June 09, 2008

Beer Truck Crash Fails To Spill Any Beer

Ha ha, a truck carrying Yuengling crashed on the ramp off I-95 at Woodhaven this morning, tying up traffic and not even spilling any beer on the road. Geeze, what's the point?

Photo via David Swanson/Inquirer

Posted by D-Mac at 12:10 PM | Comments (1)

May 06, 2008

Partying 'Til You Just Have To Rob Somebody

The above photo, KYW 1060 reports, is of 31-year-old Andre Smith, partying Saturday night at a Bensalem bar. He saw some women, "injected himself into their conversation" and snapped a few photos. He was later kicked out of the bar, missing out on any more $2 pints.

Later, he allegedly robbed the women at a nearby convenience store. He was caught on Sunday and is charged with robbery and related offenses. Whoops.

Fingered by his own photo [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:42 PM | Comments (0)

March 04, 2008

The New Hottest Bar In The Area

Who knew the Philadelphia Park Casino was so much fun! I'm on my way to the Circle Bar, no doubt. Did you see how fast things can heat up there?

[via Philly EDGE]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:50 PM | Comments (0)

February 28, 2008

Pol-Threatening Newest Hot Crime

First demons, now this guy. Something is going on in Bucks County!

The county north of Philadelphia is well known for being shaped like a short fat man's boot, but maybe there is something more sinister going on. The demons who vandalized churches have been caught, it seems, but now 49-year-old Katsuo Matsui Clark of Bensalem is terrorizing Buxco.

According to Bensalem police, Clark was meeting with state Sen. Tommy Tomlinson, who -- like most politicians -- has been in office since 1642. Sometime before, he had told Tomlinson (at the funeral home he owns, natch) that neither he nor Bensalem mayor Joseph DiGirolamo had much security and to watch out. For some reason, apparently Tomlinson took a meeting with him later, just to be nice or something, and Clark told Tomlinson to look under the couch cushions to see what he could do; the senator found a hunting knife and a cap gun!

I'm not totally positive about the timeline above; things are a little confusing in the Bucks County Courier Times story, and with good reason. The cops didn't even want this in the newspaper!

Bensalem Public Safety Director Fred Harran declined to comment on the specifics of the case. In fact, Harran did not publicize the charges against Clark in the police department's daily press releases to the media because he said he's concerned about the possibility of “copycat” crimes.

“I didn't want to comment on security issues knowing this would start a media frenzy,” Harran said Wednesday morning. “We don't want to make too many comments on this particular case. I don't want to sensationalize the case.”

They must be in a lot of danger. Man, how much do people hate the mayor and state senator in Bensalem? This isn't apparently just one man with mental and other issues, there's a whole mob out to get those two. (It's like Resident Evil 4, only instead of disease-infected Spaniards it's dudes with cap guns. These guys must be awesome politicians to keep getting re-elected, though.

Cops: Officials threatened [Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:31 AM | Comments (0)

February 12, 2008

Get Rich Quick Via Jesus Scheme Fails

Sometimes when sophomoric news/media sites like mine get bored, I'll do a post that's essentially "this thing looks like this thing." Ha ha, funny. But when certain types of people who are big into Jesus get bored sometimes, they play a game that's called "this thing looks like Jesus."

In Bensalem, a furniture maker found an image of Jesus in a fig tree (at right). It also looks like a ghoul, a character in a Tim Burton animated film and, most definitely, that one prisoner at Abu Ghraib.

Oh, it actually looks a lot like that! Maybe Robert Gates ordered some soldiers to go back in time and mess with Jesus. That seems kind of unlikely, though. Maybe God is letting us know that torture is bad? That seems unlikely, too; this is America, after all. This is the country Jesus founded himself!

Craig O'Connor says it definitely looks like Jesus, claiming "an adrenaline rush" when he saw it. But since he forgot to go to the media before trying to sell his Jesus wood on eBay, it only got a top bid of $500. The Virgin Mary in the grilled cheese sandwich got a lot more moolah. Oh, I see: Jesus appears in things so we can get rich! I believe Jesus was big into getting rich, like that time when he said to throw away all your possessions.

Man finds image of biblical proportions [Bucks County Courier Times]

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November 28, 2007

Fake Cop Tries To Make Arrest In Front Of Real Cop

Harry V. Hackert allegedly pulled a pretty funny prank in Bensalem yesterday. Oh, wait, not pretty funny. You see, what he did was say he was a police officer, pull over someone at Knights and Street Road (like 10 seconds outside the city) and wave a loaded gun in the driver's face!

Turns out, he wasn't a cop. (If you hadn't figured that out by now.) A real Bensalem police officer wins the right place award for being across the street with his video camera, according to the Bucks County Courier Times.

Although he had an unmarked car, the fake cop sure went to a lot of trouble, even making sure he was grieving for a real, recently-killed police officer.

Hackert made a genuine effort to look like a cop. Besides the lights and sirens, he had a fake badge that appeared to be issued by the Philadelphia Police Department. It even had a strip of black tape across it to look like the bands police stretch across their badges to signify the death of a police officer, police said.

'Course, he wasn't wearing any type of uniform and was just a private security guard. But, hey, who doesn't want to pull over an annoying driver in front of you and wave around a gun every once in a while? At least most of us don't act on that.

Update: And across the river, a plainclothes police officer was outside a bank during a robbery attempt! Be sure to read the comments: "Damn...if the perp had only showed a weapon...then the Lt would have been justified in ensuring another criminal no longer walks the streets...dammit..." I can't imagine being excited somebody had been killed, but, you know, I'm not from Jersey I guess.

Man charged with impersonating a cop [Courier Times]

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November 14, 2007

Bensalem Gets Heroic Symbol Of Torture

Hey, a veteran came back to Bensalem and presented a flag to the town council and the mayor. How nice. It's good to see that... oh.

Savinon, 56, presented the mayor and council with a flag that flew at military prison and interrogation camp at Guantanamo Bay.

Great, great. Maybe next Bensalem can get an official wagon from the Trail of Tears.

Guantanamo flag presented to mayor, council [Bucks County Courier Times]

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November 01, 2007

Bensalem Police Clean Up, Uh, Shitty Motels

Police in Bensalem arrested a bunch of prostitutes of dubious quality recently, announcing the arrests yesterday in a strong show of force.

The arrests came from hookers who advertised on Craigslist, and therefore were tearing the Bensalem community apart. Cops called the hookers to a hotel, made sure they used "magic words" they refused to reveal (Abracadabra?)

Apparently, the Internet has allowed random sex-for-cash exchanges to expand into the suburbs, and consenting adults clearly don't know how to spend their money. Plus, prostitutes apparently overran the Neshaminy Mall or something.

"The Special Investigations Unit is very big on quality of life issues. And that’s what this is. You want to take your kids to the mall and not see prostitutes or drug dealers."

Experts said sex has been eradicated in Bensalem.

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April 10, 2007

Casino Owners Not Only Robbers At Slots Parlors

Kevin Houck was charged the other day for allegedly seeing a woman hit a $1,000 jackpot at the Philadelphia Park Casino, then slammed her to the ground and stole her purse, which contained the winnings.

He might not have been caught if he didn't return Sunday to the casino wearing the same exact jacket he wore when he robbed the Middletown woman. Yes, he returned to the scene of the crime, perhaps not knowing casinos have a ton of cameras, lest anyone steal from anyone important, i.e. the casino.

The security team noticed Houck and had him arrested. Fortunately, Bensalem detective Christopher McMullin says this isn't going to become a trend:

“I don't think it's going to be open season on gamblers. The security is really tight over there. The video is so good that we wouldn't let them get away with it.... The parking lot is safe. They have their own security over there. This guy had a little too much booze and drugs in his system. It was a crime of opportunity.”

Well, it is open season on gamblers, but it's the casino who's doing that thievery and the gamblers who are throwing their money away. But there aren't any slot machines in the parking lot, so it's pretty safe there.

Man charged with casino mugging [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:29 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

November 01, 2006

Leftovers: It's A Shitty Thing

• Put away those gloves, it's time for basketball season! The NBA tipped off last night and the 76ers open tonight against the Atlanta Hawks. Be sure and tune in, as it may be the only game they win. The 76ers marketing slogan this year is "It's a Philly thing," which is true, because Philly sports teams aren't usually that good. [Inquirer]

• A Rolling Stones fan has filed a class-action lawsuit because of the Stones' Atlantic City show postponement. But of course. [AP/6 ABC]

• Congratulations to Doree Shafrir, the ex-PW A&E editor who began her job as associate editor at Gawker today! Doree was one of those people who sat in meetings with me before this blog started when I was just doing non-public test blogging. She gave useful advice -- i.e. "What the hell does 'RISP in close and late' situations mean?" -- that I immediately forgot about and became the puppy photo poster that I am today. Best of luck! [Gawker]

• The bear patrol may not be working in Jersey. A report says that New Jersey's plans to sterilize the state's black bears will be ineffective and expensive. But at least we'd get to fuck with some animals. [AP/6 ABC]

• Bensalem pretty much had a fucking parade for the first slot machine delivered to Philadelphia Park. [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

January 16, 2006

Quickies: A day on, not a day off

• The giant disembodied floating head of Martin Luther King, left, attempts to scare you into doing service on this federal holiday. [DN]

• New Jersey becomes the latest place to ban smoking in public spaces. Well, except for casinos. Naturally they get an exemption. (Also, you now can't buy cigarettes until you're 19.) [Inky]

• In war on smoke of a different kind, the Nottingham Fire Company in Bensalem is offering free college housing if you agree to become a volunteer fire fighter. And, as we all know, all the good colleges are in Bensalem. (Seriously, where could you go to school and live in Bensalem? Holy Family, I guess, but where else?) [KYW 1060]

• Yet another expose on snitchin', although here it's spelled with the more grammatically correct 'g' at the end. [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)