December 27, 2007

Street's Last Act To Whip City Into Shape

Leave it to John Street to introduce an initiative that references the 12 Days of Christmas... after Christmas. Yes, one of the mayor's final acts in office is the city's new health initiative.

You may remember John Street as the guy who's in actual shape and who takes care of himself, unlike a previous mayor who shall remain nameless. Street got the city out of the pointless #1 spot in Men's Health's fattest cities list, and now he's doing belated Christmas caroling.

"On the twelth day of Christmas, the Mayor gave to me, 12 celebrations, 11 bikin' buddies, 10 acts of kindness, 9 sunlight minutes, 8 tips on eating, 7 hours of resting, 6 lung expansions, 5 super greens, 4 luscious fruits, 3 action workouts, 2 water jugs, and a health plan, en-tire-ly FREE!"

Whee. Now that's a convincing list to get you into shape.

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December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas From Philadelphia Will Do

May your Christmas Day be as joyous as the day you heard the news this stupid horse was finally dead and you'd never have to hear about him again. That's how it went, right?

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November 29, 2007

Santa's Elves Need A Better Union

Every year, children write letters to Santa Claus. Santa's too busy making presents (or, rather, making plans to outsource it to Chinese elf labor) to respond to all the letters, so post office workers do the deed for him.

Only, uh, now the post office is making everyone who answers letters for Santa provide photo ID and sign a liability waiver because it's worried about sexual predators. While the waiver is also to absolve the post office of any liability in case of a lawsuit -- maybe if little Johnny didn't get that Nintendo Wii he wanted, he'll sue Santa -- apparently the whole thing is for, uh, protecting the children.

A corporation or nonprofit must promise not to hold the post office responsible for legal action that might result from “authorized or unauthorized handling, use and response to the subject Letters to Santa by any person.” [...] Worries about sexual predators, identity theft and frivolous lawsuits make it imperative that the names and addresses not fall into the wrong hands.

“Protecting our children is our No. 1 concern, so we want to know who is requesting the letters,” [Doylestown Postmaster Eileen Wilkinson] said.

Continue reading "Santa's Elves Need A Better Union"

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December 26, 2006

Scrooges In North Philly

The Inquirer's Amy Rosenberg writes today about a street in North Philly that's full of Christmas cheer.

Almost every house on the 800 block of North 10th Street is decorated in a smiliar fashion, and the neighbors walked around exchanging presents. ("And so you had Joan Adams in her white bathrobe leaning out of 810 and Marva Lazenbury in her turquoise and pink paisley silk bathrobe and pajamas leaning out of 806," as Rosenberg puts it.)

But the Inky also blows the whistle on those who didn't join in the decoration:

Pretty much the only ones who opted out of the decorations were the Jehovah's Witnesses who live in two homes and the Sturgis family at 807 who, for various reasons, just couldn't find the time this year.

Not to mention the undecorated house of Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz.

A block reborn, a neighborhood united in sharing [Inky]
Archives: Hurricane Schwartz

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December 22, 2006

Breaking: Inky/DN Reporter Worker Suspended

The Newspaper Guild sent out a memo today warning about, uh, crossing Brian Tierney? Or something. Here's the memo:

The company today has suspended an employee suspected of producing literature critical of Brian Tierney and the company’s contract proposals and posting that material throughout 400 N. Broad St.

Company managers told the Guild the material was found on the employee’s computer hard drive and that videotapes show the employee putting up the literature around the building. An investigation continues with termination possible.

Jesus, videotapes of the event? It's like effing CSI over there. Still, if you do something anti-work on your work computer, they can usually easily find out. But this seems kind of, well, isn't it a few days before Christmas?

No word on who the employee is. Postings were found up in the Inquirer newsroom, so it's likely an Inky person. Full memo after the jump.

Update: Not a news person, according to people who know. (And people in the comments.) So, uh, not nearly as fun. Sorry for the headline, I mis-typed. Merry Christmas!

Continue reading "Breaking: Inky/DN Reporter Worker Suspended"

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Hurricane Retreats From War On Christmas

Allow me to update -- late, sorry -- the ongoing battle of Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz against Christmas.

The Inquirer's Michael Klein reported Tuesday that Schwartz refused to read a promo about Santa before his newscast because he's Jewish. This pissed all the Christians off, with Santa, of course, being the chief honoree of Christmas.

But Tuesday night, Schwartz led off his weather forecasts at 6 and 11 p.m. by raising the white flag:

He labeled the report as "absolutely untrue" and "apologized" that "some of us were left with the impression" that he has anything against the holidays. He mentioned that Christmas symbols have been part of his reports and urged viewers to have a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah and a joyous Kwanzaa.

Hmm. He labeled the report absolutely untrue, yet he apologized! Looks like Schwartz has been defeated in the War on Christmas. Santa must be proud.

Weathercaster comments on report [Inquirer]
Tuesday: You're A Mean One, Mr. Hurricane

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December 19, 2006

You're A Mean One, Mr. Hurricane

The Inquirer's Michael Klein reports today that, well, Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz is a a member of the frontline infantry in the War on Christmas.

The NBC 10 chief weatherman, Klein reports, refused to read a voice-over about Santa leading in to his forecast. When asked about it later, Schwartz said he refused because he's Jewish. As we all know, Christmas is the time when Christians celebrate Santa Claus's victory over the Jews.

Either way, Schwartz wouldn't comment, saying his War on Christmas didn't "belong outside the station." Oh, it's out now, Glenn. And we won't tolerate your war on Christmas and its honoree, Santa. It's on.

Inqlings | 'No Santa' clause at NBC10? [Inquirer]

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November 30, 2006

In The Spirit Of The Holiday Season...

Okay, people. It's time for a good deed. Here's part of a post on Philly Future I spotted earlier in the week:

Anyway, I thought love at first sight was hocus- pocus. That is, until today Saturday November 25, 2005 at 2:45 PM. It goes like this, my son my daughter and I were at Macy’s department store in center city. We were standing in a very long but worthwhile line (for their sake) to see the Dickens Village.

While in line, the most beautiful women I have ever seen began to talk to me. When I turned to look at her and into her beautiful eyes my mind immediately went blank. I thought I was frozen in time and I suppose I was. I couldn’t think of anything to say, not even anything stupid or meaningless. I just stood there, smiled and stared at her. I’m in my mid forty’s now and I felt like a teenager again. For the first time in quite a while I smiled at someone from the bottom of my broken heart. The same heart I thought I had lost. Today, I knew it was still there because it was beating fast, really fast.

“The most beautiful woman in the world” was also there with her son and daughter. As the line grew shorter and we began to approach our destination I began to panic. I thought I would never see her again so I mustard up enough courage to talk to her. We began to talk about Sushi restaurants in Philadelphia. She apparently knows them all and it seems she knows Philly quite well too. Unfortunately, I do not. She told me of a sushi place in the Reading Terminal Market and another in University City called “POD.” As we walked through Dickens Village I felt a connection to her and I know she felt it too. We even liked the same movie as a favorite (George C. Scott in a Christmas Carol).

Unfortunately, with both of us watching both sets of our kids we lost each other in the extreme crowd and we didn’t see each other again. I walked through the store back and forth up and down so many times I thought my son and daughter were going to abandon me. They kept asking me what I was looking for and I said, “hope.” I never did get her name or saw her again and I finally gave up searching.

If on the slightest chance (about 300 million to one) you (the one I met today (November 25) in line at Macy’s Dickens Village) read this, I’ll be at the same place with my daughter in two weeks from now (Saturday) because she really wants to go again. My son said he would sit this one out (he’s 16). Now here comes the pessimist in me. I will probably never see you again. But maybe you read these BLOGS and I guess it’s worth a chance of hope.

Okay. I'm not even going to make fun of the random capitalization of BLOGS. (I'll just point it out.) As such, now that the Christmas tree is lit and it's a day 'til December, I wanted to pass this along.

Here's to finding love at first sight, Dickens Village and, hell, even Macy's for figuring out if they didn't keep that old setup people would be pissed. Now, if you're reading this, oh mysterious "most beautiful woman in the world," the ball's in your court.

Love & Hope, found then lost. At Macy's Dickens Village. Love at first sight. [Philly Future]

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Reason #10 To Love Philadelphia: O Tannenbaum

Peace on Earth, and good will toward all men.

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November 29, 2006

'Metro' Debate Style: Of Goggles And V-Necks

Yes, it's time for another edition of Metro Debate Style, where I poke fun at the people interviewed for the Metro debate section, then they Google themselves and write me angry letters. It's fun for the whole family!

Today's topic is a, uh, topical one, with everyone obsessed with shopping as the holiday season quickly approaches. (Or, as some stores would like you to believe, is almost over, since they've had decorations up since Halloween.)

Let's get to today's contestants:

• Margarite Showers: Love the shirt, but not a big fan of the v-neck sweater. If it were a normal sweater, it'd be perfect. The glove-sweater matching is also very impressive. Nice attention to detail. But brown boots with black pants? Even I know not to do that. Er, wait, lemme check. No, nevermind.

• Antonio Harris: Our man Antonio -- a very young-looking 47, might I add -- is wearing the classic hotel employee outfit, complete with nametag and finely-pressed shirt. But, man, those glasses are hot. They're like swim goggles, but, uh, glasses. Awesome. Now we all just have to figure out why he wants all the stores to be closing their doors forever.

• Tara Newman: Ah, the classic layered brown coat-over-white hoodie look. Fantastic.

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November 28, 2006

Urban's 2006 Publicity Tour Heats Up

Last week the Inquirer began the annual Urban Outfitters Controversy™, where Urban Outfitters stocks some stupid item that offends some people and gets a lot of free publicity out of the whole deal.

This time, it was a Christmas ornament in the shape of a glittery plastic handgun. After the Inquirer called all the requisite people -- anti-violence groups, the governor's office, NAMBLA, etc. -- the chain of events was set in motion. A call for a boycott and protests followed, as well as a few more articles in the paper.

And, yet, despite yesterday's protest outside the company's Center City store on Walnut Street, the ornament has sold out and the company is ordering more from China or Taiwan or whereever. (Well, replace "despite" in that previous sentence with "in part due to.")

The Daily News wrote that "Urban Outfitters issued a statement saying the gun was one of a number of 'dark humor items,' including 'devil monkeys' and skulls, providing an 'ironic twist' to holiday tradition." Well, no, that's not true. The only thing being celebrated here is commercialism, and there's nothing ironic about that in America.

Ornament is a sellout [Daily News]
Nov. 22: Newspapers Joining In On Half-Assed Thanksgiving Eve Fun

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November 01, 2006

Today's Sign Of The Apocalypse

Yesterday I was wishing people a happy Halloween. I suppose today I need to wish people a merry Christmas.

For Some, Christmas Shopping Has Already Begun [KYW 1060]

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December 27, 2005

Blogicized: Puppets for all

• Apparently, Rick Mariano and John Dougherty are "puppet and master." The mental images I'm getting from this? Sickening. [America's Hometown]

• This is the greatest submission to Overheard in Philly yet. I don't even care if it's made up. [Overheard in Philly]

• Who won the war on Christmas? I think this is a battle that nobody won, except for maybe pundits with nothing of real substance to say. [TommyWonk]

• Here's how to save all that money you got from your relatives. [Phillyist]

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Lede of the Week, Franklin Mills edition

The opening two graphs of Inky staff writer Thomas Ginsberg's article today about the post-Holiday rush:

As shoppers snapped back into action yesterday, one self-described Scrooge sat alone in Franklin Mills Mall, surveying and scorning the scene.

"A bunch of idiots!" said Bill Lawn, 74, a Philadelphia retiree calmly sipping coffee and reading a newspaper at Gloria Jean's Coffee. "People allow their religious beliefs to be so commercialized that they don't even know what Christmas means anymore."

You know what they say: Out of the mouths of babes -- or, rather, the exact opposite of that.

Now bearing gift cards, shoppers traverse afar [Inky]

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Action News gets into the Christmas spirit

At least nobody was hurt this holiday season.

6 ABC

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December 26, 2005

Philadelphia Will Do is recovering from a sugarplum-induced hangover

I'm sleeping the day off here. Taking off Dec. 26 is the new taking off Dec. 25 -- plus nobody's at work, all the other blogs aren't posting today and Whitaker said I could take off. I've got some of the usual wrapping up/looking ahead features planned for this week. It all begins tomorrow. In the meantime, Happy Holidays.

Photo by Lelik

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December 25, 2005

Just in time for Christmas, Santa brought...

... a wittle puppy with a red nose like Rudolph! (Not mine. But still: Awww!)

A very Merry Christmas (or a Happy Hanukkah, or Wonderous Winter Tree Festival, or just a nice weekend) to everyone. May you day be full of puppies and rainbows.

Red-Nosed Puppy Born Just Before Christmas [NBC 10]

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December 23, 2005

An admission of guilt (also, there's still no news going on)

I'll be honest with you. I had a nice big ol' Christmas essay ready for you guys today -- and then my computer went and ate it. (It's nowhere to be found, I can't undelete it and I'm not rewriting it.)

And, so, I present to you the Christmas essay I wrote on Nov. 16 for the Holiday Guide: The North(east) Pole. I'll be checking out of here in a little bit -- and by "checking out," I mean "getting on the R7 and riding it to Cornwells Heights" -- so I'll take this time to wish all of you a very happy holiday season. More ruminations, in the form of essays and such, to come next week.

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Quickies: Bruce Spring Street

• Jesus, people: Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean you need to go all anti-Semitic on us. Alas. [Philly Future]

• This story about a dude whose car was taken for a joyride by an airport valet company was the lede story in the Daily News today. [DN]

• Headline: An answer to the question, "Do fish wear hats?" And a blog is born. [Crossing the Delaware]

• Scroll down for it: New Jersey might get its own "Born to Run" license plate, to be used on highways jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive. [Trenton Times]

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Dot matrix revolutions

Music and Ivy League basketball guru Jon Solomon is hosting a 24-hour marathon of Christmas music over the weekend -- 6 p.m. Saturday to 6 p.m. Sunday -- and Sara Sherr caught up with him in the Daily News today. What I'm most excited about is this:

Q: Strangest holiday song?

A: This year, I've got holiday songs performed using rubber bands, dot matrix printers and old car horns!

Dot matrix printers? Shit, I'm tuning in now.

His 24-hour holiday radio marathon offers selections from Sinatra to punk [DN]

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December 22, 2005

Letters from the frontlines in the War on Christmas

In these jolly times, sometimes we must turn our attention to something less happier. Yes: The War. No, not that little skirmish over in the Sandbox -- the insurgents are in their "last throes," I swear -- but the War on Christmas.

The WoC has been heating up for the past few years, but this year it has just gotten way too much. Secular humanists ripping down Christmas trees, Athiests burning wreathes, Muslims not celebrating at all. And don't get me started on "Happy Holidays." But it's also important to know who's fighting the good fight, and who's clearly trying to win the battles.

Those battles, of course, are taking place on the letters pages of community newspapers across the country. In this week's Northeast Times, some of the warriors -- on both sides of the fight -- have weighed in, and I'd like to highlight a few choice examples. For example, this week's letters page contains this dispatch:

Don't you dare take away my faith

Now that the Christmas season is upon us, it’s time for those dreaded "Happy Holidays" remarks to be tossed about as well as the documentaries about Christ on the Discovery Channel.

I do enjoy the documentaries, and it is interesting to learn more about Christ the man, his life and times, etc., however, I cannot help but detect in these programs the scientific views and explaining away of Christ the son of God.

It would seem that everything Christ was said to have accomplished really didn't happen at all. Isn’t it any wonder Christmas is so secular these days?

I don't believe in Christ the son of God because my church tells me that's what I'm supposed to believe. I believe in Christ the son of God because a man named Jesus, the son of a carpenter, obviously accomplished something so momentous that today, 2,000 years later, the world is still affected by those accomplishments, hence, the religion called Christianity. It's called faith, people, and no one has the right to take that away from me. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Esther Skitek
Tacony

Esther gives us a little history lesson here to blunt the attacks of the WoC, as well as a catchphrase-able statement: "It's called faith, people!" In case you're a little confused about the history here, you can get the result via simple math:

Carpenter's son does something momentous + 2,000 years = Christianity

See, aren't you glad that you have my analysis? The rest of the Northeast Times holiday -- err, Christmas -- cheer after the jump.

Continue reading "Letters from the frontlines in the War on Christmas"

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Abridged Daily News columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: Here's a great Christmas story: A guy chartered trains for wounded troops at the Walter Reed Medical Center so they could come to Philadelphia to watch the Army-Navy game. Okay, that's not a Christmas story.

Stu Bykofsky: A movie review: Steven Spielberg's Munich is too even-handed at times, and treats terrorists too nicely. Beeyotch.

Michael Smerconish: I wrote a good Christmas column a few years back. Here is it again.

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December 21, 2005

Blogicized: Non-cute puppy edition

• Are you a Pennsylvania blogger? Want to be on that channel that occassionally shows up instead of the preview one and shows the state legislature and state championship basketball games? Your lifelong dream, eh? Really? Okay, well, you can. [PCNblog via PSoTD]

• Want all your last-minute gifts to be Philadelphia-themed? Oh, really. You do? Okay. Then here's a list of last minute Philadelphia-themed gifts. [Philly Future]

• I don't know if this is an actual overheard cell phone conversation, but after reading it, I want to believe. [Starting a Landslide in My Ego]

• And, finally: Penn's stupid "Page 217" essay question referenced in Doonesbury. I mean, uhh, amazing essay question that got me into college. Yeah, that's it. [via The West End]

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It's the new Tickle Me Elmo!

If I remember correctly,"13 radon detectors" just missed the cut for the "12 Days of Christmas" song.

Pa. Agency Suggests Radon Test Kit for Holiday Gift [KYW 1060]

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December 20, 2005

Ho ho ho (and a bottle of rum)

All right, kids! Where do you want to see Santa this year? The mall? The basement of your church after mass? A parade of some sort?

Well, you know what, we're going to somewhere even better: The Prison System's Training Academy! Yes, Thursday night, from 5-7 p.m., the Philadelphia Prison System's training facility (across from the defunct Holmesburg Prison, natch). Things don't really get better than this, do they?

The press release quotes:

"The Training Academy is right across the street from the Enfield and Holmesburg neighborhoods," said Director of Training Lt. Frederick Abello. "We want to welcome our neighbors and help celebrate Christmas with them this year." Santa Claus, in the person of Correctional Officer Orlando Carugno, will be on hand to greet children and their families.

You know, I'm all for outreach by the prisons -- okay, to be honest I don't really fathom how anyone could have an opinion on this -- but I think it might be some sort of a trap. Doesn't Santa know all the boys who are naughty and nice? And doesn't Correctional Officer Orlando Carugno know that as well? (He does.) Don't you all see it? They're going to arrest the bad kids! And possibly give the good ones candy canes!

Eh, maybe that's not so bad. Either way, full non-jokey press release after the jump.

Continue reading "Ho ho ho (and a bottle of rum)"

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