July 02, 2008

Jocelyn Kirsch Headed To Jail, Etc., Etc.

Hungry for content, Philly.com struck some sort of deal with a judge or the devil and now Jocelyn Kirsch is going to prison by 2 p.m. tomorrow. Huzzah, huzzah. Who was that dude's name again?

If you don't remember, Kirsch caused a storm all over BBSes about 30 years ago when she and her boyfriend (who?) were arrested for identity theft and related offenses. She was pretty cute and had a ridiculous body so everyone on the Internet kept searching for her. Newspapers and lazy bloggers picked up on this and posted a bunch about her.

Anyway, now she's going to prison and won't come out for a while. I guess this means this is the end of hearing about her for a few years, but I wouldn't want to make that bet. Still, there is a chance there won't be any more news on this until Kirsch agrees to pose for Playboy. Since the mag doesn't confirm or deny rumors of offering people money to pose nude, let's just go with this: Sources say Playboy has offered Kirsch $1 million to pose for the magazine! And, yes, I'm sure somebody's already made this joke. Eh. Whatever.

Update: Oh, she surrendered to authorities at around 1:30. Fun times.

Jocelyn Kirsch ordered to jail [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:58 PM | Comments (1)

June 24, 2008

Jocelyn Kirsch Now Being Sued

Hey, Jocelyn Kirsch is back in the news again! This time she hasn't done anything newsworthy like work at a Starbucks or get charged with a felony. No, a stylist Jocelyn "Bonnie" Kirsch allegedly ripped off is suing her.

This was the greatest haircut of all time, apparently, since she's suing for $50,000. Oh, I see: The suit says 25-year-old Jennifer Bisicchia "has had to endure emotional stress from the case." So she totally deserves 50 grand! The hairstyling and extensions part of the lawsuit is a mere $2,500.

According to the lawsuit, Bisicchia also received angry text messages in the middle of the night! All of the following is [sic], of course:

HELLO JEN BISICCHIA. YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME. BUT I KNOW YOURS. I ALSO KNOW UR NICE PLACE ON ... ST AND HOW U GET HOME AT NIGHT. YOURE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT VISITORS AT UR DOOR. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'VE GOTTEN URSELF INTO. YOU SEEM LIKE A SMART GIRL. WALK AWAY NOW OR YOU WILL REGRET IT

After receiving that text, Bisicchia then made her boyfriend sit outside of her door, all night. He better get a cut of that $50k.

Payback time: Stylist behind 'Bonnie's' tresses files suit [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:27 AM | Comments (0)

June 05, 2008

Jocelyn Kirsch Heading Directly To Jail

Hey, Jocelyn Kirsch is in the news again, and Philly.com has it on the front page. Whee! This time, it's the Inquirer who has the goods: Apparently, prosecutors will seek a revocation of her bail, sending her to jail.

Kirsch, 22, the sometimes-violet-eyed beauty who captivated an international audience once tantalizing photos of her on vacation hit the Internet, had been scheduled to plead guilty this afternoon in U.S. District Court in Philadelphia.

But last night, the U.S. Attorney's Office said that the plea hearing would be rescheduled and that a detention hearing would be held instead.

"The government will move to detain her," said Assistant U.S. Attorney Louis D. Lappen, who declined to elaborate last night about the underlying reason for the detention request.

There's also a poll asking how long Kirsch should go to jail for; "More than 15 years" is currently leading.

Prosecutors will seek to revoke bail for 'Bonnie' [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:19 PM | Comments (2)

May 30, 2008

Daily News' Photoshop Use Under Attack

The Daily News once again put Jocelyn "Bonnie" Kirsch on its cover yesterday, after she got in trouble again and was put on house arrest. The paper used one of the shots of her lounging at poolside, only they Photoshopped in an ankle bracelet on her. Get it?

This didn't sit well with Kirsch's lawyer, Ron Greenblatt, actually released a statement on the cover:

The Daily News continues to sink to a level below tabloid journalism. The use of a doctored photo on the cover of the second largest paper in the city of Philadelphia to give a deliberately false impression is disgraceful. I understand their job is to sell papers, but they should at least be held to minimal journalistic ethical standards.

And then NBC 10 did a whole story on it, complete with person-on-the-street interviews. DN Editor Michael Days -- no stranger to answering controversy about political cartoons that are accidentally funny -- said "[i]t's just that kind of a story." Yes, that's about as good of a response as you can get.

Redlasso clip after the jump; NBC 10's site has a clip too.

Continue reading "Daily News' Photoshop Use Under Attack"

Posted by D-Mac at 10:22 AM | Comments (15)

May 28, 2008

'Bonnie' Back In Town, Naturally

Philadelphia favorite Jocelyn Kirsch is in the news again, and this time, it's actually for a reason, and not just another media outlet's long take on the story.

No, Kirsch faced accusations she stole a credit card in California; she's allowed to head home (but she can't leave it!) while waiting to make her guilty plea for all the original identity theft back here in Philly on June 5.

'Bonnie' accused of stealing credit card [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:42 PM | Comments (0)

May 12, 2008

Jocelyn Kirsch Reaches Plea Agreement

The excellent, professional graphic at right from NBC 10 can only mean one thing: It's time for a hearing for Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton!

Sadly, though, Kirsch's lawyer has said she has reached a plea agreement, preventing us from witnessing the hilarity of a trial. But I suppose it's good for her and her family or whatever. The Associated Press reported Kirsch will plead guilty to "two counts of aggravated identity theft, one count of bank fraud and one count of money laundering."

The deal would include prison time. As we all know, prison is a perfectly easy way for rehabilitation and she will no doubt be a better person when she leaves. Or she'll have joined the Latin Kings.

Lawyer: Former Student, ID Fraud Suspect Signs Plea Deal [AP/NBC 10]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:56 AM | Comments (0)

May 01, 2008

Jason-Like, Bonnie & Clyde Are Back

Hey, remember Jocelyn Kirsch? Yes, of course you do. You probably don't remember Edward Anderton, the other dude in the Bonnie and Clyde of Identity Fraud case from last year.

One might think things are a little quiet on the Kirsch and Anderton front nowadays, but that didn't stop British paper The Observer from doing a giant piece on ol' B&C. By giant, I mean 4100 words! On Bonnie & Clyde!

Steeped in narcissism and privilege, fuelled by entitlement, theirs is truly an outlaw romance for the 21st century. The Philadelphia Daily News immediately dubbed the photogenic couple 'Bonnie and Clyde'. It's a name some people take exception to. 'Bonnie and Clyde, that's only because they're young and good-looking,' scoffs Detective Terry Sweeney of the Philadelphia police. 'These two were complete idiots. If this was two fat fucks from South Philly, it would have been Turner and Hooch.'

Yeah, too bad the phrase was originally coined by a police source. Wah-wah!

The article is full of unintentionally hilarious sentences. The first one here is the best:

• 22-year-old Jocelyn was a final-year student at nearby Drexel University, a big step down from Penn.
• Each year, Jocelyn also reinvented herself, swapping old friends for new ones, transforming from goth girl to Abercrombie prep to frisky cheerleader wannabe.
• While Jocelyn was fast becoming Drexel's answer to Paris Hilton, a few blocks away at the University of Pennsylvania, Edward Kyle Anderton was winding down his college career in obscurity.

Continue reading "Jason-Like, Bonnie & Clyde Are Back"

Posted by D-Mac at 11:34 AM | Comments (2)

February 08, 2008

Pre-Bonnie Bonnie Still Pretty Hilarious

It was everything I hoped for and more. You couldn't come up with a better stereotype for a "high school friend." And, oh my God, the flying money. I feel like the voice-over should be saying, "Sell or rent your timeshare for cash!"

Here's CBS 3's full report; I'd recommend watching the video, as it is fantastic.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:15 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

February 07, 2008

CBS 3 Making Bonnie Promo More Dramatic

I didn't know if this afternoon's promo for CBS 3's exclusive report on Jocelyn Kirsch could get any better, but later today the station released a longer, more dramatic one. OMG I can't wait!

Posted by D-Mac at 05:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

CBS 3 Goes To Jocelyn Kirsch's Hometown!

Just when you thought the coverage of Jocelyn Kirsch couldn't get any better, CBS 3 sends a reporter to the hometown of one half of Philadelphia's Bonnie & Clyde. (She's also the only half anyone cares about.)

Posted by D-Mac at 11:54 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

January 28, 2008

Hey, Bonnie's Back!

Okay, so I should probably write about this. So remember Bonnie & Clyde? No, not the real Bonnie & Clyde, the "Bonnie and Clyde of Identity Fraud," the duo that captivated the Philadelphia area during the end of last year?

By duo, of course, I mean Jocelyn Kirsch's breasts, since she was really the only one anybody cared to read about. (The dude's name was Eddie or something.) Anyway, Jocelyn Kirsch is back in a new Daily News article by apparent Jocelyn Kirsch beat reporter Regina Medina; turns out she had a former boyfriend who thought he loved her, but it turns out she lied to him and treated him poorly. And she cheated on him! Jocelyn Kirsch is now every girl in America. (No offense, fairer sex.) Did she break up with him via email, too?

The ex-boyfriend, Jayson Verdibello, also wrote a pair of songs for her; I was kind of hoping we'd get MP3 files, but instead all we get are lyrics like "I can't deny the curves of your body/ Or all the words you leave inside my lips/ How can I say all the words I want to/ When you paint the world in different hues of you?"

But back to the story, where hilarity abounds.

Continue reading "Hey, Bonnie's Back!"

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December 18, 2007

Ohio's Bonnie & Clyde: Bank Robbers, Witches

In the great time B.A.C.A.C.A.F.D. (Before Alycia Called A Cop A 'Fucking Dyke'), this is what I was going to post first thing Monday morning. Over the weekend, CNN's front page included this write-up of a real '07 Bonnie and Clyde, a trio (Nicole Boyd, Roger Lee Dillon and his mom, Sharon Lee Gregory) alleged to have stolen $7.4 million from an armored car company Roger Lee worked for.

Only, this Bonnie & Clyde are, literally, the hillbilly version of Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton. The three were picked up after allegedly taking the millions after Black Friday. They're the talk of Hickville (see), everyone's making fun of them for leaving behind hilarious clues (see) and a hot girl who could have been a model (see).

Only, since it's not Philadelphia and is instead Youngstown, Ohio -- two hours away from Oberlin! -- she was actually $290 in debt to one of those mall modeling companies -- the $290 was for the first year of a three year modeling contract -- that makes you pay money first. Oh, but she wasn't charged! "She was like an All-American girl. She was beautiful," the president tells the AP.

Continue reading "Ohio's Bonnie & Clyde: Bank Robbers, Witches"

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December 17, 2007

Drexel Staff Baffled By Obvious Jocelyn Kirsch Lie

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about our girl Jocelyn Kirsch, the female half of the Bonnie & Clyde of Identity Fraud. Today's Daily News points to a story from a recent Drexel Triangle article with this fun tale: Jocelyn Kirsch allegedly claimed to be an adjunct professor at Drexel.

The Drexel paper says Kirsch pretended to be an adjunct in order to get a free parking pass and use University computers at Drexel's Language and Communication Center.

Kirsch, known around the language office for her revealing clothes and long dark hair walked to the front desk and asked for a pass last year while taking a placement test. When asked if she was a professor she claimed to be an adjunct and was granted the pass. "I was very convinced," said one staff member who wished to remain anonymous.

Kirsch used the pass for two weeks, the paper says, but doesn't say why she stopped. Now they apparently "grill" people asking for passes. Actually, here Kirsch just sounds kinda awesome. Compared to Alycia Lane, I think she's Katherine Drexel.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:22 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

December 12, 2007

Criminals Cheated On Test

Sorry, I'm like a day or so behind on the whole Bonnie & Clyde of Identity Fraud thing. I needed to stop writing about it to feel cleaner about myself. Also, I've been studying more Kirsch photos, including the Is She Still Hot? one at right.

The big story yesterday in the Daily News was that Clyde may have taken a test for Bonnie. Oh, no, the identity thieves cheated on a test together!

Before the start of every class this fall - held Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12 to 1:50 p.m. - Edward K. Anderton brought lunch to his honey, Jocelyn S. Kirsch, usually a fruit-and-cheese selection from Starbucks, one student who saw the couple told the Daily News.

The story finally fell off the front page of Philly.com today, but there's still a link to this tale of Drexel warning students about identity theft.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:35 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

December 07, 2007

This Is Only The Beginning For Bonnie & Clyde

Let us begin this week as it began, by pontificating on the fate of one Jocelyn Kirsch (and Edward Anderton). Now that the pair could face federal identity fraud charges, it's time to look at the actual moral implications of delighting in a person's trip to jail.

"The part of me that was friends with her knows she's sad and that's why she does the things that she does," [a friend from high school] said. "The part of me that's a little bit vindictive is not sad to see her getting hers, but hopefully some good will come of it and she'll straighten herself out."

Ha ha, just kidding, this is the Internet, what are morals, etc., etc. I do like that quote, though, because it totally helps prove my point that Drexel girls are just so ridiculously mean. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Anyway, that comes from today's Daily News article, which talks about how Kirsch pretended to be an Olympic pole vaulter, which is pretty much the greatest thing ever.

Another classmate said Kirsch posted a photo of herself on her Facebook page - don't bother looking for it, she took down the page over the weekend - pole vaulting "some ridiculous height that only an Olympian could do," said the former bud, who spoke on condition of anonymity. The face in the photo was too dark to discern, the classmate said, adding that "it was clearly taken from another site."

Some of Kirsch's Drexel classmates never really bought the notion, including one Facebook user who posted a photo on one of two Facebook pages dedicated to Kirsch, titled "SHE GOIN' TO JAAAAAAAAIL!!!! (and THAT'S hilarious)." The image features a pole vaulter with Kirsch's police mug shot as the head and two cops behind her on Segways. The caption reads, "Can't catch me, I'm a gold medalist!!!"

Photo after the jump

Continue reading "This Is Only The Beginning For Bonnie & Clyde"

Posted by D-Mac at 04:52 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0)

Blue-Collar Dads In Blue-Collar Caps

Hmm, where were we? Oh, right: The Bonnie & Clyde of Identity Fraud. Anyway, yesterday the parents showed up to take Jocelyn Kirsch (22, w/ tits) and Edward Anderton (25, w/o) home to get away from Lu Ann Cahn standing out front of their condo.

Anyway, the lawyerly damage control has already begun. Anderton's family, it turns out, can only afford baseball caps.

"To his parents, this is a lot of money," Anderton's attorney, Larry Krasner, told Municipal Court Judge Thomas Gehret yesterday. Krasner, who had few words for reporters, griped to Gehret that their reports had made it look like Anderton "is somehow privileged and he is wealthy."

Facing Bail Commissioner Dwain Hill at a later hearing, Krasner said: "His father works for a newspaper, and he goes to work in a baseball cap and blue jeans."

Meanwhile, radio DJ Kidd Chris has offered $2,000 for an interview with Kirsch. Two thousand? Please. Girl's probably just spent that much on Chris' credit card just this morning.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Bonnie & Clyde Leave Town; City Continues Enthrallment

A reader emailed me to complain I was spending too much time focusing on the media's obsession with Jocelyn "Bonnie" Kirsch of the 2007 Bloodless Bonnie & Clyde duo (which also features Edward Anderton, who nobody knows anything about).

Yesterday, the pair both left the city to return to their home states. Anderton (who?) is home on the west coast in Washington, while Kirsch is back home in North Carolina.

But back to the actual crime: Police allege Kirsch and Anderton stole the identities of several people -- five so far, according to NBC 10 -- banking at least $100,000. Police say they may have installed spyware on their neighbors' computers; a discussion I had with not one but two separate Foodery clerks came to the conclusion they totally made a ton of amateurish mistakes.

When police raided their Rittenhouse apartment, they allegedly found a ton of fake IDs and, most hilariously, a 2005 Daily Pennsylvanian article about how bouncers spot fake IDs. The cops also found Kirsch's iPhoto directory (or whatever) and released a ton of photos to the press to make the story sexier.

More on this later today -- hopefully I can dump everything in "bonnieandclyde.txt" on my desktop on the blog today -- but the main story is definitely that Facebook group "SHE GOIN' TO JAAAAAAAAIL!!!! (and THAT'S hilarious)" is back up. Wow, Drexel girls are way mean. Rawr.

Oh, yeah, and that other Jocelyn Kirsch Facebook group has photos of her from elementary school. Ahh, okay.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:31 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

December 06, 2007

Nobody Really Cares About Clyde

You know who I'm starting to feel bad for? Eddie Anderton. Yes, me and Eddie go way back to, earlier this week, when I wrote about his arrest being chronicled in the Daily News.

That's about the last anyone's heard of Anderton, who could probably have snuck out of the country by now. All anyone cares about is Jocelyn Kirsch, the 22-year-old Drexel student who, if you didn't notice, has tits. Yes, this is how the media works, people, you can complain about it but you must deal with it. I'm sort of at a tipping point where I'm ready to start feeling bad for her, simply because every sorority girl in the tri-state area is getting to bitch about her in print. Even anonymously sometimes. Hell, the girl from yesterday's Daily News is being sourced all over.

Continue reading "Nobody Really Cares About Clyde"

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December 05, 2007

Your News Media At Work

Ha ha, a way-too-awesome reader (who I believe wishes to remain anonymous) cropped us together all the best photos of Jocelyn Kirsch -- the alleged grifter "Bonnie" -- from recent news reports. And these aren't even funny Webshots steals; these were used by actual media outlets!

Enjoy! (Yes, I am way too into this story. Shush.)

Posted by D-Mac at 01:50 PM | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)

Rittenhouse Grifters Story Continues To Spread

Hey, look at that, the Rittenhouse Grifters story is already all over the news. Basically, here's what the newspaper are running:

That's on Philly.com's front page now, and it links to this Daily News story. I figured I would join the rest of the media outlets in this city and simply use photos of this girl's tits. Hey, she's a hot 22 year old, it's what people actually care about. Lame, but at least I'm honest about it. Bikini photos, too! (We haven't even speculated on who she looks like yet. Somebody said "Erin O'Hearn," but that doesn't count.)

Continue reading "Rittenhouse Grifters Story Continues To Spread"

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