December 27, 2007

Finally! New Dollar Coins Unveiled!

Ahh, yes, it's time once again for the running Philadelphia Will Do series about how the new presidential coin series will finally make America awesome again.

The Mint today previewed the 2008 coins, which will feature James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson and Martin Van Buren. The 5, 6, 7, 8 presidents will surely make dollar coins finally accepted in this country.

Also, Martin Van Buren kinda looks like Larry Fine, making him our stoogiest president.

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August 15, 2007

Third Presidential Coin To Make Life Worthwhile

Woo-hoo! Start lining up at the mint, boys and girls, because this is the thing that's finally going to get you into coin collecting: The Thomas Jefferson dollar coin is being released!

Okay, so you can't actually line up at the mint. (I guess.) The coin will go into circulation tomorrow, and you can get it at a bank. You can also get it at the Jefferson Memorial today -- where the mint director will be quizzing people about Thomas Jefferson and selling the dollar coins for, um, $1 -- and buy it on the mint website tomorrow.

Using dollar coins would save money for the government, but since they'd just waste it on the Strategic National Eggplant Surplus or something, nobody uses 'em. Also, they're heavy.

The mint knows Americans will only use dollar coins around the same time we switch to the metric system, but the government makes money somehow when people buy the dollar coins and then stash them in a drawer or whatever. The coins are also supposed to educate our stupid asses:

Most folks can correctly name George Washington as the nation's first president. After that, things get tricky.

Yes, lists are pretty hard. Who's that second one? Washington... hmm, it's probably done alphabetically. Professor X, I guess.

US Mint to Release Jefferson Dollar Coin [AP/KYW 1060]

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March 26, 2007

Ed Kelley Turns To America's Numismatic Threat

Last week featured the debut of Ed Kelley, the Evening Bulletin columnist who really, really hates gays. Or, rather, he loves them, but he wants to call 'em faggots and tell them they're abnormal and destined to burn in hell. Or something like that.

Well, Kelley is back, baby! And this time he's taking on an even greater threat to America than gays: Dollar coins.

Wait, wha? Yes, apparently after he and the Pope got together and refuted the experts by declaring homosexuality the same as pedophilia, Kelley decided to take on this new dollar coin. He says it's costing we taxpayers lots and lots of money -- just like the military's gay ban is costing us lots and lots of soldiers -- even though the program will make a ton of money due to seigniorage. (The 50 State Quarter program has made $4.6 billion, for reference.)

But that's not all! No, there are bigger problems with the coin than just the loss of money.

Numismatists are even happier to learn that hundreds of thousands of faulty and now tradable dollar coins without the phrase "In God We Trust" on the edge have been put into circulation ... by accident?

Were some mint employees fired as a result of this gigantic faux pas? They should have been, along with their boss - or was it a deliberate plan of action? Are we to believe that the faulty coins were not discovered early by mint employees? I can understand missing one of the six Lincoln 1909S vdb pennies (for Victor D. Brenner who designed the original Lincoln Cent), but not hundreds of thousands of dollar coins.

Yes! That's what the mistake where coins were pressed without edge markings was! A secret plot to not strike the edges to show God just where we put our trust! Or, ah, not.

Coin Of The Realm: Impact Of The New Dollar [Bulletin]

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March 08, 2007

Philly Mint Strikes A Blow For Secular Humanism

Back in the middle of last month, the U.S. Mint began its plan to release dollar coins with pictures of the presidents on them, in an attempts to get us to think about using a dollar coin for a week before we go back to using foldin' money.

Well, the mint in Philadelphia apparently made a mistake, thereby attracting our attention again. (I had even forgotten there were new dollar coins!) You see, some of the new dollars went out without the inscription "In God We Trust" on the side, making them evil, godless dollars that will probably never meet Barbaro in heaven. Oh, and it's also missing "E Pluribus Unum P 2007."

Naturally, all the coins that have been found so far were struck in the Philadelphia Mint. About 150 million of the new dollars -- with Washington on the front -- have been made in Philadelphia, and maybe about 50,000 don't have the inscription on the side. They're selling for about $40-50 on eBay.

The lack of inscriptions may upset some people, like one Bonnie Alba, writing on some blog/online publication called "The Conservative Voice":

Is there a possible correlation between this coin and the ongoing actions in all areas of society and our court system to delete any public reference to God, to Christianity, and the transition of our nation to total materialsim with a State religion of Humanism? Without God? Without reliance on God’s providence?

We now have a coin which has pushed God and our once heartfelt unity to the edge. Does it have anything to do with the constant blatant attack on history and our Christian heritage, revised and disseminated in government schools? Voiding the mention of God in education has affected and influenced millions of children and produced adults with no inkling how they were indoctrinated with a reinterpretation of America’s history.

Yeesh. Nobody tell her about these new coins without the words on them. Her head might explode.

A striking omission on a bunch of new dollar coins [Inquirer]
Feb. 15: Mint Hopes New Dollar Coins Will Capture Americans' Interest For Whole Week This Time

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February 15, 2007

Mint Hopes New Dollar Coins Will Capture Americans' Interest For Whole Week This Time

Whoo! Are you excited? Today is the day! Now that we've fully established that we Americans don't want a coin with a woman on it, the U.S. mint has returned to the traditional system of dead white men on coins. And guess what they're on this time: A new dollar coin!

Yes, today is the release of the new dollar coins, sure to annoy all of us when we put in a $20 to buy some stamps and get like 10 George Washington dollar coins in change. The new dollar coin is the latest attempt by the American government to ween us off the paper $1 bill, since coins can last longer and, therefore, save money. (As they say, you gotta spend money to make money. Okay, I apologize for that one.)

The new coins feature all of our presidents, in succession, with a new one coming out every three months. Who doesn't want a coin of noted alleged gay president James Buchanan? (Coincidentally, he's the only president from Pennsylvania. Also coincidentally, he was an awful, awful president. He also started a war with Mormons!) Or how about Millard Fillmore? Or, even better, the special limited edition William Henry Harrison coin (above) that is only valid for 30 days? Or the Grover Cleveland coin, which will come out on two non-consecutive occasions? (Okay, I'm sorry for all of these, too.)

Yes, these coins are sure to capture our hearts for at least a week until we forget about them -- except when we get them from vending machines -- and simply use paper bills like we're always going to do. God Bless America!

New $1 coin goes into circulation [AP/Philly.com]

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April 28, 2006

Quickies: Suing For A Pretty Penny

• A Penn student is suing the Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity for injuries he said he sustained in a hazing incident. He allegedly was repeatedly punched repeatedly in the thighs. And, of course, the student's father brings up t"his: "For a black fraternal organization to treat black aspirants the way African-Americans were mistreated and abused during slavery, and to do it in the name of fraternity, is obscene." I see. [Daily News]

• The head of the Northwood Civic Association, Northeast Philly, began a recent meeting with this line: "We're part of Frankford, but we don't have to look at Frankford." Uhh, dude, you live in the Northeast. Nobody wants to look at you. [Northeast Times]

• Clearly, the Southampton Free Library is piggybacking off the popularity of The Real World's Svetlana Shusterman. They're going to be offering books in Russian. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Forbes released its most expensive zip codes of the last year, and Stone Harbor clocks in at No. 48. Oh, Avalon's going to feel even more second-rate now. [Forbes]

• In Columbus, Ohio, a half-dime was sold for $1.3 million. That better be some good shit. [AP/CNN.com]

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