February 15, 2008

High School Hoopster Loves Hurricane

I'm becoming more and more fascinated with Tim Furlong's "6:15" reports, which run (surprise!) halfway through the 6 o'clock news. Sure, there's the infamous 4:20 report, where Furlong reported the time 4:20 p.m. almost killed someone.

But not all his reports are the modern day equivalent of Reefer Madness. While there does seem to be a tone of "What you don't know about your kids could kill them!" in Furlong's reports, damn if they're not usually somehow entertaining. (The 4:20 report was pretty much the best thing on TV all last year.)

And last night? Oh, just a story about a local high school basketball player who likes Hurricane Schwartz. "I was watching you since I was like 9 and I love you," said Jamal "Hurricane" Wilson, who goes to Newman-Goretti. He's also going to Rhode Island to play basketball (D-I, congrats) and study meteorology.

Clearly, this is TV news at its finest. But I suspect the other schools' fans are going to have some fun come Catholic League playoff time.

High School Basketball Star Idolizes Hurricane [NBC 10]

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June 28, 2007

This Is Enough: Alycia Lane Comments, Part 3

Okay, ha ha, get it? Oh so wacky! Putting Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz's head on the head of a model in a bikini to represent today's oh-so-exciting changeover: "Alycia Lane" will become "Glenn 'Hurricane' Schwartz." Wokka wokka!

As you might have guessed, I'm a bit tired of this -- the changing over, I don't really care about the comments -- and as such this will be the last day. And I suggest, if the Alycia Lane comments really annoy you, then stop reading this site.

No, wait! That's not good. What I meant to say is: If the Alycia Lane comments annoy you, well, then ha ha, sucks to be you.

Hmm, that's not good either. Oh, well if this keeps up I'll ban the commenter if I remember, or whatever. Feel free to continue mocking his sexuality, his hygiene, his lack of social skills or his IP address, which is 199.72.242... okay, okay.

Posted by D-Mac at 06:17 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

December 29, 2006

Hurricane Changes 'Winter' Forecast

Last night, NBC 10 weather forecaster Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz -- who was last seen apologizing for hating Christmas -- decided to revise his weather forecast and cut his expected winter snowfall total in half.

Schwartz did this in light of the recent weather and because "the NAO has been way too positive." (Oh!) He originally called for 35 to 40 inches of snow but now predicts just 15 to 20, with one big snowstorm in February.

Clearly, Hurricane is hoping that big snowstorm falls on another hated holiday of his, St. Valentine's Day.

Glenn Schwartz Revises Winter Storm Forecast [NBC 10]
Archives: Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz

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December 22, 2006

Hurricane Retreats From War On Christmas

Allow me to update -- late, sorry -- the ongoing battle of Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz against Christmas.

The Inquirer's Michael Klein reported Tuesday that Schwartz refused to read a promo about Santa before his newscast because he's Jewish. This pissed all the Christians off, with Santa, of course, being the chief honoree of Christmas.

But Tuesday night, Schwartz led off his weather forecasts at 6 and 11 p.m. by raising the white flag:

He labeled the report as "absolutely untrue" and "apologized" that "some of us were left with the impression" that he has anything against the holidays. He mentioned that Christmas symbols have been part of his reports and urged viewers to have a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah and a joyous Kwanzaa.

Hmm. He labeled the report absolutely untrue, yet he apologized! Looks like Schwartz has been defeated in the War on Christmas. Santa must be proud.

Weathercaster comments on report [Inquirer]
Tuesday: You're A Mean One, Mr. Hurricane

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December 19, 2006

You're A Mean One, Mr. Hurricane

The Inquirer's Michael Klein reports today that, well, Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz is a a member of the frontline infantry in the War on Christmas.

The NBC 10 chief weatherman, Klein reports, refused to read a voice-over about Santa leading in to his forecast. When asked about it later, Schwartz said he refused because he's Jewish. As we all know, Christmas is the time when Christians celebrate Santa Claus's victory over the Jews.

Either way, Schwartz wouldn't comment, saying his War on Christmas didn't "belong outside the station." Oh, it's out now, Glenn. And we won't tolerate your war on Christmas and its honoree, Santa. It's on.

Inqlings | 'No Santa' clause at NBC10? [Inquirer]

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May 22, 2006

Hooray For Hurricane!

Is this a somewhat sly local meteorologist attack ad? Also, are you allowed to get really excited about saying "hurricanes might hit Louisiana"? Isn't that like saying "there might be war in the Middle East"?

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