October 11, 2007

Breaking: Adult Halloween Costume Tasteless

Daily News "hip trend" columnist Jenice Armstrong did one of those 'let me get outraged' DN columns today where something offensive (sometimes "offensive") is detailed and the columnist gets outraged and encourages you to get outraged, too.

There aren't many rules to these columns but that, although they do need to include a "What's Next?" joke. (As in, "What's next after t-shirts promoting marijuana? T-Shirts promoting baby murder?)

Today's topic is offensive Halloween costumes, including one for -- get this -- "Anna Rexia." I am offended by that costume, but only because multiple people over the age of 17 would actually go out and spend $40 on that crap.

Armstrong notes she wrote this same column about "Skankoween" -- that's almost as annoying as the people who insist on spelling it Hallowe'en -- around this time last year, and it's only gotten worse, because now you can make fun of a disease. (She doesn't mention any sort of Osama bin Laden in a Gap sweater or WTC costumes.)

Actually, the headline and first few grafs are about Halloween costumes, but the rest of the article is about some Barbie doll where you can spend an unlimited credit card. (Punctuated by, of course, the line "what could be next, Lap Dance Barbie, complete with a plastic fistful of dollar bills and a tiny stripper pole?") Complaining about capitalism, though, doesn't make good photography, so the photo is of a woman in a skin-tight Halloween body suit.

Anyway if you're wondering, yes, that means this column was, essentially, about offensive Halloween costumes (circa any time post-1930s) and Mall Madness (circa 1988).

Jenice Armstrong | Unfunny costumes [Daliy News]

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May 22, 2007

Thongs Still Popular Despite Lack Of Hit Song

Jenice Armstrong tackles the issues in her Daily News column today can be summed up in its first and last paragraphs. The first:

AN 11-YEAR-OLD doesn't need a thong. The same thing can be said of some other clothing tweens are wearing these days.

And the last:

The power to reverse this course we're on is in consumers' hands. Remember the successful "girlcott" two years ago against those offensive T-shirts Abercrombie & Fitch was selling? Not only did the company stop selling shirts that said, "Who needs brains when you have these?" but it also got rid of the tween-sized thongs, too.

On a side note, while finding the image for this post I found this tidbit of information from Wikipedia: "'Thong Song' is based around a violin melody, similar to that in The Beatles' 'Eleanor Rigby'." Of all the descriptions of the Thong Song, I believe "similar to The Beatles' 'Eleanor Rigby'" is the best.

Jenice Armstrong | Thongs for tweens? No! [Daily News]

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March 20, 2007

Dear Fetus: I'm Sorry You Won't Read This

Gather 'round, kids! It's time to read Jenice Armstrong's Daily News column! And, really, it's just time to read the lead to it, which regardless of your feelings on abortion will have you scratching your head:

A friend drops a bombshell on you by announcing that she's about to have an abortion. Would you know what to say? How to respond?

Or would you wimp out and take the modern approach and send her an e-card?

Armstrong goes on to explain there are even cards you can send if you're a pro-lifer that aren't really all that supportive. I kind of like this idea. I'm thinking of heading to Massachusetts and selling gay marriage cards that read, "Congratulations on your gay marriage! Repent now, or you and your gay lover will be spending all eternity in a fiery abyss."

Jenice Armstrong | E-card not enough? [Daily News]

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July 31, 2006

Sexy Singles Love Their Phillies, Uh, Pitchers

Today is the Daily News annual "Sexy Singles" competition, celebrating the sexiest friends of Daily News reporter Jenice Armstrong, as well as a few media people. (Co-host of 10! show? Check. Co-host of Good Day Philadelphia? Check.)

This year, it's been split up into two days, with the men tomorrow -- oh, we are excited -- and the women today. There's not much of note in the list of sexy singles. None of them are particularly bad-looking, only one nominated herself for the award. The DN web staff apparently didn't think we'd be interested in seeing photos of sexy singles, so you'll have to buy the paper to see the damage. But this did catch our eye (italics ours):

Lindsay Megraw

Age: 29
Job: Nanny.
Marital status: Single.
Neighborhood: West Chester.
Number of children: None. [...]
Secretly lusts for: Phillies pitcher Pat Burrell.

I believe that's what we call a swing and a miss.

Update, 2:38 p.m.: Since this has been posted, (1) the incorrect position for Pat Burrell has been fixed and (2) photos have been uploaded. Huzzah.

Sexy & Single [Daily News]
LF Pat Burrell [Phillies.com]

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January 25, 2006

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Jill Porter: You know, if you want to know what this column is all about, you can just read Jenice Armstrong's column from yesterday. It's essentially the same thing.

Rotan Lee: There are these people called "gays" and they'd like equal rights. I believe I am the first person ever to report on this.

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