May 16, 2008

CBS 3's Photo Gallery Confuses Us

bryan (a friend): have you seen this CBS3 "hottest athletes" gallery?

bryan: first of all, it's 85 slides, which is beyond excessive
dmac: they do weird galleries all the time. oh, look: gay celebrities! vegan authors! robot lesbians!
bryan: second of all, i'm only 5 slides in
bryan: donovan mcnabb?
dmac: hahaha
bryan: sasha cohen...that's just creepy
dmac: maybe they meant "athletes"
bryan: ryan theriot?! wtf?!
bryan: this just keeps getting weirder and weirder
bryan: brian roberts from the baltimore orioles?!
bryan: this may as well just be an "athletes" gallery
dmac: tyrone hill show up yet?
dmac: sam cassell?
bryan: no but there's just been an eric lindros sighting
dmac: peter zezel must be next
bryan: I mean theyre doing somehting right i'm actually going through all 85 of these
bryan: JAVIER LOPEZ
bryan: come on now
bryan: some of the photos are just terrible
bryan: this is the worst internet photo gallery i've ever seen in my life
dmac: this really is just an "athletes" gallery, but since the people picked are so weird we're both going through it all
dmac: damn you cbs 3
dmac: haha dale earnhardt jr.
bryan: right!?
bryan: like he's just straight up ugly
dmac: it's like picking tyrone hill
bryan: i'm so pissed i just gave cbs3.com 85 clicks of traffic

Posted by D-Mac at 01:15 PM | Comments (1)

May 08, 2008

CBS 3 Miffed Its Employees Still Remember Who Alycia Lane Is

Ha ha, apparently if your work fires your coworker you're never allowed to see that person again. Or hang out with her boyfriend, at least. Yes, CBS 3 is upset some of its on-air talent went to Chris Booker's birthday party.

Booker is, of course, the boyfriend of one Alycia Lane, who you can't possibly have forgotten by now, but, hey, who knows?

Among staffers at the party were traffic anchor Bob Kelly, reporter Todd Quinones and meteorologist Doug Kammerer. We're told that station management talked only with Kammerer, mostly for appearing in pictures on Q102's website in which he was holding drinks. While several pictures of Kammerer remain on the site, at least one was removed this morning.

Gawd. How dare we live in a world where the public is allowed to know that Doug Kammerer drinks at an Atlantic City birthday party.

Oh, yeah, Lane is still suing the station, so that could have something to do with it.

CBS 3 upset over talent attending Alycia's A.C. bash for Booker [Phillygossip]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:59 AM | Comments (2)

April 18, 2008

CBS 3: Old People Hate Obama!

Yesterday, CBS 3's dreamy Susan Barnett did a report on how a bunch of old people love Hillary Clinton and John McCain and hate Barack Obama. But not because he's black! Just because.... they don't want to vote for him. Also, apparently everyone thinks Iraq attacked us on 9/11 and that Obama hates America and won't salute the flag.

Oh, and the one black guy hates John McCain because he's a "all the big boys get bigger", apparently. Well, duh.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:58 PM | Comments (6)

March 04, 2008

CBS 3 Reports On Inspirational Puppy

Uh, so here's CBS 3's story about an inspirational local dog. No, really: on the site, the video is titled Abandoned Dog Becomes Inspiration To Many. Buddy, a cute Maltese mix, was found at a Macy's at a mall. He is now an inspiration to many, apparently. I must say: I am pretty inspired.

This took up 2 minutes, 13 seconds of the newscast at 6 p.m. yesterday. That's a lot to spend on a half-hour news program. But, like the guy says on the report, p... p... puppy!! Aww, he's a fuzzy little guy.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:04 AM | Comments (0)

February 26, 2008

Bear Patrol Apparently Working Smoothly

Oh, so that bear in West Philadelphia? Yes, that was a lie; the prints were determined to be from a dog.

Bears have five prints on their paw tracks; dogs only have four. Hey, wouldn't you know.

The large dog is still at large.

Experts Determine Paw Prints Belong To K-9 [CBS 3]

[Photo via Flickr]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:21 PM | Comments (0)

February 08, 2008

Pre-Bonnie Bonnie Still Pretty Hilarious

It was everything I hoped for and more. You couldn't come up with a better stereotype for a "high school friend." And, oh my God, the flying money. I feel like the voice-over should be saying, "Sell or rent your timeshare for cash!"

Here's CBS 3's full report; I'd recommend watching the video, as it is fantastic.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:15 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

February 07, 2008

CBS 3 Making Bonnie Promo More Dramatic

I didn't know if this afternoon's promo for CBS 3's exclusive report on Jocelyn Kirsch could get any better, but later today the station released a longer, more dramatic one. OMG I can't wait!

Posted by D-Mac at 05:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

CBS 3 Goes To Jocelyn Kirsch's Hometown!

Just when you thought the coverage of Jocelyn Kirsch couldn't get any better, CBS 3 sends a reporter to the hometown of one half of Philadelphia's Bonnie & Clyde. (She's also the only half anyone cares about.)

Posted by D-Mac at 11:54 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

February 01, 2008

Mascot Monday Returns... On CBS 3!

If you've been reading this site for a while, you may remember Mascot Monday, the Good Day Philadelphia segment where the anchors danced with mascots. (All of the old clips have been taken down by noted fascists YouTube, it seems.) The last Mascot Monday that we have data for took place on July 17, 2006.

But never fear! As you can see above, CBS 3 today launched Phunky Phanatic Phriday, where each week an anchor will dance with the Phillie Phanatic. The greatest Mascot Monday of all time featured the Phillie Phanatic, so it's not a bad one to get, uh, inspiration from.

In the first episode, sports anchor Ukee Washington dances with the Phanatic and an "assistant," Amanda. At the end of the month, you'll get to vote on which anchor gets to dance on top of the dugout with the Phanatic. There... really are no words. Maybe "mascot dancing" is a typical part of a morning show now, like weather and sports. Seriously, what the phuck?

Posted by D-Mac at 11:20 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

January 30, 2008

Oppressed Minority To Sue CBS 3

Oh, you all knew this was coming. Dan Gross reports has filed court papers against CBS 3, almost certainly a prelude to a lawsuit (or settlement) with the company.

Lane and attorney Rosen have also asked for any documents or personnel files pertaining to the firing by CBS3 of "any other anchor or reporter of Latina descent, African-American descent or the descent of any other minority group." Could Lane, dubbed the "Latina Bombshell" by the People Paper's Stu Bykofsky in 2003, be playing the race card?

Any other minority group, eh? I knew the unfair termination of Chief Halftown would come back to bite CBS 3 in the ass one day.

Alycia Lane files court papers against CBS3 [Phillygossip]

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January 08, 2008

The Fallout: Alycia Lane

Here's Dan Gross and Regina Medina from the Daily News. Here's Mike Klein from the Inquirer, who reports Alycia Lane is going to sue CBS 3. Above (give it a second the video is still processing long time since YouTube is being annoying), Larry Mendte manages to not burst into ridiculous laughter when talking about Lane's departure from the station.

Me, I think this is kind of a mistake by the station. In addition to being weird to fire her for being in the news when it encouraged her to go on Dr. Phil, think how many viewers CBS 3 would have gotten for February sweeps with Alycia Lane's triumphant return? Apparently, this move will increase CBS 3's journalistic credibility. Unfortunately, the only real way for a television station to have any journalistic credibility is mass hara-kari.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:30 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

January 07, 2008

Alycia Lane Takes A Fucking Hyke

Sob! Yes, as you've no doubt already heard -- sorry, I was in a meeting! -- Alycia Lane is gone from CBS 3. Here's the statement.

After assessing the overall impact of a series of incidents resulting from judgments she has made, we have concluded that it would be impossible for Alycia to continue to report the news as she, herself, has become the focus of so many news stories. We wish to make clear that we are not prejudging the outcome of the criminal case against Alycia that is pending in New York. We understand that Alycia expects to be fully vindicated in that proceeding. We hope that is the case and we wish her the best in all her future endeavors.

So, basically, she got her boobs into the news too much and so she got fired.

Continue reading "Alycia Lane Takes A Fucking Hyke"

Posted by D-Mac at 05:10 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Alycia Lane Has A Lawyer

Hey, know what's a way to not lose your public job? Punching a cop and calling her a "fucking dyke"! (Obligatory: It's all alleged; Alycia Lane denies it all.)

Dan Gross reports today the identity of Alycia Lane's lawyer; Paul Rosen has been in discussions with CBS 3 since last week. He also reports the reason Lane wasn't dropped from the station last Friday was because of Rosen, so Lane is clearly already getting her money's worth.

So, yes, there is no real new Alycia Lane news, but what else am I going to write about? An anchor who didn't allegedly punch a cop? Please.

Dan Gross | Alycia has hired a lawyer in a bid to keep her job at CBS 3 [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:10 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)

CBS 3: Hot Primary Action!

Here's CBS 3's clip of hot hot hot presidential primary action, including a recap of big news that Joe Biden dropped out of the race, a move nearly 100 percent of political nerds saw coming. Also, I left in the hot current story about Dr. Phil visiting Britney Spears.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

January 04, 2008

Big Alycia Lane News! Well...

Dan Gross reports today that PhillyGossip.com exclusively reported in December on Alycia Lane's arrest! Oh, and also, today is the last day (sans weekend) of Alycia Lane's three-week vacation after allegedly punching a cop and calling her a "fucking dyke."

So, the DN gossip guru asks, Will CBS 3 announce Alycia Lane's fate today? CBS 3 says there is no new news to report, and, hell, even I was too lazy to do a new Photoshop of Lane, which we know is the real harbinger of "no news." (The bigger tits galore version is here, pervs.) But maybe Lane will get fired today in the best Friday news dump of all time.

More interestingly, a source tells Gross Lane has approached a high-powered Center City law firm about a wrongful termination suit, if she is indeed fired for her alleged transgression. She denies any cop punching or dyke-calling, so I guess we'll all just have to wait this one out and be content to write about her for increased pageviews.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:59 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

December 18, 2007

Alycia Lane Is All Over, Everywhere

It's really tough attempting to decide which of the Alycia Lane photos local news organizations are using is the greatest. Is it the 1990 high school photo? The photo the Daily News credits to some guy on Myspace? Or the one of her with Bon Jovi, which I believe was also hyped as an "exclusive" interview, even though that's about as exclusive as me.

The main story is, of course, her attempt to call Gov. Rendell after being arrested. This, of course, makes absolutely little to no sense, but, hey, maybe Eddie has power over the NYPD, too. Or maybe he just drives so fast he could post bail for her quickly. (Jon Corzine would work, too.)

Rendell spokesman Chuck Ardo confirmed the call at a specific time of 5 p.m. yesterday with this excuse: She wanted the governor to "make sure he knew her side of the story because he is an opinion-maker and runs around in influential circles." Alycia, come on! You know the person you really needed to call is me.

CBS 3's holiday special, Celebrate the Season, will air tonight, although Lane will probably be cut from it. Lane's people are denying the allegations and suddenly she's starting to look way more sympathetic than Jocelyn Kirsch to a lot of people. An Imus-like comeback? Maybe, but at least Celebrate the Season will get a healthy ratings bump.

Continue reading "Alycia Lane Is All Over, Everywhere"

Posted by D-Mac at 01:14 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)

December 17, 2007

Tonight On CBS 3! (Not Alycia Lane!)

Ahh, the beauty of the first post-Alycia Lane promo (or whatever). This is from today.

CBS 3 is in a tough spot. It's good to see the station got such a scoop to keep people's minds off Alycia. If you're wondering, I'm totally sad over Ms. Lane now. Stay strong, girl.

Archives: Alycia Lane

Posted by D-Mac at 08:55 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)

December 11, 2007

CBS 3 Hot On The Cute Dead Dog Beat

This Only on 3! -- Larry repeats this twice, it must be a new slogan -- report details a Yorkie who was killed by a pit bull. "Buddy never stood a chance," the report says. Okay. Will the pit bull be put down?

They don't know where the dog is, actually, and CBS 3 knocks on the owner's door and gets to show really dark footage you can't really see.

[Image via, Creative Commons license]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

November 29, 2007

Santa's Elves Need A Better Union

Every year, children write letters to Santa Claus. Santa's too busy making presents (or, rather, making plans to outsource it to Chinese elf labor) to respond to all the letters, so post office workers do the deed for him.

Only, uh, now the post office is making everyone who answers letters for Santa provide photo ID and sign a liability waiver because it's worried about sexual predators. While the waiver is also to absolve the post office of any liability in case of a lawsuit -- maybe if little Johnny didn't get that Nintendo Wii he wanted, he'll sue Santa -- apparently the whole thing is for, uh, protecting the children.

A corporation or nonprofit must promise not to hold the post office responsible for legal action that might result from “authorized or unauthorized handling, use and response to the subject Letters to Santa by any person.” [...] Worries about sexual predators, identity theft and frivolous lawsuits make it imperative that the names and addresses not fall into the wrong hands.

“Protecting our children is our No. 1 concern, so we want to know who is requesting the letters,” [Doylestown Postmaster Eileen Wilkinson] said.

Continue reading "Santa's Elves Need A Better Union"

Posted by D-Mac at 08:01 AM | Comments (559) | TrackBack (0)

November 28, 2007

CBS 3, 6 ABC In Dead Sweeps Heat (I Guess)

Have the rumors of Alycia Lane bikini photos brought Alycia Lane and Larry Mendte -- the photos are of Alycia -- to the top of the news charts? Laura Nachman has the preliminary sweeps numbers as of Tuesday and CBS 3 trails 6 ABC by just 1 share point (whatever that is) on the 11 p.m. newscast.

Action News -- who seems to have been amping up its Erin O'Hearn commercials recently, if you've noticed -- leads in the 11 p.m. ratings with an 8 rating/16 share, while CBS 3 trails just behind with an 8 rating/15 share. (Each ratings point equals one or two old people falling asleep after the weather. Each share equals nothing.) NBC 10 has a 5 rating/10 share. (The lead-ins are important, too, with CBS beating ABC beating NBC. I'm pretty sure the Peacock doesn't even have a prime-time lineup anymore; it just runs infomercials.)

At 6 p.m., Jim Gardner (6 ABC) is way ahead with a 12 rating/22 share; Tim Lake (NBC 10) has a 4 rating/8 share and Mendte and Lane have a 4 rating/7 share. Obviously, viewers know if Alycia's going to show her bikini, it'll be at 11 p.m.

The Nach Attack: NBC 10 Muffs 11 p.m. Sweeps [The Daily Examiner]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:48 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

November 20, 2007

Naked Man Causes Car Accidents

A man from the Philly area was arrested for drunkenly streaking on I-95, causing three car accidents in the process.

Police say 26-year-old Ardonas Gilbert was running on the Southbound lanes around 10 Monday night on I-95 in Delaware. Allegedly, two citizens attempted to help Gilbert, but he assaulted them in return and ran onto the highway, causing three separate accidents.

I really love the CBS 3 URL, which includes this: Streaker.naked.nude. It's like they're trying to get as many search engine hits as possible. That's actually not a bad idea.

Del. Streaker Wreaks Havoc On I-95 [AP/CBS 3]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

November 16, 2007

CBS 3: Text Messaging Could Be Used To Cheat

Apparently looking to out-do NBC 10's 4:20 investigation, CBS 3's Susan Barnett lets us know about a new fad: text messaging! She reports text messaging leaves "little or no record" of the conversation. Speech and phone calls do leave records, apparently.

Continue reading "CBS 3: Text Messaging Could Be Used To Cheat"

Posted by D-Mac at 12:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

October 09, 2007

Missing Mayor Comes Out Of Hiding, Kinda

Hey, they finally found missing Atlantic City mayor and fake Green Beret Bob Levy! He was at a psychiatric facility for a little over a week after his Sept. 26 disappearance and has been recovering at home ever since.

The revelation of Levy's whereabouts came just after his wife spoke (exclusively) to CBS 3. "I'm concerned about his health, we all are," Hazel Levy said. "Our family loves Bob very much and we're going to get through this because we have a lot of faith in a higher power."

Ah, it was only a matter of time 'til God got involved in this mess.

Missing A.C. Mayor's Whereabouts Revealed [CBS 3]
Exclusive: Wife Of Missing Mayor Breaks Silence [CBS 3]
[Image via HarryHurley.net]

Posted by D-Mac at 05:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

September 27, 2007

One Commenter's Dream Inching Closer To Reality

Okay, now they're just teasing us. A CBS 3 video about Bikini Madness? If they really want to increase ratings during the next sweeps, just show Alycia Lane in a bikini -- they'll pass even Action News in no time.

At Your Desk 9.27 [CBS 3]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:41 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

August 28, 2007

Alycia Lane, By The Numbers

• 0 Celebrities in Philadelphia.
• at least 1 Love triangles¹ Alycia Lane is allegedly in involving Swedish supermodel Victoria Silvstedt.
• 1 Times yours truly has been quoted in the New York Post regarding Alycia Lane.
• 2 Dogs Alycia Lane has.
• 2 Husbands Alycia lane had (not at the same time).
• 3 Page Alycia Lane was on in the Post (New York, not Washington) yesterday, according to The Daily Examiner.
• 3 Channel Alycia Lane is on.
• 4 Entries on this list that are just padding to make it look longer.
• not awful Taste Alycia Lane has in dogs. (She has a Rhodesian Ridgeback and a Yorkie.)
• at least 10 Blog posts I've written about Alycia Lane.
• 11 Photographs in the New York Post Alycia Lane slideshow.
• 103 Excluding impostors, number of "Alycia Lane bikini" comments left on Philadelphia Will Do.
• 434 Words more the Post gave the story than the Inquirer (507-73).
• 1997 Year the wife of Alycia Lane's new beau, Chris Wragge, was named Playboy Playmate of the Year.

¹Whatever, I'll all it a love triangle if I want to.

Co-Anchoring [Page Six]
Alycia Lane’s Love Life Bigger News in New York [The Daily Examiner]
Archives: Alycia Lane

Posted by D-Mac at 12:47 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)