June 05, 2008

Cover Stories

I spent my entire day away from the blog contemplating the two front pages of yesterday's newspapers. First, the Daily News.

As you may remember, the Daily News recently caught flak from NBC 10 -- okay, so not really -- over its Photoshopped cover of Jocelyn Kirsch. How dare they then fool us into believing Hillary Clinton has been followed around by a giant Vaudeville-era stage manager ready to pull her away with a giant cane.

The Inquirer, however, totally just used a sports headline. "Clinches nomination, breaks racial barrier." I've been saying for a while political coverage needs to be more like sports coverage -- uh, in certain ways -- but the Inky appears to be headed that way. It's essentially the same headline structure you'd see in "Phils top Mets: Clinch division, head to playoffs." Et cetera.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:18 AM | Comments (1)

May 30, 2008

McCain Postpones Area Visit

In an attempt to make a throwaway morning post all that much harder, John McCain has postponed his Bucks County "town hall" meeting until Monday. Let's hope this will give more time for people with hilarious questions to come up with them.

Scary old McCain -- I saw one of his new ads on Jeopardy! I wasn't sure if it was John McCain for President, or The Happening. will visit Worth & Company in Pipersville, Bucks County.

There is obviously a backstory here: Worth & Co. is, naturally, under investigation by the state for allegedly violating the Prevailing Wage Law, cheating its employees out of $142,000 in wages. John McCain will no doubt berate the company and its employees during his visit, and then go to Sesame Place for some kick-ass water slides.

McCain to visit area firm [The Intelligencer]
Town Hall Meeting in Pipersville, PA [JohnMcCain.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:21 AM | Comments (1)

May 22, 2008

Shocker: Voters Are Stupid

Dick Polman has a blog post today that is absolutely hilarious and you must read it. Apparently, some dude did a focus group with 12 voters who didn't follow politics much and wondered why the primary wasn't over yet.

And, of course, they all think Obama is a Muslim, even though his Christian pastor's comments about how America throws a ton of black people in prison for fun were all over the news a month or so ago. Let's just quote the best parts:

For instance, here's Dorita, opining about Obama: "I'm a little concerned. I don't know enough about his Muslim background and their beliefs and how he views everything. I'm a little concerned. I need to check his background."

Here's Josh on Obama: "He's representing a minority in more than one case. He is African American and he is Muslim. And in light of that...it does feel like we're being judged or pounded down on because we want to carry a gun or we want to wear the American flag pin."

Here's Melinda, clearly the GOP's dream voter: "I just really feel like he's...not a people pleaser as in the Americans, but the other people who don't necessarily need to be pleased, the other, the enemies if you will, I don't know. I'm just not real positive on that."

The comments then explode with people who love to read blogs they hate (for reasons I can't understand, but whatever) attacking Polman for making fun of people who think Obama is a Muslim.

But, uh, this isn't really surprising. Let's generalize for a moment: Most people don't really seem to care much about the truth; they care more about what they want to believe. If you want to believe Barack Obama is a Muslim, then you can probably find evidence that Obama is an evil Muslim who's going to destroy America -- whether it's in a chain email or a Daniel Pipes column.

And if you need any evidence that people are stupid, then there are nearly 8,000 posts on this website that seem to confirm that. And then there's me, who has written nearly a billion words on this stupidity, sometimes coming off rather stupid myself. In a word: Duh.

Equal time for the willfully ignorant [American Debate]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:17 PM | Comments (7)

January 21, 2008

Ed Rendell In Presidency Express Lane

I spotted this bumper sticker on 9th Street sometime Saturday night while walking to the El. It appears that it is Fast Eddie, and not Mayor Bloomberg, who will be on top of the ticket in 2008. Do you think he'll soup up Air Force One so he can travel his normal speeds?

Or maybe this is like a Frank Rizzo or Reform Party bumper sticker on a car. Look out, Hillary!

Posted by D-Mac at 01:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

December 11, 2007

Bill Clinton Comes To Philadelphia

Hide your daughters! America's favorite philandering president of the 20th century (Protestant division) is in town today. Bill Clinton's speaking at a fundraiser for his wife at the Constitution Center. John Street is expected to be there as well, so somebody better get a photo of Clinton with Street looking goofy or I'm gonna be really disappointed.

(The mayor's press release, incidentally, calls him "William Clinton.")

It's tonight at 7:30. Coincidentally, that's the same time as tonight's rock paper scissors event at Dirty Frank's.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:38 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

November 30, 2007

Finally, A Presidential Candidate For The Rest Of Us

Democratic candidate Mike Gravel, you have my vote. If I were a Democrat. And the Pennsylvania primary mattered. But, uh, yeah.

I'm Voting For Mike Gravel Now [Wonkette]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

November 29, 2007

Barack Obama Taking Ideas From Jack Kelly

Looks like Jack Kelly isn't the only one attempting to use the love of four-legged friends. A friend forwarded me a piece of the latest Obama email, which details Puppies 4 Obama, the latest presidential campaign website which is the latest in cutting-edge non-blimp campaiging.

We are trying to develop a web page to involve kids, and people generally young at heart, in the election process. We plan to have a mock election for dogs in December. Voting begins December 3, 2007 so hurry if you want to participate. It should be fun.

Ahh, yes. It should be fun. Also, what would a good presidential campaign site be without an Ann Coulter screed to inspire you to back Obama. As if puppies weren't enough. Also on that page, there's a link that says "I Have No Cash," which seems to explain the (poorly-designed) website a bit better.

WWW.PUPPIES4OBAMA.COM
Oct. 19: Puppies 4 Jack Kelly!
[Cuteness via Flickr user vzabalza]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:58 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

October 31, 2007

'Bulletin' Sez Republican Victory All But Assured

Ha ha, you know who's shown to be competent recently? The Republicans, as they haven't had a Senator arrested for soliciting sex in a public bathroom or a Congressman accused of talking dirty to kids online in, like, months. No, really! (Update: At least at a federal level.)

At least that's what James G. Wiles of The Bulletin seems to think:

While the Democrats and their media allies search for some way to pin the California wildfires on George Bush and the Republicans, something far more significant is happening.

It's beginning to occur to the Democrats that they can lose the 2008 elections. Two months ago, this was unthinkable. But now, the trend on the ground in Iraq has reversed. And, second, with the administration and the California Republican state government's competent response to a major national disaster and Louisiana voters' election of a Republican governor, the ghost of Katrina may be dissipating.

There go the Democrats' two most winning issues.

Hey, the Republicans got it right this time, uh, I guess! Let's vote 'em in again despite the Iraq War and oil at a billion dollars a barrel and the war not paying for itself, which the Bush administration told us it would! How silly, people don't like it when you invade them.

Continue reading "'Bulletin' Sez Republican Victory All But Assured"

Posted by D-Mac at 12:44 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

October 01, 2007

Fascist Presidential Candidate To Eat Xenophobic Cheesesteak

Doin' anything tonight? Well, now you are, because the Official Presidential Candidate of 9/11 is going to be eating at Geno's tonight!

Presidential candidates usually stop at Pat's and Geno's, but now that Geno's owner Joe Vento -- a resident of New Jersey -- has become the poster child for hating the Mexicans that moved in to South Philly, the creepy Republican candidates will all be stopping at Geno's to let them know how they're going to build 300 Guantanamo Bays and end all immigration and, in the case of Ron Paul, collapse the global economy. (Update: Ron Paul's election would also blow up the Earth.)

Republican presidential front-runner Rudy Giuliani will be in South Philadelphia this evening. The former New York mayor is scheduled to be at Geno's Steaks on South Ninth Street at 6:45 p.m. to visit with area residents.

Geno's Steaks is owned by Joey Vento, who got national and international attention last year for posting a sign in the window declaring: "This is America. When ordering, speak English." In his campaign, Giuliani has said that anyone seeking American citizenship should be required to read, write and speak English.

Guiliani will then imprison any residents who jaywalk after he makes fun of John Kerry for ordering a steak with Swiss on it like four years ago.

Giuliani to visit Geno’s Steaks tonight [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:34 PM | Comments (22) | TrackBack (0)

July 31, 2007

Damning Fred Thompson With Faint Praise

Hey! Kinda sorta presidential candidate Fred Thompson (R-Law & Order) was in town last Friday, speaking to a bunch of people about how he's going to run for president eventually.

His speech also apparently sucked. "It wasn't a rousing speech, but it takes courage to do something more thoughtful and philosophical in this sound-bite culture," said some chief of staff, which is a way of saying, "Well, his speech was awful, but I didn't want to bash him in the newspaper in case he's the Republican nominee next year."

Thompson didn't say anything mean about President Bush but bashed everything he's done. Also, an actual declared Republican nominee for president (albeit one with no shot), Mike Huckabee, made a Mike Vick/dogfighting joke.

Thompson's talk warms an audience [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:52 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

July 10, 2007

Rick Santorum Would Very Much Like It If You Blew Up And Couldn't Vote Democrat

Rick Santorum apparently has some sort of info that we don't, as he said yesterday on Hugh Hewitt's radio show that there's going to be a terrorist attack before the elections so people will vote Republican. How a terrorist attack during a Republican presidential administration would make people vote Republican is beyond me, but Ol' Ricky says the attack is totally going to keep the Republicans in power.

"Between now and November, a lot of things are going to happen, and I believe that by this time next year, the American public’s going to have a very different view of this war, and it will be because, I think, of some unfortunate events, that like we’re seeing unfold in the UK. But I think the American public’s going to have a very different view."

Whee! I can't wait for the Guiliani/Romney ticket, with Rick Santorum as Secretary of State, ruling over America with their eight Guantanamo Bays and daily terror attacks and our 51st state of Mesoafghaniranistan.

More staged terrorism planned to prevent Ron Paul from winning [Some Ron Paul Blog]
Rick Santorum Will Personally Terrorize America [Wonkette]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:46 AM | Comments (629) | TrackBack (0)

July 02, 2007

Clinton 100% Lock To Not Win Presidency Now

Three presidential candidates -- John Edwards, Hillary Clinton and Dennis Kucinich -- will be in Philadelphia today, speaking at an ACORN event at the Bright Hope Baptist Church in North Philly.

At the event, the politicians will pander to whatever ACORN wants them to say, and everyone will leave all warm and fuzzy, knowing full well Philadelphia will vote 80+ percent for the Democratic nominee anyway. While Clinton is in Philadelphia today, she will also receive the endorsement of Mayor John Street, which is about the equivalent of getting the endorsement of the Recorder Lady. Street's endorsement is expected to derail her campaign and plummet her support levels to lower than notorious rock-thrower Mike Gravel.

Dennis Kucinich, who was not mayor of Cleveland when the river caught on fire, and John Street, who was mayor of Philadelphia when he and Michael Nutter turned LOVE Park into a world-famous tourist destination into a giant concrete slab, will have a debate tonight over which one is the worst big city mayor in American history. Street will win the debate when it's discovered that Cleveland isn't really a big city.

Update: Street endorsed her! Photographic evidence from a loyal reader:

Clinton, Edwards, Kucinich visiting Phila. today [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:49 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

May 24, 2007

Meet America's Next President

Just like the Philadelphia mayor's race had Queena Bass and Jesus White, the U.S. presidential election next year will also have its share of wacky candidates.

Actually, it'll have a lot more, and we already have a somewhat local wacky candidate! Meet Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey, the presidential candidate from Point Pleasant, N.J.

Sharkey also ran for Minnesota governor in 2006, but his campaign was derailed when he was arrested on felony charges from Indiana. (One of the charges had apparently been dismissed before but nobody noticed.) He's even already filed to run for president. Reporter Tristan Schweiger:

His platform also includes harsher punishment for criminals specifically, impaling terrorists, pedophiles and rapists. And he would certainly be the first person of his particular religious beliefs a Sanguinary Satantic vampyre and Hecate witch to hold the highest office in the land.

"You want the criminals to live in fear, then put somebody in who's going to scare them. Not someone who they're going to mock and laugh and say, 'Don't forget your Geritol!"' said Sharkey, 43, of Point Pleasant, who is also a professional wrestler.

One-hundred and seventy people have already applied to run for president in 2008, according to the FEC. Our Point Pleasant impaler had this to say about religious freedom: "As president, that's an impaleable offense. You're getting impaled if you discriminate against someone's religion."

Continue reading "Meet America's Next President"

Posted by D-Mac at 12:29 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

May 14, 2007

Barack Obama Attempting New Campaign Tactic

Barack Obama is mixing the old and the new in this area today. One, he's frolicking around New Jersey trying to get the AFL/CIO to support him and chillin' with Newark's mayor.

Two, he's renaming a local Jewish school after himself:

Akiba Hebrew Academy has received a $5 million gift from the Barrack Foundation. That will result in a change in name from Akiba to the Barrack Hebrew Academy.

Oh, watch out, St. Hillary's.

Obama To Visit New Jersey [CBS 3]
Mainline Hebrew School Will Change Its Name [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:41 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

April 25, 2007

Two Losers Join Forces

Rudy Guiliani announced today he has signed up another backer to his doomed presidential bid: Former Eagles owner Norman Braman.

The successful used car dealer and terrible Eagles owner -- the players were so poor they had to take the Broad Street Subway to games -- has joined team Rudy to recruit old people in Florida to vote for the former NYC Mayor.

From the press release:

“I have known Rudy Giuliani for 27 years and have admired his public service record throughout those years. His extraordinary leadership in the aftermath of September 11th is only one example of many that qualify him to be our next president,” Braman said.

I wonder if there's a Rudy Giuliani press release that doesn't mention 9/11. Nah.

Full release after the jump.

Continue reading "Two Losers Join Forces"

Posted by D-Mac at 11:02 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)