May 22, 2008
Main Liner Shockingly Annoyed
Today's question for
Salon advice columnist Cary Tennis
comes from some snooty rich person on the Main Line (I guess), and is as follows: My neighbor's son is playing basketball from 3:30 p.m. to 7 p.m., and I can't stand the bouncing. Also, I will point out that he sucks at hoops.
Gawd, how bad is it that a kid wants to get out and get some exercise and attempt to better himself at something he clearly enjoys doing! The nerve of that stupid little punk.
The real question is, of course: How close could houses in a "lawned and leafy, neo-bucolic suburb of Philadelphia" be? And how loud could a basketball being dribbled be, especially when it's at 3:30 in the afternoon? And how could you live that close to Narberth and be annoyed by basketball?
Anyway, if you're an adult with a kid who loves basketball and plays a lot, I suggest you start teaching him some new skills: Like shotput throwing, drumming or possibly screaming contests.
He dribbles! He shoots! He drives me insane! [Salon]
Thanks, Emily G.
Posted by D-Mac at 11:30 AM
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November 01, 2007
Sixers Center: Canada's Favorite Angel-Ghost
Earlier this summer, 76ers center and
master of the stupid foul Samuel Dalembert
became a Canadian citizen so he could join Canada's national basketball team.
Canada, who apparently is even worse at basketball than the 76ers, wanted Dalembert for its team to shore up the inside game, since Wayne Gretzky was at center during qualifying for the previous Olympics. Dalembert was born in Haiti and joined his parents in Montreal as a teenager; he returns there during the summer and was a basketball star in high school.
Now that he's a Canadian citizen, he wants to make the team as good as possible. So he's recruited two-time NBA MVP Steve Nash to join the team. He, apparently, hopes to scare Nash into joining the squad.
"He's probably going to get mad, I am probably going to be his little angel-ghost," Philadelphia 76ers centre Samuel Dalembert said. "I'll be in his ear every time he is playing [us]. 'Steve Nash, I need two hours from you. That's all I need from you, two hours.' "
Yes, his little angel-ghost! I'm sure Nash will be on the national team in no time.
Posted by D-Mac at 03:01 PM
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February 27, 2007
Philly Love #63: Central Girls Hoops
Almost every year, Central High School's girls' basketball team makes it to the public league championship. And every year, they have girls that look like this.
Seriously, what do they feed the girls at Central? It's like this every year; girls who could not only kill me with one punch, but can do a pretty good job driving to the hoop as well! Did you see that one girl's play? She's, like, Charles Barkley but she can make a sweet spin move to the basket.
Perhaps this is why, even though I couldn't watch a WNBA game if you paid me to, I always, without fail, enjoy both the boys' and girls' public league championship games every year. (Plus, there's always some unintentional hilarity from announcer Don Tollefson.)
Posted by D-Mac at 09:10 AM
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December 04, 2006
Local Division III College Team Scores 200 Points, Feasts On Innards Of Opponents In Refreshing Post-Game Meal
Chester County school
Lincoln University is ranked 11th in Division III, but the Lions suffered their first loss of the season Friday night. And so, the school decided to take it out on Ohio State-Marion, a school with only six players on its team.
And, uh, they did, to the tune of a 201-78 victory Marion, setting boatloads of NCAA records in the process. Sam Wylie shot 44 times in just 24 minutes, setting a record with 21 three-pointers. The Lions also set a record for margin of victory, previously held by Eureka College in a 1989 game against a school called Borat. (Eureka vs. Borat: A game for the ages.)
Strangely, though, no one to my knowledge has yet asked Lincoln head coach Garfield Yuille why he decided to press the entire game. (Even worse, he didn't put in any white players! Erhm.) Yes, despite scoring 97 points in the first half, the Lions decided to press the obviously overmatched Marion team the entire game. Of course, Wylie has an explanation for that:
"Our coach tells us to go out there and kill opponents with an ax. We score most of our points off defense pressure. That's the way we played today. We pressed the whole game. Sure, some people might look at it like we ran it up, but we play like we practice."
Some people might look like you ran it up? Although I do get it now. You practice to prepare for games, and then when the game is already in hand in record fashion, you just turn it into a practice! And kill your opponents with an ax!
All of Lincoln University must be proud.
Lincoln sets D-III record for points in game, half [ESPN.com]
Posted by D-Mac at 09:32 AM
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September 01, 2006
Good Job, You Idiots
Ahh, yes, noted basketball power Greece (led by Hercules, most likely) defeated our most athletic millionaires this morning in the semifinals of the basketball World Championships.
Plan for the rest of the day: Go back in time and kill Dr. James Naismith before he has the chance to embarrass us over 100 years later.
Upset special: Greece stuns U.S. in FIBA semis [AP/ESPN.com]
Posted by D-Mac at 09:50 AM
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July 24, 2006
Dribbling Can't Stem Tide Of Violence
In addition to
Diplo madness this weekend, there was a series of anti-violence rallies all over Philadelphia. It was all part of
Charlie Mack's Party 4 Peace, an annual antiviolence weekend in Philadelphia.
One of the highlights of the weekend was a celebrity basketball game yesterday afternoon that drew hundreds. The attendees felt it was an important event, because, well, take it away, attendees:
Joe Henderson, 25, of Southwest Philadelphia, was more blunt: "A lot of young kids, they can't be shooting because they're in here."
Yes indeed! All we need is non-stop basketball, day-in, day-out, and nobody will die of anything but exhaustion! (I'm also fairly sure that Henderson's quote is really similar to a Chris Rock bit.)
Yep. That's all we need. Basketball!
Or, y'know, not:
Authorities are investigating four fatalities over the past four days, including a homicide reported early this morning in the Tacony section of the Lower Northeast.
Cry of peace unanswered [Inquirer]
Violence claims 4 more in city [Inquirer]
Posted by D-Mac at 12:47 PM
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March 22, 2006
Quickies: Whiz kids
• You know how the Comcast Center is going to be a "green" building with urinals that don't use water but aren't disgusting? Yeah, that'd be so cool! Being Philadelphia, the plumbers' union is crying that they're not going to get enough money from installing these toilets as they would regular ones. Waaaaaah! There's really not much more I can add to this fantastic Daily News editorial, although I don't think they were harsh enough. [DN]
• The New York subway system is getting messageboard signs that say when the next train is coming. They're already in London, Paris and Washington. Philadelphia should have them in about 2156. [AP/Yahoo!]
• Delaware hired a new basketball coach Tuesday, then rescinded the offer due to the coach's 2004 DUI. Which he had been forthcoming and honest about during interviews. This is officially your WTF moment of the day. [Wilmington News Journal]
• Rick Mariano resigned from two City Council posts yesterday, but he'll still keep receiving that $102,000 paycheck until he's sentenced. Oh, whatever. [DN]
Posted by D-Mac at 11:29 AM
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March 16, 2006
Following the NCAA Tournament at work (a guide)
Yes, it is the greatest two days of the year. Or at least the greatest two days of the year for schlubs like me who have the option at working from home. It's the first two days of the NCAA Tournament, and sports junkies and normal people alike are all into it because they could end up winning some cash if some school you've never heard of except in NCAA Tournaments (say, UNC-Wilmington) is able to pull off a second-round upset.
And me, I can watch the tournament all day from home! Yes, you jerks, I finally have an advantage over all of you with better jobs, more money, actual girlfriends, &c. And there's nothing you can do about it! Muah ha ha ha... erhm. Sorry. Gimme a second to straighten my tie.
Okay. Forget that. The NCAA Tournament isn't about gloating -- except after your team hits a game-winning shot -- nay, it's about love and friendship and puppydogs and brackets and basketball! And I think you should share in the fun. Every year some companies -- who probably make their employees work on Christmas Eve -- release studies about all the productivity lost due to the NCAA Tournament. Wah wah wah. In addition to the polls rarely addressing if the people skipping work to watch the tourney would actually be doing work were they back at their desks, these polls are, uh, evil. I feel that, refreshed from a little bit of basketball watching, Joe Worker returns to his desk and is more productive than ever!
So let me present to you, the first annual Philadelphia Will Do Guide To Following The NCAA Tournament At Work.
- Okay, the easiest and simplest way is to simply find a television in your office. Do you have a conference room with a TV? Schedule a "meeting." If a boss wonders why you're being so boisterous, simply say you're really into pie charts. If you need to get keys or something for reserving a conference room, feel free to bribe the guys who control said keys. Candy is your best bet, but you can also offer to pay the person's tourney pool entry fee.
- If you don't have a TV in your office, you can try to skip out for the last few hours of the day. The games don't start until the afternoon, so if you get to a bar around 1, you won't have missed that much and you'll only be missing four hours of work. The usual missing-work excuses can usually be applied for, but I think it's best to go the straight route when telling your boss you're leaving: "I've got a fever, and the only prescription is MORE BASKETBALL!"
- For some of you, that might not be an option. You have to be at your desk. Never fear! There are plenty of ways to watch the Tourney at work. Now, I know some companies have restrictive firewalls that don't let you visit anything but Official Corporate Sites™. There are ways around that. The blog Boing Boing was recently blocked by some filtering software, and they've set up a way to get around these blocks. If you can't get any of that to work, try bribing your IT guy. If bribing doesn't work, try this: "Hey, Gary, I heard Bob say that Windows ME was the greatest, bug-free operating system of all time." While Gary spends the next two hours beating Bob over the head with a keyboard, sneak into his desk and disable the firewall. I assume there's some sort of button for that, right? (Note: This only works if your IT guys are named Gary and Bob.)
- That being said, this year you can actually watch the tournament on your computer. The NCAA has set up the free March Madness on Demand, a video player that will stream all the games online. This is free. And, unlike a lot of Internet video sites, it works on Firefox on Mac. I know; I'm shocked, too. If you've already signed up, you're a "VIP" and you don't have to wait (apparently), but you will have to wait in a "line" if you're just registering now. But, I mean, come on, that's a small price to pay.
- If you're tired of waiting in line, don't have video capabilities, &c., you can simply follow the scores online. (Don't yell, "GO BUCKNELL!" too loud in your cubicle.) There are tons of sites that stream real-time scores, stats, even play-by-play. Here are some links to scoreboards:
So there you have it. It all kicks off at 12:20 p.m. EST when Seton Hall takes on Wichita State. (The latter will win.) May the ball bounce the right way for your alma mater and may your bracket be perfect, but not as perfect as mine.
Posted by D-Mac at 08:07 AM
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March 07, 2006
Inbounding, I think, will be tough
I know Princeton had trouble scoring this season, but I don't think Penn's gonna be able to beat them with just one guy.
Quaker, Tigers Meet For Latest Chapter in Historic Rivalry [PennAthletics.com]
Posted by D-Mac at 12:24 PM
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Perhaps he was thanking Zeus instead
While the other papers in the city were praising Lynne Abraham's report bashing the Catholic church released last year, the city's contrarian broadsheet, the Evening Bulletin, bashed the report, since it didn't result in convictions, &c.
So I think it's safe to say the people who work there are very Catholic-friendly, and not just because of said op-ed back in September. There aren't paintings of the Virgin Mary on the walls, but a lot of staff members are Catholic. (This, I know during my time there, when I was one of said Catholic staffers.)
Anyway, in the interest of unintentional newspaper comedy, check out this quote from Neumann-Goretti hoops coach Carl Arrigale in yesterday's recap of the weekend Catholic League boys' basketball championship:
I think that's supposed to be a capital 'G.'
Sept. 23: Read no evil, see no evil (please note, this Inky headline was later proved to be, uh, not true)
Posted by D-Mac at 12:15 PM
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March 06, 2006
Holy wars
There's something about high school basketball that seems to cause fights to break out.
No, wait, scratch that: There's something about Catholic high school basketball that seems to cause fights to break out. For some reason, when those Catholic high schoolers ditch the navy blue sweaters and plaid jumpers for casual garb and head to a local gym to watch players who can actually shoot free throws, there's bound to be some fighting.
Case in point: After Neumann-Goretti edged Roman on a three at the buzzer in the Catholic League championship, fans threw bottles, tempers flared, and six people were arrested -- including Antonio "Tone" Jardine, father of N-G point guard Antonio "Scoop" Jardine. (The Daily News' Ted Silary is one of the best high school writers in the country, if only because he always puts in the nicknames.)
The Neumann people say it's Roman's fault, since they threw "debris, including plastic bottles, at least some with varying levels of soda/water" -- this is another reason why Silary rules -- at Neumann players and fans. But the Roman people say it's N-G's fault, since Derrick "D.J." Rivera ran over to Roman's bench to celebrate after hitting the gamewinner.
Anyway, Catholic league hoops probably won't be back at La Salle's Tom Gola Arena next year, and the Palestra probably won't take them, either. Are you ready for the Catholic League championship at the Hank Gathers Courts at 25th and Diamond? Actually, that would kind of rock.
Buzzer-beatings follow buzzer-beater [DN]
Photo by absolutwade
Posted by D-Mac at 09:48 AM
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February 24, 2006
Quickies: EL on Earth
• You saw the preview yesterday. Here's the rest of Inga Saffron's column about the new EL stops. [Inky]
• About six hundred kids were out sick in a New Jersey school. Sounds like there's a huge outbreak of cooties. [NBC 10]
• No. 2 'Nova edged Cincinnati last night on a sweet inbounds pass layup in the final seconds. They're at 24-2 UConn on Sunday. [Inky]
• And, finally, girls pledging a sorority at Penn are being attacked for their lunchboxes. Police suspect Yogi Bear has moved on from pic-i-nic baskets at long last. [Daily Pennsylvanian]
Posted by D-Mac at 12:42 PM
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