August 14, 2008

Apparent Hot Cop Arrests Half-Dozen

Because there isn't anything else going on, or whatever, the Bristol Township police force has been cracking down on prostitution recently, including reverse prostitution stings. Oh, I'll just let the Courier Times describe it:

Police said they had to wait until money and sex were mentioned before making an arrest. Customers waiting to talk to a “prostitute” aren't breaking the law, they said. Stings involving “working girls'' increase in the summer, police said, because street walkers work out in the open and are easier to spot. [...] It was the third time in recent weeks that area police said an undercover “prostitute” was used to capture “johns” — the slang for a hooker's customers.

Looks like someone just discovered how to make quote marks! Six people were arrested, and it could have been more, but the fake prostitute was just too hot.

But Saturday's Special Investigations Division undercover operation, also known as a “reversal” because a real prostitute isn't in the picture — went smoothly.

And there “could've been a seventh'' arrest, several cops said, except that the potential customer rear-ended another vehicle while staring in the rearview mirror of his SUV. Police said he probably was looking at the undercover female officer, who was wearing tight-fitting shorts while negotiating with a man in a car.

So, uh, the cops went out to harass weirdos looking for sex on the street and ended up causing a car crash. Nice work, officers!

Police crack down on prostitution [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:53 AM | Comments (1)

September 10, 2007

Eco-Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Big story on NBC 10: A "local commuter" spends only three bucks a week on gas!

I originally thought he was stealing the gas, which would have made for an hilarious story. But it turns out he's a Temple engineering professor who figured out a way to plug in his car at home so he doesn't have to buy much gas. Oh yeah, the car is also so environmentally conscious it's a 1978 El Camino. It also only goes 26 miles, but he just drives it from Bristol to Temple, which means he has to start pushing on his way back when he gets to the Street Road exit on I-95.

Oh, and thank NBC 10 for the photo, which was created with the font from Match Game, apparently.

Local Commuter Spends $3 Week On Gas [NBC 10]

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June 15, 2007

Snake Outwits Bristol Authorities

Bristol Borough officials were looking for a 9 1/2-foot snake, and on Wednesday somebody captured one under a cardboard box. Unfortunately, this was somehow the wrong snake -- it was albino -- and so the snake that has been eating kittens is still on the loose.

The dark-colored fanged fugitive still at large - and we do mean large - became a reptile of interest after a headless stray cat was found under a house last week.

The next day the carcass was gone, and neighbors said a cat that had seven kittens under the house now has only four.

Earlier this week, a pigeon was put in a metal trap by animal control officers from Bristol borough and Bristol Township. The trap was tripped and the bird's wing clipped, but whatever was responsible got away.

Attempts to find the snake in the crawl space - and smoke it out - were also unsuccessful.

Anyone who sees the snake is asked to call 911.

Ha ha! This is the smartest snake in the world. Pretty soon it's going to be elected mayor of Bristol and enact a kitten breeding plan (so it can eat all the kittens it wants).

Bristol finds one huge snake, seeks another [Inquirer]
[Photo via cadmanof50s, licensed via Creative Commons]

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April 13, 2007

Bristol Mayor Focuses On Eggs, Jesus, Earth

If you haven't been following the news, pretty much the entire township of Bristol is under investigation for fraud and corruption and possibly public urination.

This goes all the way up to the mayor, Sam Fenton, who could be removed by office by the Town Council for refusing to testify before a grand jury investigation township corruption due to an obscure Pennsylvania law governing townships. The Council made a move to do this at a meeting next week.

The mayor, however, is unbowed.

Fenton made no comment on the council’s resolution to remove him. Instead, he launched into his monthly mayor’s report and spoke briefly of the recent township Easter egg hunt, upcoming Earth Day events and a grant acquired by the municipality.

But another City Councilman won't be at the meeting, since he decided at the start of the meeting yesterday he was fed up and leaving.

[Coundilman Don] Lorady resigned from office at the very beginning of the meeting Thursday. He said he ran for office "with the hope that I could be of service to my community, but I’m sad to say that these last few years, especially these last few months, have been times of great frustration."

"Usually a person in these circumstances would begin with the words ‘it is with much regret’ but I say that it is with no regret that I resign from this council, effectively immediately," he added.

Lorady exited the council chambers through a side door and the audience in the town hall exploded in applause.

Pretty soon the Bristol Township Council will be down to zero members, and then maybe the citizens in town can finally get some work done.

Council could force mayor out of office [Bucks County Courier Times]

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April 12, 2007

Paul Bunyan On Bristol Crime Spree

This, in Bristol, printed in the Bucks County Courier Times crime log, really didn't get the play it deserved in today's paper:

Theft: Garden St., time unknown, Tue, basketball court, no value given.

Could you imagine if somebody just went and walked off with the Wachovia Center? Well, we'd probably thank them, so I guess that's a bad example. But, damn, what an execution to pull of a heist like that. I think I have an idea for Ocean's 14.

Public safety log for April 12 [Bucks County Courier Times]

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March 29, 2007

Bristol Residents To Remain Full, Fat

A McDonald's is opening in Bristol. This isn't just any McDonald's, though, it's the first "Starbucks-like" "upscale" McDonald's in the Philadelphia area.

(Please note, if you were asked, "Where will the first upscale McDonald's open in the Philadelphia area?" and you answered "Bristol," I'm impressed.)

The store will replace an existing McDonald's, and will have more space and be more like Starbucks. I'm not quite sure how this works, but apparently Americans have tired of eating fatty foods in disgusting restaurants and want to do it in a little nicer place.

Although the new McDonald's will be larger, the burgers will remain the same size -- and remain fatty:

Councilman Joe Szafran took issue with the location of a Dumpster on the property, which the restaurant agreed to shroud in shrubbery. Szafran also wondered aloud about the nutritional content.

“You going to get rid of the trans fats?” he asked.

McDonald's officials laughed at the question but did not respond.

Ha ha, you puny humans and your desire to not die of heart disease.

McDonald's to build upscale restaurant on Bristol Pike [Bucks County Courier Times]

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January 30, 2006

Quickies: Temple of the dog and cat

• While I'm not as big of a fan of them as I am of puppies, kittens are pretty boffo too. But sometimes they can be used for evil. Or at least to reinforce gender stereotyping, or something. Readers are angry at Step Inside Design's December/January issue, which had a kitten-filled cover to represent the "Women of Design." The response: "But we honestly believe you can change connotations by re-appropriating them (especially with humor). That's why it's OK for Spike Lee to make a movie about minstrel shows but it would not be OK if Woody Allen did. Mel Brooks can get away for Springtime for Hitler, but Prussian Blue can't ... context is everything." This is what as known as the "re-appropriating stereotypes cop out." [Folio Magazine]

• In honor of the Chinese New Year -- the year of the dog -- here's a list of the top 100 pop culture dogs ever. Krypto, Superman's dog, lands at #19. I'm feverishly working on a Top 100 Puppies Ever list. [Retrocrush]

• Somebody at the BBC totally effed up and somehow the BBC spent some time filming in Bristol, Bucks County, as opposed to the version of that town across the pond. (Okay, they're actually following around Iraq War vet and Democrat Patrick Murphy -- who's also running for Congress -- which means give the liberal bloggers five minutes to start going nutso over this television appearance.) [Bucks County Courier Times]

• I want to live in this guy's world, because I bet the mind-altering drugs are fantastic: "[The Washington Post has] decided to use their pages to mount a political campaign against progressive bloggers, who they've apparently decided are their sworn enemy. It's absolutely paranoid and ridiculous." [MyDD]

• Yes, if you've stepped outside today, Philadelphia is channeling 1849 London with all this fog. [Philadelphia Weather]

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