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May
12
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John Baer: Uh, Mike Bloomberg for VP. Really, that’s what this column is about.
Flavia Colgan: Whoa, somebody thinks HIllary Clinton should drop out! No way, I totally did not know there were people who thought that.
Stu Bykofsky: Uh-oh, Stu on animals. This could get out of control, really quick. One sec…
Okay, there’s this: “Sadly, animal welfare infighting makes Shia/Sunni warfare seem like a debutante party.” The rest of it is just about how all the dogs at the PACCA shelters are sick, and he annoys Michael Nutter with questions about animals, so that’s kind of funny. But mainly this column is great because it has a cute kitty photo by Steven Falk.
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dmac | 8:43 AM | 6 Comments
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Apr
11
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Jill Porter: Now that everybody loves Chelsea Clinton because she’s older and got plastic surgery, she should probably talk to the press. Or at least we should be allowed to joke about how her mom is pimping her out. Right?
John Baer: Ahh, yes, the youth vote is what people always talk about before the election, then no kids vote at all.
Flavia Colgan: No joking about Bill and HIllary — what’s up with that Colombian trade deal!
Okay, so all of the above columns were fine. In fact, they were all so good enough that there wasn’t even really much to make fun of. Yes, sometimes that happens. (John Baer’s columns are usually the hardest to make fun of in a sentence or two.)
And now… it’s time for… The Oppressed White Person Revue. Here’s your host, Christine Flowers!
Christine Flowers: Ahh, yes, so after last week’s column where she called for the execution of juveniles and said that punching someone and having them die was the same morally as shooting that person with intent to kill — I want to know where she goes to church! — she returns to her favorite topic: The Duke rape case!
Yes, the Duke rape (or, rather, lack of rape) has finally returned to Flowers’ column! The column’s pretty boring and is about how oppressed the white man is. Of course, she also says that the subway homicide wasn’t about race, the exact opposite of last week, when she wrote the cops should file hate crime charges. Boy, we white people sure have it tough keeping things straight.
Of course, sadly, besides the Duke rape case mention, this column wasn’t even out there. Geeze, guys! Flowers writes about the Duke rape case and doesn’t really say anything of note and Jill Porter makes an argument that’s not about candy disguised as crack. Most boring Abridged Daily News Columnists ever.
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dmac | 8:47 AM | 3 Comments
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Feb
4
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Ronnie Polaneczky: Ha ha, Philadelphia Traffic Court is incompetent and can’t do anything right. Really, just shocking.
JOhn Baer: Hey, Harris Wofford supports Barack Obama! Anybody remember Harris Wofford? No?
Stu Bykfosky: Oh, boy, a whole column of French jokes. I bet these are fresh and entertaining!
Michael Smerconish: Just so you know, Michael Smerconish likes to torture our “enemies.” Why? “It obviously works, or we would not continue to have this debate.” The debating skills of a master.
Flavia Colgan: She wants you to vote for Barack Obama, as if you weren’t expecting that.
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dmac | 9:15 AM | 1 Comment
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Jan
15
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Yesterday and today!
Elmer Smith: Hey, look, a local business is doing well and the mayor noticed!
Ronnie Polaneczky: Fighting with the courts made this dude a hero, apparently.
John Baer: Ha ha, a lawmaker told some dude who emailed him to kiss his ass.
Flavia Colgan: “WHY DO WE TREAT DOGS BETTER THAN HUMANS?” Really?
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dmac | 10:30 AM | 0 Comments
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Jan
2
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Ronnie Polaneczky: Ooh, a lead that transitions from Christmas to WWJD bracelets to Alycia Lane. Neat! Anyway, this is the Alycia Lane insta-analysis column, which would be a perfectly fine column topic if it were right after the Lane story happened or it were before Christmas.
About halfway through the column it deteriorates into Polaneczky going around to shops in Center City and seeing if her reporter’s cred will get her to be able to cut in line. No, really. Oh, it’s a humor column. Huh.
Flavia Colgan: Nope, I (that’s me, your editor) haven’t learned anything about the Pakistan assassination yet and I’m not going to now.
Phil Goldsmith: This column points out that any tax cuts are going to cause a drop in city spending, which means you’ll die if you have a heart attack because the ambulance won’t get there in time. Happy new year!
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dmac | 10:25 AM | 0 Comments
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Nov
13
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Elmer Smith: We support our troops! Well, ahh, except after they get home.
Ronnie Polaneczky: It’s weird when a source in the story also took a photograph for you yesterday for the same story. Incidentally, this column is too over the place to even abridge.
Fatimah Ali: “Like millions, I’m very interested in Oprah’s school.” Not me!
Flavia Colgan: Apparently, instead of holiday miracles this year, the Daily News will be profiling “Milagros.”
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dmac | 9:40 AM | 0 Comments
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Oct
31
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Jill Porter: Hey, that judge I bashed, now a lot of people are bashing her even more.
John Baer: I don’t want Hillary to be president because of George HW Bush! Well…
Flavia Colgan: All the California National Guard’s equipment was in Iraq and not fighting fires.
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dmac | 9:15 AM | 0 Comments
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Sep
14
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The Daily News‘ Clout today contained a story about local celebrities who have unclaimed money with the state.
Okay, so a story about how rich people have more money coming to them isn’t all that interesting, but the DN did run a photo of blogger/editorial board member/do-gooder/TV commentator/etc. in a bikini. (Because there are no other places to find photos of scantily-clad women in the world.)
While it isn’t Alycia Lane, it’s nice to see some local media celebrity in a bikini. Perhaps this will inspire other local anchorbabes to come forward!
Clout | Hey, Philly celebs! You’re owed some dough [Daily News]
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dmac | 12:00 PM | 12 Comments
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Feb
9
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Jill Porter: Fumo should be compared to Captain Queeg, “a far-less-flattering likeness than Machiavelli.” Yes, because because being compared to Machiavelli is so nice.
Elmer Smith: People should become big brothers.
Flavia Colgan: Congress doesn’t work hard. Or much at all, really.
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dmac | 9:37 AM | 0 Comments
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