March 07, 2007

Keystone Cops: Myspace Dangers Intensify!

• Two men were killed yesterday, bringing the homicide total in Philadelphia to 71. (Yesterday's total was wrong because I forgot to change the number. But of course.) One of the victims was an 18-year-old who was shot 10 times. [Inquirer]

• Pro anorexia groups are infiltrating Myspace! And here I thought the only dangers on Myspace were NAMBLA members and really, really shitty bands friending you. [NBC 10]

• A local anti-tax activist faces jail time for not paying his federal income tax. He's supported in this article by a man who served 31 months in jail for conspiring to bilk the IRS out of money. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• And an army man had to come home because his mother was shot and killed. Yeesh. Let's just move on. [Daily News]

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March 06, 2007

Keystone Cops: Your Shooting Is Delayed

• The shooting at the hotel near the airport yesterday was apparently apparently a hoax. No, really: "There were several questions that were asked of him that led us to believe it was a possible hoax. We asked him to look outside room and tell us what color railing he had and he said it was one color but it was actually another color which was the opposite of what he said." [KYW 1060]

• The woman who allegedly swung her baby as a club to hit her boyfriend pled guilty to swinging her baby as a club to hit her boyfriend. [6 ABC]

• The $500k-a-year police patrol at the old MOVE house has been shuttered after 20 years, City Managing Director Pedro Ramos said. The city will look for new and exciting ways to waste $500k a year in the meantime. [KYW 1060]

• And a car flipped over on the boulevard. [CBS 3]

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March 05, 2007

Keystone Cops: Hotel Shooting

• A woman was apparently shot at the Renaissance Hotel near the airport. The suspect is reportedly barricaded inside his room, and the Philly SWAT team is down there along with Delco law enforcement. [CBS 3]

• The Pennsylvania woman who allegedly used her 4-week old son as a weapon against her boyfriend will be in court today. Here's hoping her punishment is being beaten with four-week old infants. Hmm, wait, that might not work. [AP/6 ABC]

• Meanwhile, three people are dead in an apparently murder-suicide in New Jersey. Geeze, I guess when someone decapitates Ronald McDonald all the rest of the crime becomes super-depressing.

• A huge fire destroyed a Chili's in New Jersey. Workers were immediately transferred to the 47,000 other Chilis in the mile radius around the store. [Inquirer]

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March 02, 2007

Keystone Cops: Black Cash Moan

• A new version of the Nigerian Pigeon Drop/419 scam! Two Liberian men told a worker at Station Check Cashing they needed $200,000 to clean the black goo they smeared over money in order to smuggled it into the U.S. For a reward, he'd get his 200 grand back and some extra cash. Of course, it was a scam and the men were arrested in a sting operation. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• It's unclear why the two people executed in a car in a Mantua parking lot were actually there to begin with. Apparently, the man got into an argument and was shot and killed, and the 65-year-old woman was shot for witnessing the killing. Yeesh. [Daily News]

• A Pittsburgh man sent a severed kitten head to his ex-girlfriend -- in a gift box! -- because the relationship ended. Aww, isn't it cute when couples try to make up? [AP/NBC 10]

• A police officer was injured by a drunk driver last night but is expected to be okay. Basically, if you like car crash porn, the video on the Action News website will totally be your bag. [6 ABC]

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March 01, 2007

Keystone Cops: More Of The Same

• A double homicide in Mantua was the city's 63rd and 64th killing this year, 13 ahead of last year's total. [Inquirer]

• Cherry Hill vs. Smut may have succeeded (I guess), but Cherry Hill vs. Sex Offenders isn't going so well now that a court has thrown out the township's ordinance restricting where convicted sex offenders live. "I frankly cannot understand why the state courts would not support our township's efforts to trample on the rights of everyone we don't like," Mayor Bernie Platt said. [Camden Courier-Post]

• Meanwhile, Miguel Figueroa will represent himself in a retrial of the 1996 murder/rape of a 13-year-old girl. He'll lose. [Camden Courier-Post]

• The Cherry Hill grade-change scandal? All just a practical joke gone awry. A practical joke that ended in third-degree computer theft. [Inquirer]

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February 28, 2007

Keystone Cops: Piracy Funds Terrorism

• Warren Greene, of Spinsters Records in New Hope, has been charged with violating federal copyright laws. He allegedly had 5,000 bootleg/pirated/etc. CDs. RIAA agents worked with federal investigators -- not quite sure how that works, but whatevs -- blah blah blah you know how these things work. Fight the man, Warren! [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Jon Corzine is looking to start a new bear patrol to keep the bear from scaring away New Jersey's salmon. Also, people should remove their bird feeders as to not attract those lovable black bears. Obligatory Simpsons reference: "We're here! We're queer! We don't want any more bears!" [AP/CBS 3]

• Philly: Murder Capital of the Big Cities. Well that's not a very good nickname at all. However, indoor murders are up the most, possibly due to the recent cold spell. Oh. [Daily News]

• 26-year-old Kareem Hutt was charged with one of the 18 splash-and-grab robberies. Hutt has been charged in connection with a robbery at a Voorhees Wawa, but not any of the others. [Inquirer]

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February 27, 2007

Keystone Cops: Before There Was Dick In A Box...

• Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the "boy in the box" murder, Philadelphia's most famous -- and, really, strangest -- unsolved mystery. No one has ever figured out who the boy is, who murdered him and put him in a box and pretty much anything else in the case. It's all very strange, but, I mean, whoever murdered him is possibly dead, right? Which kind of makes it sadder, I guess. [Inquirer]

• Seventeen people were arrested at a brawl at Camden High yesterday. "They were using nightsticks and hitting us for no reason," said Izzy Tomlinson, a senior. "It was one little fight turned into this big thing -- they Tased children." Except Jersey cops aren't allowed to use Tasers, so... uh... do they have them? The cops say no. Kids? Lying to make themselves look better? Well I never! [Camden Courier-Post]

• Police seized 40 bags of crack in an undercover drug deal in Bensalem. And, as such, the supply of drugs in our area ended for good. [Bucks County Courier Times]

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February 26, 2007

Keystone Cops: 58 Is No-So-Great

• Philadelphia had its 58th homicide last night, easily outpacing last year's total of 49 at this point. There was a little lull in mid-January, but now the city is just rollin', rollin', rollin', possibly to 500 homicides! We'll be at Revolution War-level mortality rate in this city before long! Sigh. [Inquirer]

• Additionally, weekend gun violence killed four other people and wounded six. One of the incidents with wounded men was in front of the CVS at 19th and Chestnut, after a dispute at Tragos. Naturally, the people involved in that one were from Jersey. Hey, go to your TGI Friday's in your own state, jerks! [Inquirer]

• A woman in Buxco is pushing for methadone clinics to be open on Sundays so patients can't take or sell their Sunday take-home dose. [The Intelligencer]

• The Tropicana in A.C. is going smoke-free with non-gambling smoking lounges. [Camden Courier-Post]

• And this Daily News letter writer wants you to know that even though these people died in a fire, they broke the law with their illegal electricity hookup and so they deserved it, or something. [DN]

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February 23, 2007

Keystone Cops: Teenagers Nowadays

• A 15-year-old high schooler from Norristown is charged with holding up six convenience stores. Fortunately, since he's only 15, the prosecutors have come up with a great rehabilitation program: "Our position is going to be that he is not amenable to any kind of rehabilitative treatment -- none, zero. This kid needs to go away and he needs to go away for a long time.” Oh. [KYW 1060]

• Andre Henry, the man who said it was actually his twin brother -- which he doesn't have -- who committed all the crimes he was accused of, was found guilty of all those crimes. Oh, yeah, he also tried to sneak a homemade knife into the courtroom and wanted to blow up the Gallery in order to rob a bank while everyone was concerned about the Gallery. Henry's plan was foiled when he realized people would be celebrating too much for him to get into any banks to rob if the Gallery were blown up. [Inquirer]

• 19-year-old Jacob Christine of Bethlehem was arrested after firing a gun at a motel that hit two people after it ricocheted off a wall. [NBC 10]

• A 14-year-old has been charged with several attacks at Temple University. Yes, it appears almost all of our criminals today are teenagers. [6 ABC]

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February 22, 2007

Keystone Cops: Did I Ask A Stupid Question?

• Two women who helped a man enter for a home invasion robbery are now facing second- and third-degree murder charges since the owner of the house was killed. How'd they find the alleged culprits? The man who allegedly fired the fatal shot left his cell phone at the scene and then allegedly asked police: "Did I leave my phone at a crime scene?" [Bucks County Courier Times]

• An 82-year-old woman who was beaten during a home invasion Feb. 2 died yesterday due to injuries sustained in the attack. Police are looking for the assailant, now with an upgraded charge of murder. [Inquirer]

• KYW 1060 headline: "Death at Olney Station Disrupts Broad St. Subway Service." Oh no! Disrupting service! Oh, yes, and a man died. [KYW 1060]

• One of the police officers who was hit by a robbery suspect's brother with a car yesterday is in critical condition after surgery meant to save his leg. Police commish Sly Johnson said the officers heard a man say, "You're not going to take my brother to jail." Which may be true -- no word on whether the robbery suspect was arrested -- but now the man trying to stop that is probably going to be in prison himself for a long time. [Inquirer]

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February 21, 2007

Keystone Cops: Two For The Price Of One

• A man on trial for a litany of charges -- including solicitation of murder and and car-jacking -- came up with a novel defense: It was his twin brother who confessed, not him! They had traded cells in prison, he says. He's not all bad, though: One of his alleged plans was to blow up the Gallery. [Inquirer]

• Right before robbing her 71-year-old uncle with an accomplice, the man's niece wrote him a letter that read, in part: "It's God's will that you have Parkinson's." Ho ho! [Bucks County Courier Times]

• DVDs were stolen and then resold to locations at the Oxford Valley Mall. Clever. [BCCT]

• A man who caused a traffic accident that killed a man won't be extradited but will be tried in Poland for his crimes, oddly enough. Yeah, I have no idea. [AP/Philly.com]

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February 20, 2007

Keystone Cops: The Worst Part Of Waking Up

• Police are searching for two men who are robbing local convenience stores by throwing hot coffee in an employee's face and then stealing the cash. Seventeen places have been robbed, and it's so bad that Wawa and 7-Eleven have put aside their differences to come up with a reward. [NBC 10]

• Police apprehended a man who allegedly robbed a Wal-Mart in Northeast Philly in -- where else? -- Miami. The cops arrested Bilial "Pepe" Shabazz also known as -- what else? -- Terry Sharp. [Northeast Times]

• A teacher in Central Bucks was punished for including Mark Ravenhill's 1996 play Shopping and Fucking in a collection of plays students could perform. The student who was going to perform the play "was suspended earlier this year by a different faculty member after he was heard discussing topics related to sex." Ha ha! No talking about sex in school! Yes, this is nice and healthy. [Doylestown Intelligencer]

• The Comcast Center is attacking! [Inquirer]

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February 16, 2007

Keystone Cops: Fire, Water, Burn

• Police identified the two men fatally shot yesterday in Philadelphia. (And don't worry, the homicide total didn't jump that much; I just had it wrong yesterday 'cuz I'm an idiot and can't type.) One of the victims was 18. [Inquirer]

• The Philadelphia Fire Department unveiled a new fire safety program in response to the 10 deaths in house fires in five days. Hey, what is this? A city department unveiled a problem and took immediate steps to attempt to solve it? What is going on here? [KYW 1060]

• And speaking of fire, the Fire Dept. ruled a recent 41st Street house fire was arson. It's the second arson of a building with Penn students in it this school year. Apparently the residents of West Philadelphia are hoping to drive out those Penn kids one house at a time. [Daily Pennsylvanian]

• A middle-schooler was arrested after bringing a firearm to school, and another one was arrested for attempting to help him get away with it. [NBC 10]

• And Boscovs is not legally allowed to discriminate against pagans, Wiccans and Christians. [AP/CBS 3]

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February 15, 2007

Keystone Cops: Pants Off Dance Off

• Crime of the day: Four charged in pants theft. Yes, it took four people to allegedly steal a pair of pants (and, later, a car) from a man who thought he was going to get laid. A 21-year-old woman lured him into a motel to ostensibly get it from behind, but when the man removed his pants, she and her three male accomplices fled with them. The pants didn't contain the dude's wallet, so they went back and took his car, but were later arrested. [Camden Courier-Post]

• Police officer Lawrence Leissner detailed his experience rushing into a bloody crime scene. Actual sentences from article: "In the main office area, five desks were neatly cluttered with Apple computers, iPods, music CDs and computer software. But the furniture and accessories hardly mattered to Leissner, who led his fellow officers through the office space." I would've stopped to take some iPods. [Daily News]

• Richard Laird was sentenced to death in a retrial of the 1988 abduction and murder of Anthony Milano. [Buxco Courier Times]

• A man was found dead in a car in West Kensington, the city's 40th homicide of the year. [Inquirer]

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February 14, 2007

Keystone Cops: Into The Fire

• Three people were killed in another house fire this morning in West Philadelphia. Philly.com notes 10 people have been killed by fire in the last five days. No word on this morning's fire, but the other fires occurred in homes without working smoke detectors. Danny says: Only you can prevent house fires. Test your smoke alarm tonight and put new batteries in if necessary. [Inquirer]

• New Jersey might attempt to limit handguns to just one a month. But what will I do when I'm in Jersey, I buy a handgun, a bear eats it while I'm hunting, and I have to go out and get a new one? Huh? How will I be able to hunt for food? I can't just gather all my dinner, can I? [AP/Inquirer]

• Those people in Voorhees have forced a convicted sex offender to move out of the town. Officials say this will go a long way in helping him become a functioning member of society. [Camden Courier-Post]

• A Telford man's car was stolen and he got a ticket for keeping it running. Huzzah! [Bucks County Courier Times]

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February 13, 2007

Keystone Cops: In The Navy Yard

• Police have identified three of the victims in last night's Navy Yard shooting; the shooter's identity has not yet been released. One of the victims was profiled in the Inquirer in 1994. [Inky]

• A Pittsburgh woman has pled guilty to attempting to cut a woman's fetus from her womb. The woman's lawyer: "She is facing repercussions to her behavior but, given her options, I think she is satisfied." Ahh, yeah. [AP/Philly.com]

• The third fatal house fire in three days took the life of a 74-year-old woman. [Daily News]

• Some Jersey state senator -- the one who had $160,000 in salary from four taxpayer-supported jobs and had investigations swirling around him -- is retiring. Huzzah. [Camden Courier-Post]

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February 12, 2007

Keystone Cops: Reid To Take Leave

• Andy Reid is taking a leave of absence to deal with the situation involving his kids. He'll be off until March. Wait, aren't his kids in their 20s? [MyFox Philly]

• New Jersey is thinking of ending state-sanctioned murder, but here's the problem: If they get rid of the death penalty, death row inmates might end up getting released on parole. Ho ho... ahh, this isn't going to end well. [AP/Philly.com]

• A local dog was found severely malnourished. The citizens of Camden County immediately responded with fandom not seen since the days of Barbaro. So, like, since last week. [6 ABC]

• The newest plan to get illegal guns off the streets? Trading them for groceries. Eh, it's better than 76ers tickets. [Daily Pennsylvanian]

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February 09, 2007

Keystone Cops: Short, Not So Sweet

• Police are probing murders in Southwest and Northeast Philly. [Inquirer]

• The mother and grandmother of Carlos Petty testified he was at home watching TV instead of shooting a Tastykake driver. Ahh, attempted murder trials in Philadelphia. [Daily News]

• A man in Camden got 10 years for shooting a two-year-old. He fired the gun randomly "to impress his friends." [Inquirer]

• A city police officer has been charged with assault stemming from a 2005 arrest. [Inky]

Yeah, there's not even any funny crime today. Alas.

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February 08, 2007

Keystone Cops: We Report (Incorrectly), You Decide

• Hell, I don't know what's up with the homicide totals. I thought we were stuck on 32, but cops said this killing by a stray bullet was the city's 35th. So I dunno. Let's just go with 35, since it's right here, and I'll try to figure out a way to make this accurate. Since this will probably involve me getting off my ass, it will be an historic moment. Also, note well: Don't fire guns randomly into a field. [NBC 10]

• I'm still really trying to make sense of this Lancaster Intelligencer Journal story. Reporters from the LIJ (whatever) were allegedly leaked a password to a 911 database by the coroner. The reporters, after being given immunity, testified against the coroner at a grand jury. And then the coroner wrote up all caps emails to his the competing paper. Perhaps this is a case of "Keystone Reporters." [Lancaster New Era (on Lancaster Online, also known as 'LOL')]

• Hundreds of items of jewelry was recovered in Northeast Philly. The husband and wife owners of the Frankford Variety Store were allegedly running the fencing operation for 20 years. They caught 'em just in time. [6 ABC]

• Montco will provide free HPV shots to 11- and 12-year-old girls. Good for them. [KYW 1060]

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February 07, 2007

Keystone Cops: Fumomania Continues

• Vince Fumo, superhero striving against the Bush goverment? Or Vince Fumo, state senator who used senate funds to spy on his exes. Oh, and bought 19 Oreck vacuum cleaners for himself. What, no Dyson? Or even a Roomba? Come on, Vince, we taught you to make better vacuum cleaner choices than that. [Daily News]

• The Inquirer's coverage of this is great: More on spying on enemies and the whole indictment from them. [Inky]

• A bomb scare closed down a PATCO station. Authorities later revealed the "bomb" to be a Lite Brite, and Easy Bake Oven and a few Ninja Turtles action figures. [Inky]

• A video! On Myspace! Might! Show! Animal! Cruelty! Sweet, let's all gather 'round and watch. [NBC 10]

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February 06, 2007

Keystone Cops: NASA Finally Finds Way To Get People To Pay Attention To Space Program Again

• This is the story everyone's talking about at the water cooler today. (Fortunately, I sit right next to the water cooler.) NASA astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak has been charged with attempted murder of another astronaut, who was in a astronaut love triangle with another astronaut. She also had on diapers so she wouldn't have to stop on the drive. Okay, so attemped murder and kidnapping aren't cool, but if they have to happen, I'm pretty happy that astronauts are involved. Oh, yeah, and Philly astronaut Chris Ferguson went down to support her at her preliminary hearing. [Orlando Sentinel]

• A Lancaster County coroner is accused of leaking 911 info to reporters at the Lancaster Intelligencer Journal. Four reporters testified in front of a grand jury, though, so apparently they did a nice job of ratting him out. [KYW 1060]

• An unloaded gun was seized at a Winslow, N.J., middle school. The student claims it was for protection, so apparently it's a club- or baseball bat-sized gun. [Camden Courier-Post]

• A woman was hit by a schoolbus and died and another man was found dead this morning as well. Huzzah for Philadelphia! [Inquirer]

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February 05, 2007

Keystone Cops: Fumo-Mania!

• Well, it was a fairly quiet front on the Philadelphia crime scene this weekend, unless you dig white collar crime! In which case, you are set. Vince Fumo is set to make a public statement this afternoon regarding the FBI investigation into his ties to a South Philly charity. The Inquirer reported over the weekend he's due to be indicted as early as Tuesday. But: "Another person close to the senator said he expected Fumo to come out swinging today with a vow to fight any such charges." This is going to be awesome. [Inquirer]

• A man's defense when he's accused at throwing a rock at -- but missing -- his neighbor? Well, here's an interesting one: "Zowniriw admitted to throwing the rock in 'frustration,' but he pointed out it did not hit Bonomo. Describing himself as an 'athletic person' who pitched for a high school championship baseball team, he insisted Friday he could have hit his neighbor had he intended to. 'I picked up a rock and threw it at nobody,' he said. 'I was upset.'" [Doylestown Intelligencer]

• After a loss to Division I youngin Longwood, Morgan State's basketball team drove to a restaurant. After asking for 52 sandwiches with either Philly steak or chicken, coach Todd Bozeman flew into a rage. A witness: "He yelled, 'I ain't scared of you country bumpkins. I want my fucking money back!'" There is a warrant out for Bozeman's arrest. The things people do when they're deprived of Philly cheesesteaks. [Richmond Times-Dispatch]

• Bucks County crime log: "400 block Bridgetown Pk., 12:33 a.m., fish, TV, watches and clothing, no value given." Seriously? A fish? Wow. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Major drug bust! This should keep our streets free of illegal drugs for... ahh, too late, they're back. [Inquirer]

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February 02, 2007

Keystone Cops: Affluent Twentysomethings Have Guns, Do Drugs

• Garret Reid admitted to police he used heroin on the day of his car accident, and now both Reid sons could face charges from police for unrelated incidents. Actual line from article: "Andy Reid is not suspected of wrongdoing." [Inquirer]

• A car crashed into a house in Bucks County. I don't know why this is big, either, but it was one of the top stories on Action News' website, and they're the ones who know about these car crash things. Plus, it's about as big of a story of the Reid sons one. [6 ABC]

• Parole and probation in Bear, Del. -- please tell me that's not a real city -- shot and killed a man who they said drove his car at them while trying to pick him up for failing to show up for work. [NBC 10]

• A gray seal was killed on Long Beach Island. Actual story lead: "A gray seal pup's journey from Canada to Long Beach Island ended when it was struck and killed while crossing a road." [AP/CBS 3]

• Penn prof Rafael Robb will go on trial for allegedly murdering his wife. [Inquirer]

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February 01, 2007

Keystone Cops: Pay Up, Joe Grace

• More on this later, but, yes, bureaucrats in Philadelphia are very, very, very upset at this advertising campaign for Aqua Teen Hunger Force. From the AP story: "[Mayor's spokesman Joe] Grace said Philadelphia intended to recoup all costs associated with what he called 'a stupid, reckless, irresponsible prank.'" What costs? Pedro Ramos and Joe Grace going to 6th and South last night to get on TV and act all ridiculously angry? You know what, guys? I think you owe me money. [AP/Philly.com]

• Oh and you can get one of those signs from Philadelphia on eBay (natch). [eBay]

• Homicide number #32 -- the final one for January -- took place yesterday in North Philly. [Inquirer]

• Oh, and in that six-person opus in today's Daily News, everyone who knows them says say Andy Reid's sons are good kids, etc., etc. [Daily News]

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January 31, 2007

Keystone Cops: Keystone Cops

• The moniker for this feature doesn't really fit most of the time. Police officers are generally hard-working people who do a fine job. But every once in a while, the planets align and cops really do whatever it is the Keystone Cops did. (I've never seen one of those movies, obvs.) And I don't know if this was a plot for a Keystone Cops movie, but it really should have been: Just two days before his promotion to police chief of Wall Township, N.J., Bernard Sullivan was arrested for a DUI. In Wall Township. Whoops! [AP/NBC 10]

• Animal rights activists are protesting Penn because they want to save humans by testing on animals. Or they don't do it humane enough or something, with four times the violations of any other group. [KYW 1060]

• A Pennsylvania woman has been told to move her alpaca shed 18 feet. [AP/Philly.com]

• Some dude in Jersey shot a horse with an arrow and killed him. No, it wasn't me. I prefer to slaughter my horses with machetes. [6 ABC]

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