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August 23, 2007Coming Soon, Pregnant Sex Videos
It's nice to see the Inquirer has jumped right past regular porn and gone right into old man-and-woman porn in an attempt to drive traffic to the site. Geeze, and you think the Eagles cutting Jeremiah Trotter would have been what really drove people to Philly.com. Sex in the later years | with video [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 10:15 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) July 23, 2007Best To Read It Every Day
Some genitals fit, but what of the duck? [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 10:54 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) June 25, 2007Cloning Gays Is Totally Out Of The Question
Today's piece is about gays, and why people hate them. The headline is pretty clear: "What fuels the hatred of homosexuality?" What makes the column more interesting than usual: There's no mention of the Bible at all. It's like writing a column about the cause of the American Civil War and not mentioning slavery. Flam instead focuses on the "ick factor" of (for the most part) straight men, who abhor the idea of two men kissing or assfucking or whatever. This makes sense, of course; to be honest, I feel men are so disgusting I can't even understand how straight women find men attractive. (I suppose if they didn't it would be the end of the species; mankind is saved because not everyone is as neurotic as I am.) "Isn't it kind of babyish to declare gays immoral because you think their sex lives are icky?" Flam writes. Of course, what if your all-knowing and all-powerful god decides two men shouldn't hook up? Hey, I don't get it either, but who are we to doubt omniscience? Okay, so lotsa men don't like gays (and, therefore, gay marriage) because they feel it's icky. After finally mentioning religious teachings, Flam also cites a study by Leon Kass, who worked with President Bush: "Kass' essay focused not on gay marriage, but on human cloning, which, he wrote, makes us uneasy for a reason." This is like citing an essay on the Panic of 1837 in my hypothetical Civil War column. But, really, it all comes down to one thing: We (not me, but the royal "American") hate gays because we hate smokers. And, ah, carnivores. Rozin suggests that liberals tend to go after smokers partly for the same reason. It's far from a perfect analogy, and I'm not really bothered by smokers. To me, slaughterhouses are disgusting and cast doubt on the morality of buying supermarket steak (although not enough to stop me from eating a hamburger at a barbecue). And what do they call cigarettes in England? I rest my case. Carnal Knowledge | What fuels the hatred of homosexuality? [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 10:53 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) April 30, 2007Negs And Closers And Pick-Up Artists, Oh My!
I sorta called bullshit on it at the time, because it used terms like "sarge" to talk about picking up women. Later, I actually read his book -- I had a free copy, I swear -- and apparently all these things were true. Strauss figured out how to get any woman he wanted and was dating the guitarist from Hole or something by the end of the book. (Who knew?) Naturally, suddenly -- and by "suddenly," I mean "a year and a half ago" -- "pick-up artists" are the hottest rage around, and so today the Inquirer's Faye Flam writes about the new book by The Game's sidekick character, Mystery, with the definitely non-sexist title of The Mystery Method: The Foolproof Way To Get Any Woman You Want Into Bed. (Or maybe The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed, as an Inquirer photo shows. Apparently this book is so amazing it has two different titles.) Students pay $2,150 for a three-day seminar taught by one of Mystery's disciples, which is way more expensive than Match.com. Apparently, getting a girl includes such tips as having good body language, telling girls they suck (in a friendly way) and coming up with some sort of stupid story to tell a girl so she immediately takes your pants off. Or, y'know, something like that. Flam talks about research -- this is the Inquirer, after all -- on similar subjects by scientists, including one who says playing hard to get activates dopamine circuits -- also activated by, say, cocaine -- in the brain on the person who's been rejected. Wow! I didn't know I was a cokehead! But this article is only the beginning (I hope). This story got even more interesting when I met Mystery himself. Maybe I'll write about that in my next column. I'd give it about 50-50 odds. Oh, playing hard to get, eh, Flam? Just write the damn article before I overdose. Carnal Knowledge | Play hard to get, single guys [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 12:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) December 04, 2006Leftovers: Plan A: Go Get Plan B
• With Scott Graham gone in the Phillies' booth next year -- who will do Graham Slam commercials? -- the Phils have added a new analyst: None other than Gary Matthews! Welcome back, Sarge! (Apparently I'm the only one who will miss Scott Graham, though. I thought he had really improved over the past few seasons.) Wheels is still around, so the Chris Wheeler Glossary will certainly be expanding. [Beerleaguer] • Jerry Mondesire, head of the NAACP in Philly, says Jonathan Saidel dropped out of the mayor's race due to Bob Brady. Then again, he also said that Donovan McNabb was a race traitor or something for not running the ball more, so we all know how accurate he is. [KYW 1060] • Why are men bigger than women? Why, Faye Flam reports, men are violent assholes, that's why. However, men, be glad you're not a deep-sea angler fish, where the woman is 500k times heavier than the man. I bet both genders of that fish have issues. [Inquirer] • A pair of employees -- how surprising -- have been arrested in a heist of nearly $300,000 from a Wal-Mart yesterday. If Wal-Mart workers aren't smart enough to pull off a robbery undetected, then who is? [6 ABC] • Ex-Phillies pitcher Don Carman found a bunch of old fan mail and recently answered it. Yeah, I can't think of any joke but "Don Carman got fan mail?!" either. [Slate] • Pat Croce has been named Wing Bowl Commissioner. He'll be in charge of making sure all the models ("models") 610 WIP hires are C-cup or better. [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 04:37 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) October 30, 2006A Slightly More Competitive Ejaculate
I don't know what it is about Faye Flam's column, but there's always some sort of unintentional hilarity. Is it because I have the maturity of a 12-year-old? I do, but I don't know if that explains it all. Could it just be that the way the Inquirer "has" to write about sex makes it funnier? Maybe. Could it just be an excuse to find something to make fun of in lieu of actual content? Certainly. Anyway, In this week's column, Flam reviews the 1996 book Sperm Wars. Here's how she describes it: Sperm Wars is aimed at those of us who have ever paused in mid-thrust to wonder what, exactly, we're doing. Funny. Usually mid-thrust I'm repeating the 1993 Philadelphia Phillies regular season batting averages over and over in my head. ("Darren Daulton, .257; John Kruk, .316; Mickey Morandini, .247...) Continue reading "A Slightly More Competitive Ejaculate" Posted by D-Mac at 03:30 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) So Be Sure To Wear Boxers
You're telling me. Carnal Knowledge | Finally, a sex book with surprises [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 09:51 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) October 02, 2006Faye Flam's Column Sources (An Occasional Series)
A reader named Bob called me a second time last week to urge me to visit a clothing-optional beach in New Jersey - at Sandy Hook. That's almost in New York, so I took a shortcut and visited on the Web. July 24, emails from readers: July is dominance/submission month, or so it would seem from the strange confluence of e-mail that readers sent. First came a couple of e-mails from "Brian." Brian is looking for a woman to dominate him, but until he finds his dream dominatrix, he said he'd like me to help him practice by occasionally telling him to go to bed. He usually retires about 11, but said it would be really fun if I ordered him to bed at, say, 10. Aug. 21, rumors: It sounded incredible. A species that can live virtually forever, enjoy sex well into its second century, and bypass menopause completely. ¶ Rumor had it such a charmed life belonged to a humble turtle that inhabited the marshlands of the Jersey Shore. Aug. 28, hate mail: I never thought of popularized science writing as potentially dangerous, even after I started writing "Carnal Knowledge" - a sex-themed column about the natural world and humanity's place in it. Sept. 7, the film Snakes on a Plane: The creators of the movie Snakes on a Plane did at least a little science homework. For those who haven't seen it, the bad guys in the film manipulate the behavior of a bunch of snakes using scent signals known as pheromones. Today, Maureen Dowd: Science may have found an answer to that question made famous by Maureen Dowd: Are men necessary? If other creatures are anything to go by, men are essential to keeping our species healthy, and would still be necessary even if women started making their own sperm. All I can say is: Phew. Don't worry, men: Evolution shows you're still needed [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 12:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) September 18, 2006This Just In: Men Are DicksSex for men is often a penny ante game; for women the stakes get higher. A man who doesn't love a woman can get her pregnant and abandon her, he can boast to others and hurt her reputation, he can give her a disease (most sexually transmitted diseases are more harmful to women), or he can eat up her precious time as her biological clock ticks away. Faye Flam | Thinking about sex: Who does it more? Posted by D-Mac at 02:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) September 07, 2006Snakes On A Plane: The Documentary
Reptiles really do rely on pheromones more than any other vertebrate class, and scientists really have used pheromones to alter their behavior. The one subtle difference: In the movie, the snakes were induced to attack people; in the real world, scientists made otherwise heterosexual male snakes jump on other males. [...] So, for those of you who saw Snakes on a Plane and left the theater going, "Hmm. I wonder if that could actually happen..." you now have your answer: Uhh, maybe Faye Flam | Snakes can manipulate that come-slither smell [Inky] Posted by D-Mac at 09:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) August 28, 2006F-Word 'Inquirer' Quotes Fucking Vampire
While the Inquirer doesn't print fuck, dick, cock, pussy, tits, twat, cunt, motherfucker, come-covered man slut or any other "sexual swear" I can't think of off the top of my head, there are several instances of "F-word." ("F-word" has been clinically proven to be less harmful to kids than "fuck.") We also learn that the Inquirer has lessened its restrictions on "damn" and "hell," yet "buggery" is banned. Well, bull feathers! Apparently, though, cursing is good for the soul and good for society. (It's not even a sin to say "fuck." Yes! Fuck fuck fuck! See how fun that is?) As for society, well, Flam explains: Overall, the scientific evidence suggests swearing is good for you, says psycholinguist Timothy Jay of Massachusetts College of the Liberal Arts and author of Cursing in America. ¶ We're the only animal that can curse, he says, which sometimes helps us avoid physical violence. "It allows us to express our emotions symbolically and at a distance." For example, Jay says, when a woman was weaving in front of him on the road that morning he was able to call her a "dumb ass" instead of getting out of his car and biting her. After being cut off, Timothy Jay's two options were (a) say "dumb ass" or (b) get out and bite her. I must say, that's quite a clusterfuck. Why are sex words our worst swear words? [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 02:20 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) If Kids Read The 'Inquirer', It Wouldn't Harm Them
Specifically, Flam's 1700-word opus asked a rather simple question. She wondered, "Is my column hazardous for kids?" Apparently, since Flam began writing her "Carnal Knowledge" pop science/sex column, she and her editors have gotten hate mail, have cancelled their subscriptions and have told her that her sex column is going to ruin their kids lives. Flam's column comes to the conclusion that, no, her column does not ruin kids' lives. (Phew!) And reading about a nude beach is not going to make kids have sex earlier. And although it does touch on the idea that kids probably aren't that interested in sex columns, more specifically Inquirer sex columns. But it doesn't ask the question that you're having right now: Wait a minute, kids read newspapers? And, more specifically, kids read the Inquirer? Hazardous for kids? [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 09:15 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0) August 21, 2006If You're Wondering Where Faye Flam Gets Her Column Ideas...July 17, calls from readers: A reader named Bob called me a second time last week to urge me to visit a clothing-optional beach in New Jersey - at Sandy Hook. That's almost in New York, so I took a shortcut and visited on the Web. July 24, emails from readers: July is dominance/submission month, or so it would seem from the strange confluence of e-mail that readers sent. First came a couple of e-mails from "Brian." Brian is looking for a woman to dominate him, but until he finds his dream dominatrix, he said he'd like me to help him practice by occasionally telling him to go to bed. He usually retires about 11, but said it would be really fun if I ordered him to bed at, say, 10. Today, rumors: It sounded incredible. A species that can live virtually forever, enjoy sex well into its second century, and bypass menopause completely. ¶ Rumor had it such a charmed life belonged to a humble turtle that inhabited the marshlands of the Jersey Shore. Next week? Some really sexy smoke signals. Terrapins: At well past 100, they're in the mood [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 11:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) July 24, 2006Faye Flam's Mail: Almost As Weird As Dan Savage's
This is kind of an odd way to start a column -- oh, here's a little story about a reader who said, "Hey, you must go to this nude beach!" -- and it also might encourage him to come back for more. But the lead apparently was a crowd pleaser, as Faye Flam does a redux today with her lead on dominance and submission: July is dominance/submission month, or so it would seem from the strange confluence of e-mail that readers sent. First came a couple of e-mails from "Brian." Brian is looking for a woman to dominate him, but until he finds his dream dominatrix, he said he'd like me to help him practice by occasionally telling him to go to bed. He usually retires about 11, but said it would be really fun if I ordered him to bed at, say, 10. That's funny. I sent the same email to Stu Bykofsky last week. Didn't hear back, though. Who has the upper hand in your twosome? [Inky] Posted by D-Mac at 02:24 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) July 17, 2006What About Bob (And Nude Beaches)?
The verdict? Yes, to protect themselves from the cold, and in warmer climates, to protect their reproductive parts so they could continue the bloodline. All in all, an interesting read, but the lead is simply baffling: A reader named Bob called me a second time last week to urge me to visit a clothing-optional beach in New Jersey - at Sandy Hook. That's almost in New York, so I took a shortcut and visited on the Web. Ohh, a reader named Bob invited you to a nude beach for the second time! (And urged you, even.) You know, if a reader named, say, Roberta invited me to a clothing-optional beach, I certainly wouldn't find a way to turn it into a column and would honestly find it a bit creepy. After agreeing to go, of course. Clothing optional may not be way of historical human [Inquirer] Posted by D-Mac at 02:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) July 03, 20063rd Of July Link Dump: This May Be All You Get
• Despite an absolutely atrocious team, the Phillies have three All-Stars: Chase Utley, Ryan Howard and Tom Gordon. And at the halfway point, the Phillies have a 37-44 record, their worst first half since 2002. It's okay, though, the Phillies are set for the second half after trading for 5-foot-7, 175-pound F. Castro! Okay, it's Fabio Castro, which is almost as funny as if the Phillies signed Fidel. [Inquirer, Phillies.com] • Philadelphia loses its biggest celebrity: Lil' Kim was released from prison this morning. Throngs of fans -- and, assumedly, Dan Gross -- greeted her today. Huzzah! [AP/Philly.com] • Faye Flam's Carnal Knowledge column celebrates its first year today with a quiz about sex. And the first question? "1. What does a male honeybee do after he finishes having sex with the queen?" I think I'll stick to worrying about human sex, thanks. [Inquirer] • A group of people ordered cheesesteaks at Geno's the other day in Spanish, which means we've hit a tipping point: The (hardcore) protesters of Geno's have finally gotten more annoying than Joe Vento himself. (Eh, maybe. Definitely not as annoying as Vento's more vociferous supporters, though.) But, eh, we're sure the big guy will find a way to tip that scale back to his side any day now. [Inquirer] • A meeting of the minds! The Bucks County Courier Times' J.D. Mullane and Lyndon Larouche! [Bucks County Courier Times] • And, really, what would a day be without Irresistible Ella? She's somehow reporting in front of a static fireworks display. [NBC 10] Posted by D-Mac at 09:56 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0) March 06, 2006Leftovers: Hey, Mussolini made the trains run on time• Inquirer writer Marc Narducci pats the 90 percent of Phillies fans that like Chris Wheeler least among the announcers on the head and says, "No, sorry, he's the man!" Coming up next from Narducci, a stunning defense of Ryan Seacrest. ("No, he's really not a tool!") [Inky] • For you Crash-haters -- I'm sort of on the fence -- Google has confirmed what you're thinking. As we all know, Google knows all. [Corporate Casual via Gawker] • The readers wrote in, and Faye Flam responded with more G-spot goodness! And, yes, the article contains this sentence: "If the vagina is the Amtrak's Northeast corridor, which starts in Washington, tell your man to stop shooting straight for Springfield, Mass., and try spending more time in Philly." Even sex is all about Philly right now! [Inky] • What does the Academy share with Rick Santorum? They're both a little squeamish when two dudes make out. [Deadline Hollywood Daily] • Remind me never to argue over e-mail with Joe Rogan. [Best Week Ever Blog] • And, naturally, NBC has shut down all the sites hosting the Natalie Portman gangster rap. They have it on their own site, though, but it's not working for me. Erhm. [NBC.com] Posted by D-Mac at 04:28 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) February 27, 2006But joy is wisdom, Time an endless songToday's Inquirer sex column by Faye Flam must have inspired some editorial meeting discussion before it ran. It's, essentially, a movie review of a set of sex instruction tapes called Better Sex Video Series, which is actually a remake of a 1991 series of the same name. (Truly, not since they remade House of Wax has there been such an important update on film.) It's, eh, fairly graphic for something in the Inquirer -- though tamer than anything we have in the back of PW. (And thank God for that.) It's also funny and entertaining and, really, totally unlike the Inquirer that I wasn't really sure I was reading the Inquirer until I got to the last paragraphs: "Better Sex" did give a realistic and comprehensive overview of the mechanics of sex and its most popular variations. It just didn't capture much passion. [...] Perhaps it's related to what W.B. Yeats was getting at when he said the tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul. But to remedy that could take more than a $49.85 set of videos. Ahh, a Yeats reference. That's the Inquirer I know and love. I believe that puts both Paper Doll and Steve and Mia in check. Your move, guys. 'Better Sex' tapes: True education or porn? [Inky] Posted by D-Mac at 03:39 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0) February 20, 2006Quickies: In the face of heaven• The Inquirer's own Faye Flam asks: Do people have sex in heaven? Since we don't know, we better all just have as much sex as possible now, just in case the answer is no. [Inky] • At least in Bucks County, adult acne is on the rise! And studies show that a person with just one zit a month can get as depressed about it a person with a face full of it. Can you mainline Accutane? [Bucks County Courier Times] • Things considered sexual harassment at Penn, according to the campus paper: Licking lips or teeth, winking or throwing kisses; holding or eating food provocatively; staring at an individual or looking a person up and down (so-called "elevator eyes"); giving personal gifts. Better carry around some chapstick. Oh, and don't use a napkin. [Daily Pennsylvanian] • And, finally, if you're looking for some extra education, check out Trump University. It'll teach you how to be a media whore while getting everyone to ignore all the times you filed for bankruptcy. [Camden Courier-Post] Posted by D-Mac at 11:45 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0) January 23, 2006G whiz
Flam's article today is about the G-Spot and the search for just what in the world it actually is. In honor of the confusion over the G-Spot and my confusion on how to write this post, I'll simply list my five favorite sentences in Flam's article, with no context (of course):
Those last two quotes are about a man she met at a gym once, the author of The Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking: The Ultimate in Female Ecstasy. The author's not named in the piece, oddly, but his name is Tommy Leonardi and he's a Penn alum. His book is $6.99 on Amazon and contains the following passage (copied from Amazon's "Look inside!" feature): The first time, I met a woman at an art opening, and the attraction between us became obvious.... it didn't take long for us to get into a discussion about sex. It was at this time she told me that she was, as she called it, a "squirter." For the second time today, I'll just leave you with that. Editor's Note: This should be the last mention of sex or sexual organs today, but I'm not promising anything. Carnal Knowledge | In search of women's fabled G-spot [Inky] Posted by D-Mac at 02:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) December 12, 2005Yabba dabba doo!
And, apparently, there is a section of the test where you judge the size of lines and hexagons. And this measures testosterone. And Faye Flam has a lot of testosterone. Flam is as confused as you are right now, wondering what this has to do with testosterone. So she asks some people, and it turns out that 10,000 years ago cavemen had to measure hexagons against colored backgrounds and, if they got it right, they got testosterone injections. Err, sorry. What really happened was 10,000 years ago men had to hunt and women had to sit in the cave and draw really stupid paintings. This affected testosterone levels. But what about the women who were single and had to hunt? Well, Flam has an answer for that (emphasis, of course, mine): That might have been, but even in the Stone Age there must have been women who didn't get a man or got a defective one. What if, in fits of frustration and protein craving, some of the more athletic types picked up axes or stones and felled their own animals? There's no reason such self-sufficient women wouldn't leave a genetic legacy, as long as they were decent hunters and slept around. Eff yeah! Rock on, sister. Carnal Knowledge | Putting our sexuality to the testosterone test [Inky] Posted by D-Mac at 02:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) |
• Late last week, Brian Tierney 
I've been trying to figure out a way to write about Faye Flam's Inquirer article today, but can't quite come up with a way to do so.
I have a passage of another wonderous Faye Flam sex column to highlight here, but first some background: today's "