July 16, 2008
Phillies Get Bad Omen At All-Star Game
Major league baseball's All-Star Game just ended a few minutes ago in the 15th inning. Guess who the losing pitcher was? That's right:
Brad Lidge gave up the game-winning sacrifice fly in the bottom of the 15th.
When the Phillies reach the World Series this year, they will have to play on the road. (For those who didn't know, the team that wins the All-Star Game wins home field advantage for the World Series.) On the plus side, ex-Phillies closer Billy Wagner blew the save in the 8th inning in non-shocking fashion.
The Fightins have a whole two days off, then head to Miami to play the third-place Florida Marlins. Catcher Chris Coste also had a book signing yesterday in North Dakota; apparently he did not believe he was going to make the All-Star Game this year. Way to give up early, Chris! (Well, okay, I guess it was a pretty safe bet.)
AL 4, NL 3 [AP/Yahoo! Sports]
Photo by BenYankee, Creative Commons license
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July 15, 2008
Utley To Yankees Fans: 'Boo? Fuck You!'
Chase Utley was booed at the home run derby last night, and fortunately was caught on the mike telling Yankees fans what he felt. "Go fuck yourself" might have been a better thing to say, but we'll have to settle with what he said. (Because we can't handle the word fuck in print, the Daily News for some reason prints "(bleep) you." Seriously, guys?)
If you watched last night's home run derby, you no doubt saw ex-drug addict Josh Hamilton hit 28 homers in the first round. Hamilton got off drugs in part by finding Jesus. This led 700-time Sportswriter of the Year Rick Reilly to say, "It's a lousy night to be an atheist." Since Hamilton is Christian, was it also a bad night to be a Muslim or Jew? (The difference is: If Reilly had said, "This is the worst night for Jews since Kristallnacht," he would have been fired.)
Reilly is, of course, correct: God rarely interferes in human events anymore, but he does every once in a while help a Christian in the early rounds of a home-run hitting contest or two. Every once in a while he even helps them break storied records, like Bobby Abreu's historic total of 24, which has stood for an immeasurable amount of time (three years). I've always thought it was kind of weird that God interferes in exhibition contests (that aren't even a baseball game) and not, say, the postseason, but who am I to question? He's God.
Once you get to the finals, though, you're on your own. Hamilton hit just three homers in the final round and lost to Justin Morneau, who was promptly called the wrong name. But, ha, ha, Chase Utley cursed on live TV before the game, which really gives a way better high than heroin.
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May 29, 2008
Phillies Have Yet To Melt Down
Hey, how about that local baseball nine? The Phillies scored six more runs yesterday to get Adam Eaton his first win and sweep the season series with the Rockies (5-0). Take that, NL champs! The Fightins are now 31-24 and have a three-game series this weekend against division leading Florida, who are only a half-game up right now.
After the jump, highlights
Continue reading "Phillies Have Yet To Melt Down"
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May 15, 2008
Bush: Ottley For MVP!
No word if this was the mistake of Politico's interview with President Bush or the prez himself, but, yes, our dear leader loves him some Chase.
Q Mr. President, I know you're going to hate this, but I'm hoping that we may twist your arm and talk about baseball for just a moment. (Laughter.) Mr. President, you're a Major League Baseball team owner again. Everyone is a free agent. You have a Yankees-like wallet. Who is your first position player? Who's your pitcher?
THE PRESIDENT: That's a great question. I like Ottley from the Philadelphia Phillies. He's a middle infielder, which is always -- you know, they say you have strength up the middle -- there's nothing better than having a good person up the middle that can hit. And Roy Halladay from the Toronto Blue Jays is a great pitcher. He's a steady guy, he burns up innings. And I'm sure I'm leaving some other good ones out, but those --
Interview with President Bush [Politico]
George W. Bush Loves Him Some Chase Utley [The 700 Level]
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April 23, 2008
Howard Nearly Runs Down Utley In Win
The best part of last night's Phillies game was not Pat Burrell's game-winning double, though that was pretty awesome, too. And it wasn't
the female streaker, since the TV didn't show that -- and she kept her bra on, anyway. (Okay, the female streaker is pretty cool, also.)
No, it was Ryan Howard running just a half-step behind Chase Utley as they both rounded third, looking to grab the go-ahead and insurance runs from the Colorado Rockies. Because Burrell's hit could have been caught, Utley held up at second and Howard went all the way near the bag; once it dropped, both sprinted for home plate like it was that one scene from Rookie of the Year.
The Phillies are finally above .500 (they're 11-10) and swept the Rockies in a two-game series. Video of the game-winning hit and hilarious basepath action after the jump.
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April 22, 2008
Chase Utley Already Wins NL MVP
You like Chase Utley? Attractive guy, lover of puppies, rich professional athlete -- of course you do. Well, after
homering for the fifth straight game last night -- to help the Phillies beat the Rockies, 9-5, and improve to 10-10 on the year -- Utley is
now the league leader in homers and OPS and is on pace for 73 homers.
Mike Carminati writes the truth, saying his current pace means "he is clearly a lock to tie Barry Bonds' record, at least by the end of the season." Utley's best homer so far this year was his second Sunday night; it's after the jump.
Continue reading "Chase Utley Already Wins NL MVP"
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April 09, 2008
Phillies Announcers Jinx Utley
While the 76ers continue to lead the Pistons down at the Wachovia Center, the Phillies
are being pounded up at Shea. The Phils were doing okay tonight despite Kyle Kendrick walking six batters in the first two innings; the score was still tied at 1.
Sure, the turning point in the game was probably Kyle Kendrick's second-straight shaky outing. But let's give a little credit to the Phillies' broadcast team, who mentioned that Chase Utley was among the league leaders in consecutive plate appearances without a strikeout. You can only guess what happened immediately after. If you need video evidence, it's after the jump.
Continue reading "Phillies Announcers Jinx Utley"
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September 11, 2007
Phillies Get Hopes Of Philadelphians Up Again
Last night, the Phillies continued their annual late season game of "Let's Get The Fans' Hopes Up." Swore off the Phillies after dropping 4 of 6 after a sweep of the Mets? Well, let's draw you back in:
Ryan Howard doubles in Chase Utley to beat the Rockies in 10 innings.
Howard and Utley were assisted by Rockies left fielder Matt Holliday, who managed to lose the ball in the corner, even though the ball only had one place to go. (Uh, the corner.) His failure to pick up the ball quickly allowed Utley to score from first without a slide and moved the Phils just 1.5 games back in the Wild Card.
It goes like this every year: The Phils get our hopes up with four-game sweeps (or post-9/11 break surges, or Jim Thome game-winning homers in the Hurricane Game, or whatever) and then collapse down the stretch. And, despite your best efforts, you can't help but get into it.
But, hey, why should this year be any different? Let's go Phillies! To the playoffs we go! We'll figure out who the hell besides Kyle Kendrick is going to start in the postseason once we get there.
Phillies hurdle Rockies in 10th [Daily News]
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August 22, 2007
Philly's Ridiculously Eventful (Mostly Bad) Sports Day
Er, I guess. A lot of stuff went down yesterday, and none of it involved the teams who are currently awful -- the Sixers, who we all know are awful, and the Flyers, who are awful until proven otherwise -- so let's do a couple of recaps.
• As you may have read yesterday, the Eagles released Jeremiah Trotter, the four-time Pro Bowler who once anchored the defense -- and helped the Eagles make Super Bowl 39. (Roman numerals are stupider than the metric system.) Although Trotter is only 30, his knees are about 55. Trotter is looking to head for another team, though he had a somewhat weird, emotional goodbye to the Eagles. The defensive players were kind of upset. Trotter will probably head to the Denver Broncos, following Allen Iverson, as all of Philadelphia's most popular players will head to higher altitude. I was so unsure of how to finish this I stole the previous joke from my mom. (All Jeremiah Trotter references for the rest of this year will be accompanied by references to my mom, most likely.)
• Omar Gaither will be the one replacing the Axeman. He got a call from Trotter Monday night: "The first thing he said was, 'Congratulations.' He explained everything to me. That means the world to me. That's the first thing you should know about me. There's no bad blood between us. The fact that he came out today and did what he did shows that he has my back, which helps me as far as my teammates are concerned. He told me he'd be praying for me, and I really appreciate it." Dammit, now I'm going to miss Jeremiah Trotter even more, personality-wise, at least. Moves like this, though, make me appreciate the Eagles management -- if Trotter were a Phillie he'd be here 'til 2015 at least.
Some Fightins stuff follows.
Continue reading "Philly's Ridiculously Eventful (Mostly Bad) Sports Day"
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July 27, 2007
Phillies Season Somehow Ended By Washington (Again)
Yesterday, some douchebag making his first major league start for the Washington Nationals hit Chase Utley with a pitch in the fifth inning. The fastball hit Utley right in the hand, and he went to first looking pissed. And by now you know the rest: Utley will be out for about a month with a broken right hand.
Be sure to comfort your female coworkers today in the office. With Utley out and Burrell no longer a fan favorite, there's really no longer too many people to root for. Maybe Cole Hamels, but his hair is approaching mullet status. Aaron Rownad, I guess. Meanwhile, baseball nerds like me can commiserate, but for different reasons.
Utley, who was on pace to break the major league record for doubles in a season, was third in the league in RBI (Howard's first, but he has the advantage of Chase Utley getting to second 41 times already this year) and considered a strong National League MVP candidate. But now he's out for three weeks to a month, and Abraham Fucking Nunez will take his place at second. You may remember Nunez from last season, when he spent a good portion of the year hitting .150.
While the Eagles lost their best player in 2003 and rallied to win the division, well, I know the Eagles, and you, Phillies, are no Eagles. Fortunately, the Phillies did their job for yet another year: Eagles training camp begins today! Phew. We got through another offseason -- and when the Flyers and Sixers were the only teams playing, I wasn't sure if we were going to make it.
Utter dismay [Daily News]
Let's see what we've got here [Daily News]
July 20, 2006: Root, Root, Root For The Home Team (To Fail)
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July 26, 2007
You Gotta Be Kidding Me
And that will do it. Good season, 2007 Phillies!
Breaking news: Chase Utley out with broken hand [Beerleaguer]
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July 19, 2007
Chase Utley Singlehandedly Starts Biological Clocks Of Philadelphia-Area Twentysomethings
Clare from Ladies..., your #1 source for hot athletes and more hot athletes, sent me this adorable photo of Chase Utley fist-bumping with a little kid. Aww, it's almost as cute as a gaggle of puppies! I kinda want to find a kid and fist-bump him.
Thanks, Shannon, for the headline.
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May 31, 2007
Chase Utley® Trains With Myoplex™
I recently came across an interview with Phillies second baseman Chase Utley in April's
Maxim magazine. Like most interviews with athletes in non-sports publications, it's basically just a chance for the athlete to plug whatever company is paying him to say things like, "The most important thing for any Phillies fan to do is bank with Citizens!"
See if you can guess which company sponsors Chase.
How do you stay in shape in the off-season? I mean, anything between workouts, diet, whatever.
I take about a month off after the season is over, and then I start training. I train about four to five times a week all the way up to spring training, which is about 12 weeks or so. I use the Abbott Nutrition’s EAS [EAS is under the Healthy Living brands of Abbott Nutrition/Ross Products Division] Myoplex shakes. I've been using the EAS products for maybe three years, probably going on four now. I'm big into the Myoplex shakes.
Do you notice a difference with them?
I do. Well, for me they're easy and convenient. And they give me the fuel that my body needs, especially in the off-season. And they taste good.
Hmm. I think he endorses Powerade.
The Chase Is On [Maxim via The Zo Zone]
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May 14, 2007
Fleece Blankets Are The New Bobbleheads
With Ryan Howard on the disabled list, it appears Phillies fans -- at least those of the female persuasion -- are set to move right on over to Chase Utley.
Case in point: The eBay auctions for the Chase Utley fleece given away to women over 14 at yesterday's Phils game.
Alert reader anonymous reader IMs:
anonymous reader: nb: i really want a chutley blanket to cozy up in, but they are going for FIFTY DOLLARS on ebay
reader: fifty dollars!!!
pwddmac: i'm bloging that
reader: good
reader: i'm pissed!
reader: i want to wrap myself in chutley but i'm not going to whore it out for fifty dollars
reader: i wouldn't even spend that much for tickets to the game where you got that blankie for free!
reader: seriously
reader: WTF
reader: what is wrong with our culture?
Search: chase utley blanket [eBay]
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February 26, 2007
Chase Utley To Hit Doubles, Cut Emissions
The Oscar for Best Documentary
wasn't the only thing Al Gore picked up for An Inconvenient Truth. No, it's also picked up the
endorsement of one Phillies second baseman Chase Utley!
Yes, that's right. Utley doesn't just eat at Morning Glory and score from second on a groundout, he also wants to cut his own emissions and help stop global warming. Indeed! Perhaps based on the fact Jon Lieber has a truck that gets 12 miles to the gallon and has melted six polar ice caps itself, Utley plans on buying a hybrid car and show Lieber and Aaron Rowand (who has a similar humongous car) the movie.
He's also signed the petition on stopglobalwarming.org:
I'm marching because I know how important it is for all of us to face the reality of global warming. It's real, it's a danger and it threatens the well-being of all of us. I love America but I don't love how wasteful we are. With five percent of the world's population, we consume twenty-five percent of the planet's energy. We need to address global warming in a serious and meaningful way. All of us, not just those of us marching, need to take steps NOW to conserve. We need to think outside the corporate box on this - to solar, wind power, hybrids. We need a major shift in our mindset on what makes up the American dream. It's not two SUV's in every garage, it's creating a good and sustainable life for all of us for generations to come. For me, doing so will start with the very first step I take on this march. This is only the beginning.
Awesome. I look forward to fluorescent light bulbs in the Phillies locker room this year.
Marcher: Chase Utley [SGW]
Utley fights for the environment [Phillies.com, 2nd item]
'Truth' generates Oscar win [Camden Courier-Post]
Feb. 15: Jon Lieber's Truck
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January 22, 2007
Utley Gets $85M Wedding Present
Sorry, ladies: The only guy not afraid of commitment is already hitched.
On Saturday, Utley got married. And, yesterday, he signed a 7-year, $85 million deal with the Phillies. (He was also rewarded with that nice photo of himself on the front page of Philly.com.)
Utley will be patrolling the dirt inbetween first and second at Citizens Bank Park until 2013. Which means that, when his contract's up and he's led the Phillies to World Series titles in 2007, 2009, 2011, 2012 and 2013, he can go run for the vacant mayor's seat in the 2014 election.
That's how it's going to work, right?
For richer... [Daily News]
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October 10, 2006
BREAKING: CHASE UTLEY LIKES PANCAKES, IS GOOD LOOKING
Dan Gross today:
Phillies infielder Chase Utley polishing off a large stack of pancakes at the Morning Glory (10th & Fitzwater) the other morning. He's "too good-looking to play baseball," reports our spy.
Dan Gross | He's eyeing a KI$$ world [Daily News]
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August 22, 2006
Aaron Rowand Has All The Luck
Last night, the Phillies reached .500 for the first time since sometime in the early 1980s. In their 6-5 victory over the Cubs, the Phils did have a scary moment, though:
Whoa. The Daily News reports that Rowand broke his ankle and will miss five weeks.
Phillies hang on to beat Cubs [Inquirer]
Rowand broke ankle, will miss at least 5 weeks, sources say [Daily News]
May 12: Aaron Rowand Is Totally Winning A Gold Glove For This
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June 05, 2006
The Phillies Are Total Assholes (And That's Awesome)
First, a video of Chase Utley from yesterday's game:
To be honest, there was no real need for Utley to ram the catcher there. He could have simply slid and made it safe -- it seems -- but Utley was going for the kill when he left third base, and he wasn't about to change his mind. Yes, Utley's shoulder smash into Dodgers catcher Russell Martin was the winning run, too.
But, man, if I were on the other team, I'd be like, "What an asshole that Chase Utley is." (Also, notice how he runs back and touches the plate afterward to make sure he's called safe? Awesome.) But the last time the Phillies made the playoffs, they had a team full of assholes -- and a scholar of Daultonian Metaphysics -- and they almost won the whole thing.
Now, Utley seems like a good guy, as do a lot of the other Phillies players. But that's fine. The 1993 team was full of jerks off the field, we need some guys who do whatever they want on the field!
Anybody up for the challenge? What's that, Mike Lieberthal?
Thanks, Mike. You dropped the ball, then you managed to hit a little girl in the head. Next time catch it -- and hit the girl harder. In tonight's game, look for Ryan Howard to dropkick an infant, Jimmy Rollins to hit a fan in the head with a bat and Bobby Abreu to take it all in, smiling, on a lounge chair.
Utsy move keys win [Daily News]
Feb. 17: Daultonian Metaphysics, explained
Archives: Sal Fasano's Blooper of the Year
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