June 20, 2008

Obama Still Anti-Christ, Says Internet

Some dude "Kevin" from Rittenhouse Square sent an email to Gar Joseph about a website that asks if Barack Obama is the Antichrist.

Morons on the Internet have been claiming Obama is the Antichrist since at least October 2006 -- when the 2008 presidential campaign was but a few years old -- but this Blogspot blog really looks to settle it once and for all with his online poll in the sidebar.

My favorite headline on the blog is "Obama -- False Prophet or Anti-Christ?"

Posted by D-Mac at 11:27 AM | Comments (2)

June 16, 2008

Barack Obama Mentions Philadelphia

Here's my legally obligated post about Barack Obama and his comments about Philadelphia sports fans.

Why does Barack Obama glorify gun violence? Doesn't he watch Jeopardy! and know that John McCain hates war? What a sad day for the republic.

Eagles Fans Love a Good Brawl, Says Obama [The 700 Level]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:43 PM | Comments (2)

June 06, 2008

Obama To Lose Election

Wow, all women? You think she could have at least won the nomination with that kind of support.

Oh, I see: The newest media narrative is Hillary Clinton supporters who hate Barack Obama; presumably, these are the bitter voters who shoot guns and love Jesus. Anyway, this syndicated column is all about how John McCain will now be president and it's all the media's and Obama's fault for winning all those delegates.

Furious over Hillary-bashing, women vow to sink Barack [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:03 PM | Comments (1)

June 03, 2008

IT'S FINALLY OVER

Hillary Rodham Clinton tonight will concede that Barack Obama has the delegates to secure the Democratic nomination, campaign officials said, effectively ending her bid to be the nation's first female president.

Oh no wait we still have the general election. Well, at least we know that will end on the first Tuesday in November, right? I think that's what happened the last time there was a presidential race with no incumbent.

Update: Hillary camp says it's not true! Nevermind, this is never going to end!

Officials say Clinton will concede delegate race to Obama [AP}

Posted by D-Mac at 11:24 AM | Comments (0)

May 22, 2008

Shocker: Voters Are Stupid

Dick Polman has a blog post today that is absolutely hilarious and you must read it. Apparently, some dude did a focus group with 12 voters who didn't follow politics much and wondered why the primary wasn't over yet.

And, of course, they all think Obama is a Muslim, even though his Christian pastor's comments about how America throws a ton of black people in prison for fun were all over the news a month or so ago. Let's just quote the best parts:

For instance, here's Dorita, opining about Obama: "I'm a little concerned. I don't know enough about his Muslim background and their beliefs and how he views everything. I'm a little concerned. I need to check his background."

Here's Josh on Obama: "He's representing a minority in more than one case. He is African American and he is Muslim. And in light of that...it does feel like we're being judged or pounded down on because we want to carry a gun or we want to wear the American flag pin."

Here's Melinda, clearly the GOP's dream voter: "I just really feel like he's...not a people pleaser as in the Americans, but the other people who don't necessarily need to be pleased, the other, the enemies if you will, I don't know. I'm just not real positive on that."

The comments then explode with people who love to read blogs they hate (for reasons I can't understand, but whatever) attacking Polman for making fun of people who think Obama is a Muslim.

But, uh, this isn't really surprising. Let's generalize for a moment: Most people don't really seem to care much about the truth; they care more about what they want to believe. If you want to believe Barack Obama is a Muslim, then you can probably find evidence that Obama is an evil Muslim who's going to destroy America -- whether it's in a chain email or a Daniel Pipes column.

And if you need any evidence that people are stupid, then there are nearly 8,000 posts on this website that seem to confirm that. And then there's me, who has written nearly a billion words on this stupidity, sometimes coming off rather stupid myself. In a word: Duh.

Equal time for the willfully ignorant [American Debate]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:17 PM | Comments (7)

April 23, 2008

'PW' Chatted With The Losers!

PW's Alli Katz was apparently not as tired of the election as I was and lugged a video camera all across the city yesterday, including the Famous 4th Street Deli. There, she interviewed Anne Dicker and Johnny Doc, who both lost to Larry Farnese in the First District Senate Race. What a sad video!

She also got video of Obama at Pat's (of course) and a near-riot of Obama and Clinton supporters outside City Hall, putting my work ethic to shame.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:05 PM | Comments (0)

April 22, 2008

OMG Who Won?

It's been roughly an hour since the polls closed, and... we dunno. Hillary Clinton is ahead on early returns, with about 3 percent of the vote, and notorious funnyman Bill Bennett is now saying on CNN that Barack Obama can't win, so that means Hillary Clinton has won the nomination.

Or maybe not! It was 55-45, Clinton, a minute ago and now it's 53-47. Meanwhile, the Flyers were up 2-1 on a cheap goal but then fell asleep and let the Capitals tie the game. The Phillies, who aren't on TV apparently (update: Oh, they're on 57. Stupid Comcast.), are scoreless. Since the Phillies and Flyers will each be winners or losers tonight -- unlike the pointlessness of the Pennsylvania primary, it seems -- I think I'll be paying attention to those the rest of the night.

Update: Oh, Fox News says Hillary Clinton wins! That means CNN will follow in a minute or two.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:01 PM | Comments (1)

M. Night Shyamalan Votes!

Local actual celebrity and movie director M. Night Shyamalan was spotted voting out on the Main Line.

KYW 1060's Mark Abrams reports:

Filmmaker M. Knight Shyamalan was at the polling place at the Gladwyn fire company in Lower Merion township to cast his vote: "I had a tough time deciding. I did. You know, I hung out with them, I've listened to them and it was a tough one. It's great; we had some amazing choices this year"

No he didn't offer who got his vote, Clinton or Obama. But in this case, there's an "Unbreakable" bond between voter and candidate.

Okay, I'm making the "Signs" for a foul call here. You don't need a "Sixth Sense" to know that's even worse than any joke I'd make. Actually, I would guess Shyamalan would be a Hillary Clinton fan, since he probably read her book, It Takes A "Village." That joke was almost as bad as that awful movie "Lady in the Water."

Hollywood Filmmaker Casts Vote in Montco [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 05:00 PM | Comments (0)

Bolivians For Hillary!

Ward 5, Division 13. Irrate pro-Hillary business owner (of Bolivian extraction) of store adjacent to polling place kicked Obama signs, paid people on the street to tear signs down, confronted and physically intimidated Obama campaign volunteers and pursued workers to their local office down the block where he continued his intimidating behavior until escorted out/asked to leave.

We salute you, irate pro-Hillary Bolivian, for making this election day worthwhile.

Irate, Bolivian pro-Hillary business owner [Y-Decide 2008]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:41 PM | Comments (1)

Local Blogger Heroically Cancels Out Conservative Radio Host's Clinton Vote

Early last month, local conservative radio host and Bulletin columnist Dom Giordano decided to switch his party affiliation to Democratic in order to vote for Hillary Clinton. Since we don't have any celebrities in this town, even the local gossip columns wrote about this move!

He said he was switching because he felt Clinton was the best candidate and that she'd be easier for John McCain to beat in November. "It might be the vote I remember for my lifetime," Giordano wrote. "And it might be my best vote."

Well, ha ha, Dom Giordano, get this: I specifically switched from not affiliated to Democrat to vote for Barack Obama to cancel out your vote. Your vote didn't count! I did this not out of any affinity for Barack Obama or distaste for Hillary Clinton, or even really out of any hatred for you or John "Walnuts" McCain. I pretty much just wanted to ruin your plan just for the fun of ruining it. And, oh boy, was it fun!

I didn't even want to vote for Obama. He annoys me with his message of hope and change and his supporters are almost as annoying as Ron Paul's. I wouldn't have switched over to Democrat to vote for the Hopemonger if not for the opportunity to ruin this dude's plan. (I'll have no problem voting for Obama in the general, if only to vote against John McCain.) Now somebody tell him. Or don't, really, because I'll know his vote didn't count and that's really all that matters. (Unless my plan didn't work; I was still marked as "not affiliated" in the book at my polling place. But, if that's the case, then I exposed a flaw in the state's voting system. A hero either way!)

In my brief time as a Democrat -- I'll be switching back when I get a chance -- I voted for Brian Hickey for First District Senate and Chrissmari for State Treasurer.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:00 PM | Comments (17)

Boardwalk Merchants Encourage Voting

Citizen Mom went down the shore over the weekend and spotted this wall of incredible bootleg t-shirts on the Wildwood boardwalk, including shirts for Obama, Clinton and even creepy old John McCain. The "Osama for Obama" one begs the question: No "Barry Hussein" shirts?

This Could Be A Very Long Summer [Citizen Mom]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:47 AM | Comments (3)

Even Kids Don't Vote For Ron Paul

On this election day, it's important to remember the candidates who have since passed us by and gotten us to this point. On the Democratic side, there's a bunch of well-meaning goobers who couldn't possibly raise as much money or get as many votes as either Obama or Clinton; on the Republican side, there's a ton of idiots who couldn't even beat John McCain. Remember when Fred Thompson from the television was going to be president?

But a students at Robert K. Shafer Middle School in Bensalem were allowed to vote for some of those past candidates in a mock election; naturally, Obama won and Clinton took second. But let's see how the also-rans did!

The seventh- and eighth-graders were asked to pick among Obama, Clinton, John McCain, Ron Paul or Mike Huckabee.

Obama captured about 60 percent of the 253 votes cast in the mock election to Clinton's 30 percent, officials said. McCain received about 9 percent, Huckabee collected just under 1 percent of the vote and Paul received no votes in the mock election, officials said.

Have we extinguished the Ron Paul menace? Is the income tax just not an issue for seventh and eighth graders? All I know is there are some pretty smart seventh- and eighth-graders in Bensalem. No doubt they will soon all be harassed at their homes and places of business by angry Ron Paul fans wondering why they didn't vote for him.

Kids back Obama in mock elections [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:33 AM | Comments (125)

April 21, 2008

Oh Noes! Who Will Win Tomorrow?!

In most elections, like the Philadelphia mayoral race last year or the general election this coming November, we already know who's going to win. (Respectively: Michael Nutter and Ron Paul.) But tomorrow we don't know who's going to win! Alli Katz has posted this poll chart from Pollster (that I've made a little easier to follow with some additions) that shows that ... I dunno.

Clinton is up by a few points, and will probably win by a few points. But we're not 100 percent completely sure, and so tomorrow will be fun.

By fun, of course, I mean not fun.

Posted by D-Mac at 05:02 PM | Comments (2)

Obama Shockingly Answers Question

Above: The bottom half of Friday's Philadelphia Gay News cover.

Aw. It looks like the Philadelphia Gay News daily email annoyance is over, as Publisher Mark Segal emailed over the weekend to let everyone know his one question for Barack Obama has been answered, "thanks to our friends at Capitol wire."

And, guess what? Obama would advise those "Pennsylvania Democrat State Senator's" to vote no on the anti-gay marriage amendment to the state constitution, just like everyone already knew.

It's good the Gay News finally had this question answered before Barack Obama dies of his untreated syphilis, which he's had for almost 1600 days.

Philadelphia Gay News
Obama Addresses Crowd In Berks County [CBS 3]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:36 PM | Comments (1)

Pennsylvanians Hate All Candidates

Wonkette has posted this incredible sign from somewhere in central-ish Pennsylvania, coming up with nicknames for the candidates: Barry "Nobama" Obama and Hillary "Lying Narcisist [sic?] Bitch" Clinton.

We need these signs around here. NOW.

Pennsylvania Decides: 'Nobama' Or 'Lying Narcisist'? [Wonkette]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:43 AM | Comments (1)

April 19, 2008

Ha Ha, Kids Who Can't Vote For Obama

Everyone knows Barack Obama is popular with the kiddies. "He's their KFC JFK!" the adults say, and they are probably right. But some of these people are so young they will not even be able to vote for President Obama for re-election in 2012, except in their mock elections -- and by then they will want to vote for Ron Paul anyway. (For mayor, they'll be voting for Larry West.)

PW reporter extraordinaire Alli Katz interviews some kids who support Barack Obama but won't be able to vote for him next week. Ha ha, stupid kids! What can Obama do for them -- they don't even drive! (As the commercials tell us, Obama will stand up to the oil companies with his giant gun of hope.)

Hillary Clinton immediately called for the punishment of these children by taking away their violent video games.

Obama's Youngest Supporters [PW]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:43 PM | Comments (4)

April 18, 2008

Larry West Supports... No One!

Now that Jesus White has delivered his endorsement, it's about time we found out who ineligible mayoral candidate Larry West thinks should be mayor.

And what do you know! He emailed me a little bit ago:

Hey, how are you? Long time, no write, huh? Well, I'm working on a new site and campaign called "None of the Above", where I basically say that no one running should be President. The front runners are only "OK" in my eyes. There's more to come, but have a few images you may like [see at right--dmac]

More images here.

-Larry

So there you go: Uhh... nobody. I assume when he writes "the front runners," he means Clinton and Obama and not John McCain. In fact, I'm pretty sure of that.

Posted by D-Mac at 06:50 PM | Comments (3)

CBS 3: Old People Hate Obama!

Yesterday, CBS 3's dreamy Susan Barnett did a report on how a bunch of old people love Hillary Clinton and John McCain and hate Barack Obama. But not because he's black! Just because.... they don't want to vote for him. Also, apparently everyone thinks Iraq attacked us on 9/11 and that Obama hates America and won't salute the flag.

Oh, and the one black guy hates John McCain because he's a "all the big boys get bigger", apparently. Well, duh.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:58 PM | Comments (6)

Jesus White Is An Obama Man

Gar Joseph today gets the official presidential endorsement from mayoral candidate Jesus White:

"I like Obama because I feel like he has the voice of the people and has captured the heart of the people," White said. "He's very well-versed on all of the issues, even the sublime issues, very outspoken and stands his ground. I think he'd be a very strong president."

But here's even better news: White is no longer homeless, has a furnished pad in North Philly and has a job as a security guard. And, hey, his endorsement of Obama is pretty sensible as well. Just excellent.

Clout [Daily News]
(Not So) Homeless Jesus Hopes For Change [Independence Brawl]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:54 PM | Comments (3)

Obama Supporters To Take 3 A.M. Call

Doing anything around 3 this Sunday? (No, not anything related to pot smoking, though I'm sure plenty of people will be toking up in support of the marijuana decriminalization bill on 4/20.)

By 3, of course, I mean 3 a.m., "as in early dark thirty." You see, people will be converging on Penn's landing at 3 a.m. to celebrate the founding of the Marines and to support Barack Obama. Semper Fun!

Obama and his Marine Corps supporters will be heading to the site of the Tun Tavern, the spot where the precursor to the Marines first recruited on Nov. 10, 1775. Although the Tavern no longer exists and the spot where it was founded has probably been covered over by 95, the 3 a.m. rally will take place somewhere near Penn's Landing.

The website promises to "rebuild Tun Tavern with 'Veterans for Obama' signs" and says that 1,000 people will be there if two friends invite two friends and they invite two friends and so forth. And the national and local news media will be there as well, and will apparently not be in bed.

An email sent to the Philadelphia for Obama listserv sums up the event nicely:

As far as I know, Barack will not be there, and no one of any particular importance will be there.

Really? Obama's not going to be there at 3 a.m.? Anyway, good show, Obama supporters. Clinton supporters will be in snug in bed waiting for a phone call while you will be out there doing things, like re-building a tavern with Obama signs.

Birthplace of the United States & Its Marine Corps (Meeting) [my.barackobama.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:36 AM | Comments (4)

April 17, 2008

Obama To Make All Gas Free

Hey, let's post some more political ads. Look, it's some union PAC (or whatever) sponsoring an ad where people tell you gas prices are high and that Barack Obama will magically make them lower. So it's essentially the same thing as that other Barack Obama ad, except this one is from an independent group.

Yes, he doesn't take money from oil companies! We know that already! Now will you people just tell us if he hates America or not?

Posted by D-Mac at 02:00 PM | Comments (1)

Obama, Clinton Ads Now Getting Meticulous

The debate wasn't the only pointless thing yesterday. We've now entered into the stretch of meta-advertisements for the candidates; I saw this Clinton ad almost back-to-back with this Obama ad yesterday afternoon -- I cut out an ad for Mr. Clean or something that was in between them -- and, what do you know, it's a Clinton ad attacking that formerly ubiquitous Obama ad, and then... an Obama ad attacking that Clinton ad you just saw.

Is it Tuesday already?

Posted by D-Mac at 10:59 AM | Comments (1)

Everybody Hated The Debate

Brian Scheid of the Courier-Times sums up last night's debate:

Yet, by the time Iraq was even brought up at Wednesday night’s debate more than 45 minutes had passed, by the time economy was broached an hour had gone by and by the time gas prices were discussed more than 90 minutes had passed. A question about health care was never even asked. “It’s almost like one of those reality shows now,” said Sheila Melville of Doylestown Township, who stood along Arch Street outside the Constitution Center Wednesday night with a Clinton sign in hand. “I think it has become about emotions, not the issues.”

Wednesday night’s debate was Clinton and Obama’s first debate since Feb. 26, but they’ve faced off in more than 20 debates in the past year and, at this point, what more do they have to argue about? So instead of focusing on the differences in their health care proposals and plans to end the war, the media have shown shots of Obama rolling gutter balls in an Altoona bowling alley or Clinton downing a shot of Crown Royal in an Indiana bar.

Irie Lewis, an Obama supporter from Yeadon, Delaware County, said she can no longer watch cable news anymore due to the lack of focus on relevant issues. “I think the media focuses everything on he said, she said politics and it stinks,” Lewis said as she clutched a “PA For Obama” sign in one hand and an “Obama ’08” sign in the other.

But whooooooo did Hillary down that shot real good! I'm gonna vote for her!

Issues take back seat at debate [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:46 AM | Comments (2)

Sen. Obama, Are You The Devil?

Apparently I was vomiting when this question was asked so I didn't get to make fun of it. Yes, one "Nash McCabe" from Latrobe, Pa., asked the big question everyone was hoping would be asked: "Sen. Obama, I want to know if you believe in the American flag?"

No, really. That was the question. I still sort of think George Stegosaurus' question of "Is Rev. Wright as patriotic as you?" was more ridiculous, but only by a little. After asking the question, McCabe continued: "I am not questioning your patriotism, but all our servicemen, policemen and EMS wear the flag. I want to know why you don't." Charlie Gibson then says, "It's all over the Internet," as if he were asking Obama a question about LOLcats.

Video after the jump. Oh, and Latrobe? I'm glad you lost your Rolling Rock brewery, you flag-lovers.

Continue reading "Sen. Obama, Are You The Devil?"

Posted by D-Mac at 10:07 AM | Comments (30)

Hit McCain, Win An iPod And The Presidency!

Chrissmari spotted this Punch the monkey-like ad on Philly.com for none other than Barack Obama! Apparently, he is the only candidate who can lower gas prices, get us a cheap x10 spy camera and stop our computers from broadcasting an IP address.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:11 AM | Comments (1)