March 27, 2008

Gov. Corzine's Job As Safe As Ever

New Jersey's fun time buckle-up governor, Jon Corzine, could be recalled this November, reports KYW 1060.

Of course, the radio station also reports that no one is really worried about this recall movement, and with good reason. The petition was filed by "[f]ormer Glen Ridge mayor Carl Bergmanson, along with his son and a cousin." Whoo, a whole family wants to recall Big Jon! Of course, nowadays ballot petitions are usually million-dollar jobs for New York City guys in suits, but maybe they'll get lucky and get the 1.2 million signatures by the end of June a recall petition would need to get on the ballot.

Plus, his last petition didn't go so well: Bergmanson also started a drive to get Pluto reinstated as a planet. Keep on fighting the good fight, Mr. ex-Glen Ridge Mayor!

Push Underway to Give Gov. Corzine the Boot [KYW 1060]

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March 26, 2008

Heroic Environmentalists Save, Kill Crabs

Hooray! Jon Corzine has officially banned harvesting horseshoe crabs! And here's why:

a long-sought goal of environmental activists who say the crab's eggs are needed to feed dwindling numbers of western Atlantic red knot shorebirds.

Woo-hoo! Environmentalists saved the crabs so they could be killed. The food chain in action! It's pretty clear we've seen a 75 percent decline in red knots," Corzine said.

Law bans horseshoe crab harvest [Gannett]

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May 03, 2007

N.J. State Troopers Get Revenge On Public

Jon Corzine wasn't the only victim of the Don Imus-caused highway wreck last month. The state troopers -- a trooper was driving the car 91mph in the Corzine crash, and didn't arrest Corzine on the spot for not wearing a seatbelt or something -- have been under fire from the public as well, apparently.

Now, the troopers fight back.

Some state troopers, feeling they have been publicly ridiculed for the accident that almost killed Gov. Jon S. Corzine, appear to be plotting a ticket blitz against the public this month, followed by a slowdown in June, according to a chilling series of anonymous online postings.

This is what passes for chilling nowadays? Some random anonymous online messageboard posts by "20alphabravo" and "soundsgood" telling people if they speed they will be ticketed.

Continue reading "N.J. State Troopers Get Revenge On Public"

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May 01, 2007

Corzine Goes 5 Miles Above Speed Limit; Citizens Riot

Choose Your Own Adventure: Let's say you're a, oh, I don't know, governor who recently got into a car accident. In the accident, your car was traveling 91 miles per hour and you weren't wearing your seatbelt. Although you suffered serious injuries, you're okay, and you're finally leaving the hospital.

To leave the hospital in a car obeying all traffic laws, turn to page 36.
To speed away from the hospital so you don't miss the next episode of 24, turn to page 57.

Guess which one Jon Corzine chose?

This is a pretty simple question, since I wouldn't be writing about Corzine had he left the hospital by obeying all traffic laws. Yes, the New York Times reported Corzine was clocked going 70 on the highway for several minutes at a time, while speed limits were 55 and 65.

Now, 70 miles per hour isn't really all that fast, especially in a 65 mph zone. But you'd think your driver would, just this one time, go about 5 mph below the speed limit, since, oh, I don't know, the New York Fucking Times might report about you speeding home from Cooper University Medical Center. (And then other papers would pick it up.)

I can only agree with a commenter on Philly.com, who expressed this sentiment, bad grammar aside (just [sic] the whole thing):

He should of been paralyzed from the waist down! Maybe then he would of learned is lesson.

Uh, yeah.

Report: Corzine speeding after leaving hospital [Inquirer]

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April 27, 2007

Angry Blogger Makes Citizen Arrest Or Something

While Jon Corzine is doing better and recovering from his car accident (caused by Don Imus), he might have to dig deep into his pockets sometime soon.

A blogger by the name of GadFly actually left his house and issued a citizen seat-belt complaint against the governor.

Wait, you can do this? Can I go cite Ed Rendell for saying he drives around 80? Anyway, the ticket for driving (or riding in the passenger seat) without a seatbelt is $46, which should be pretty tough for the multimillionaire governor to pay.

On his blog, Gadfly -- aka Larry Angel -- discussed the citizen complaint. To note, his blog contains the following phrases: "THE CORRUTP [sic] MULLICA 5 AKA IDIOTS R US," "glen THE AUTO INSURANCE FRAUD KING forman," "jimmy THE ETHICALLY CHALLENGED curcio," "steve THE SCOFFLAW waszen." I don't know who these people are, but it seems they're all pretty evil.

His post about the seatbelt complain:

The statue of Justice is blindfolded as a symbol that laws are enforced impartially...that Lady Justice does not peek, to see how thick one’s wallet is or the color of one’s skin. Given the minor nature of the fine for not wearing a seat belt the State Police do a disservice to us all in not citing the Governor...as such inaction allows the perception of special treatment. It is further noted that the following day a seat belt ticket was signed by larry THE MISANTHROPIC PEDANTIC S.O.B. angel with the cooperation of Galloway officials.

Hm. Good... good to know.

Subject: Buck(l)ing the system [Gadfly]
Corzine gets citizen seat-belt complaint [AP/Philly.com]

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Breaking: Jon Corzine Declares Self Messiah

Jon Corzine didn't give any interviews yesterday, but he did allow himself to be photographed by an Associated Press photographer. Fortunately, he's out of the ICU, looks pretty good, and hopefully he can recover and move on and buckle his seatbelt or whatever.

He will, of course, since he's apparently the second coming:

"I'm the most blessed person who ever lived," Corzine told an Associated Press photographer taking his picture at Cooper University Hospital in Camden.

Pfft. Clearly, Corzine has never heard of Barbaro.

Corzine shows he isn't flat on his back [Inquirer]

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April 23, 2007

Finding Sex In A Haystack

You might think the media -- and the public, clamoring for it, of course -- wouldn't able to figure out a way to get sex into the Jon Corzine crash coverage. As much as we'd all like it, he wasn't giving the driver roadhead -- or was he? -- and so it was just a simple crash.

Naw, just kidding. Detective Sgt. Michael Mathis, of Berkeley Heights, N.J., told The Star-Ledger he had, shortly before the crash, emailed the state trooper driving the car, confronting him with an allegation the trooper, Robert Rasinski, had a two-year affair with his wife, Susan.

Oh ho ho! Wait, what does this have to do with the crash again? Oh, Mathis thinks Rasinski might've crashed after reading the email or something.

Of course, whenever there's a scandal in New Jersey, there's nothing to do but contact a Monkee and have him defend the trooper:

Davy Jones, president of the State Troopers Fraternal Association, blasted Mathis' allegations yesterday and called them "dogpile."

Little did you know: Mike Nesmith is currently heading up the Albany Firefighters' Union. He uses a lot of liquid paper in his position there.

Did Corzine's driver get an e-mail?

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April 18, 2007

Driver Who Can't Get Speeding Ticket Drives Fast

Breaking news out of New Jersey for those of you who can't put two and two together: The driver of Corzine's car was speeding during the accident that injured the governor.

The state trooper was going 91 miles per hour on the Garden State Parkway or possibly the New Jersey Turnpike. (There's no word if the driver was the same one who used to drive Gov. Rendell 100 mph on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, but one can assume each gubernatorial administration has its own speedy driver.)

There's really not much else to this story, except this:

State Police Superintendent Col. Joseph "Rick" Fuentes said troopers driving governors have discretion whether to speed or use their lights in emergency situations or to avoid standing traffic for security reasons.

He refused to say whether Corzine's trip from Atlantic City to Princeton for a meeting at the governor's mansion between fired radio personality Don Imus and the Rutgers University women's basketball team constituted an emergency.

Yes, leaving the city where you can do coke off a hooker's ass for, like, $10 to mediate a debate between the Cryptkeeper and a basketball team that got embarrassed in the championship game is most importantly an emergency.

Corzine's van going 91 mph before accident [Camden Courier-Post]

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April 13, 2007

Breaking: American Driver Doesn't Wear Seatbelt

In case you haven't heard, New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine would have been in better condition today but he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. (New Jersey has already rolled out a new ad campaign, at right.) The guv is expected to be okay, though he's going to be in a wheelchair for about six months. Corzine is having two more surgeries, but he should be able to walk normally in several months.

But maybe this isn't some sort of seatbelt-related mishap. As CBS 3 reported earlier today, the previous two elected governors, Christine Whitman and Jim McGreevey, also broke their leg while in office:

The injury to Corzine's left leg means that the last three people elected to serve as New Jersey governor have all broken a leg while in office. Fellow Democrat James E. McGreevey broke his left leg during a nighttime beach walk, while Republican Christie Whitman broke her right leg while skiing in the Swiss Alps.

Only Richard Codey, again the acting governor, was spared the fate due to assuming the position, not campaigning for it. He better just continue as Senate president, only filling in as governor due to mishaps.

Update: Bruce Gordon, on the Fox 5 O'Clock News -- with KLH, natch -- just said: "In the short term, Codey must deal with a major storm, a nor'easter, bearing down on the Garden State this weekend."

Report: Gov. Corzine Was Not Wearing Seatbeat [CBS 3]

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Don Imus Continues To Attack New Jersey

Don Imus continued his relentless attack on New Jersey yesterday during a meeting originally thought to be simply a meeting between the Rutgers' women's basketball team and Imus.

On the way to moderate the meeting, New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine was seriously injured in a hit-and-run car accident. A red pickup truck cut off a Dodge Ram, which swerved in front of Corzine's vehicle. Police are looking for the driver of the red pickup, and are suggesting N.J. residents go on a vigilante spree of citizen justice against anyone driving a red pickup truck.

Corzine suffered a multitude of broken bones, and his femur apparently broke through his skin, but he's expected to be okay. Dick Codey is the acting N.J. governor, ah, again, until Corzine is recovered enough to get back to governin'.

Meanwhile, police are investigating how much culpability Don Imus has in the situation, working on the theory the meeting with the Rutgers' women's team was a setup in order to get to Corzine and injure him for perceived injustices against Imus. Police are also looking into theories that Imus is the real, real father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby and he has been posing as various members of the Philadelphia Phillies bullpen in the first nine games of the season.

Corzine hurt in crash [Inquirer]
[Photo and caption from CNN.com]

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March 05, 2007

N.J. Scandals Just Not As Fun Anymore

There's another scandal in the New Jersey governor's office! People are angry! At Jon Corzine! And he may have done something wrong! Turns out, he gave his ex-girlfriend money.

Wait, that's it? He's not appointing his secret gay lover to a homeland security position or anything? Man, this is kind of disappointing. Ooh, he gave his ex-girlfriend money. Yawn.

Apparently, Corzine gave cash to union leader Carla Katz after their relationship ended in 2004 to end "ongoing financial connections," whatever that means. Corzine says he won't say what he gave her, but he would come up with an entirely "hypothetical" scenario.

In acknowledging to The Star-Ledger that there were other gifts, Corzine on Friday wouldn't disclose exact details or amounts, but did indicate that they were more than tokens.

"If you were - I'm hypothesizing; I'm not stating anything - if you were going to pay a tuition bill or something over a period of time... you pre-funded it. I could have done that," Corzine told The Star-Ledger.

But Corzine backpedalled when asked if that meant he paid for Katz's children to go to a private school. "I'm not saying that at all," he said.

So, instead of telling you what I actually gave my ex, I'm going to make up this scenario. That should help clear things up!

Corzine acknowledges more gifts to union boss ex-girlfriend [AP/Camden Courier-Post]

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January 22, 2007

Corzine To Force Schools To Teach Kids About Memorial And Veterans Day, Material They'll Promptly Forget

To the surprise of no one, Jon Corzine said today he will issue a conditional veto on a bill that would lift the requirement to teach kids about Memorial Day and Veterans Day.

As usual, the rhetoric was over-the-top. "We run the risk of having future generations take for granted the freedoms all of our veterans have secured for them," said Assemblywoman Alison Littell McHose. "As a military wife, I know the sacrifices of veterans and their families have been far too great and many to leave this to chance." No, Assemblywoman McHose -- McHose? -- I'm pretty sure we already take the freedoms and whatever else for granted.

Of course, not every veteran is being remembered by New Jersey. From the AP story:

Other holidays about which schools no longer would be required to teach include Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, Arbor Day and Commodore Barry Day, which commemorates Revolutionary War hero John Barry. But Coley said Veterans Day and Memorial Day are Corzine's primary concerns.

You hear that, John Barry? Jon Corzine just said, "Screw you, Father of the American Navy!"

Corzine to veto bill on veterans commemorations in schools [AP/Philly.com]

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January 19, 2007

Reason #38 To Love Philadelphia: Peter Capra

Okay, so Peter Capra's from Jersey, but whatever. Recently, Capra sent postcards to Jon Corzine wishing death on politicians. He also sent postcards to the town council of Parsippany, N.J., and the pope. (I'm not sure his holiness is interested in who one man wishes is dead, but I digress.) Oh, and Capra didn't just want politicians dead, he wrote that he prayed that "politicians are stoned to death."

Right now you're pretty much thinking this story can't get any better. Well, here's the text of his postcard:

I prey [sic] politicians are stoned to death and the goo flushed into the sewer.

When you stone someone, do you get goo left over? Ew.

Parsippany Council Vice President James Vigilante -- he was going to become a cop but for his last name -- notified the police, but they confirmed that the 77-year-old Capra wasn't going to stone anyone to death anytime soon. (Vigilante overestimated Capra, saying he thought "prey" had a hunting connotation. In reality, Capra just spelled it wrong.)

Capra isn't done. Last Thursday, the Morristown Daily Record got another postcard from Capra that read: "I'm still praying that politicians are stoned to death." Apparently, he wants them stoned to death because of tax increases. "I don't care what people think. I'm telling people what I think," he said.

In case you're wondering, I've already penciled in Capra for 2007's People of the Year awards.

Angry postcards deemed not a threat [Camden Courier-Post]

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July 05, 2006

A Tale Told By An Idiot, Or Possibly An Insane Person

By now you've probably heard about the New Jersey budget showdown, which pits democrat-against-democrat, brother-against-sister, governor-against-the-legislature. Since the senate did not pass a budget by the July 1 deadline, Gov. Jon Corzine has ordered a government shutdown, which closes -- take a deep breath -- casinos, beaches, parks, racetracks, the DMV, state courts, vehicle inspection sites and the lottery.

The shutdown of the lottery is costing the state $2.2 million dollars a day -- because if there's one way to help the state escape its huge deficit, it's to shut down money-making government services!

In a speech this morning, Corzine said he had no choice to shut down the government, as the state constitution requires such action if no budget is passed by the start of the fiscal year. It's the old "Don't blame me, blame the framers of the 1947 state constitution" defense.

This is a state constitution that also includes the line "No idiot or insane person shall enjoy the right of suffrage."

As such, New Jersey is shuttered for the next few days, or months, or forever, at least until a budget is passed. All together now: If New Jersey closes and nobody except gamblers notice, did it really close?

Today, N.J. shutdown deepens [Inquirer]
New Jersey State Constitution [Wikipedia]

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May 17, 2006

Leftovers: Fashion Show Fight

• Yes, this is what the man suspected in the death of police officer Gary Skerski was wearing when he robbed the bar. His skin, police say, is not quite as dark as the mannequin to the left. [6 ABC]

• Hundres of police responded to a fight that broke out after a fashion show (like rock concerts, fashion shows attract violence) at Dobbins High. Hundreds of criminals then robbed hundreds of houses. [NBC 10]

• Jon Corzine, meet Kevin Spacey. Surely, this meeting of the minds will one day produce some of the finest crap New Jersy commercials. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

• Surprise! The taxi drivers don't want to be tracked every second they're at work. Taxi passengers are planning a protest, attempting to get those cool sports ticker ads they have on top of taxis into the backseats of them. [Philly IMC]

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April 28, 2006

More Pain At The Pump: New Jersey To Make You - Gasp! - Pump Own Gas?

As we enter Day x -- where 'x' is a variable between 3 and 14 -- of the Great Media Hype About High Gas Prices Of 2006, the politicians are all working hard to make sure that we possible voters know that they, too, know gas prices are high, and they're going to fix it.

The highlight of this so far was a this report by Dana Milbank in the Washington Post, that compared how the Senators who wanted to be tough on big oil also, for the most part, drove gas guzzlers. (Also, they left several cars idling in the parking lot for periods of time. But of course.)

A little closer to home, New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine is threatening to change the only thing that really made the Dirty Jerz different for all these years: You might have to pump your own gas. Or, at least, you'd be given the option to. Corzine says this proposal could save motorists about 5 to 6 cents on the gallon.

While the proposal is probably a good idea, you might be wondering how this is addressing the problem of high gas prices, when in fact it's simply addressing the problem of, uh, having to pay people to pump your gas. Still, it seems odd to make people pump your gas, when in fact gas-pumping is one of the easier tasks for able-bodied people, right up there with self-service soda and petting a dog.

Naturally, the proposal has opponents, who are attacking everything from the aforementioned statement to State Sen. Joseph F. Vitale, who said that "[s]elf-service gas is discriminatory." And, the move seems to actually supported by big oil companies, who would (assumedly) like to keep charging the same prices and pocket the extra pennies.

New Jersey is the only state besides Oregon that bans drivers from pumping their own gas. The chances of it joining the other 48 states in giving drivers the freedom to pump is about 1 in a million.

Corzine's other proposal is to lower the speed limit to 55 miles per hour, which will probably be implemented right around the time when they change to the metric system and everyone's driving hovercars.

Corzine pushes self-serve gasoline [Inky]
Going a Short Way to Make a Point [Washington Post]
Photo by Sister72

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January 18, 2006

Apocalypse Philadelphia New Jersey: Governor Cannon

Hey, Jon Corzine, you just were inaugurated as the 54th governor of New Jersey.

How are you going to celebrate? Hmm? You're going to have a party at Princeton's airplane hanger of a gym? Ew, okay. I guess the state's in dire financial straits, but, I mean, come on, Christine Whitman (remember her?) had a freakin' snow-themed party at an airplane hanger. You're going to hold it at a gym, and a really ugly gym at that?

Well, we have to do something more. How about a 19-cannon salute. I mean, what else would you do on this special day?

Corzine: 'Hold Me Accountable' [Camden Courier-Post]
Photo via CBS 3

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