Ed Kelley Turns To America’s Numismatic Threat

Last week featured the debut of Ed Kelley, the Evening Bulletin columnist who really, really hates gays. Or, rather, he loves them, but he wants to call ‘em faggots and tell them they’re abnormal and destined to burn in hell. Or something like that.

Well, Kelley is back, baby! And this time he’s taking on an even greater threat to America than gays: Dollar coins.

Wait, wha? Yes, apparently after he and the Pope got together and refuted the experts by declaring homosexuality the same as pedophilia, Kelley decided to take on this new dollar coin. He says it’s costing we taxpayers lots and lots of money — just like the military’s gay ban is costing us lots and lots of soldiers — even though the program will make a ton of money due to seigniorage. (The 50 State Quarter program has made $4.6 billion, for reference.)

But that’s not all! No, there are bigger problems with the coin than just the loss of money.

Numismatists are even happier to learn that hundreds of thousands of faulty and now tradable dollar coins without the phrase “In God We Trust” on the edge have been put into circulation … by accident?

Were some mint employees fired as a result of this gigantic faux pas? They should have been, along with their boss - or was it a deliberate plan of action? Are we to believe that the faulty coins were not discovered early by mint employees? I can understand missing one of the six Lincoln 1909S vdb pennies (for Victor D. Brenner who designed the original Lincoln Cent), but not hundreds of thousands of dollar coins.

Yes! That’s what the mistake where coins were pressed without edge markings was! A secret plot to not strike the edges to show God just where we put our trust! Or, ah, not.

Coin Of The Realm: Impact Of The New Dollar [Bulletin]

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Most columnists used the Ann Coulter situation — where she called John Edwards a faggot (har de har har!) — to call her an idiot, then pat themselves on the back for bashing a provocative political commentator for doing her shtick.

But not Ed Kelley in The Bulletin. No, Kelley wrote what is, by far, the best column ever written. And, by best, I mean, of course, worst. (And best for me, since I can make fun of it.)

I’m going to parse it after the jump, but you can get a preview too.

Unlike some “experts” who claim pedophilia and homosexual behavior are different things altogether, it looks like the Pope has figured out the connection.

In his papal laboratory, clearly. Follow me after the jump for a discussion of… wow, just wow.

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