May 12, 2008

Cops Make Marvelous Arrest

Cops arrested 19 people under an illegal gun task force, according to a press release. One of the arrested suspect's names: Marvelous Richardson. He doesn't even need to change his name when he becomes a pro wrestler!

Posted by D-Mac at 02:11 PM | Comments (1)

May 07, 2008

Your Marvin Harrison Update

ESPN's Sal Paolantonio reported the other day that six of the bullet casings police removed from the wall of Marvin Harrison's car wash -- what is it with athletes and car washes! -- belonged to a gun registered to the Colts wide receiver.

Harrison's people have said he wasn't involved in the shooting and neither was his gun. But if his gun is involved in the shooting, he could get in trouble anyway even if he wasn't involved at all. Whoops! Apparently he could be charged with a misdemeanor and -- even worse -- could violate the NFL's gun policy.

Sources: Six of casings found after shooting came from Harrison's gun [ESPN.com]

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April 04, 2008

Family Values Killed By Stolen Guns

Hey, look, the people who voted against that gun bill in Harrisburg have equally horrible arguments for why they did so!

The bill also was opposed by state Rep. Paul Clymer, R-145, who said Pennsylvania already has enough regulations but lacks "family and traditional values." (This is usually code for "I hate gays." I'm really not sure how it fits here. --dmac.)

Geeze. I know that the Family Values Tour doesn't exist anymore -- or if it does, it's off my radar, and I'm the center of the universe -- but that's hardly something to complain about. Erhm, I mean: Alas, he has to defend the citizen's right to not have to report his gun lost or stolen.

Clymer is going to introduce a bill forcing citizens to report to the police whenever their traditional values go missing.

Lawmakers defend gun bill vote [Bucks County Courier Times]

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April 02, 2008

Clear Your Calendars!

Related: Garbage Day

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September 06, 2007

Naked Teen Also Has Slits In Side Of Thighs

Yesterday, a teen boy -- who just so happened to be naked, a la the slippery guy from that famous Philadelphia COPS episode -- accidentally shot himself. Whoops!

Here's what happened: The 17-year-old was screwing a 14-year-old girl when three of the girl's cousins came into the house. Somehow, the boy didn't make all his fantasies come true -- well, if the cousins were girls, I dunno -- and got into an argument with the three cousins. Then came, uh, the part I don't quite get.

The situation came to a head when the naked boy retrieved a handgun from his pants nearby. "He waved it around and said, 'I should shoot all three of you,' " said Lt. John Walker, of Southwest Detectives.

But the false bravado didn't serve the teen well. "He subsequently attempted to put the weapon back into his pocket, pulled the trigger and shot himself in the leg," Walker said.

Now... did he put his pants back on? Did he attempt to put the gun back in the pants on the back of a chair or whereever? Did he attempt to put the gun back into the pants that weren't on his leg? Details, people, details.

Oh, this story also has a premature ejaculation joke about a 17-year-old, so at least that part of the it is accurate.

Naked teen: 'I should shoot . . . you' [Daily News]

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June 27, 2007

Popeye The Sadist Man

I dare you to read this comic and tell me you still believe in the First Amendment. And maybe the Second, too.

Horrow show face off [The Comics Curmudgeon]

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May 04, 2007

City Gives State The Middle Finger

Yesterday, City Council passed a long-delayed series of bills aimed at addressing gun violence. Philadelphia isn't allowed to make its own gun laws because the rest of the state's economy is approximately 100 percent based on hunting and every citizen owns 50 or 60 guns and buys 30 a day, just to melt them down for whatever the hell guns are made out of.

Some have said the move is a way to gain votes -- duh, it is -- but that doesn't mean City Council isn't sincere. And it doesn't mean it's wrong to tell the state to fuck off every once in a while.

Actually, no matter your stance on gun laws, the citizens of Philadelphia should praise this new law. For too long Pennsylvania has... uh... well, I dunno what it's done. But, c'mon! This is pissing off the rest of the state. That's something all Philadelphians can agree is a good thing to do.

Plus, while the government in Harrisburg is figuring out a way to challenge these Philly laws, they can't do any damage anywhere else.

City Council sets up showdown with state [Metro]

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April 27, 2007

Lawmaker For Gun Control To Begin Carrying AK-47

State Rep. Jewell Williams, who's from Philly, is a co-sponsor of an Angel Cruz bill that has no chance at passing but is a way to get attention for his gun control arguments. (The bill's about gun control, too, obviously; it's just not going to pass.)

Anyway, this morning some idiot from Allentown wrote him an email saying something to the effect of "you should be shot" for supporting his fellow democrat Cruz. Way to do your part to make gun owners look like responsible human beings, buddy!

Williams is taking the threat seriously, which is certainly his prerogative and not something you can really criticize. But, ah, could we do it so everyone's reaction to the story isn't "guh-wha"?

A Philadelphia lawmaker who supports tougher gun-control laws said Thursday he will likely start wearing a bulletproof vest and carrying his gun more often after receiving a threatening e-mail.

I think the equivalent of this move is protesting abortion by opening up a Planned Parenthood.

Lawmaker who got e-mail threat says he'll wear bulletproof vest [AP/Philly.com]

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April 02, 2007

If Only Everyone Had Squirrel Guns

Last week I wondered why the ceremony honoring "Justice Month" -- which was March -- was March 29. Surely it's be better to hold it at the beginning of the month, no?

Well, perhaps we all now know why. In today's Inquirer, Patrick Kerkstra gives us a little snippet of one of Justice Month's leaders speech:

Somewhere in the middle of Judith Trustone's lengthy lecture to City Council last week on the evils of the prison-industrial complex, she unleashed this remarkable sentence: "We've got to talk about our lust for punishment and our obsession with guns, human-killing guns, not squirrel guns, men's Viagra [as opposed to women's?—dmac], in a toxic planet needing a new, healthier, pro-life form of masculinity."

I know. Just think how many people Bob Dole and Rafael Palmeiro have lead to murder due to their sponsorship of that evil blue pill. And don't get me started on Cialis!

I do think she has a good idea there, though. In the same vein as "guns for 76ers tickets," it's time for "human-killing guns for squirrel guns."

Council confronts lengthy sentences [Inquirer, 4th item]
March 27: Justice For Two Days Or So

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March 21, 2007

Class Heads To Philly, Girl Gets Protection

A third-grader in Upper Darby was suspended from school for 10 days for bringing a replica pistol to school.

She had the pistol on Monday because her brother couldn't walk her to the bus as usual, and she said she needed it for protection. Her classmates eventually told the teacher and the teachers called the cops. (They were at a field trip at the Franklin Institute, naturally.)

Upper Darby police superintendent Michael Chitwood said she won't be charged with a crime, as she didn't threaten anyone. Yeah, she's getting off easy! If you're looking for justice, I really can't agree more with Philly.com commenter Mark Funcanon. I fixed the typos.

That 3rd grader(8-year old girl) needs to not only be suspended for 2 weeks, but also expelled from school for a year. Even if she is finished sitting out for a year after being expelled, Upper Darby School District should not let her back in the that school district whatsoever, and instead sent her to a disciplinary school until she graduates from high school. What makes her and/or her parents think she is exempt from being expelled from school for a year because she's just a little girl?

I don't know, but she's no different from everyone else. That girl played the game bringing a gun to school and she lost, big time. Under state law (Act 26), any student found to have a weapon on him or her on school grounds or property is not only subject to a 10-day (2 weeks) suspension, but also to instant arrest on the spot, and expulsion from school for 1 full year. No ifs, ands, or buts!!

And I applaud students, whether it was on a field trip or not, for snitching on that little girl. Maybe it was because these students don't like that little girl and wanted to get back at her as retribution. Anyhow, Upper Darby cops needs to file charges against her and have the courts try her as an adult and seek double the maximum sentence against her to send to message to all kids don't think just because they're under 18, they could do whatever they please and get away with it.

Really, we need to show this girl some fine Upper Darby justice. So, Police Superintendent Chitwood, come on, break out the t-shirts and tell this girl: "Not in my town, scumbag!"

Third-grade girl suspended for having toy pistol [Inquirer]

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February 22, 2007

Where Have You Gone, Dick Clark?

The Daily News' Kitty Caparella has an nice piece today about the conflicting reports on the death of Bryan Jones, the man who was shot and killed by police just after midnight on Jan. 1.

The story's definitely interesting all around, but what I found most interesting (and depressing) was this little part here:

The armed celebrants had been inside the party house drinking when they heard the sounds of gunshots outside. They thought it was midnight. So the gun-toting revelers headed to the driveway and spent all their ammo firing in the air, a second reveler said.

When they realized it wasn't midnight yet, he added, they went back inside to reload their weapons.

Clearly, Dick Clark's health problems and the subsequent loss of New Year's Rockin' Eve -- at least the real one, hosted by Dick -- has forced our city's residents to rely on gunfire to know what time the new year is, instead of the usual trusted method of, y'know, a countdown.

Then again, why someone needs to fire his gun into the air to celebrate a pointless milestone is beyond me. Oh, wait; people are stupid. That was easy.

Cops: Danger, controversy [Daily News]

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December 20, 2006

Running And Gunning

It appears that, when it comes to school violence, the young men and women of Philadelphia are way ahead of their counterparts in Delaware. (Duh.)

From the Associated Press:

Wilmington police said a 12-year-old Kuumba Academy student brought a pellet gun to school. The student was charged with possession of a weapon in a Safe School Zone. Around 7:40 a.m., officials at Shue-Medill Middle School in Newark found what appeared to be a handgun in the bag of a 14-year-old student, who was sent to the principal's office for acting strangely. The device was later determined to be a starter pistol.

Eh, maybe there's something to be said for this. In Philadelphia kids are killin' each other, while in Wilmington they're just starting the 3200 meters.

Police: 2 Boys Bring Guns To School [AP/NBC 10]

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December 08, 2006

Update: Club Shooting A Murder-Suicide Attempt?

The accidental shooting at a strip club last night the Daily News reported this morning apparently wasn't an accidental shooting at all.

Police are now calling it an attempted murder-suicide, KYW 1060's Sonya Rincon reports.

The man shot the dancer -- not merely spattered his blood on her breasts, as was reported earlier -- and then attempted to take his own life, police say. He was a regular customer at Cheerleaders, but no motive has been offered.

Neither party was killed. The 31-year-old dancer was just upgraded to stable condition, while the 49-year-old man is in "extremely critical" condition at Jefferson Hospital.

Update update: The shooter passed away this afternoon.

Double Shooting at Phila. Strip Club Investigated As Murder- Suicide Attempt [KYW 1060]

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This Is Why I Leave My Gun At Home When I Go To The Local Strip Club

Patrons at Cheerleaders were having a good time watching the silicone bounce -- or, rather, not bounce -- last night until, oh, a dude accidentally shot himself in the head. The Daily News' David Gambacorta writes:

Police were called to the topless bar - a sports-theme establishment nestled in a quiet South Philly shopping center - about 9:30 p.m. A patron had accidentally shot himself in the head, splattering a bare-chested dancer with his blood.

Investigators said it appeared that the unidentified middle-aged man was somehow carrying his firearm improperly, which might have caused it to discharge while he was sitting inside the topless bar.

Wait, he splattered a stripper? (Uh, that sounds dirty.) Was she giving him a lap dance? Man, that'd be a way to go.

Gun goes off in topless bar; man critical [Daily News]

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December 06, 2006

A Chicken In Every Pot, And A Cap In Every Ass

What does a small, Indiana County town of 443 people in Pennsylvania really need to do to make sure it remains viable well into the 21st century? Well, how about making the second amendment mandatory?

Town Councilman Henry Statkowski in Cherry Tree, Pa., in Western Pennsylvania near where Indiana, Cambria and Clearfield counties meet, wants to pass an ordinance urging residents to get a gun and learn how to shoot it to keep down on the crime. It's modeled after a Greenleaf, Idaho, law -- itself modeled after a Kennesaw, Ga., bill from 1982 -- passed in the wake of Hurricane Katrina and meant to stop the surge of bands of refugees that sacked random Idaho towns. (Oh, wait, that didn't happen?)

Statkowski says that, since the household is responsible for defending itself, each household should defend itself in the way Hank Statkowski wants it to. Inquirer writer Kathy Boccella went out to Cherry Tree and did her best person-on-the-street reporting job, interviewing apparently half the population of the sleepy hamlet.

This, really, is only a few of the quotes:

"Why would they need guns here?" asked Joseph Keith, who lives down the road in Stiffler. "They'll shoot themselves."

Sara Richards, 81, however, approves of firearms in the house.

"The way this world is, with all the drugs, it's a fine idea," Richards said as she waited with her husband at Cherry Tree Family Medicine.

A medical assistant in the office, who identified herself simply as Karen, said she and her husband had discussed getting a gun but decided against it. "He was afraid I'd shoot him," she said.

But Brad Wholaver, 36, dressed in camouflage for a day of deer hunting, called the proposed ordinance "crazy."

"Let's face it, there are some people out there who shouldn't own a gun. You put a gun in their hands and they'll shoot just to shoot," he said.

"People have more guns than flush toilets" now, joked Councilman [Martin] Harbough, who says he is neutral on the ordinance.

Camouflaged hunter? Check. Weird reference to drugs? Check. Calling them "flush toilets," as if they were a recent introduction to the city? Check. This is the best state ever.

One councilman's wish: A gun in every home [Inquirer]

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November 30, 2006

Ex-Con With Heart Of Gold Arrested

When we last saw Joseph Mammana, the ex-con-turned-crime fighter was attempting to help Natalee Holloway's family find her killers or her or whatever.

And now, he's been arrested. Authorities from the FBI and IRS searched Mammana's Yardley residence and North Philly egg factory (ha!) to find tax records when they found a revolver. NBC 10 reports:

Because his previous felony convictions carried more than a year jail sentence, it is illegal for him to possess a firearm in and affecting interstate and foreign commerce. The investigation found that the gun was registered to his father, who died in 1979, and that the gun was manufactured and was operable outside of Pennsylvania, which made it illegal for Mammana to possess it.

I'm not really interested in Mammana's arrest. I'm more excited about this new technology that can render a gun operable in only one state! How cool is that?

Anti-Crime Champion Arrested On Gun Charges [NBC 10]
Nov. 11, 2005: City Council is Aruba'd out

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October 31, 2006

Ridin' Shotgun In My Dodge

Have you ever been ready to purchase a car only to think to yourself, "Hmm. I'd buy this car, but only if I can get a free shotgun with my purchase."

Only every single time you buy a car, right? Well, a car dealership in Chester County, Country Dodge Chrysler Jeep, has made everyone's wishes come true by offering a coupon for a free shotgun when you purchase an SUV of equal or greater value.

This has upset some people, including a local resident! Anabella Hampton is upset because the western Chester County dealership is only 15 miles from the site of the Amish school shooting in Nickel Mines. And if the Amish buy cars and get free guns with them, none of us are safe.

The dealership countered that the deal was almost over, and that it was almost out of certificates anyway, so nyaah. That didn't please Hampton, who said:

"I mean, what's next, a semi-automatic with the purchase of a house?"

Let's hope so. That'd be killer. But, eh, I don't know about this car dealership deal. As much as I'd like a shotgun, I don't think these cars have any place for me to plug in my guitar.

Car Dealer Includes Free Gun With SUVs [NBC 10]
Volkswagen First Act Slash ad [YouTube]

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August 23, 2006

Short-Named Philadelphians Are Against Gun Violence

Philly mayoral candidate Tom Knox has started a website and petition to allow the city to set its own gun laws in the hopes of (a) stopping gun violence and (b) getting elected mayor. Both, surely, are fine and noble goals -- well, okay, the former much moreso.

He's also released a television ad:

Knox is a little wooden -- and, really, does he even have a chance to become mayor, anyway? Still, y'know, it's not a bad way for an outsider candidate to begin his campaign.

But, really, the best part of the ad is the steady stream of people signing the petition behind him -- and, really, how quickly they sign their obviously short names.

Stop Philly Gun Violence

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July 31, 2006

Gun Violence Problem? Solved!

This, however, is my favorite part: The shop that was closed, Lou's Loans, sold a gun that somehow ended up in the hands of "a person involved in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing," says the AP. Glad they were right on top of this one.

Government Revokes License Of Upper Darby Gun Shop [AP/CBS 3]

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July 12, 2006

Hottest Headline Of The Day

Somebody fill me in: Is this better or worse than "pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen"?

Girls Belong in the Woods, with a Gun [AP/6 ABC]

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April 04, 2006

Quickies: 500 Rummy

• Ooh, the debate thickens. Is the church near the proposed Scores strip club within 500 feet of a church? They can't put it there if it is; but "[s]ome say 517 feet; some say 497 feet. " Stay tuned! [Daily News]

• While I'm not quite at the-sky-is-falling level that Salon is, I did like this article detailing why weathermen don't talk about global warming. Surprise, it's bad for ratings! [Salon]

• When Philadelphia police officers need a gun, they go to Bucks County and try to purchase one with a fake name. Oh, come on, he was only buying his second handgun in a month! [Bucks County Courier Times]

• And, hey, a congressman in Texas resigned, and the liberals on the Internet go nuts. [MyDD]

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March 24, 2006

Philadelphia Politics Are Scarier Than You Think

You know, Philly politics isn't all funny John Street photos and hilarious Rick Mariano injuries.

No, there's some danger, too. According to Gar Joseph in Clout today, some campaign novices have to make special preparations for upcoming Democratic races:

Miller's group is also pushing the candidacy of Anne Dicker, a candidate in the wide-open race to succeed retiring state Rep. Marie Lederer.

Are these novices ready for Philadelphia's smash-mouth democracy?

"When we were forming her campaign committee, we went around the room and made sure there was at least one of us with a permit to carry," Miller said. "It's not the easiest thing to find, with liberals."

Running for office in Philadelphia? Better have somebody with a gun permit. And they wonder why there's so much gun violence in this city.

Gar Joseph | For Dems it's not personal, just strictly business [DN]
March 2: John Street has really, finally, officially joined the ranks of the great Philadelphia mayors
March 3: Here's a video of Rick Mariano getting injured as he walks out of City Council yesterday
Photo by Denis Gustavo

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February 22, 2006

Quickies: Much more important than the 'War on Christmas'

• Hey, you know Darfur? Sure you do! It's the war we're all really up in arms about and a multinational coalition is invading because there's a genocide and... er, wait. We don't all care about it and it's effing crazy. A former Marine who witnessed some of the atrocities speaks at the Free Library tonight. [KYW 1060]

• Hey, college kids! Don't have an independent student newspaper at your school? It turns out the administration can just censor anything they want! Especially if you print cartoons with Muhammad in them. [Reuters]

• If you have a gun lying around, you can turn it in for some Sixers tickets. Apparently nobody working this promotion has seen the Sixers play this year. [Inky]

• Just an update on the fate of The Platters, who have (apparently) 974 people claiming to once be a member: Gov. Rendell has signed legislation making it illegal to perform as a member of The Platters if you weren't. Phew. [KYW 1060]

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