozen local crack suppliers will be having a blue, blue Christmas - without their cherished drug stashes - because of two well-timed weekend raids." The second "blue" is what sells it, I think. [Daily News]

• And a standoff with police also led to another good journalism moment, this headline on the West Chester Daily Local's website: "BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS! Standoff ends in Uwchlan." [Daily Local]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:42 PM | TrackBack (0)

December 06, 2006

Abridged 'Daily News' Columnists

Phil Goldsmith: "WHAT'S THE SOUND of one hand clapping? You don't have to answer the question. I am using it as an example of a koan, which is a type of question used in Eastern spiritual religions, such as Zen. It's a riddle that is solved more by intuition than reason." Hey, an Overwritten Lead of the Moment!

Jill Porter: My column did something!

Posted by D-Mac at 10:46 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

October 09, 2006

'Bulletin' Runs Best Lead Ever

In a column by Judie Brown, president of the American Life League:

When I first heard about the recently produced documentary, This Film Is Not Yet Rated, there was no real desire on my part to dig into the subject. After all, I thought, what has this got to do with ending abortion and stopping the spread of promiscuity that accompanies the entire panoply of birth control products?

Geeze, a little obsessed with your job, eh, Judie? After the jump, a bunch more excerpts to ease the pain of a Monday.

Continue reading "'Bulletin' Runs Best Lead Ever"

Posted by D-Mac at 04:05 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

October 06, 2006

The Big Showdown At The Linc

All week, everyone has been talking about the big showdown at Lincoln Financial Field this weekend. This much-hyped matchup has attracted all of Philadelphia's attention. Previews of the game have led every newscast and been fronted on every paper since Tuesday.

It's been a tough season so far, but our local boys seem up to the task of taking down the visitors' star players and leading the team to victory.

Will the home team win? Philadelphia Will Do's preview, after the jump.

Continue reading "The Big Showdown At The Linc"

Posted by D-Mac at 01:38 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

September 22, 2006

Sexy Has No Place Within these Walls

Suburban alt weekly Impulse reports in this week's issue about the the problem of dressing too sexy at work.

Yes, that's right, apparently there are some people -- guess which gender! -- who are being accused of showing too much money maker at the office. Philadelphia Will Do takes the stance that there is no such thing as looking too sexy at the office, but some professors at local colleges (la de da) think that there is:

"Basically, if it's something you would wear around the house, on the weekend or on a date, I wouldn't wear it to the office," said Cherry Hill image consultant Rae Ann Broussard.

"The less skin you show, the less distracting you are," she said. "I don't want to sound like I'm bashing men, but let's face it, we work with men and we don't want to send the wrong message."

I don't want to sound like I'm bashing women, but obviously only a woman could say something this stupid.

The article isn't all men-bashing, though. Oh, no, there is a great lead, and I'd like to preserve it below:

Justin Timberlake's No. 1 pop song claims to be bringing "sexyback," but that doesn't mean sexy needs to be brought into the workplace, experts say.

Wait, that's pretty much men-bashing, too. Screw you, JT, for bringing sexy into the workplace where it doesn't belong!

Too sexy for work [Impulse]
Archives: Impulse

Posted by D-Mac at 01:00 PM | TrackBack (0)

September 12, 2006

Second Totally Awesome Lead Of The Day

The Daily News' pregnant woman lead was pretty good. But the Inquirer might have one-upped the DN with this gem:

The two skydivers - a veteran instructor and a novice jumper who were tethered - lay dead, their bones in jumbles, on a Gloucester County lawn across from a Home Depot.

Okay, so this lead is like The Godfather.

Skydiving went on after deaths [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:36 AM | TrackBack (0)

Like A Chocoholic, But For Crack

David Gambacorta reports today in the Daily News about a pregnant woman arrested for allegedly buying crack.

But that's not all! You may remember Tamika Pennington, 31, from a story in 2002 when her 2-year-old son was found dead and police found her dancing in the street naked.

In true Daily News fashion, though, the story begins this way:

For many women, insatiable and odd cravings are a common part of pregnancy.

For some, it's ice cream and pickles. For others, it's seafood and peanut butter.

But when Tamika Pennington got a craving late last week, police said, it was for something a lot stronger - and illegal.

If leads were movies, this would be, like, Godfather II.

Pregnant mom in a pickle [Daily News]
Related: I'm Like A Chocoholic, But For Booze [The Onion]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:13 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

June 28, 2006

Overwritten Lead Of The Moment, Tragedy Edition

The lead to a story in today's Bucks County Courier Times about the possible closing of Pike Lanes:

Sam Wilf survived Auschwitz.

But after running Pike Lanes in Southampton for 30 years with his wife and son, it looked like his business wouldn't survive.

Bowling alley gets a spare [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:16 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

June 20, 2006

Del. Teacher Provides Comic Fodder

A teacher at Dover High School in Delaware -- that was, of course, the home of Matt Donegan -- has been arrested for possessing child porn.

Here's the second paragraph of Action News' story on the matter:

Dover High School has been rocked by charges that a chorus instructor was allegedly teaching more than music.

Yuk, yuk! A high school teacher with child porn! Teaching more than music! (Overwritten lead of the moment!)

Posted by D-Mac at 11:37 AM | TrackBack (0)

June 15, 2006

Duck-Related Lead Of The Year

Returning from a 10-day Caribbean cruise, Jerry and Claire Miller got a fine-feathered welcome home that was so startling, it set their hearts aflutter. In medical terms, it was a near case of cardi-quack arrest.

Needless to say, this is from the Bucks County Courier Times.

There's a duck at the door [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

June 07, 2006

Y'know, I'm Beginning To Realize Why This Is An 'Exclusive'

Remember, this is an Action News exclusive. The other stations aren't so sure if violence against 90-year-olds is unacceptable. The other stations, also, don't feel the violence against seniors has reached genocide level:

A 90-year-old great-grandmother says the recent violence against senior citizens is unacceptable. ¶ Rosy asked Action News not to use her last name while her attacker is still out there. She lost relatives to the Holocaust, while she survived the Great Depression. Rosy says as much as she has been through, nothing prepared her for Monday night's attack.

That's right: We have a new entry for Overwritten Lead of the Moment!

Seniors Alarmed by Recent Attacks: An Action News Exclusive [6 ABC]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 19, 2006

Boy, The 'Daily News' Sure Is Full Of A Bunch Of Annoying Letters To The Editor Today

Seriously, this isn't reaching a Northeast Times levels of ridiculousness, but it might be passing it in annoyance factor. Consider:

NEVER MIND that an overwhelming majority of Americans oppose gay marriage. It's perilously close to becoming the law of the land unless citizens step up and demand our federal lawmakers pass the Marriage Protection Amendment.

Yelling "discrimination" is just one strategy the left has used to defeat this amendment. They also argue that gay marriage is a civil-rights issue like the African-American struggle for equality. Jesse Jackson has denounced that claim, noting that "gays were never called three-fifths human in the Constitution."

Without the MPA, there's nothing to prevent activist judges like those on the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court, which legalized gay marriage a few years ago, from creating not only gay marriage, but legalizing polygamy and even marriages between people and their pets.

Contact your senators and urge them to support the Marriage Protection Amendment when they vote the first week in June.

Or this asshole:

Addiction as a disease? Sounds reasonable. Grabs you right by the sympathies.

Unfortunately, to call addiction a disease is to demean all true illnesses and those who have been afflicted by them. Addiction is a choice. Every time a question is asked, from "Should I get high?" to "Which high?" to "Family or dope?" an answer must be chosen.

And don't think we're letting you off the hook, Councilman Jack Kelly, even though you wrote an opinion piece instead of a letter. We're down with you since you use Myspace, but try and tone it down a little next time:

LAST YEAR, there were a reported 380 murders in Philadelphia. In actuality, the number was closer to 35,000 if you count the cats and dogs needlessly killed at our city pound, the Philadelphia Animal Care and Control Agency.

And if you count all the anthills stepped on, the number is too high to calculate!

Support the Marriage Protection Amendment [DN]
Addiction is not a disease [DN, third letter]
May 9: Councilman Jack Kelly's Myspace Page Way More Interesting To Look At Than Your Ex-Girlfriend's
Archives: Overwritten Lead of the Moment

Posted by D-Mac at 01:21 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 10, 2006

Making Love To Mumia

The overwritten lead of the moment competition just keeps heating up recently. Today, Patty-Pat Kozlowski, occasional Daily News guest columnist, comes up with this lead for a column about Mumia Abu Jamal supporters:

THE BEST SONG to make love to is "I Only Have Eyes For You" by the Flamingos. Add some good red wine, candles not from the Dollar Store and those lyrics: "Are the stars out tonight? I don't know if it's cloudy or bright. I only have eyes for you."

The best song for a passion-lacking sweat-fest is a tie: "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf and "Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC. This makeout session usually occurs on a couch or in the back seat of a car, where the question, "Is that the seat belt or you?" can ruin the mood.

Both making love and making out are literally the same thing, in the end you get what you want - you just do it differently.

Same with protesting.

As you all know, there's nothing classier than dollar store candles to make love to.

Song sung blue: Cops & Mumia cult [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:54 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

May 08, 2006

Introducing 'Leadonomics'

A new entry in the "Overwritten Lead of the Moment" contest -- which, yes, is essentially over, but still -- arrived in my inbox today. (Yes, send these things in, people. I love them.)

It's from ABC News, and it's a story about the price of sex, and it comes to us from John Allen Paulos:

The best-selling book "Freakonomics" examines the economics of some ordinary life situations. If these situations involve sex, the analysis might be better termed Sexonomics.

That's not true. Freakonomics isn't the study of freaks and money, so why would Sexonomics be the study of sex and money? It'd have to be something different, like Freakyonomics.

Who's Counting: Sexonomics -- Prostitutes' Incomes [ABC News]
May 4: The 'Overwritten Lead Of The Moment' Competition Is Over

Posted by D-Mac at 12:03 PM | TrackBack (0)