April 28, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Hoo-ray! It's time for the weekend, which means even more drinking than usual for all of us. Or, in my case, I'll be able to catch up on the 40 or so hours of sleep I need.

1. Funniest news story of the week: The deliveryman who hauled both pizza and dead bodies or the guy who stole the newsstands? You could debate this for hours and still not have a clear answer.
2. Overlooked news story of the week: The man who left his job to become Managing Director Pedro Ramos. Science!
3. Russian comedian Yakov Smirnoff is getting a degree from Penn. Gallagher is expected to enroll in Cornell any day now.
4. Oh, yeah, Rick Mariano resigned and he went out with a wimper, not a bang.
5. Gas prices are high, and everyone's turning to mass transit. Well, everyone except Philadelphians.

Enjoy your weekend. Remember, Monday is Dick Cheney Day!

Posted by D-Mac at 04:20 PM

April 21, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Hurrah! The weekend is here, and after a week of beautiful weather and sunshine, it'll be nice to just sit inside and listen to the rain bounce off the windowsill. Well, no, it won't. But that's the only good side of the weather I can think of this weekend.

Now, let's get this work week over with. Mush!

1. The Good Day Philadelphia crew finally landed the biggest mascot of them all, the Phillie Phanatic. It's his birthday Sunday, by the way, so if you see him be sure to wish him a good one.
2. If Rick Mariano's going down, Rick Mariano is taking everyone down with him!
3. In the land of more right-leaning politicians, some left-leaning kiddies are searching for a Rick Santorum impersonator.
4. The Daily News told us all that Jesus is just another boldface name to them.
5. And the 76ers ended their season, very, very painfully.

Okay. Go! Get out of here! Enjoy the outdoors before it's too late!

Posted by D-Mac at 04:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

April 07, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Hurrah! Another week done, another wrap-up post that I don't want to write. (See, we bloggers are honest with our biases. My bias is that I'm really, really lazy.)

Anyway, here's the weekly Top 5:

1. Oh, Curt Weldon. When you're not coming up with "Reasons Why Curt Weldon Should Have Been Trusted Before 9/11" books you're showing no class, tact or common sense. Sigh.
2. Showing more class, more tact and more common sense is Rep. Mark B. Cohen, who has bilked taxpayers for $28K of books in the past two years. But, uh, not much more.
3. Jessica Borg was voted hottest newshottie in Philadelphia, and a loud protest (of a few people) erupted in the comments section.
4. Anthony DiMeo III sues website owner Tucker Max, and Max throws a party to beef up his legal defense fund.
5. I got very excited about the Phillies, and then they They lost their first three games.

What just missed the cut for the Top 5 (i.e., I just remembered these things now): Geese, More geese, Hitler and a seal. Enjoy your weekend!

Posted by D-Mac at 04:15 PM

March 31, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Okay, let's plow through this one; I've got sweet, sweet Phillies Budweiser to drink.

1. A Philadelphia Eagles starter has a run-in with the law; of course, he's only arrested for dancing in the street. All you need is music. Sweet, sweet music. They're dancin' in Chicago! And down in New Orleans!
2. The Inquirer's go-to guy for all things Italian-American: Joe Bubbles.
3. Rick Mariano is free, and he wears olive-colored shirts.
4. The Philadelphia police department is well on its way to the largest bong in world history. $11.5 million worth!
5. And, finally, the smoking ban rises again, Jason-like. Much like Jason, expect it to die soon, too.

Enjoy your weekend! If you need something to drink, be sure to support the lemonade stand that supports Lil' Kim.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:16 PM

March 24, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Yes, another good week from an under-25 newspaper blogger who hasn't that plagiarized a review of Final Fantasy. Sorry, just the thought of the movie Final Fantasy makes me laugh.

Let's get this week over with.

1. First off, your weekly dose of dancing on Good Day Philadelphia. Seriously, it doesn't get any better than this.
2. Okay, I suppose it could: They could also have the this rooster and this one-armed, one-legged woman dancing as well.
3. In case you're wondering, Philadelphia is just like Madrid. Just like it!
4. We have an example of how putting a doggy on TV doesn't always work.
5. The Inquirer said that many Boscov's stores include a Ticketron. Sure, in 1987.

That's all. Enjoy your weekend. Try not to be scared too much by Ty Pennington's presence if you're in the Northeast.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:00 PM

March 17, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Ahh, Friday after four. It's the time of the week when I'm utterly, 100 percent burnt out, and I say to myself, "Why do I do this job? How am I going to be able to do it another week? Why didn't I write [many/any] essays this week and why do I have to do an effing recap of the day's events? I need an intern! I need a vacation! I need a life!"

And then I realize I'm sitting at home watching basketball -- well, today -- and that I get paid to write on the Internet! And, uhm, I still whine to myself for a while, but I'm able to finish this thing, and remain burnt out until Monday morning, when it all begins again.

That being said, let's go:

1. I missed it, unfortunately, but Lil' Kim's friends had a press conference to complain to the mayor about her treatment in federal prison. That's like me complaining to the mayor about his handling of the controversial Canadian seal hunt.
2. Justice prevailed in the murder of Faheem Thomas-Childs, despite a bunch of recantations and those evil, evil t-shirts.
3. Don't like the design of PW's cover? Gussy it up a bit!
4. Curt Weldon: the James Frey of Congressmen?
5. McClatchy buys the Inquirer and Daily News only to say, "Man, this market sucks. Hey, want to buy these papers?

And we're done! This weekend, pour a 40 on the corner for the ex-Senate candidate, and don't forget to celebrate HALL AND OATES DAY tomorrow.

And, for weekend blogging goodness, PW music editor Neil Ferguson is simply doing a fantastic job blogging from SXSW.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:50 PM

March 10, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

It's sunny out. I'm going for a run. And now the (done as quickly as possible) Top 5:

1. First off, The Oscars. I don't know what was worse, the show itself, or all the complaining that Crash won or that Jon Stewart wasn't funny or that the Academy hates gays. Thankfully, we only have to wait another year for everyone to get really worked up for another almost-pointless award show. Phew.
2. Film School's van was stolen, possibly by someone looking to frame The A-Team again. I pity the fool!
3. The Northeast Times gets absolutely destroyed on its own letters page.
4. With campaign ads like this, Rick Santorum is sure to win re-election.
5. And, finally, the dancing colon polyp on Good Day Philadelphia.

Enjoy your spring-like weekend! Joe's and Temple tonight at 6:30, selection show Sunday, then Sopranos and Big Love -- the new polygamy show -- after that! Let's hope all of that gets us ready for a good week.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:00 PM

March 03, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Sorry for the lack of updates today, or at least the lack of really interesting updates. (That's my opinion, at least.) Anyway, it's over, and by Monday you'll all have forgotten anything you didn't like the previous week anyway. God bless short attention spans.

On to the top five!

1. The Inquirer's use of "Samson Street": A typo, or simply succumbing to the Philadelphia accent in print? I vote that latter.
2. Nobody skated to work on Thursday, but everyone did have a clear path of rock-salt from the front door to the office.
3. John Street wants to steal your soul through Wireless Philadelphia.
4. It's not just the one chicken lady in Northeast Philadelphia. It's chickens, llamas, camels, maybe even a giraffe or two.
5. Stephen Starr builds a restaurant roughly the size of Manhattan.

And let's not forget Good Day Philadelphia's Mascot Monday, Rick Mariano getting hit with a gate as he walked out of City Hall and Ted Nugent bashing liberals and their non-tree planting ways.

Have a good weekend. Monday should be awesome.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:22 PM

February 24, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

In honor of the fact that we now have video capability here on Philadelphia Will Do (and can, as such, record local newscasters doing stupid stuff, post short clips of them and then laugh about it in my little space online), this week's Top 5 is five videos we've posted this week:

1. Phillies play-by-play man Harry Kalas also was an announcer for the Puppy Bowl.
2. Fox 29 gets February sweeps going by doing the police's job.
3. Action News warns us that small expensive objects could be stolen. Hide your gold dubloons.
4. William Devlin tries stand-up comedy, fails miserably.
5. NBC 10's Bill Henley tells Miss America she has a nice box.

And, of course, there was a sixth: The Good Day Philadelphia anchors dancing with a blue hen. Have a good weekend!

Posted by D-Mac at 04:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 17, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

This week came in like a lion and went out like a lamb. But don't get too excited, Old Man Winter'll be making a comeback any hour now. Let's get this over with and then go party 'til we can't feel feelings anymore.

1. A lot of weird shit happened this week. A lot of weird shit happens every week. But former Phillies catcher Darren Daulton inventing his own brand of metaphysics sort of blows everything in the history of the world, ever, away.
2. Daulton also thinks the world is going to end on December 12, 2012. Speaking of the world ending, that's no doubt what Miracle the Cat -- who survived a highway ride spent in the wheel well of a car -- felt when he found out he was moving to Northeast Philly.
3. Action News warned us about how dangerous the Nintendo DS is, leaving out the part that, well, it's not, really.
4. In case you're wondering, Vai Sikahema is married, but he's comfortable in his masculinity to spend three hours shopping with Johnny Weir.
5. Even if they let gays marry, nobody's movin' to New Jersey. It's the smell, I think.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:30 PM

February 10, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Alright, all. A good week, of course. (I guess.) You watching the Olympics tonight to see The Flying Tomato? Or staying in for Arrested instead? (The "cool" kids will go out afterward.) Those are really your only two options. The rest of the weekend's wide open, especially if the snow hits. Johnny and Joey are doing cool things. On to the last thing I get paid to do this week:

1. Oh, yeah, also this weekend: Snow. In related news, I actually heard "Informer" in a bar this weekend. But get the shovels ready.
2. I don't think Philadelphia has that much of a chance of getting the Olympics. But, hey, why not?
3. Guns & Pizza: A deadly and delicious combo.
4. Verizon will soon be providing cable service to about 15 people.
5. St. Joe's Prep is looking for a new principle on Craigslist. Trolling might be a better word for it.

Have a good weekend, all.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 03, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Oh, man. Today felt like a letdown, but maybe that's just because yesterday was all about puppies! So let's end this week and hope the next one is just as cute!

1. Right: No. 1 in my heart forever is the all-puppy morning. In fact, this might be the most important thing to happen in Philadelphia this year. Nay, scratch that "might."
2. You know when blogging has jumped the shark when someone was fired for his Myspace blog.
3. Speaking of shark-jumping, it's certain that Wildwood has also made that leap. Sadly.
4. Apparently, in Bucks County, there's training that teaches you well-known street drug lingo.
5. And, in probably the saddest event of the week -- not involving heroin-smuggling puppies (by the way, a whopping twenty-two of you sent me this story) -- George Bush gave the most boring State of the Union address ever. Well, boring except for those human-animal hybrids.

Have a great weekend! Enjoy the Super Bowl, and pray for someone's boob to pop out. If it doesn't happen, just check out PW's coverage of Wing Bowl for all your mammary-related needs.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:00 PM

January 27, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Every week, as I sit down to write this wrap-up post, I think, "Damn, how did I manage to get through this week?" This is no exception. A quick glance at this week: Philadelphia Will Do featured roughly 13,000 words in 66 posts (67 now). Even if a good chunk of that was blockquoted text, that's just effing ridiculous.

That being said, here's to another week. Hope you enjoyed.

1. In what might be the most popular post I've done since starting last August, these three images are really and truly from Good Day Philadelphia. There's some explanation of it here, and more Good Day goodness here.
2. In other television news, UPN and WB are merging to form CW 57. NB to executives: Cancel the getting-stranger-by-the-minute Veronica Mars -- seriously, did you see the last episode? -- and the getting-cuter-by-the-minute Kristen Bell and heads will roll.
3. The Daily News is going to have to turn to cactii: The plant-watering service has been axed.
4. There's at least one magazine editor who hasn't bought into the Philly-is-cool hype. Hey, hey, hey. Don't you know only natives are allowed to hate this city?
5. The plan to rename 30th Street Station after a certain bifocal-wearing local inventor is toast, and the citizens erupt in celebration.

And, yes, today is my birthday. To all who said kind things, sent cards or just thought they'd like to wish me a happy birthday, my fondest thanks. I'll buy you a drink sometime.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:10 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

January 20, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Hey, it's the weekend! It's apparently going to be about 100 degrees outside this weekend, so -- please! -- go outside this weekend! Even if you're just walking to the store, it's something.

That being said, here's what we all did this week:

1. Oh, yes: We had a gimmick on Wednesday, and it was Apocalypse Philadelphia, and it was good.
2. One Pennsylvania legislator saves us from having to see impostors of The Platters.
3. The Northeast Times decides a good mayoral candidate would be Fast Eddie. Their reasoning? They think he's a bad governor.
4. The Daily News accidentally kills off a gay kid, then they accidentally say they accidentally killed off ex-Family Feud host Richard Dawson. I see.
5. Happy Birthday, Ben Franklin! Let's parade to your grave!

Sunday night, I also wrote a big ol' essay, and I may do it again this weekend if something sparks. Maybe I'll write it outside in shorts and a tank top! Enjoy the weekend, all.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

January 13, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

Let us all join hands and celebrate another week completed. Hooray! Here's your top five:

1. There are some people who actually fight quite strongly against the "Homosexual Agenda." Yep, just like Don Quixote and the windmills.
2. I get political, but only to annoy politicians as much as possible.
3. Who knew that Grizzly bears knocked down entire rows of buildings? The Weekly Press, that's who.
4. This story about the guy in Jersey with the box and the hookers and the crack really can't be true, can it?
5. NBC 10 learns the attempting to cross-promote news and television shows.

That's all. Enjoy your weekend.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:45 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack (0)

January 06, 2006

Top 5 Will Do

I know what you're thinking, dear reader, and I don't disagree. Boy, I sure started 2006 with a whimper, not with a bang. It's true. I will give my excuse: I was sick this week, and a lot of the slowtime was simply because of that. It's what happens when you're a one-man show and you're coughing up a lung. (This thing's been going around all Center City, right?) I actually got better at points during the week, but my lungs remained full of bacteria or viruses or whatever.

I hope next week will not involve my daily regimen being crawling from my bed to my computer to make fun of a stupid headline. I am fairly confident it will be a normal week, though, without any sneezes or coughing or temperature-taking, and back to essays and puppies and all that good stuff.

With that, here's the week's Top 5:

1. People fled the big cities like New York and Washington and ended up in small, rural burgs like Philadelphia. Moo!
2. The media is obsessed with sex. Really. No, really.
3. Speaking of sex, Editor & Publisher reminds us that the Inquirer asked the president to resign over a blowjob.
4. The Daily News didn't make a mistake on that mining story, but only if you read the online edition.
5. And the Inky runs a column from 1996.

Have a great weekend. Enjoy Justice Sunday Sunday SUNDAY!

Posted by D-Mac at 03:30 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

December 23, 2005

Top 5 Will Do

I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Let's go:

1. Ho ho ho: Santa invites the kids to the prison training facility!
2. All you gotta do to make we twentysomethings laugh: reference weed.
3. A local church says that you might have a curse. Perhaps not making typos is the sign of a curse. (I'm not cursed, then.)
4. Kyle Korver loves him some Zack Morris.
5. The Inquirer does "Don't Stand So Close To Me" in article form.

Yay! Weekend! Have a great Christmas, Hanukkah, Pagan Tree Festival or anything else you're celebrating. I'll be back on Monday for Boxing Day goodness.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

December 16, 2005

Top 5 Will Do

Ugh. I want to go home and sleep for, like, a million hours. And so that is what I'll do, since it's the weekend! Hooray! I'll be back Monday with my usual ridiculousness. I must have been doing something good this week -- the hate mail was even more vitrol-filled than usual.

Anyway, here's our Top 5 recap:

1. That whole condom protest? Eh, let's just say it broke. It did, however, lead to our first comparison of me to Hitler.
2. Our Fearless Leader -- no, not Dick Cheney -- was in town speaking about his super plan to take responsibility for intelligence failures, which must be so amazing he's just never going to put it into action. Maybe he was just responding to the sleep-inducing protest outside.
3. Despite the cold weather, T.O. manages to get girls in panties outside his birthday party.
4. The movie Rocky Balboa launches a blog, complete with ridiculous comments.
5. I discover a new fact: All science fiction fans are poor virgins.

Have a good weekend. May your days be Cosby-free and your night be devoid of typos. Don't piss in any trashcans.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

December 09, 2005

Top 5 Will Do

Uhh, hello? It's Friday! There's snow outside. It's kinda dreary out. Lots of people have already skipped work today. Head home!

If you're still here, here's a neat little recap of the week's events:

1. The Inquirer lets us know that humans and dogs are different. A bonus? Puppy photo!
2. If you're looking for something to do Sunday, some guy is handing out condoms out front of the main Catholic Church downtown.
3. Retailers hate both Christmas and Hanukkah, and there's nothing we can do about it.
4. The television's constant snow parade is nothing more than a conspiracy.
5. The Eagles sign up a Playboy bunny as a blogger! This was the most popular story of the week.

Excellent! Be safe getting home.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)