July 26, 2007

More Fun: Kid Throws Ax At Cop

It's not just Penn kids who are being attacked by gangs of pre-teens. No, out in Plymouth Township -- is that the one with the Ikea? -- the perpetrators are 8-year-olds and the victims is a police officer. Oh, and the cop was attacked with an ax. Apparently, if we got all the guns off the streets, people would just settle differences with medieval weapons, such as axes, maces, morning stars and possibly catapults.

The 8-year-old who allegedly attacked the cop with an ax ran away with two friends from a school for children from "troubled families." The kids then stole an ax from the back porch of a home, and somehow got into an altercation with a cop. The cop told the boy to put down the ax, police said, but instead the kid threw the ax at the cop, missing him but hitting the police car. (That car was one day from retirement!)

The Plymouth Township deputy police chief said this: "And even afterwards, they had attitude. They were bad. They got inside a police car. They were spitting at cops." Ha. Now that we're not even safe from eight-year-olds, I think I'll just stay inside from now on. Oh, wait, that's the same as usual.

Police: 8-Year-Old Attacks Officer With Ax [NBC 10]
July 17: Gangs Of Preteens Stealing Money For Pogs

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December 04, 2006

Local Division III College Team Scores 200 Points, Feasts On Innards Of Opponents In Refreshing Post-Game Meal

Chester County school Lincoln University is ranked 11th in Division III, but the Lions suffered their first loss of the season Friday night. And so, the school decided to take it out on Ohio State-Marion, a school with only six players on its team.

And, uh, they did, to the tune of a 201-78 victory Marion, setting boatloads of NCAA records in the process. Sam Wylie shot 44 times in just 24 minutes, setting a record with 21 three-pointers. The Lions also set a record for margin of victory, previously held by Eureka College in a 1989 game against a school called Borat. (Eureka vs. Borat: A game for the ages.)

Strangely, though, no one to my knowledge has yet asked Lincoln head coach Garfield Yuille why he decided to press the entire game. (Even worse, he didn't put in any white players! Erhm.) Yes, despite scoring 97 points in the first half, the Lions decided to press the obviously overmatched Marion team the entire game. Of course, Wylie has an explanation for that:

"Our coach tells us to go out there and kill opponents with an ax. We score most of our points off defense pressure. That's the way we played today. We pressed the whole game. Sure, some people might look at it like we ran it up, but we play like we practice."

Some people might look like you ran it up? Although I do get it now. You practice to prepare for games, and then when the game is already in hand in record fashion, you just turn it into a practice! And kill your opponents with an ax!

All of Lincoln University must be proud.

Lincoln sets D-III record for points in game, half [ESPN.com]

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