April 13, 2007

PSA: Suck It Up And Wear A Condom

If virginity pledges did more than just make you more likely to have anal sex, the City of Philadelphia would probably want to make some people sign them.

Why, you ask? Well, it's just that our city has super mutant drug-resistant gonorrhea. Yes, one out of every four heterosexual men in Philadelphia who have the disease have a super mutant form that doesn't respond to common antibiotics. Aiiiiiiieeeee!

The CDC released an advisory yesterday to stop treating gonorrhea with Cipro -- the usual, quick and easy cure -- and use a shot known as ceftriaxone instead. The president of the Infectious Disease Society of America told us the good news about the clap:

"Gonorrhea has now joined the list of other superbugs for which treatment options have become dangerously few," said Dr. Henry Masur, president of the Infectious Disease Society of America. "To make a bad problem even worse, we're also seeing a decline in the development of new antibiotics to treat these infections."

In 26 cities the CDC studied, the rate of drug-resistant gonorrhea rose from 0.6 percent in 2001 to 7 percent last year. In Philadelphia, the rate rose from 1.2 in 2004 to 27 percent now.

Twenty-seven percent! Jesus Christ, I'm never having sex again. Hey, wait! (Rimshot.)

CDC says gonorrhea is drug-resistant [AP/Yahoo!]

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February 22, 2007

Nickole Collins: The Nation's Only Legislator Willing To Lay Out The Facts About The Hilarity Of Condoms

Up in Perkasie, a councilmember resigned because he had only attended 36 of 88 meetings in the past few years. And so, the Perkasie council decided to replace her with the only logical choice: A 19-year-old college student.

Yes, Nickole Collins -- whose parents went the Jennaphr Frederick route with the spelling of her name, apparently -- was appointed to the vacant seat earlier this week. And it's not just that a 19-year-old with breasts won a City Council seat; she also beat out two other Perkasie residents who also wanted to fulfill the vacancy. The 19-year-old attends Kutztown and will run for re-election in November. Oh, and she also lives on Penny Lane. Ha!

The Allentown Morning Call explains the meeting and how Collins beat out the two challengers:

Council members spent little time questioning Collins, saving most of their ammunition for Matt Aigeldinger, a frequent critic of council, and John Moser, a former councilman who has also made known his displeasure of council decisions. Councilman Harry McGonigal did most of the talking during adversarial exchanges with both men, calling Aigeldinger an antagonist who's done nothing but launch personal attacks against council and make ''baseless'' claims about a $3.9 million Menlo Park pool improvement project.

''As far as I'm concerned, you're inconsequential,'' McGonigal told Aigeldinger.

Of course, some residents of Perkasie aren't too enthused with Collins' appointment to the board, and not just because she's a Republican. No, they are upset with her youth, going as far to find her Myspace page -- which she's since set to private -- and quote things out of context from it, such as: "Condoms are funny."

Now, I think we should have legislators who think Condoms are funny, because (1) most of our legislators, especially Republicans, don't even acknowledge the existence of condoms and (2) condoms are funny! Seriously. How funny is it that in order to have sex safely, the dude has to put a piece of plastic over his dick. That's our solution? And, then, they have to sell small condoms, for people with a not-so-impressive endowment. But they call them, like, "snugger fit condoms." Now that's comedy.

As you can tell, I could go on and on about the hilarity of condoms.

This condoms-are-funny exchange all took place on the messageboard of the Morning Call, and Collins -- ever the politician -- took time to explain her position on the humor of condoms.

As you can see from what Liz-7676 has said, it is apparent that she has gone to my myspace, which has be privatized, and taken out an incomplete quote. I will admit that my myspace said that, however, that is not the entire quote. The entire quote is this: "I think condoms are funny... like the word itself", this was in reference to a conversation that a group of people and I had about the origin of the word. It made no sense to me and therefore was put there, as a joke amongst friends. If you are offended by this then that is your right to be and I respect that. I am just putting out all of the facts.

If you are offended by a 19-year-old girl thinking condoms are funny, please notify me so I may know to add you to my list of "people with a six-foot stick up the ass."

Woman, 19, takes Perkasie council seat [Allentown Morning Call]
Comments on Story [MCall]
[Image via 6 ABC]

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December 13, 2006

Imagine How Cheap Condoms Are For NYC

Last night, thanks to the hard work of NBC 10, we learned that the prison system gives out free condoms to inmates in order to prevent HIV.

NBC 10 presented this as a mini-scandal, as, y'know, we wasted a lot of money on the condoms and prisoners aren't supposed to be having sex. Erhm.

The city also didn't waste that much money for condoms. According to the health department, the 8,000 condoms cost the city $360. Which means... hold on, it's time for some third-grade math!

Damn. Only 22.2222222... cents a condom! That's, honestly, quite a deal. Good use of bargaining power, City of Philadelphia. I wonder if it's cheaper than caring for an inmate who has HIV?

City Giving Free Condoms To Male Prisoners [NBC 10]
Earlier Today: Thousands Of People Who We Didn't Have Time To Interview Are Strongly Against This!

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Thousands Of People Who We Didn't Have Time To Interview Are Strongly Against This!

Last night NBC 10 broke -- har, har -- an important story: The city is giving out condoms to prisoners! To protect them from getting AIDS! Those bastards!

NBC 10 does present this as a "controversial" story, with their shocking graphic (right) letting us know that the city has bought eight thousand condoms. That must have cost, geeze, like a thousand bucks?

Actually, it only costs the city $360 a year, which means when you buy condoms in bulk you get a great deal.

Strangely -- at least in the written report -- there are no people who are against it, although I suppose a few pro-life groups would be against condoms to protect prisoners when they get raped. Right. But this NBC 10 story is a first: A controversial issue where nobody is actually interviewed who's against it. I love television.

City Giving Free Condoms To Male Prisoners [NBC 10]

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September 29, 2006

Totally In Right Now: Condoms

The Daily Pennsylvanian reports today on the ebb and flow of condom sales. Condoms are big on Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve and right now!

Sweet. I'm totally going out to buy some condoms right now so I can be part of this trend. But I surely won't be able to top the girth of the University of Pennsylvania's condom order: 50,000.

(Do you think there's a bidding process for the condom contract? Hopefully, Trojan and Lifestyles representatives come in with charts and statistics with the condoms' important stats -- length and width, breakage rate, etc. -- before the University makes such an important decision.)

The article doesn't really make enough puns about condoms, but it does include the key fact:

Condoms are available for free at the LGBT Center, the Penn Women's Center and other resource hubs. Student Health Services, Fresh Grocer and CVS Pharmacy carry them for purchase.

Straight guys? Yeah, you gotta buy your condoms. (Yes, yes, I know.)

Update, 2:45 p.m.: Shit! Look at their selection!

Pencils, paper and 50,000 condoms [Daily Pennsylvanian]

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December 29, 2005

Quickies: Enter the Wu-Tang

• As much as I dug this Wu-Tang dance article in the Daily News today, what was even better was the sidebar speculating where the dance came from: "The Wu-Tang Clan borrowed its name from this fighting style, and the rap group has gone as far as dubbing Staten Island 'Shaolin,' a mythical breeding ground for kung-fu masters." [DN]

• I'm totally using this condoms filled with flour defense one day. Maybe for like a parking ticket or something. [Inky]

• Your daily dose of Benergy, this time sports related. [DN]

• The Majestic Diner (formerly the Ritz, formerly the U.S. 1 diner) on the Boulevard in Northeast Philly? You can have it for a price. And then you can move it to whereever you want to. No, really. [Citypaper]

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