Warning: Stay Away From CBP

The Phillies, fresh off a maddening loss in St. Louis yesterday, return to Citizens Bank Park tonight to take on the Boston Red Sox. If you’re heading down to CBP tonight, you’ll probably end up dealing with two annoyances: (1) A thunderstorm and (2) Red Sox fans.

Ever since the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, Boston fans have been known to all to be among the most annoying on the planet. They were just as annoying before then, but people felt bad for them because of their many NBA championships and lack of a hockey team (zing!). Now that the Sox have won two World Series in four years, the Patriots haven’t lost in the regular season in about 3 seasons and the Celtics are still a game away from NBA title number 17, people aren’t so nice to them anymore. (I’ve never been nice to them.)

Anyway, I’ll be enjoying this weekend’s series from the safety of my couch or perhaps a neighborhood bar so members of Red Sox Nation who share a last name with Ted Williams won’t be there to annoy me.

There isn’t anything different from Red Sox fans than from annoying fans of any other team. The main problem is there are simply more of them, it seems; it’s not your fault, Boston fans, but strength in numbers makes youse all really, really annoying.

There’s more from The 700 Level. Let’s go Phils.

OMG! College Kids Drinking Outside Ballpark!

The Pennsylvania state police didn’t have anything to do yesterday, so they invited NBC 10 along with them and busted around 100 underage drinkers outside Citizens Bank Park yesterday. The only good thing is that a bunch of Natty Light was poured out onto the ground.

Ninety-one people over the age of 18 but under 21 were written up, while 9 people under 18 were also cited. One of the cited teenagers — he’s 19 — told NBC 10 he would be able to fight in a pointless war but can’t get plastered outside the ballpark so he can fight other drunks inside. Or something like that.

Anyway, we’re all safer now, and the state has a bunch more money to bust more 20-year-olds drinking beer. Erhm.

Burrell Finally Proves Model Correct!

Hey, remember this? The above CG image was the model of Citizens Bank Park, created before the stadium even had a corporate sponsor — hence the blue logo for the stadium’s name. If you look on the big screen you’ll see the phrase, “HOME RUN, Pat Burrell! PHILS WIN!”

Well, Pat Burrell never had a walkoff home run in Citizens Bank Park; he hadn’t had a walkoff homer since 2002. Until last night, that is. The Fightins trailed by a run on an Aaron Rowand homer in the top of the 10th, but Burrell won it with a 3-2 line drive homer into the left field seats.

Redlasso video of the homer after the jump courtesy of The 700 Level.

More »

Multimillionaires Complain About Building Park For Fans

If you’re going to complain about something about the Phillies new stadium, complain about the distance between the subway and the stadium (45 light-years) or the attempted murder in the parking lot.

But, please, umpires, don’t whine about how hard it is to ump in Philly:

“It takes 3 or 4 minutes to give the ground rules the first night at home plate,” he told the Rocky Mountain News. “This is a tough park. All the way around the outfield you can have spectator interference and then the foul poles are a joke the way they’re marked. It’s a really a tough ballpark for umpires, but I guess it’s ‘quote-unquote’ fan-friendly.”

“Oh, wah, wah, umpiring is so hard, what ever shall I do when the foul poles are not marked correctly!” Eric Gregg is rolling around in his grave hearing this talk. He may have had a strike zone the size of Citizens Bank Park, but at least he didn’t whine.

Who’ll manage to stick around? [Daily News]

Phils Win, Fans Make Futile Attempts To Catch Homer

Hey, the Phillies rallied to win on Ryan Howard’s walkoff shot last night, and they’ve won the first two games in a “must-win” series against the Mets. The Inquirer has a photo gallery of last night’s game; above, the fans attempt to catch Jimmy Rollins’ homer in the 8th inning.

Well, some of them do, at least. The woman in the black might not be close enough to catch the ball, but she wouldn’t be able to anyway. Both hands directly into the air is not the recommended baseball catching technique. Other things learned from this picture: People still wear Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirts, Darren Daulton (back right in green) time-traveled in from 2012 to catch the game.

Howard Powered [Inquirer]
Slideshow: Howard’s Walk Off HR in 10th beats the Mets [Philly.com]

Phillies Doing Something To Stop City’s Obesity And Heart Attack Problem

While they may still be 4 games out of the Wild Card spot, the Phillies are winning awards for the important things. The 700 Level — be sure to peep the “Save America’s Wolves!” ad — writes PETA has named the Phils the most vegetarian-friendly baseball stadium.

“Citizens Bank Park’s great vegetarian selection benefits both animals and the health of Phillies fans, who will be less likely to keel over from a meat-induced heart attack as they cheer Ryan Howard’s next longball,” says PETA Assistant Director Dan Shannon.

Meat-Induced Heart Attacks would make a good nickname for a baseball team.

Obviously They’ve Never Had a Schmitter [The 700 Level]
Philly Mock Steak Is a Home Run With Fans, Propels Citizens Bank Park to Best Stadium in the Majors to Enjoy Great Meatless Food [PETA.org]

Phanatic Survives Brutal Dog Attack

The Phillie Phanatic, the mascot we should love just because Tommy Lasorda hates him*, nearly suffered a fate worse than having an enormous foam head made out of him: He was nearly killed by WMMR DJ and 76ers’ PA announcer Matt Cord’s dog, Dan Gross reports.

The Phillie Phanatic was attacked Saturday morning by 93.3 WMMR DJ and Sixers’ PA announcer Matt Cord’s dog Scout. Cord was on air covering the line at the Wachovia Center box office, where tickets for The Police, playing this summer at Citizens Bank Park, went on sale.

The Phanatic came outside of the Wachovia Center to start giving stuff away, when the mutt lunged at the lovable green goofball, prompting a man in line to shout that the dog “must be a Mets fan.” The Phanatic retreated inside the Wachovia Center until Cord safely put Scout back in his car. Cord says that the dog is great with people and other dogs, and that he can’t say why she went after the Phanatic, who was not injured by the canine.

DJ’s dog pounces on the Phanatic [Daily News, 2nd item]
Feb. 28: Phillies Merchandising Dept. Ruins Popular Character

* Tommy Lasorda on the Phillie Phanatic: “One of the worst incidents was perpetrated by the Phillie Phanatic. The Dodgers were in town to play the Phillies and somehow, it got ahold of one of my jerseys. It took the jersey, put it on a dummy and ran over the dummy again and again. That type of a display should not be shown in ballparks, especially in front of children. It exhibits violence and disrespect.”

Phillies Merchandising Dept. Ruins Popular Character

Hey, Philadelphia Phillies! You have a mascot beloved by all people, young and old, man and woman, Phillies fan and non-Phillies fan. Here’s an idea: How about you not ruin the Phillie Phanatic by making a giant creepy foam head!

It’s a bad business decision, too. This thing looks like, if you put it on your head, you’d immediately suffocate. Not just bad PR for the Phillies, but, once you’re dead, you can’t buy any more Phillies merchandise. (Okay, maybe an officially licensed Phillies casket.)

But if the Philliesa re going to make a suffocating giant foam head, couldn’t they at least make it not tremendously scary and ruinous to everyone’s memories of the giant green whatever-he-is that makes the fans cheer?

Of course, that’s not your only option for Phillies-related purchasing. First off, the Police reunion tour plays Citizens Bank Park on July 19 (and Hersheypark Stadium on July 20). Tickets are $9,000 each.

And, if you’re looking for a gift for a youngster — not that youngsters can’t like the Police, but, well — there’s always this Phillies-themed Memory game, which the Phils’ website helpfully notes is non-violent. I don’t know, I’ve played some games of Memory that turned pretty bloody.

Philadelphia Phillies Phanatic Foamhead [Phillies.com Shop]
Non-Violent Toys Philadelphia Phillies Mix Match [Phillies.com Shop]
The Police make long-awaited return to the Philadelphia area [Phillies.com]

Blogicized: G-Ho Ho Ho

• I’ve been meaning to promote this idea for a while, but I kept forgetting to. Brad Maule of Phillyskyline has declared that the Graduate Hospital area shall be called G-Ho, and, frankly, that sounds like a great idea to me. G-Ho! It’s the next JuNoGi, only better! [Phillyskyline]

• New changes at Citizens Bank Park this year: A higher left field fence, a more injured David Bell and no more Geno’s. Rick’s Steaks will be taking its place. [The 700 Level]

• Pennsylvania has turned to eBay to sell knives, scissors, bombs and NBA players’ marijuana confiscated from airports (wait, scratch those last two). [DaveRalis.com]

• Albert Yee is on the ballot for committeeperson! Chuck Pennachio better put a “Yee 2006″ banner on his blog now, too. [dragonballyee]