In Graduate School Of Psychology, Tests Psychoanalyze You!

The degrees of thousands of rich kids are about to get a little less valuable. Or at least a little funnier.

Yakov Smirnoff is graduating from Penn.

The 1980s Russian comedian, who’s so funny he’s built his own theater in Branson, Mo., isn’t planning on opening up a practice or anything like that. No, he’s planning on using his M.S. in psychology for good, according to the Inquirer:

Smirnoff has a mission: To use his act and his books to help launch what he Voltairishly calls the “Age of Enlaughterment,” a family-friendly Age of Aquarius where love and laughter heal all our pyshic scars.

Sporting professorial garb and a neatly trimmed beard, grad student Smirnoff fits in beautifully with the academicos at the generic McCafe next to the Penn Bookstore. He’s wired and animated, a brainier version of Dr. Phil, keen on discussing hormones, the nature of love, how to run a business.

“I find the quest I’m on allows me to reach different levels of intelligence and sophistication,” multifaceted Smirnoff says. “I can take those global ideas [about love and laughter] and boil them down to simplicity.

“And I believe that I can make a difference.”

I think we’ve entered into a new age of comedy and pleasure. I’m pumped. Thanks, Mr. Smirnoff. Thanks.

Yakov Smirnoff Gets Penn Degree [AP/6 ABC]
Yakov Smirnoff’s back - philosophically speaking [Inky]

Steve Harvey, Opinionist

Over at the Daily News‘ Attytood blog, Will Bunch notes a fairly Big Brother-ish story in Texas. Police raided 36 bars and arrested 30 people for public intoxication, even though it appears none of them were causing a disturbance.

The raids were allegedly aimed at preventing drunk driving, even though, uh, nobody actually drove while drunk. And some patrons at a hotel bar that was raided were registered at the hotel and had no intention of driving, yet were still arrested. Hmm.

A member of the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission had this to say:

“Going to a bar is not an opportunity to go get drunk,” TABC Capt. David Alexander said. “It’s to have a good time but not to get drunk.”

Clearly, I’ve broken the law… let’s see… counting fingers… at least nine times this week already. I guess I’ll have to stay out of Texas for a while.

Obviously, this is an issue where Republicans, Democrats, Greens, Libertarians and pretty much anybody but the Prohibition Party can agree: This is effed up. What’s not as effed up, but certainly more confusing is how the story continues after the Beverage Commission captain’s quote:

Dallas comedian Steve Harvey agreed with the Texas residents who said the arrests infringed on individual rights.

“If a guy’s got a designated driver, go ahead and let him get toasted,” Harvey told NBC 5.

Texas law states that inebriated individuals could be subjected to arrest anywhere for public intoxication. Harvey and other North Texans called the measure extreme. [...]

TABC officials said the sweep concerned saving lives, not individual rights. Harvey and others interviewed by NBC 5 said they believe drunken driving to be unacceptable, although Harvey wanted to confirm that the United States remains a free country.

“Freedom of drinking should always be allowed, and it is only American to let a guy get drunk where he wants to get drunk,” Harvey said.

Do you think the NBC 5 crew got together and said, “Hey, a bunch of people had their rights violated in North Texas bars. I wonder what Steve Harvey thinks?”

I like this new “interjecting random comedians into stories” hopefully-soon-to-be-trend. A murderer about to be executed? Ask Pauly Shore what he thinks. Nine die in Iraq? Hey, Gallagher has an opinion on it! NCAA Tournament about to start? Let’s get D.L. Hughley’s picks!

1984 2006: The Thought Police turn on drunken NON-drivers [Attytood]
Bar Sweep Sparks Controversy [NBC 5]
Steve Harvey’s Official Website