Older Men In Stylish Uniforms And Cars Want To Friend Your Kids

Wouldn’t you know it: The Bensalem Police Department has a Myspace page. Yes, and by 2016 they’ll have a Facebook, too.

The idea, KYW 1060 reports, is that kids will become friends with the Bensalem Police Department, and then creepy online cyber pedophiles will not contact them. Sounds great, of course, except that, um, don’t all online crimes like that require two participants? A kid whose #1 friend is the police force is not going to be meeting up for illicit sex with a 35-year-old either, no?

Eh, whatever. Can’t hurt, I suppose. Let’s see what Bensalem public safety director Fred Harran had to say about it to KYW:

He calls it simple crime prevention — the same way police tell adults to protect their cars with alarms and clubs: “When you go to their Myspace account and you see the Bensalem police pop up as their number one friend, a pedophile or somebody that’s trying to do some gang recruitment, cyber-bullying, or maybe drug dealing or any other crimes that’s going on on the Internet right now, they’re likely to see the police icon on there and get off the page.”

Harran stresses that in no way will they be spying on kids on their pages. He says the department is always adding to its Myspace page to make it more attractive for children.

To make it more attractive for children, huh? Sounds like something the gang recruiters could learn from the police department’s page and use it to bring our children into a life of crime and pedphilies, who also now apparently sell drugs on Myspace (with delivery through a USB cable).

Bensalem Police Department Urges Kids to Use Them as ”Myspace” Friends [KYW 1060]

Awful Myspace Page Makes ‘DN’ Cover

Hey, look, my Myspace pal from South Philly made the cover of the Daily News today! Not quite sure what’s up with that cover though: Is that… a laptop? On, like, a graffiti-laden streetcorner? That is a good place to use your laptop. And with citywide Wi-Fi… uhm, nevermind.

Nice touch with the Vito Genovese photo, too.

The Daily News is all, OMG this 18-year-old drinks and smokes pot; unfortunately for him, unlike all the other 18-year-olds who drink and smoke pot, he put it directly on his Myspace page. Oh, and unlike all the other 18-year-olds who also already do that, he went and ran over two women with his car. Allegedly while intoxicated!

The cops executed a search warrant yesterday and took this kid’s computer. (Weird.) The best part of the Daily News story is this:

“LOok AT ALL DATT WEeD!!!!” he wrote under one photo. “ahaha brought a POUNd just 2go 2pROM!!!!!!”

He also posted a picture of a sign, seen in many store windows throughout the city, that reads: “I proudly support the Philadelphia Police”

In the caption to that photo, Genovese writes that “i putt a dutch infront of the piggs posterr . . . ”

A dutch, according to the Urban Dictionary, is a cigar wrapper that is typically used for rolling marijuana.

The Daily News feels its readers are not familiar with the song “Pass the Dutchie.” The article is like 450 billion words long and is the most descriptive version of a Myspace profile, ever. I did enjoy this, though:

Some of his online friends seem to be just as oblivious to the severity of the charges facing him. One friend wrote that he was “never gettin aride” from Genovese again[.]

I don’t know; wouldn’t that mean the friend was pretty aware of the severity of the charges?

Alleged DUI killer’s MySpace profile depicts youth consumed with money, drugs and graffiti [Daily News]

There Are No Words

Um, so this is apparently the Myspace page of Joseph Genovese Jr., who was arrested last week for driving into two Cardinals fans leaving the baseball stadium, allegedly while under the influence. I believe that’s his mugshot?

Selected comments: “I KNEW U LOOKED FAMILIAR ON THA TUBE…. SRY THAT SHIT HAPPENED 2 U YO” and “damnn joe… face on the news and shit.” Like most professionals, he lists his occupation as “Chronic Dealer.”

Freddie Mitchell Tries Out For Ravens

Pro Football Talk with the story of the day:

A league source tells PFT that the Baltimore Ravens have worked out free agent wide receiver Freddie Mitchell.

We first heard about the Mitchell workout when a reader tipped us off that Mitchell had mentioned it on his MySpace page.

Ahh, welcome back to the NFL, Fred-Ex. Or, rather, welcome back to NFL tryouts, I guess. Good luck!

Rick Mariano Finds Prison System Lacking

We’ve all sort of forgotten about Rick Mariano, since the former City Councilman is still in prison for a few more years. But the Daily News‘ Gar Joseph found his Myspace page — which the Daily News says is some 23-year-old’s page — that a friend updates for him.

And, apparently, if you go to prison, you realize that prisons in America are horribly run and nobody really cares.

The latest, dated Nov. 23, reads, “It still amazes me that in the greatest country in the world we have such backwards penal practices. People who are no threat to society in any way are wasting time, energy and potential in stagnant confinement, denied any opportunity to make some form of restitution for our mistakes.

“We all suffer, family suffers most. The public pays and nobody benefits.

“Bassackwards.”

Yes, Rick Mariano is also talking about himself here, but let’s not be so cynical. He gets it!

Free Rick Mariano [Myspace]

N.J. Bans Sex Offenders From Social Networking Sites

New Jersey’s parole board yesterday voted unanimously to bar those convicted of sex crimes from using the Internet to network. That this will do very little to help public safety means nothing; N.J. could pass a law requiring registered sex offenders to chop off their own hands and the majority of the public would probably cheer.

There are some questions, of course; where does the law stop? It’s targetd at Facebook and Myspace, of course, but what about YouTube, which has commenting and community? Are registered sex offenders allowed to comment here? Are the New Jersey police going to ask me for the server logs so they can comb through for sex offenders? (Okay: No, but you see where I’m going with this.)

Apparently, the rule is you can’t post a profile. And sex offenders can still use email. Hey, a feel-good solution that does nothing to actually prevent underage sex solicitation online!

But I think my hypothetical pales in comparison to that of a poster on the always incredible Courier-Post forums.

This is like saying you accosted a Orange once; now you’re forbidden from buying oranges. So are you going to have a cop at every venue that may sell oranges?

Please, won’t someone think of the oranges?

N.J. bans sex offenders from networking sites [Courier-Post]
N.J. to sex parolees: Keep off MySpace [The Star-Ledger]

Councilman Kelly’s Myspace Is Totally Pimped

Jack Kelly [Myspace]

A Week Off And Nothing Changes

If you’re wondering, I took a week off from blogging because if I didn’t take a break soon I’m sure my brain would have melted into a goo of some sort. This might happen anyway, but I’d like to try to avoid that kind of PR nightmare for my death. But just because I wasn’t blogging doesn’t mean I didn’t take notice of the news last week.

There were a few news stories I almost thought about getting off my ass and writing about. I mean, some dude stole about 20 manhole covers, and he was 38! The cops managed to catch him by doing a stakeout, presumably in the sewers under manhole covers. “Okay, here’s manhole number 21–” “Gotcha!”

I also really enjoyed the Inquirer’s coverage of Wizard World, which included the photo at right. Being a nerd, I played quite a few Final Fantasy games when I was younger and, uh, what the hell have they done to Final Fantasy? Did I ever know any girls who dressed like that when I was 15? Hell, fuck that: Did I ever know any girls who dressed like that and played Final Fantasy when I was 15?¹

Anyway, when I last played a Final Fantasy game, the characters all pretty much looked like this:

More »

County Sued Over Extremely Creepy Kid’s Myspace

Northampton County — it’s in the, uh, “PWD Viewing Area” — and the county coroner were recently sued by James Werner Sr., who alleges the coroner’s son posted photos of James Werner Jr. on his Myspace page. Eww.

Apparently the deputy coroner, Donald DeReamus, brought home photos from Werner Jr.’s suicide and gave them to his son who posted them on his Myspace . Ewwwwww.

The coroner is probably not allowed to take death photos around and certainly not allowed to spread them across the Internet. As far as I know. But, still, he has kept his job because it was apparently just a mistake, but not that big of one.

Son Ryan DeReamus put the photos on his Myspace page with the headline, “There is no better way to kill yourself.” He also creeped out his classmates at school:

”He said, ‘Hey, I’ve got a dead kid chillin’ in my pocket,’ and pulled out a photo of Jimmy lying naked on the ground with a rope beside him,” said Colin Werner, 18, a senior from Tatamy and no relation to the other Werners. ”I was pissed, and I kinda flipped out on the kid.”

Okay. I’m definitely not dying in Northampton County.

Pa. Coroner Sued Over MySpace Death-Scene Photos [NBC 10]

The Best Two Comments On Tom Knox’s Myspace

Fortunately, they’re right on top of each other (click to enlarge).

Tom Knox [Myspace]