Agile Crocodile With 56-Inch Vertical Found Dead

Anthony Richardson was minding his own business in Bethlehem early yesterday morning when he spotted a crocodile on the step of a Bethlehem restaurant. He immediately flicked his high beams on — to tell the croc he didn’t have his headlights on — and called 911.

But this was no ordinary crocodile. It was a crocodile that could leap into open car windows and could have been taken by the 76ers in the first round of the NBA draft after this season.

“There was a couple walking by and they said it scared the hell out of them,” Richardson said. “I was afraid to roll my window down because I just wasn’t sure what it was going to do.” [...]

“As I rolled down my window to look, I heard someone walking by say, ‘That thing might still be alive,’ and I just rolled my window right back up,” said Richardson, 23, of Bethlehem. “It wasn’t moving, but I wasn’t taking any chances.”

Unfortunately for the 76ers, the 38-inch crocodile with tremendous upside was apparently dead. It had swallowed a tiki lamp’s wick, which has to be a pretty boring way to go if you’re a crocodile.

Crocodile shock! Reptile found on Bethlehem doorstep [Allentown Morning Call]

John Accera Is Really Your Princi-PAL

On Wednesday, the news broke of one John Acerra, principal of a Bethlehem middle school who also apparently dealt meth out of his office on the side.

Could the story get weirder? (Or, y’know, stupider, since if you’re a meth dealer you probably don’t want to sell at a freaking school due to the increased penalties and greater chance you’ll get caught.) But anyway, the answer: Oh, yes. Yes it could.

Yesterday, the police said when they entered the principal’s office for selling meth to an informant during a sting operation, he was naked and watching gay porn! It’s like John Acerra knew Milton Street was going to sing at his campaign rally and said, “Hmm. If I’m going to get arrested, I better do something to get the notoriously fickle — and large! — Philadelphia market to pay attention to me. Hmm… oh, here’s my gay porn stash, this will do.” Yes, yes, that probably didn’t happen, since it’d require an awful amount of foresight.

But, hey. When you’re horny, you’re horny. Okay, so maybe not while at work. Especially if you’re the principal and you also sell drugs on the side. To recap: so the story of the popular principal selling meth out of his office to random clients who came into the school somehow now includes nudity and gay porn. You have to admit, Acerra really went all out. I feel like, even if he’s convicted, he still deserves a party or something for just really taking crime to a new level.

‘Bizarre’ details emerge in Bethlehem principal’s arrest [Allentown Morning Call]
Wednesday: Principal Arrested For Dealing Meth, Scrubbing His Skin Until He Can Get All The Giant Spiders Off

Principal Arrested For Dealing Meth, Scrubbing His Skin Until He Can Get All The Giant Spiders Off

The principal of a middle school in Bethlehem has been arrested for allegedly being a meth dealer. Cops say 50-year-old John Acerra sold crystal meth to police informants three times this month.

Now, why would a man in a such a low-paying position of middle school principal attempt to make extra money in the occasionally high-paying profession of illegal drug sales? Oh, wait. Police say Acerra used and sold crystal meth for at least five months before his arrest, and had meth on his desk when he was arrested.

Cops originally found out due to a police informant. After witnessing a drug deal, the cops arrested the dude who bought the drugs, who then wore a wire in order to catch the principal dealing and eradicate meth from Bethlehem forever. Acerra, of course, sold the meth from his office.

Police asked the confidential informant about the principal after some curious special days at the school, like “Stay Up For Three Days Straight Day” and “Holy Shit They’re Closing In On Me Day”, not to mention “The Dogs, The Dogs, They’re All After Me Day.”

Nitschmann principal in meth bust [Allentown Morning Call]
Reports: Principal Busted For Selling Meth In School Office [NBC 10]

Leftovers: McNabb To Return In Next [x] Months

• Donovan McNabb underwent surgery for his torn ACL yesterday, and here’s the Associated Press’ lead: “Donovan McNabb could miss as much as a year or could be ready for the 2007 season opener after having surgery yesterday to repair a torn knee ligament.” Or, perhaps, he could die from complications, or return tomorrow and lead the Eagles to the Super Bowl. [AP/Toronto Star]

• And another awesome AP lead, from Bethlehem, Pa.: “A man serving life without parole for stabbing his neighbor more than 80 times with a samurai sword and setting the victim’s clothes on fire was awarded $1 by a federal jury that ruled five of the officers arresting him used excessive force.” [AP/Philly.com]

• Good news: There are lots of flu vaccines this year. Bad news: There are so many, there will probably be a shortage next year. Aye. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• And the Philly Future comment of the century: “Oh… the ‘papers’ are going on strike? Thank God for the Evening Bulletin!” [Philly Future]