May 01, 2006
Retired Lumberjacks Demand Lower Gas Prices
Thoughts that came to me while reading this in today's Metro, in order:
- Is that old guy trying to fight me?
- Y'know, he looks pretty good for 65. Especially since he's a retired lumberjack. I'd have to imagine they have a pretty hard job that takes a toll on the body.
- Okay, he looks pretty good for 65 -- besides his teeth.
- Wait, how many lumberjacks are there in Philadelphia? What the hell is a lumberjack, anyway?
- And how does one come at a number like "18 percent"? And then change it to 25?
- Those other answers are kind of funny, too. Don't gas taxes already go to government-funded programs? Obviously, these programs are probably bloated and such, but still. And weren't we all complaining ridiculously about gas at $2 instead of a buck? I don't think that'd be much better, either.
- But, yeah, gas should be like a buck a gallon. I'd totally be able to afford to drive then.
Metro
Posted by D-Mac at 12:31 PM
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April 24, 2006
Franklin Mills' Takeover Of The Northeast Continues
From today's Metro:
North Philly, West Philly... Franklin Mills? Do they have condos there now, too? Wow.
Metro
Posted by D-Mac at 01:17 PM
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April 21, 2006
What Can We Learn From 'Person On The Street' Interviews?
Ireland is the "Emerald Isle."
And Germany is 700 years old.
Thanks, people on the street!
Street Talk [Philadelphia Gay News]
Posted by D-Mac at 12:44 PM
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April 10, 2006
Do You Think He Has A Gun In Each Pocket?
From the op-ed page, the "Today's Debate":
Well, we know who would win the toughman contest in the "Today's Debate Challenge."
Metro Philly
Posted by D-Mac at 01:14 PM
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April 07, 2006
Your AIDS Vaccine May Cause Erections Longer Than Four Hours
This week's on-the-street interview from the Philadelphia Gay News:
Ooh, I know someone who's voting for Hillary!
Street Talk [PGN]
Posted by D-Mac at 12:44 PM
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March 29, 2006
Philly PD To Make World's Largest Bong
The other day, the Philadelphia police were responding to a robbery call in West Philly and -- whoops! -- stumbled over $11.6 million of marijuana.
Now, obviously, if the police force were to, say, sell that $11.6 million of marijuana on the sly, that could make, oh, somewhere in the neighborhood of $11.6 million. But, of course, marijuana being illegal, the cops are just going to burn all the weed.
I'm no scientist, but it seems to me that burning a giant pile of weed might not be the best way to get rid of it, especially considering burning leaves is one way to turn them into, say, smoke. I fear that an 11.6 million dollar bonfire bong of marijuana will make every citizen in the 135 square miles of this city high. Actually, that might calm down some of our high-strung residents. Hmm.
Still, though, I'm not sold. And, apparently, neither was Metro, which asked the following:
What's that dude in the center doing? Petting an exceptionally large, cute doggy? Leaning on a bike rack? Patting the head of a dwarf?
Although, maybe it has something to do with that $11.6 million worth of weed he's planning on smoking. That'd make anyone do crazy shit.
Cops can’t cash in on record pot haul [Metro]
Yesterday: Commish Hops On The 'Sixth Borough' Bandwagon
Photo by highguy420 (who else?)
Posted by D-Mac at 01:06 PM
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March 23, 2006
'Metro' Gives Aid And Comfort To The Enemy
The daily "Today's Debate" in Metro:
Uhh, Mr. Steel, that sounds like the talk of Al Qaeda! Why do you hate mom, apple pie, baseball, freedom, courage and Our Fearless Leader™, who has done more for this country just this morning than you ever will?
Federal agents will be at your house in a few days.
Posted by D-Mac at 01:00 PM
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March 14, 2006
Immigrants don't drink on St. Paddy's Day
The resdigned Metro "Today's Debate" continues to ask the tough questions:
Three of the five Planeteers agree: No. (Well, they're certainly in some sort of superhero group, standing in formation and all.)
Metro
Posted by D-Mac at 11:40 AM
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March 10, 2006
'Metro' readers ready for their close-up
If you haven't seen Metro this week, they paper's re-tooled its "Today's Debate" section to this:
I'm not quite sure what it looks like. I feel like they're in the Flying V, in Power Rangers formation, or maybe posing for a pop music group publicity shot. Either way, this is tremendous newspaper design.
Metro Philly
Posted by D-Mac at 11:47 AM
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March 06, 2006
'+' marks the spot
I can say with certainty that today's Metro "Today's Debate" question was asked last Wednesday (and probably sometime in the afternoon):
Well, either that, or he's a coal miner or something.
U.S. Editions [Metro]
Posted by D-Mac at 11:55 AM
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March 02, 2006
Port security? Blame... Clinton? The Media? Someone?
The debate in today's Metro:
I'll just be honest: I have no idea what this means. None. Can anyone help me out?
Posted by D-Mac at 11:02 AM
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February 22, 2006
Incidentally, this should be covered by benefits
Today's Metro debate:
Hell yeah! Why not go all out? Shoot yourself into space with 10 weeping widows in bikinis doing a gun salute and somebody blastin' "You Shook Me All Night Long" on a totally kick-ass boom box! Now that's a way to go!
Posted by D-Mac at 10:13 AM
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February 17, 2006
The cover-up is it was actually John Chaney
And now, your daily dose of Metro:
Oh. It's not a conspiracy. It's only a cover-up! Good to know.
Metro Philly
Posted by D-Mac at 11:52 AM
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February 16, 2006
Photo 101
Today's Metro man on the street interview takes on City Hall:
First off, Yes. They should clean the damn building. Second off, could you guys maybe take the photos a little bit closer next time? I can't really see the people too well.
Metro Philly
Posted by D-Mac at 11:29 AM
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February 13, 2006
Nope, sorry, going to have to do better than that
I added in that helpful word "gay" with the proofreading mark above. Without it, it seems like marriage is illegal in Jersey, which, if true, would probably make it the most populous state in the union, since every single person would want to live there.
Then again, maybe not. The real factoid learned from the above man-on-the-street inerview from the Philadelphia Gay News, however, is this: New Jersey can't do anything -- not even legalizing gay marriage -- to make someone want to do anything but visit there.
Street Talk: Would you move to New Jersey if marriage were legalized there? [Philadelphia Gay News]
Posted by D-Mac at 12:06 PM
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February 08, 2006
'Metro' tickles the funnybone... or, not
The daily Metro man-on-the-street interview (click to enlarge):
Come on, guys. You need to ask simple, straightforward questions and get wacky responses, not ask wacky questions and get straightforward responses! Geeze. Do I have to tell everyone everything?
Metro Philly
Posted by D-Mac at 11:26 AM
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February 06, 2006
Elementary, my dear 'Metro'
Hey, Sherlock Holmes: Put this in your pipe and smoke it!
U.S. Editions [Metro]
Posted by D-Mac at 09:26 AM
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February 03, 2006
An explanation here, I think, would not clear anything up
Thanks, Philadelphia Gay News! Here's to 30 more years!
After the jump, the final three gay subcultures that people on the street would like explained.
Continue reading "An explanation here, I think, would not clear anything up"
Posted by D-Mac at 03:02 PM
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Your moment of daily 'Metro' zen
Yep. All those senators asking questions last month pretty much just kept rephrasing the question "Are you a stand-up guy?"
Metro Philly
Posted by D-Mac at 12:35 PM
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February 01, 2006
'Could,' but 'won't'
Yeah, that's the right attitude to take when dieting and exercising! "I need to lose... 10 pounds... before... I die."
Metro Philly
Posted by D-Mac at 01:12 PM
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January 26, 2006
Enjoy your Segway, Ashish
Look, buddy, if we want to know about alternative modes of transportation, we'll ask about alternative modes of transportation. In the meantime, ATFQ!
U.S. Editions [Metro]
Posted by D-Mac at 11:57 AM
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January 16, 2006
Stealing playoff dreams
Today's debate question in Metro: Are you less likely to watch the NFL playoffs now that the Eagles aren't playing?
One of the selected responses:
Well, I guess he's done watching the playoffs.
Steelers 21, Colts 18 [AP via Yahoo!]
Metro Philly
Posted by D-Mac at 01:17 PM
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January 13, 2006
Sometimes, the simplest things in life are best
I have to admit, the recent Metro "Today's Debate" responses have been utterly disappointing in their lack of unintentional hilarity. the Metro editors must have noticed this too, as today's question is one of those "fishing for funny answers" ones.
Granted, the story the question is based on -- a city official dismissing parking tickets in exchange for Prince and Phil Collins concert tickets -- is filled with unintentional comedy itself, but that doesn't mean these answers will be. Let's go to the tape (click to enlarge):
Meh. You know? That's just not the high comedy I expect from Metro man on the street interviews. (No offense to those interviews; they did a bang-up job in coming up with a joke in short order.) Next time, try asking, "So, how about that weather out there?" I bet the responses will be absolutely crazy.
Feds: He fixed parking tix to get concert ducats [DN]
Dec. 7, 2005: Metro: Uncovering conspiracies you didn't even suspect
Posted by D-Mac at 12:16 PM
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January 10, 2006
Your moment of daily 'Metro' zen
The "Today's Debate" in Metro today:
This is the downside of City Hall's security increase: it's going to make city employees who work there that much harder to deal with. As usual, these bike messengers are way ahead of the curve.
Posted by D-Mac at 01:02 PM
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January 03, 2006
Anytime somebody tells you we media people aren't all alike, show them this
Whoo! Back after a weeklong absence -- okay, they published Friday, but I didn't really notice it until later -- is the famed Metro. I know; it was a tough week for all of us. And now that Metro is back, obviously the "Today's Debate" section is back as well.
And today there's yet another reference to sex in Metro. It's quickly becoming the Cosmo of Philadelphia.
To be honest, I can't think of one media person who didn't make this his or her New Year's resolution.
Metro Philly
Dec. 15: Update: Sci-Fi convention attendees all (poor) virgins
Posted by D-Mac at 02:37 PM
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