August 22, 2008

Ninja Warriors Fail In Plan To Fight Weed

There is more news today about the two kids who dressed up as ninjas in an attempt to stop drug users. The pair -- clearly future DARE officers -- say they were just attempting to deliver a few anti-drug missives to an ex-girlfriend and her friends.

But -- whoops! -- at the first house they went to, they caught the eye of the cops, probably because they were dressed up as "Shinobi warriors" from an old Sega Genesis game. (Maybe they should have dressed up like Sonic the Hedgehog or John Madden instead.) Then one of the ninjas talked to the Newark Star-Ledger and things got awesome:

Pertkiewicz was released from jail yesterday on $20,000 bail. He faces weapons charges and a charge of harassment for targeting the home of his ex-girlfriend, a charge he flatly denies.

"I want to be very clear, there was no intent of harassment at all," said Pertkiewicz, a Bergen Community College anthropology student and volunteer karate instructor for Clifton children. "It's not because she was my ex-girlfriend; it was because of what she was doing." He said she was allowing others to use her home to smoke pot.

The letters stated "Shinobi will stop your cruel and sadistic intentions with justified, yet merciful force." The correspondence accused pot smokers and drug dealers of having "committed sin of passing impurity" to others. It also said the "wind guides us to those of impure heart and intent."

But Trojaniak, a self-taught martial artist, said they never intended to physically harm the letter recipients, including one purported drug dealer on the list to receive a letter. He said the pair had considered throwing smoke bombs into the dealer's home and calling emergency workers who would later discover the drugs.

Ha ha, a "self-taught" "martial artist." Who was going to stop people from smoking pot! I'd make the joke that maybe these kids need a bong hit or two to calm down, but I think injecting some methamphetamine would calm these kids down instead.

Oh, the article also notes the details for the smoke bombs came from a YouTube video. That's the place where all ninja warriors learn to fight drugs.

Plan goes awry for anti-drug 'ninjas' [The Star-Ledger]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:51 PM | Comments (0)

August 21, 2008

Ninjas Target Drug Users, Are Arrested

Police in New Jersey arrested two ninjas yesterday; the men (arrested in Clifton) said they were on a mission to tell drug dealers and users to stop, lest they suffer harm.

Guys, I know you've heard my column is coming back off hiatus soon, but this really isn't the best way to handle it.

Calling themselves "Shinobi warriors," the men wore black SWAT-type vests and carried knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows.

After being arrested early Wednesday in a car on Route 46, the men said they were delivering warning letters to drug dealers and drug users urging them to stop their "impure" activities.

The letters said those who persisted would be stopped with "justified yet, merciful force.

I have to imagine these two are part of the government's new plan to fight the drug war with ninjas. Pretty soon the DEA will move on to other internet favorites and fight it with pirates and LOLcats.

Also, the headline on the story is awesome: N.J. men with Asian weapons claimed to target drugs.

Photo by R'eyes, Creative Commons license

Posted by D-Mac at 02:28 PM | Comments (1)

July 29, 2008

Top OTC Drugs Ones That Kinda Work

Oh, boy, do I love the slow summer months. CBS 3's Stephanie Stahl yesterday reported on the top over-the-counter medications, riffing off a report from the American Pharmacists Association.

What are the best over-the-counter medicines, you might ask? Well, CBS 3 studied the report and let its viewers know just what the best OTC meds are: The ones you already have in your medicine cabinet!

The best for relieving itchy skin irritations is Cortizone-10, according to a new survey from the American Pharmacists Association of five thousand pharmacists. [...] And pharmacists recommend Sudafed to clear up a stuffy nose. [...] Some other best selections from the pharmacists include Midol for menstrual pain and Unisom for a better nights sleep.

What is this new "Cortizone-10" they speak of? I can assume the group also recommends aspirin for pain -- no more sucking on the bark of a willow tree! (Also, I've been telling everyone I know that "Sudafed PE" crap doesn't work. Suck it up and get put on the government's list of potential meth cooks and get the good shit from behind the counter.)

Best Over-The-Counter Medicines [CBS 3]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:07 AM | Comments (0)

July 17, 2008

The Doctor Who Made Temple Proud

While researching a column yesterday, I found this excellent piece on the history of recreational drug use in America. And a decent chunk of the story concerns a doctor from Temple University.

Where, oh where, in this story, are we going to find an expert witness? Here it comes -- sure enough -- the guy from Temple University -- the guy with the dogs. I promise you, you are not going to believe this.

In the most famous of these trials, what happened was two women jumped on a Newark, New Jersey bus and shot and killed and robbed the bus driver. They put on the marijuana insanity defense. The defense called the pharmacologist, and of course, you know how to do this now, you put the expert on, you say "Doctor, did you do all of this experimentation and so on?" You qualify your expert. "Did you write all about it?" "Yes, and I did the dogs" and now he is an expert. Now you ask him what? You ask the doctor "What have you done with the drug?" And he said, and I quote, "I've experimented with the dogs, I have written something about it and" -- are you ready -- "I have used the drug myself."

What do you ask him next? "Doctor, when you used the drug, what happened?"

With all the press present at this flamboyant murder trial in Newark New Jersey, in 1938, the pharmacologist said, and I quote, in response to the question "When you used the drug, what happened?", his exact response was: "After two puffs on a marijuana cigarette, I was turned into a bat."

Who knew Batboy was from Philadelphia? This article also contains this quote from said doctor: "I wouldn't know, I am not a dog psychologist."

Posted by D-Mac at 03:29 PM | Comments (3)

June 25, 2008

Atlantic City Will Not Store Your Heroin

Atlantic City law enforcement is still looking for the person who killed four prostitutes 18 months ago. They're turning to the drug dealers and prostitutes themselves for clues (obviously), and are totally not going to arrest anyone.

Well, as long as you don't do this:

Atlantic County Prosecutor Ted Housel says the deaths are sufficiently similar to make it appear that they are the work of a serial killer. Housel is asking other prostitutes and drug users to tell police what they know about the case, with the promise they won't be arrested.

"Short of putting a bag of heroin on the table and asking us to hold it while you talk to us, I can promise that you won't be pursued for anything like that," he said, referring to prostitutes or drug dealers who come forward. "Nobody is going to be scrutinized because of lifestyle choices in an investigation like this."

Good advice for all situations, really: If you go to talk to a law enforcement officer, keep your heroin at home. Or at least in your pockets.

Prostitutes' help sought to solve 4 killings [AP/Courier-Post]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:57 AM | Comments (0)

June 17, 2008

Arlen Would Take A Medical Toke

Dan Gross writes on Arlen Specter and medical marijuana, learning that if the drug were legal in Pennsylvania and his doctor recommended it, he'd have a puff.

Gross reports in an ever-so-detailed fashion that when he asked if he would puff even if it were illegal, Specter smiled and said he was "certainly not about to say I would violate the law." But he'd be okay with breaking federal medical marijuana law if it were legal in Pennsylvania? That's our Arlen!

Specter would puff if medical marijuana were legal in Pennsylvania [Phillygossip]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:50 PM | Comments (1)

May 20, 2008

This Week's Drug Roar

As you can guess, it takes a lot of drugs to get through one episode of Gossip Girl. (Not really.) And, yes, I'm still doing the drug column: This week it's about the side-effects of drug prohibition. The column wanders a bit too much -- digesting the info I come across into streamlined columns is hard sometimes -- but I think I make some okay points. I guess.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:17 PM | Comments (0)

May 06, 2008

This Is Synergy

Six racehorses from a Burlington County farm have tested positive for a performance-enhancing drug under the state's newly expanded drug-testing rules, the state attorney general's office announced today.

The horses were from Winner's International Farm in Chesterfield, Burlington County. They tested positive for erythropoietin, which can enhance a horse's oxygen consumption during races, but can also lead to heart attack or stroke during intense exercise.

Horses, drugs... really, this has it all. I like how the side-effects of the drugs are listed. Oh, no, you might hurt the horsies while you race them around and around and possibly to their deaths!

6 racehorses fail drug tests at Burlington Co. farm [Philly.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:27 PM | Comments (2)

May 04, 2008

Airport Actually #1 In Something

DRAFT Magazine -- a magazine, apparently -- recently ranked the top 10 airports for beer, and what do you know, Philadelphia International Airport ranked first, having 48 taps at several terminals.

Thanks to Jet Rock, Philly features the rare jewel of a big-selection airport bar in not one, but four terminals. The rock 'n' roll-themed restaurants in terminals B, C, and D pull 48 taps (24 in F) with a mix of local micros and big-brewery lagers.

The idea of a rock 'n' roll-themed restaurant sounds pretty terrible -- ever been to Hard Rock? -- but with 48 taps, there's certain to be a beer you'll like. It makes sense, though: Only a lot of beer could make PHL palatable.

PHL tops in hops [Food & Drinq]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:56 PM | Comments (0)

April 24, 2008

Today On DrugRoar.com

Yes, I'm blogging here every day, for the most part. Today, I write about the big drug bust today and the staunch rhetoric of public officials -- ahem, Mr. Mayor -- who should know better.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:33 PM | Comments (0)

February 26, 2008

Crack, Weed, Nicotine Make Local News

Oh, so apparently this story is gaining a lot of traction: A 7-year-old in Trenton was found with crack in school; his 10-year-old sister turned him in. This was a little different than the usual minuscule amount kids manage to steal from idiot parents and bring into school for show and tell. Our little 7-year-old had seventy grams of cocaine.

The kid won't be punished -- hooray! -- but his parents have been arrested on drug charges and endangering the welfare of a child. A commenter on Action News' website plainly states: "does anyone who has made it out of the inner city care enough 2 put their successes aside 2 mentor 1 child 2day honestly it does no good 4 the white community 2 step up 4obvious reasons 2 numerous 2 list as a community both blk n wht n other we r in trouble." Uh, yes.

The Eagles' Mike Patterson was recently charged with possession of a drug of a less dangerous nature, i.e. marijuana, reefer, pot, ganja, cannabis and about 150 other stupid names. The Daily News' John Smallwood goes and says he shouldn't be smoking pot because of Andy Reid's sons!

Considering his family's ordeal, it would be difficult for Reid to simply dismiss Patterson's actions and let them drift away. For Reid to do nothing to Patterson would be a tacit acknowledgment that drug use isn't that big a deal, and really, how can he possibly do that? Yet, if Reid hands down an overly harsh penalty on Patterson, would it be viewed as him allowing his personal issues to influence his professional duties?

Sigh. Meanwhile, Philly Edge points to a debate about a legal drug: Some snooty teenagers in Bensalem want to take away our right to smoke in parks and playgrounds! If not the suburbs, there's nowhere else to smoke! The kids are part of the Extreme Service and Intergenerational Training Experience, and we all know how much extreme power that group has. Guess we'll have to be content to smoke elsewhere. Who knew you were even allowed to smoke at a playground anyway?

Posted by D-Mac at 02:25 PM | Comments (1)

February 25, 2008

Jersey Cops Crack Down On NFL Players So Stoned They Get Caught With Weed

Okay, New Jersey, this simply must stop. Just a day after the news breaks that Eagles' defensive tackle Mike Patterson was charged with marijuana possession in Evesham Township, possibly former NFL running back Wali Lundy was arrested for possession of the wacky weed in Burlington Township.

Most people caught with weed don't go to prison, and NFL players are no exception. The Eagles aren't treating Patterson's marijuana infraction as anything serious; he supposedly won't face a suspension from the league. Lundy was apparently found smoking pot at a playground, which means he will probably be tried as a juvenile. They'll both just end up having to pay, essentially, a fine.

Former NFL and county standout charged with drug possession [Burlington County Times]
Eagles’ Patterson charged with marijuana possession in N.J. [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:06 PM | Comments (0)

February 20, 2008

Penn Students Apparently Very Sober

A Dartmouth blogger recently did a nice big ol' chart about the Ivy League rates of alcohol infractions. The New Hampshire school was first with 52.3 per 1000 students, while Penn somehow had the lowest number per 1k kids, a measly 3.2.

So what's up, Penn kids? Is there so much to do in Philadelphia that you've all stopped drinking? Does the University of Pennsylvania actually have a -- gasp! -- sensible response to college drinking?

Oh, wait: Cocaine. And other assorted uppers and downers available in pill form. Nevermind.

How do the Ivies stack up on alcohol enforcement? [Joe's Dartblog]

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February 13, 2008

White House Somehow Screws Up

A program in Bucks County that helps drug addicts is in danger of having its funding cut by President Bush's new proposal. And why is Bucks County Council on Alcohol and Drug Dependence having its funding cut specifically? Phantom manicures.

The Recovery Community Services Program is one of 13 Health and Human Services programs totaling $2.8 billion that would be cut or reduced if the budget plan passes. The program is unworthy of continued federal funding because “services provided, such as manicures and other non-traditional therapies, are not based on evidence-based practices for recovery and grantees have not consistently met all performance measures,” according to a statement from the White House.

Manicures help you stay off drugs? Sweet! Er... oh.

Executive director Beverly Haberle said she can't understand where that information came from; not only are things like manicures not part of the council's programming, she said, such an expenditure would never have gotten though the oversight process. “No one can back up that claim,” she said. "That would not have been an allowable expense in the first place.”

Turns out a few people were given services (say, a manicure and haircut before a job interview) donated by local businesses and other private funds. This is the first time the White House has gotten anything incorrect during Bush's stellar years in office.

Cuts would hurt Bucks program [The Intelligencer]

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February 12, 2008

Son Stabber Hailed As American Hero

There are a lot of heroes in today's world, but none are greater than Upper Darby's Lawrence Dugan Sr., who attempted to murder his son. Yesterday, he officially became a free man, as his three months time served before posting bail was applied to his one-month sentence.

Dugan Jr. wouldn't testify against his father, so Michael Chitwood -- who told the best joke of all last year when he said the War on Drugs makes us safer -- did the only natural thing and hailed him a hero:

"At the end of the day, I think justice has been served," Chitwood said. "The father, even though he was the stabber, he was not the villain in this case."

Ahh, yes, you see, the son was a heroin addict whose mom called him "evil." Dugan Jr. is back in jail on theft charges -- the article helpfully notes he was a "junkie" and that he was so evil he stabbed someone -- and the father is not allowed any contact with his son. "Junior is a bad guy. You name it, he's done it," Chitwood said. "Junior is not an innocent victim in society. He put that family in fear." Woo-hoo, vigilante justice in Upper Darby! I'm gonna kill all the scumbags I see -- maybe I'll get a parade!

Upper Darby man who stabbed junkie son is freed [Daily News]

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February 04, 2008

Phila. To Clean Up City, Starting With Pot

Hey, remember Charles Ramsey's hot crime plan that was going to send Pac-Man to restore the city's crime wave? Well, apparently not.

According to a column in the Inquirer, the police are going to arrested every black pot smoker in town until they finally have no more KKK posters in the department and the city is free and clear of crime.

No, really! The Inky article follows Officer Henry Schoch, who has arrested four people for drugs and one for bootleg DVDs in recent days. Oh, the residents of the 35th no longer have to deal with drugs or copyright infringement in their neighborhood, praise the Lord. Proven-to-work no-arrest drug crackdowns? Pshaw!

Some officers say the effort invested in making a case like this - Schoch and Leva spent two hours processing paperwork and evidence - removes officers from the street to hunt for worse offenders. But Schoch said such arrests sent a strong message of intolerance for all crime. And it's impossible to say, until the arrest is made, when a minor stop might yield a bigger fish - somebody with a warrant for a violent crime, or somebody carrying an illegal weapon.

Sometimes these small arrests lead to information about bigger crimes, Schoch added.

"Some cops tell me I'm wasting my time with these arrests," he said. "I say I wouldn't want that stuff going on in my neighborhood."

And if he keeps arresting people over and over, maybe drugs will no longer be sold in North Philly. Busting people for pot will surely make this city safer.

See also: Broken windows, broken record, Young Philly Politics

Posted by D-Mac at 03:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

January 24, 2008

Drug Problem Eliminated By Hershey

Rejoice, Americans! A loosely-affiliated coalition of newspaper columnists, corrupt drug prohibitionists and other various annoying people have finally succeeded in outlawing Hershey's Jill Porter brand crack cocaine mints, as the company announced for some reason today it wasn't making any more. Don't worry, these people will most certainly take credit for Hershey's 65% fourth-quarter profit drop.

Even though that had already been decided, I thought, Porter's crack cocaine mints are now officially done for as Hershey's CEO announced on a conference call they wouldn't be made ever again. So now these things-look-like-drugs people can turn their attention to oregano and chalk, and these mints that somehow "glorify the drug trade" will no longer terrorize our communities.

I'm sure the narcotics officers are gleeful. Now they can breathe easy and go back to arresting black people like they usually do!

Hershey Pulls Mints That Look Like Illegal Drugs [Fox News]

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December 17, 2007

Courier-Post Forums Comment Of The Year

By the way stahlin, you'd be surprised how many more people who have sought the help of that God you deride, have managed to overcome their addictions as opposed to those who've depended on Evolution or "dinosaurs" that have existed, for their help.

Pick one: Get well from drug addiction or believe in dinosaurs. I didn't know it was one or the other.

System fails area's homeless women [Courier-Post]

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December 12, 2007

The White/Snow Puns Have Been Exhausted Already

Police said yesterday a man sent cocaine in Christmas cards to Philadelphia from Peru. He got caught, somehow, and now we have puns like "white Christmas" and "Muletide greetings" (ha!).

The message in the card, in part (this is translated from Spanish, I believe):

"I'm sending this card, which makes me so happy, and through it I want to express immense affection toward you."

With cocaine? Yeah, okay, that sounds about right.

Muletide greetings [Daily News]

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December 05, 2007

You'll Need Crack To Get Through This Column

Jill Porter is back today for her first column since she decried Hershey's support of the drug trade with nonsensical arguments.

And, uh, she should get an award for this lead transition:

CITY COUNCILMAN Juan Ramos keeps Hershey's kisses in his refrigerator because he likes them cold.

But this week, he'll turn up the heat on the company for making Ice Breakers Pacs, dissolvable breath-mint pouches that look exactly like bags of powdered street drugs.

Continue reading "You'll Need Crack To Get Through This Column"

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November 30, 2007

Boy, It's Almost Impossible To Tell Them Apart

I was going to write some words about Jill Porter's Daily News column today column about how new breath mints "look uncannily like tiny heat-sealed bags of cocaine, crack, heroin or any other powdered drug." But then I decided the photos the Daily News ran with the story told it all.

Continue reading "Boy, It's Almost Impossible To Tell Them Apart"

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November 02, 2007

Andy Reid's Son Sold Drugs To Your Son

Calling the Andy Reid household a "Drug Emporium" -- he also later compared it to Carrefour -- a judge yesterday sentenced Garrett and Britt Reid to 23 months in prison while blasting their upbringing. (Judge Steven T. O'Neill really should have gone with a Mountain Meadows massacre reference, but, hey.)

Reid's son Garrett also smuggled 89 pills in his ass when he went into jail. And to make things better, Garrett was apparently selling drugs in North Philly. (This seems like just bad business. No way he makes as much money on the streets of North Philly than he could have made from rich kids in the suburbs.)

"I liked being the rich kid in that area," the report quoted Reid as saying, apparently in reference to North Philadelphia. "I could go anyplace in the 'hood. They all knew who I was. I liked being a drug dealer. . . . These kids were scared of me. I was even selling to their parents."

Meanwhile, the Eagles and Cowboys play Sunday night and the jokes are just going to get even less clever.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:58 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

October 24, 2007

75-Year-Old To Finally Be Thrown Back In Jail

Hey, so today authorities got an extremely dangerous criminal off the streets! Was it a murderer? Nah. Was it a rapist? Duh, of course not. It was a 75-year-old man who escaped from prison 28 years ago!

He served about four months of a 4- to 10-year prison sentence on a drug charge. He's being held in Philadelphia before being extradited to Jersey, where he escaped from the since-closed Camp Marlboro in 1979. (I assume it was constructed out of cigarettes, making it rather easy to escape.)

And, look who hung around with the authorities who were capturing this dangerous crook!

Journalists from The Associated Press rode along with authorities when they arrested Jurado on Wednesday. He said that he managed to avoid being caught for all these years because he avoided breaking the law while, and moved around frequently.

Woo-hoo! Way to do, everybody involved. Clearly, we are all safer today with this law-breaking citizen off our streets.

Also, his name is Maximo Jurado. Awesome. Maximo Jurado! It sounds like a brand of tequila.

Fugitive caught after 28 years [AP/Daily Record]

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August 29, 2007

Triple Play, Hat Trick, Et Cetera

It's the trifecta! Nobody's hit the drug-baby-school zone in forever. I said the sport needed a new triple crown winner to survive, and perhaps this will finally bring it back to the spotlight.

Man jailed for selling drugs in school zone with baby in car [Bucks County Courier Times]

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July 23, 2007

Can't Stop The Music

Rule number one of transporting cocaine: Don't do anything stupid that would let the cops into your card. I don't really know if that's rule number one, but, hey, it seems like it'd make a good first rule.

Regardless, the Glassboro's Wilbert Lopez was allegedly carrying 19 bags of cocaine in his SUV when he crashed into a crowd of people at the XPoNential Music Festival just over the river in Camden on Saturday. He allegedly rear-ended a car before continuing down the street and crashing right into the center of the festival, smashing into a Ben & Jerry's stand (funny) and a little girl (not as funny).

The show, however, must go on.

On Sunday, Roger LaMay, general manager of Philadelphia's WXPN-FM, said most festival visitors he spoke with didn't even know about the incident. "Fortunately there were no serious injuries... and the show continued and there were no disruptions," LaMay said.

That's right, folks: No car crash could stop Robert Hazard's 8:20 p.m. set. Phew!

Man charged in music festival crash [Camden Courier-Post]

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