January 24, 2008

City Council Just On Replay In 2008

City Council meets for the first time in the post-John Street era today, and it's already getting ready to do important work.

By important work, of course, I mean City Council members are re-introducing previously-failed bills. Jim Kenney wants to get rid of the requirement one has to live in Philly for a year to apply for a city job. This will be time #3 introducing it for Kenney, but it will only be attempt #2 for Blondell Reynolds Brown's exciting tour guide regulation bill!

The idea is that if we make tour guides take a history test and get certified, they won't tell us that Thomas Jefferson invented the light bulb. Plus, city bureaucracy will certainly be streamlined if it has to certify freaking tour guides.

Phila. Council Reintroduces Failed Bills from John Street Era [KYW 1060]

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June 15, 2007

City Council: With Our Work Done, It's Vacation Time!

Woohoo! After one week as a "pro-choice city," Philadelphia is now no longer one, as many of the people who voted for the bill decided it was more important to pander to angry Catholic constituents than stand by their convictions. Hooray!

The city wasn't declared both a pro-choice and pro-life city, but instead the week-old resolution was simply rescinded. "I'm angry with myself for not abstaining," said Councilman Jim Kenney, who voted yes last week. "It's not something I think we should have forced on the public at large." Or he got a lot of angry phone calls.

Blondell Reynolds Brown, who sponsored the original legislation, clearly got a lot of angry phone calls, too, but told everyone who disagrees with her she's actually the only one who could possibly be correct: "I have learned as an enlightened pro-choice advocate that there may have been other ways to make my position known."

Meanwhile, City Council passed over 80 bills, giving almost all of them less debate or discussion than the meaningless repeal of the meaningless resolution. And now they're on vacation until September! Good work, guys! You earned that summer break!

Council repeals 'pro-choice city' resolution [Inquirer]

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May 03, 2007

Rubber Sidewalks Most Adored Item In Nation

Be it helping old ladies across the street or regulating food carts, City Council's fine public servants always seem to have our best interests in mind. But Jim Kenney's ideas top them all: Rubber sidewalks.

Somehow, this is in the news again -- he's talked about it before -- but no matter. As the website for Rubbersidewalks says, "Everyone likes Rubbersidewalks.

Want to know how big Jim Kenney's plan for rubber sidewalks in the City of Philadelphia? It made it to a South African newspaper column called "Wacky in the USA." (I'm not quite sure why this idea is so wacky or odd; doesn't this make perfect sense?)

The company says rubber sidewalks are more durable, are made completely of recycled tires, work better with trees and are still rather hard. ("Not like the Bud Light commercial," Kenney said.) And over the long run, they're cheaper. But the main advantage Kenney brought up is rubber sidewalks eliminate slip-and-falls, leading to thousands of dollars in savings from lawsuits. It's always the lawyers who have to get things done, one way or another.

Rubber Sidewalks for Philadelphia? Stop Laughing and Read This [KYW 1060]
Feb. 5: Jim Kenney To Allow Us To Bounce To Work

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April 18, 2007

Mayoral Candidates Play Bingo, Take Geritol

As the mayor's race rolls toward its inevitable, boring conclusion, the interested observers are beginning to circle the wagons, talk in wild platitudes and get really nervous Tom Knox is actually going to win this thing.

For example, YoungPhillyPolitics dissects the newest poll, showing Tom Knox with approximately a 750 percentage point lead over the other candidates. City Councilman Jim Kenney even chimed in! "If this poll is true and this trend continues, on May 16th my concience [sic] will be clear." Thanks, Jim! We were all wondering what your conscience was going to be like in mid-May. Then Kenney wrote about how stupid Philadelphia voters are.

But what about people who actually decide the elections; i.e. old people. Well, they're getting attention from the mayoral candidates as well. The KYW 1060 article was headlined "Mayoral Hopefuls Promise Better Health Care If Elected," so you know how much they're pandering.

But after the AARP-sponsored forum, the attendees got down to more important stuff:

At the end of the forum - a staple at a senior get-together - a raffle. A nice lady is going to the Tropicana.

Buoyed after seeing her excitement, Tom Knox began to hatch a new idea: Free spaghetti dinners are the Trop.

Mayoral Hopefuls Promise Better Health Care If Elected [KYW 1060]
Oh. Crap. [Young Philly Politics]

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March 29, 2007

Jim Kenney Has This Blogging Thing Down Pat

Say what you will, but I think Councilman Jim Kenney has totally embraced blogging the way it's supposed to be done. Good show.

What [Comment by James Kenney, YPP]

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February 15, 2007

Jim Kenney Caves In To Angry Bloggers

Yesterday, Jim Kenney rescinded his bills that would eliminate or raise campaign contribution limits in response to angry posts on Young Philly Politics, an Internet petition, phone calls, etc.

Huzzah, I suppose. I know I made fun of him a few times for the bill, but I probably would have made fun of him anyway -- after all, he's a politician. That's what I do. I make fun of politicians. (Quite a world, eh?) But let's be fair now: I commend Kenney for debating people online about his bill -- even if it's just for the humor factor -- and for changing his mind because of it.

But I guess my question here is: What repercussions would there have been had one of Kenney's bills passed City Council and raised or eliminated campaign contribution limits? Would there have been any at all? After all, Philadelphians weren't as angry about the pay raise as the rest of the state. I mean, sure, people were pissed on, say, Young Philly Politics, but would Joe Average in the Far Northeast care?

Oh, forget it, this is getting too close to trying to make an actual point and then I might have to think it through more, defend myself, interview people... forget it. Somebody get me a funny photo, STAT!

Phew. Much better.

What Just Happened [Young Philly Politics]

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February 06, 2007

Great Moments In Stock Photography Usage

Jim Kenney continued to unveil his master plan yesterday as he changed his tune and says he will introduce a campaign spending bill than raises campaign donation limits rather than eliminate them.

Last week, Kenney introduced a bill to eliminate campaign contribution limits in response to Tom Knox's surge in a recent poll. (Knox is planning to spend $15 million of his own money.)

But, still, not everyone is happy. Mayoral candidate Michael Nutter, take it away:

"I can only call and ask my good friend, Councilman Kenney, to take a deep breath, take a chill pill and let this election cycle play out."

Nutter's rejected line was: "If you pass this bill, my good friend Councilman Kenney, the voters will say to you: 'You are the weakest link. Goodbye!'"

But still, the real winner with Kenney's new bill is not Nutter or Kenney or Brady or even Knox. No, it's Metro, which ran the above overloaded-sack-of-money stock photo next to the story about Kenney's new bill. Here's an idea: Get rid of campaign contributions, but make them only able to be given in giant sacks of overflowing money. (The '$' on the side is optional.)

Kenney’s new idea: Link campaign limits to spending by others [Metro]
Archives: Jim Kenney

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February 05, 2007

Jim Kenney To Allow Us To Bounce To Work

Less than a week after Jim Kenney proposed to change the rules to make it easier for Bob Brady to win the mayor's race, he's already found his way back into our hearts and minds.

KYW 1060 reports Kenney is seriously interested in rubber sidewalks for our fair city.

(On a side note, the Wikipedia entry for sidewalk is fantastic due to this: "A sidewalk (chiefly North American English), pavement (British English and Philadelphia dialect)..." That there's a whole entry on the Philly accent -- thanks, Bill Labov! -- is totally awesome too.)

But back to rubber sidewalks. Oh, man, how awesome would that be. I can only assume rubber sidewalks are sort of the pavement (pronounced 'pay-ment') equivalent of flubber, allowing us to hop 50 feet in the air and traverse large distances in a single bound. Forget you, Segway!

Okay, so maybe it doesn't work like that. Let's have Councilman Kenney explain:

“It’s a very solid material. Probably harder than a running track. Certainly not a trampoline. Not like the Bud Light commercial, where they’re banging the bottles off the ground.”

Yes, our City Councilman referenced an ad he probably saw during an Eagles game to explain rubber sidewalks to us. Nonetheless, rubber sidewalks last longer than cement, isn't as slippery and is made from old tires. (Recycling!)

It's a great idea. Which means as soon as Kenney's bill ending campaign contribution limits passes, Local 592 would be able to spend as much money as it wants to tell Bob Brady about the so-called "benefits" of rubber sidewalks.

We'll see 'em in around 2047.

Councilman Suggests Rubber Sidewalks For Philadelphia [KYW 1060]
Archives: Jim Kenney

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February 02, 2007

Mayor's Race Getting Even More Hilarious Online

If there's one way to become mayor, it's certainly by having your supports post "Theme From Ghostbusters" parodies online:

Sing to the Ghostbusters theme...

Can't limit his cash... he'll beat your stash. Who ya gonna call? BOB BRADY!

Evans shouldn't even run, when Brady's limits are done. Who ya gonna call? BOB BRADY!

You phonies will cry, when the limits die. Who ya gonna call? BOB BRADY!

This will be fun, when the election is done. Who ya gonna call? BOB BRADY!

I ain't affraid [sic] of no punks!

Not that politicians themselves look any better when they comment themselves online. Jim Kenney on his bill that would repeal campaign contributions:

I called [Fattah] on Wednesday. He was supportive of the proposal then. Brady also. Dwight was not willing to publicly support it, but was not strongly against it. Mike was a no from the get go.

See it was not Brady's doing. It was my concern. I called them, except Knox, before hand. I have seen the Wizard of Oz and I do have a brain.

My brain tells me that Knox can win and that would be a travesty. [...]

Explain to me what is ethical about using your career earnings based on predatory lending and mortgage forclosures to run for mayor of Philadelphia. You then use the money to package yourself as a product of public housing and a rags to riches success story.

The only question is: When will Bob "Daaaaaa" Brady weigh in?

MAYOR BOB BRADY! Unemployed: EVANS [YPP]
Where We Are (Comment) [YPP]
Jan. 23: Bob Brady: Da Da Da

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Jim Kenney To Philly: I'm Bob Brady's Lackey (Or: I Hate Tom Knox)

City Councilman Jim Kenney revealed yesterday that he is Bob Brady's bestest friend in the whole wide world! He did this by proposing a bill making it more likely for his friend and ally, Bob Brady, to win the mayor's race. Afterward, he went online to YoungPhillyPoltics and acted indignant and bashed Tom Knox in every comment.

Here are the other jokes I was thinking of using.

• Jim Kenney, buoyed by support from CBS 3, 6 ABC, NBC 10 and Fox 29, decided to propose a bill ending the campaign contribution limits so that these four television stations could get more money from local ad campaigns. The four stations got Kenney to propose the bill by offering the following items: A weekly TV show Bob Brady and Jim Kenney's Playhouse (CBS 3); a copy of The Complete Larry Ferrari on DVD, a 16-disc set valued at $249.99 (6 ABC); a bow tie (NBC 10); a date with Kerri-Lee Halkett (Fox 29).
• Jim Kenney really, really hates Tom Knox. (This part is true.) And he really hates his campaign ads. So he decided to propose a bill ending campaign contribution limits so he could get more ads on television, thereby allowing candidates to put more ads on TV and reducing the Depressing Tom Knox ads per capita (DTKAPC).
• Jim Kenney went to the zoo and met a magic gorilla. The magic gorilla told him that if the campaign spending limits were not repealed, the city would fall into enternal darkness. He then proposed a bill ending campaign contribution limits so the city would not fall into eternal darkness.
• Jim Kenney went to the zoo and met a magic gorilla. The magic gorilla told him that if the campaign spending limits were repealed, Bob Brady would have a much better shot at winning. Then Bob Brady got out of his magic gorilla suit. Jim Kenney then proposed a bill ending campaign contribution limits so Bob Brady could have a better shot at winning.

I decided to lead with the one I did because it's the funniest. And it's true.

Then again, the truth is usually the best. You know you can't get that kind of humor from the private sector. Or this kind, either:

"This is anti-democratic and it deprives the people without big pockets, the very people we all represent, from participating," Councilwoman Carol Campbell said of the existing law. Campbell, a longtime Brady ally, took office last year after being nominated in a closed-door meeting convened by Brady, who is city Democratic chairman.

"It makes the process unleveled and undemocratic," Councilman Daniel Savage, another cosponsor, said of the current limits. Savage's nomination, too, had Brady's backing.

The next few months are going to be great. Not only are these people writing new laws to make it easier for Bob Brady to win, but they're getting angry when someone calls them on it. Whatevs, it's politics, that's how it works. Just don't act all annoyed when people call you on it.

I can't wait for the "Only People Named Bob Brady Can Run For Mayor" bill. (Or its cousin: "No One Named Tom Knox Can Run For Mayor.")

Campaign fund caps may fall [Inquirer]
Yesterday: Democratic Machine Sees Popular Outsider, Changes Rules To Make It Harder For Outsider To Win

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February 01, 2007

Democratic Machine Sees Popular Outsider, Changes Rules To Make It Harder For Outsider To Win

A poll yesterday showing Tom Knox doing well in the mayor's race got City Council's panties all in a bunch.

"Oh no," they must have thought. "What do we do if this new guy wins! We might actually have to help our constituents, do actual work and not just sit around and opine about how great we are all day. Fuck! How can we fix it so Bob Brady can win and the city can keep napping toward greatness?!"

And Jim Kenney came up with a plan. He's going to change the campaign-finance rules to make it easier for Bob Brady to win. Yes, that's right, folks. City Council wants Brady to win, and if they want Brady to win, they're going to get Bob Brady in office, whether you peons like it or not!

Kenney's measure changes the campaign finance reform laws so if a candidate donates $2 million to his own campaign, all the rules are gone. City Councilwoman Carol Campbell also spoke in favor of the bill in hopes it would make the election fair. Campbell supports fair elections so much she was pretty much appointed to her City Council seat.

"The campaign finance limits have opened the door to a candidate who buys City Hall," Kenney said. "We have unintentionally created an opportunity for an unlevel playing field."

Yep. As opposed to, y'know, campaign contributors buying City Hall.

Raise your hand if you're surprised. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Stunned by Knox poll, council ready to rewrite reforms [Inquirer]
Yesterday: Tom Knox To Depress His Way To Mayordom?

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January 31, 2007

DiCicco, Kenney Aim For Crucial Swing Vote

Over at Amen, Wook -- This is why I love blogging. "Wook" on first reference. -- noticed a few campaign signs for Jim Kenney and Frank DiCicco at a formerly-empty building at 714 South Street.

Yes. 714 South Street. Former Home of Club Kama Sutra.

This city is a wonderful place sometimes.

BREAKING NEWS! SHOCKING REVELATION! WHAT GENER WAS TALKING ABOUT FINALLY REVEALED! [AMEN]
Archives: Club Kama Sutra

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September 08, 2006

Leftovers: Frank Stallone To Make Appearance For Adoring Fans

• Sylvester Stallone has the power to overrule art lovers, defeat evil communists and, indeed, altering traffic patterns and PennDot work schedules for the dedication. And he was able to convince his brother Frank to put aside the other events in his busy schedule and come to the statue dedication! [Inky]

• Headline in the Courier-Post: "Racial slur reflects problem of bigotry." Oh, really? [Courier-Post]

• Frank DiCiccio and Jim Kenney have set up a website to protest the city not being able to have any say in the zoning of slots parlors. Of course, you can't edit the letter that they want you to send, because, you see, this is about Frank DiCiccio and Jim Kenney, not you worthless serfs. [KYW 1060]

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