July 03, 2008

Calling Out For A Hero

"Twenty years ago, 'The Cosby Show' was Number 1 on TV," said Paul Porter, former BET programmer. "Twenty years later, the Number 1 African-American show is 'Flavor of Love.'... Someone taking a poop on the floor on the 'Flavor of Love.' Why is this accepted in mainstream TV?"

Ratings for Flavor of Love season two finale: 7.5 million. Ratings for The Cosby Show (random reference): 22 million.

Armstrong's noble goal, of course, is to get records off the radio and shows off the teevee. It's not funny anymore, Philly.com.

Jenice Armstrong: You can stop the vile media [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:44 PM | Comments (0)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

It's a special pair of patriotism columns by Michael Smerconish ("Kenny Gamble's patriotic tune") and Christine Flowers ("Patriotism, not partisanship"). The best kind of holiday is on a Friday, because then the Daily News doesn't publish and we get Smerconish and Flowers on the same day!

But first, security guards are stealing 10 dollars from people at Penn's Landing. Neat, huh?

Ronnie Polaneczky: No, really: "According to a couple of staffers I spoke with yesterday at the Independence Seaport Museum, tourists routinely complain about the $10 permit fee they say they've been told, by the guards, must be paid if they want to snap pics on Penn's Landing." The hell?

Michael Smerconish: The late Father Divine (who Wikipedia eloquently says "controversially claimed to be God">) inspired Kenny Gamble's new song "I Am An American." Obviously.

Christine Flowers: I knew this column was going to be vomit-inducing when I read the headline. Christine Flowers tells Barack Obama to condemn what people on blogs wrote about John McCain. Obama, as you know, reads every blog on the Internet. (Hi, Barry! We go play hoop sometime.)

She also writes:

Now think what would have happened if Jefferson and Adams weighed the pros and cons of declaring independence, and settled for known comforts as opposed to the uncertainty of what rebellion might bring. And what if George Washington, serene on his farm in Virginia, refused to put on the uniform once more in the service of a noble dream?

These were heroes, despite their human flaws and the relentless criticism they've attracted in our oh-so-more-"enlightened" age.

Relentless criticism? Yeah, like that recent New York Times bestseller John Adams Was A Child Molester or the recent CBS special "George Washington: History's Worst President." Or maybe Flowers is referencing this PW cover story. I don't know.

Photo by kb35, Creative Commons license

Posted by D-Mac at 11:09 AM | Comments (0)

July 02, 2008

Inquirer Wackiness Continues

Yes, earlier today we all learned two Inquirer editors tried to have sex, but failed. But there's more! As also reported today, the Inquirer will soon eliminate its Image and Neighbors sections.

Here's the memo from Inky ME Sandra Long:

Hello everyone,

I want to let you know of several significant changes that will take place in the next few weeks.

The Inquirer will publish the last edition of the Neighbors sections on Sunday, July 27. We began publishing Neighbors in 1982 following the close of The Bulletin as a way to capture more suburban readership. We started with Horsham Neighbors and continued to expand through the 1980s.

At its peak, Neighbors covered suburban Pennsylvania and South Jersey in microcosmic detail, chronicling events from weekly planning and zoning meetings to wrestling meets, hockey meets and school lunch menus.

We will also combine the Sunday Arts and Entertainment and the Image section on beginning August 3. The last Image section will publish July 27. We began publishing Image when the Inquirer Magazine folded in July 2003.

Details will follow on how we will move some of the content to other sections from Neighbors and Image.

The decision to close the Neighbors sections and Image was made as the company does everything possible to control expenses against the background of a recession in the businesses that advertise in our newspapers and on our website.

In addition, we are looking at ways to reduce the number of pages in the Comics section.

If you have questions, please let me know.

Thanks,
Sandra

Sandra D. Long
Managing Editor
The Philadelphia Inquirer

Not big enough of a shakeup for you? Fine: Management is considering combining the Inquirer and Daily News photo and copy desks, sources report.

Still not enough? Okay, get this: The Inquirer only has two comics pages. (I guess she could be writing about Sunday's comics section.) If I can't get my Dennis the Menace and Ziggy fix there, where the hell will I get it?

Posted by D-Mac at 07:39 PM | Comments (2)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: Oh, man, are lawmakers going to get arrested and shit? That would be awesome.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:27 AM | Comments (0)

July 01, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Elmer Smith: A group of free-market ideologues at the Institute for Justice are going to sue in hopes of eliminating the tour guide regulation put through City Council last year. I have some new heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Be an organ donor, you idiots. And once a majority of people are organ donors maybe the Institute for Justice can campaign to let our survivors sell our organs.

Dave Davies: OMG Dave Davies got to meet noted pop star John McCain and was all ga-ga over what he got to ask him! Oooh!

Posted by D-Mac at 08:38 AM | Comments (0)

June 30, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: "A BAD PUN: Gov. Ed tries to push Pennsylvania forward, but he just can't budge it." The first step to stopping bad puns is admitting you have a problem. Eleven steps to go, John.

Update: Anyway, we now have a budget. Baer's column is (as usual) pretty solid, but man, oh man, is the state budget the most boring thing in the history of the world.

Stu Bykofsky: Ha, ha, Stu doesn't want to be fined $150 for dropping his cigarette butts on the ground. (Also: If you contest the littering fine and lose, it's doubled. Guh-wah?)

Posted by D-Mac at 09:02 AM | Comments (0)

June 27, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Jill Porter: Hey, look, it's a sarcastic (and incredibly annoying) column on the Supreme Court DC gun ban ruling!

Christine Flowers: Hey, look, it's a sarcastic (and incredibly annoying) column on the Supreme Court DC gun ban ruling with the added bonus of a random attack on contraception.

Elmer Smith: This column shows some staggering statistics in the number of people in this city who won't graduate high school. Sad, even. So let's just quote the headline and make fun of it: "Can bureaucracies together stem dropout tide?" Umm, I'm going to have to guess: No.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:49 AM | Comments (0)

June 26, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: Hey, somebody finally wrote about how Aaron McKie could go to prison for a long, long time for lying on a gun application. Fortunately for us, Stu has a sentence in mind of his own, and he wrote about it.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Ha ha, some people wrote some not-so-subtle racist letters in response to a Polaneczky column.

Michael Smerconish: Oh, no, now some Muslims are pissed at Barack Obama!

Posted by D-Mac at 08:40 AM | Comments (2)

June 25, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Jill Porter: "Gossiping about Alycia Lane and Larry Mendte is no longer fun now that serious accusations have overshadowed the giddy scandal." What, reading someone's email? I mean, yeah, that's a shitty thing to do, but it's not like Larry Mendte put a gun to anyone's head. This wouldn't even make for a good episode of Gossip Girl.

John Baer: The drug companies don't want Pennsylvania to spend less on prescription drug costs, so it's not going to happen. No $100 million savings for us!

Posted by D-Mac at 08:42 AM | Comments (0)

June 24, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Elmer Smith: Um, this is a pretty sad story, except for the part where the guy pretends to sell his 6-month-old son as a prank. That was pretty hilarious.

Fatimah Ali: "I draw the line at their children. But, mark my words, there are some unscrupulous journalists who will feast on them, too." Oh, let me be the first: Barack Obama's children do blow just like he does!

Posted by D-Mac at 08:58 AM | Comments (0)

June 23, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: Get this! People are holding rock concerts in order to sign people up to vote! I know, those longhairs are finally doing something useful -- must be low on the reefer! (Or perhaps have some of that more potent pot.) Perhaps they could tell people to "rock the vote" or something.

Stu Bykofsky: This column is awesome, just because I know it's going to draw incredible comments.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:35 AM | Comments (0)

June 20, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Elmer Smith: He thinks your vote matters.

Jill Porter: Hey, apparently -- and I know this is kinda wild -- people have the right to protest police procedures without being detained by the police.

Dave Davies: Ha ha, here's a whole column about how L&I never comes out for anything but did come out for these protesters of police brutality. It's probably my favorite column by anyone so far this year.

Okay, besides that Christine Flowers column where she defended police brutality and then the next week claimed no one defended police brutality.

Christine Flowers: If you vote for president on any issue besides the Supreme Court, you're wrong, stupid! Anyway, Flowers thinks the federal government should be able to lock up anyone it chooses for no reason. Are you surprised?

Posted by D-Mac at 08:18 AM | Comments (0)

June 19, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: Stu is in New Orleans, apparently.

Ronnie Polaneczky: EMS hired some new people with some new rules City Council passed.

MIchael Smerconish: Remember John McCain's first wife, the one who wasn't a beer baroness? Of course you don't. Well, she apparently doesn't hate McCain, which Smerconish presents as if it's some kind of novelty. Because everyone hates John McCain.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:45 AM | Comments (0)

June 18, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: Yes, it's John Baer doing his "there won't be any reform, this is Pennsylvania" shtick again. It's okay because it's true, though.

Jill Porter: Yes, channel your fury over someone you didn't know about until the other day "getting off easy." Add it to your already-outraged plate.

Posted by D-Mac at 07:31 AM | Comments (0)

June 17, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Elmer Smith: Sam Evans lived to 105 and spend 88 years of his life in Philadelphia. How one man does that, I do not know. Impressive.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Heartwarming story of the day!

Deborah Leavy: "It's good for women in general if Hillary Clinton roots for Barack Obama," is kinda what this column is saying.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:20 AM | Comments (1)

June 16, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: The best part of this column is the one Republican calling Ed Rendell's health care plan "New Deal thinking." Yes! And that Al Jolson is quite the actor!

Stu Bykofsky: This is Stu's joke: "I was depressed last night so I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck." Get it? Because those Pakistani Muslims are always blowing themselves up! Ho, ho!

Posted by D-Mac at 09:17 AM | Comments (0)

June 13, 2008

Conlin Suspended From DNL For... Something

Responding to an email from Raul from Vineland, Conlin said: "Amazing that guy would leave the blueberry harvest to send that off." Oh-ho! How offensive! You see... um... well, the blueberry harvest is probably usually done in Hammonton, right? Or... hmm... okay, how about this: The people working on the blueberry harvest are usually Mexican, and to say that someone in Vineland is Mexican is offensive! (If only Anthony DiMeo were here to clear this up!) Or maybe Comcast SportsNet just wanted Conlin off the program to make it a little less watchable.

Look, Daily News Managing Editor Pat McLoone has defended him: "I've known Bill Conlin for 28 years. I know he would never say anything racist." Um, then why is he suspended?

Anyway, Neil Hartman's apology the following day was way more hilarious than Conlin's original joke. Courtesy of The Fightins, it's after the jump.

Continue reading "Conlin Suspended From DNL For... Something"

Posted by D-Mac at 10:03 AM | Comments (3)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Christine Flowers: Grrar, I want the state to kill people for me!

Jill Porter: It's a heartwarming story, Father's Day edition!

Elmer Smith: The DRPA is going to raise tolls because it gives away all its money to stupid causes. Also, I like Elmer Smiths's censored tagline: "Send e-ma*l to sm*thel@ph*llynews.com or call 215-854-2512. For recent columns: http://go.ph*lly.com/sm*th."

Posted by D-Mac at 09:34 AM | Comments (1)

June 12, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: There's a bishop accused of covering up a sexual relationship in his church -- and he's Episcopalian!

Stu Bykofsky: Tourist attractions have stupid rules than don't always make you feel so welcome.

Michael Smerconish: A heartwarming story from Michael Smerconish himself.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:19 AM | Comments (1)

June 11, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Jill Porter: Ha ha, Jill Porter has damned someone not only to hell, but to a certain section of hell, in her column today. Uh, what?

John Baer: Hey, let's completely change the way America picks a president.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:44 AM | Comments (0)

June 10, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: It's time for another edition of Ronnie's People, and she's back with the little dying kid who made a wish and then hit all those three pointers in the basketball game. No, wait, sorry, she's writing about with the sick kid who made a wish to keep his Catholic grade school open. It's actually a well-done column, at least for somebody who went to Catholic grade school. Look, this is interesting!

That means teaching a parish school how to act like a private one: the kind with an elected board, a long-range business plan, marketing and fundraising strategies and an endowment. BLOCS was looking for a school where they could pilot this new plan when they heard about St. Cyril's. After meeting the staff and learning of Tommy's story, they were hooked enough to help the school get a 10-year plan together. Using St. Cyril's as a model, they want to help other parish schools thrive, too.

Neat! And the column isn't even that overwritten and doesn't get too self-referential/yay go go Daily News whoop whoop. More of this, please.

Elmer Smith: Gas prices are high.

Fatimah Ali: "I fully embrace the growth of the city's charter and magnet schools - when they're well-run." Now there's a strong stand.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:52 AM | Comments (0)

June 09, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: Ha ha, all the politicians in the state legislature don't want to lose their seats so they gerrymander their districts. Because they're politicians.

Christine Flowers: OMG there's a Catholic priest who Flowers doesn't like! He said mean things about white people, though, so there's your explanation.

Stu Bykofsky: Apparently everybody is just coming up to Stu Bykofsky (on the street?) and asking him what's going to happen to Larry Mendte because he just knows the biz.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:09 AM | Comments (0)

June 06, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Jill Porter: If you're a Clinton supporter who won't vote for Obama you should kill yourself. That's really what she writes. This is my favorite Jill Porter column ever.

Elmer Smith: Ooh, a recollection of a 1983 boxing match opens this column.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:55 AM | Comments (1)

June 05, 2008

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Wednesday
Jill Porter: There has never been a more complicated issue in the history of mankind than Rick's Steaks leaving the Reading Terminal Market.

John Baer: It's about Obama, and it's pretty good I guess.

Thursday
Dave Davies: We now have a strict deadline from the Daily News for the mayor to stop taking advantage of a loophole in the city's campaign finance laws.

Stu Bykofsky: Stu thinks Bonnie & Clyde should get more than 5 years in prison. Also, he is starting to write awesome endings in every single column.

Maybe the best punishment Bonnie & Clyde got was the public exposure and humiliation.

Thank you, Regina Medina.

Ronnie Polaneczky: This is a column that namedrops other Daily News columnists. Not just at the end this time. Throughout.

Michael Smerconish: Smerconish was quoted by Bill Clinton in a press release! "Independent observers continue to praise President Clinton's abilities on the stump: 'I have always said that Bill Clinton is still par excellence among all of them .'"

Posted by D-Mac at 09:47 AM | Comments (0)

Cover Stories

I spent my entire day away from the blog contemplating the two front pages of yesterday's newspapers. First, the Daily News.

As you may remember, the Daily News recently caught flak from NBC 10 -- okay, so not really -- over its Photoshopped cover of Jocelyn Kirsch. How dare they then fool us into believing Hillary Clinton has been followed around by a giant Vaudeville-era stage manager ready to pull her away with a giant cane.

The Inquirer, however, totally just used a sports headline. "Clinches nomination, breaks racial barrier." I've been saying for a while political coverage needs to be more like sports coverage -- uh, in certain ways -- but the Inky appears to be headed that way. It's essentially the same headline structure you'd see in "Phils top Mets: Clinch division, head to playoffs." Et cetera.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:18 AM | Comments (1)