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June 30, 2008

Leftovers: Conlin, Sixpack And Puppies

• Bill Conlin is apparently doing penance for his "offensive" comments on Daily News Live by writing about the Phillies' lack of Latin prospects. I guess? [Daily News Live]

• Joe Sixpack writes the new Yards Brewery location at Poplar and Delaware might be opening a brewpub. [Beer Radar]

Rescued puppies in Florida! [CBS 4]

• The Philadelphia Soul have invited the entire town of Morrisville to its playoff game Saturday for free, since one of its players hails from the town. [CNBC]

Posted by D-Mac at 06:18 PM | Comments (0)

Philly.com Continues Baiting Its Readers

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Philly.com's current previous front is devoted to Karen Heller's column on cheesesteaks. Heller's column is mostly a recap of the recent hilarious Internet drama-style cheesesteak war in City Council, but veers off at the end into a discussion about why the cheesesteak is annoying. Heller proposes the city's sandwich be a "roast pork Italian with aged provolone and broccoli rabe." (Hmm. A bit wordy for my taste, though I do appreciate any sort of attack on cheesesteaks, the most overdone Philly thing besides Rocky.)

There isn't any new Alycia Lane or Kidd Chris news, so Philly.com plastered this on the front page. And now there are over 100 comments. And they're pretty typical of the website with the world's stupidest readers; my favorite is, "Next person who tries to defend this woman will find me outside of their residence/place of business w/ a tire iron and a determination to 'keep it real.'"

We're coming up on even slower news days -- both later this week and in the news-dry month of August. John Carroll and I came up with some future front-page topics for Philly.com, which you can read below. These are sure to attract a ton of comments.

  • Is Donovan McNabb black enough?
  • Mayfair: Getting better or getting worse?
  • "Something with Bolaris... he's due."
  • Should cops be allowed to beat up suspects if they feel like it?
  • Obama: Muslim or not?
  • Death for dog abusers?
  • Is Barbaro a saint or an angel?
  • "Brian Tierney will hire a Hispanic contract killer to kill some Italian in South Philly."
  • "Kyle MacLachlan... sounded frightened by our description of the Mutter Museum." Oh, wait, this is already a story.
  • Once and for all, let's do this: Blacks or whites, who's better?

Ugh, you're right. This isn't nearly as funny as any of the comments on any randomly selected story from Philly.com. Hey, it's a slow news day.

Update: Nevermind, this is my favorite comment: "Take it from someone who grew up in Philly but moved away 16 yrs ago: the cheesesteak is still a major topic of conversation wherever I go, and it still evokes a trememdous amount of passion whenever I think about it."

Posted by D-Mac at 04:02 PM | Comments (6)

Philly Internet Users Love Bad Words

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Turns out we're not just searching for "penis" here in Philadelphia! Silicon Alley Insider used Google to rank the top cities in the U.S. by number of searches for one of the seven words you can't say on television, and little ol' Philadelphia came in third.

Louisville, Ky., was the overall winner, and Rochester, N.Y., took second. Philly narrowly edged out Newark, N.J., and Los Angeles. On the plus side, the blog also notes that Google Trends is being used to show that Pensacola, Fla., is not so pure as a defense in an obscenity case. All we need is an ad campaign to attract pornographers to film their productions here, and the tax bucks will start rolling in.

Google: Louisville, KY Is The Most Obscene City In The U.S. [Silicon Alley Insider via Philebrity]
June 24: A Genital Country Town

Posted by D-Mac at 03:28 PM | Comments (0)

I Apparently Hate A Lot Of Music

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Kerri-Lee's blog has a post with a list of a few people's most hated songs of all time. Most of the selections were pretty obvious (sorry, guys), so I decided to go at it and write my most hated songs.

Somehow, it turned into a list of my most hated bands. It also turned into a ridiculous rant against pretty much every artist in the world -- and I left a ton of bands I hate out. Here it is reproduced (with at least one typo corrected!) for your enjoyment.

Anything by Aerosmith, but especially their ballads ("I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" is the prime example). Bonus hate points for Steven Tyler for looking older than Mick Jagger. Hey, the poor man's Rolling Stones are even less attractive than the original!

Anything by Billy Joel. A Joel song is okay and kinda catchy the first time you hear it. The second or third time, it starts to wear on you. By the 10th time you hear it, you're ready to invent a time machine to go back in time and prevent Billy Joel from ever writing "Still Rock and Roll To Me."

Any of the awful way-too-long classic rock songs -- "Stairway to Heaven" (it suffers from being overplayed, and is not one of Zep's stronger songs to boot), "American Pie" (anything by the Big Bopper, incidentally), "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" (where do I start?), "Layla" (see: Stairway to Heaven), "Freebird" (and "Sweet Home Alabama," too). A special on-its-own mention for "Another Brick in the Wall" by sacred cows Pink Floyd, a bunch of ultra-talented musicians who got together to make awful, awful music. "Hey Jude" just narrowly misses the list.

Pretty much anything by the Chili Peppers if you're over the age of 17, though I'd still like that "Other Side" song if I heard it again.

About 98% of Hole's catalog. "Violet" ("Go on take everything," etc.) is pretty good, but Hole loses points for (1) Courtney Love and (2) every girlfriend who's ever explained to me in detail how Pretty on the Inside was outselling Bleach 'til Nirvana made it big.

There was this song called "New Age Girl" on the radio in the mid-1990s (one of those alternapop songs like Toadies, Toad the Wet Sprocket and other toad-related bands) that I am still too filled with rage about how awful it was to even look up anything about it. (If you've forgotten it, the song had the line, "She don't eat meat/ but she sure likes the bone." Even in seventh grade I found this stupid.)

Special hatred goes to Everclear, for both "A.M. Radio" (possibly the worst lyrics of all time) and for every single one of their songs being the same damn thing.

"Last Kiss," by whoever is covering it to get the #1 spot in the Billboard Top 100 this decade. Any song that rhymes good with world should NOT be on the radio. I don't care if you donated all the profits to Kosovo refugees, Pearl Jam, you shouldn't have released that song. (Incidentally, the band did donate all the profits to Kosovo refugees. Still not okay.) Anything done by Pearl Jam post-Yield would probably be on my list, too.

I shouldn't even really need to say it, but really: Anything by any of those pop-punk/pop-emo/pop-whatever bands that are just a slightly tweaked version of Blink 182 (this includes any of those bands with former Blink members in them). Blink kinda sucked, too, but at least "Dammit" was pretty good and they were funny. As with the Chili Peppers, this can be forgiven if you're 17 or younger and/or looking to hookup with people 17 or under. That second one might not be forgiven by the law, though, so your mileage my vary.

Anything by Weezer after the first two albums (with bonus hate points for people clamoring about how great "Pork and Beans" is). And, really, those first two albums are decent, not great. Loses points for an awful live show when I saw them in 2001.

This is getting easy. Let's get back to the sacred cows, shall we? Most of Madonna's catalog. Definitely everything since 1994 or so. And anything the Rolling Stones have done since... hmm. Some date in the 80s, I guess. Maybe the 1970s.

"Creep" by Radiohead. Yes, Radiohead is super awesome and everyone loves them, myself included; they're my second-favorite band ever. But "Creep" is both overplayed and not very good, especially compared to the band's later work.

Anything by Tool, who makes A Perfect Circle palatable.

Anything by Richie Havens. I don't know who he is, but I'm in a hateful mood right now and I just got a press release about his new album. I don't know why record companies send me releases, but that's beside the point. The release contains this sentence: "For over three decades, Richie has used his music to convey messages of brotherhood and personal freedom." Richie Havens could be as good as Elvis and I'd probably still hate him for that sentence. (And I love personal freedom, too; witness my columns about drugs.)

Speaking of drugs, any song about getting high is no doubt awful. And anything by Sublime is awful (though the singles are their worst songs, and overplayed; this is more of a 'backlash' hate, which almost reminds me to bring up Dave Matthews and Phish). Kurt Cobain's death made him a rock legend, which was okay because he wrote great lyrics and was in an excellent band, two things that don't apply to the glorified lead singer of Sublime, whoever he is.

Okay, that's enough. I guess that's more than 10, but I hate a lot of music.

Remember, if you happen to like any of these songs: I don't care. First off, it's just musical taste. Also, you're wrong and I am right. As usual.

Kerri-Lee, HOTT Nanny and JGT offer up their least favorite songs of all time [Kerri-Lee TV]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:00 PM | Comments (11)

Lady Liberty Loves The Phillies

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The baseball all-star game is at Yankee Stadium this season, and to promote it there are tons of little Statues of Liberty all around New York City representing the major league teams (as well as statues for the Brooklyn Dodgers and New York Giants, and other related NYC baseball things).

A Philadelphia Will Do correspondent from the Big Apple snapped a shot of the Phillies one. It is, naturally, in front of a Modell's. Gotta go to Mo's!

There are a bunch of photos of the statues in his Flickr set.

Update: The way the statue is dressed reminds me of the Phillies' Turn Ahead the Clock jerseys.

Photo by Vernon Balanza

Posted by D-Mac at 01:09 PM | Comments (2)

Jim Gerlach Thinks You're Fat

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Jim Gerlach is the U.S. Rep from the 6th District and is up for re-election this fall. Above Average Jane noticed some interesting Google ad placement:

Ads by Google

Jim Gerlach for Congress
Independent Voice for Pennsylvania Help Congressman Gerlach Today!
www.JimGerlachForCongress.com

10 Rules for Stomach Fat
Drop 9 lbs of Stomach Fat every 11 Days by Sticking with the 10 Rules.
FatLoss4Idiots.com/DropStomachFat

Why Your Stomach is Fat
I fought with excess belly fat for years until I found this 1 trick.
www.TruthAboutAbs.com

Strange, strange ad placement. The truth about abs, huh? I wonder if this will have the same success as the 9/11 truth movement.

Which of these things doesn't belong? [Above Average Jane]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:53 AM | Comments (0)

Tyson Homosexual Goes For The Gold

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With a strong tailwind -- 9.1 miles per hour -- Tyson Gay ran an incredible 9.68 in the finals of the 100 meters at the Olympic trials over the weekend.

In an unrelated story, the American Family Association -- a Christian group more concerned with hating gays than loving their neighbor -- recently launched a news outlet, OneNewsNow, and directed editors to replace all instances of the word "gay" with "homosexual." (I have no idea why.) And, naturally, the website ran a story on the wind-aided fastest time ever:

Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has.

His time of 9.68 seconds at the U.S. Olympic trials Sunday doesn't count as a world record, because it was run with the help of a too-strong tailwind. Here's what does matter: Homosexual qualified for his first Summer Games team and served notice he's certainly someone to watch in Beijing.

"It means a lot to me," the 25-year-old Homosexual said. "I'm glad my body could do it, because now I know I have it in me." [...] After the race, Homosexual and Dix looked at each other and slapped palms, then hugged.

The story's since been fixed, but Google News has preserved the headline: "Homosexual runs wind-aided 9.68 seconds to make Olympics."

AFA's search/replace function works perfectly [Dispatches from the Culture Wars]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:51 AM | Comments (2)

Giant Chain Restaurant Devours Cherry Hill

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Do you like chain restaurants? Well, then do I have a story for you: Houlihan's has relocated from its mall location and now has a 10,000-square foot restaurant in Cherry Hill somewhere along Route 70. (I assume it hasn't demolished the turnpike like in my example map, but who knows?)

The Camden Courier-Post's article about the new Houlihan's clocks in at a robust 935 words -- and it does note the 460-seat location (the largest Houlihan's in the country!) serves Flying Fish. And guess what else there is? Downright wacky memorabilia!

The decor is heavy on dark woods and comfy upholstered booths. Accessories, many brought over from the mall location, include such nostalgia staples as vintage signs, a Taittinger poster featuring a luminous Grace Kelly and a wall devoted to Marilyn Monroe memorabilia.

"All our stores have a wall like that, even though Houlihan's was after Marilyn Monroe's time," Stennie said. [...] With the acquisition of the Cherry Hill operation, ACE now owns all the Houlihan's on Long Island and in New Jersey, fulfilling what franchise president Arnie Runestad said was a five-year quest.

I cannot wait 'til the movie version of this five-year quest makes it to the big screen.

Houlihan's serves up new site [Courier-Post]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:32 AM | Comments (0)

This Is My Favorite Missed Connection Ever

Friday night, my friend and I were walking along 18th, heading to Continental when you and your friends passed us. You asked me if I had a cigarette. Because I didn't, I said, "No, I'm sorry." Because I'm Asian, you said, "You'd probably have an egg roll though." And then snickered to your friends like you believed you had said out loud what they all only wished they had the courage to utter. But it wasn't brave to disparage someone you look down on. It was hurtful, and because it was hurtful it was common and unoriginal and pathetic. I didn't think you were pretty before, and after that, you were just ugly. You make the world a worse place by not making it any better. Nobody will ever celebrate you.

Who ever would have thought annoying girls in Center City on Friday nights would make completely unfunny jokes?!

Drunk, racist brunette - m4w - 23 (18th & Walnut) [Craigslist]
Thanks, Chrissy

Posted by D-Mac at 09:41 AM | Comments (0)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: "A BAD PUN: Gov. Ed tries to push Pennsylvania forward, but he just can't budge it." The first step to stopping bad puns is admitting you have a problem. Eleven steps to go, John.

Update: Anyway, we now have a budget. Baer's column is (as usual) pretty solid, but man, oh man, is the state budget the most boring thing in the history of the world.

Stu Bykofsky: Ha, ha, Stu doesn't want to be fined $150 for dropping his cigarette butts on the ground. (Also: If you contest the littering fine and lose, it's doubled. Guh-wah?)

Posted by D-Mac at 09:02 AM | Comments (0)

Somebody Get This Kid A Job

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It's time for another Philadelphia Will Do Good Deed™! And by "another," I most certainly mean "first." Hey, there's always time to be extra mean later in the day.

Our job hunter is Miguel, from Northeast Philadelphia. He recently posted on Phillyblog about his troubles in the job hunt:

Hello,

My name is Miguel, Im 16 Years Old.
I live In the Northeast Section Of Philadephia & Im just sick and tired of searching already!
I've apllied to so many places such as
Mcdonalds.Burger King,KFC,Taco Bell,Modells,The Children Place,Sears,K-mart, Wal-Mart,Target,Chucke E. Cheese,Sesame Place. etc.
Basicly....I Need A Job!!! ASAP!!
Where Else Can I Apply? That'll Hire Me?

I wouldn't hire him to punctuate your signs, but c'mon! Somebody has to have a job for this kid. Hell, somebody hire him to write a blog or something. Chop chop.

Need an Employer...? Here I Am!
Photo via glenpooh, Creative Commons license

Posted by D-Mac at 08:30 AM | Comments (2)

June 27, 2008

Paine's World Benefit

A shoutout to Philebrity and the Paine's World benefit for Paine's Park, the new skateboarding park planned for along the Schuylkill. While we're always going to be a little sad LOVE Park isn't the mecca it once was, we'll take a real live skatepark as a consolation prize.

The YMD does the music in the above video, and is also playing the party ($22 at the door, 21+, buses running from/to Center City).

Also worth noting: Phillyist Framed, the photoshow, opening party tonight.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:59 PM | Comments (0)

Dude Arrested For Bad YouTube Video

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You have to hand it to police messageboard Domelights. They went and got a guy arrested for his YouTube video where he celebrated the deaths of cops.

One may wonder how Andre Moore could be charged with aggravated assault for a YouTube video, but no matter. Imagine a world where the police lock up people for making stupid YouTube videos. God, it would be a wonderful place.

As I've said before, we should look to look into all possible penalties -- arrest, civil forfeiture, waterboarding -- for making bad YouTube videos.

Update: The Inquirer has more.

Man arrested for anti-cop YouTube clip [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:25 AM | Comments (6)

A Not So Different Kind Of Republican

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The different kind of Republican you see above is Dale Gladding. He's running for Congress in New Jersey, which means he has no shot. The man who currently holds the seat he wants is Rob Andrews, recent victim of Frank Lautenberg in the Democratic Senate primary. Andrews held a Congressional hearing on transgender rights in the workplace, and Gladding wasn't happy about it.

"While the families of the 1st District are struggling to make ends meet, with gas prices reaching $4 a gallon," GOP candidate Dale Glading said, "Rob Andrews has demonstrated once and for all how out of touch he is with the people he has failed to represent."

"We're not making a statement one way or another about transgender rights," Tim Saler, Glading's campaign manager, said. "We're just saying that if you had a list of things that need addressing right now, transgender rights would not be at the top."

Are we to assume Rob Andrews is incapable of addressing both gas prices (which he really can't do anything about) and transgender rights (which he might be able to, by chairing a subcommittee)?

Glading's campaign manager's statement is even more annoying. If you're going to say, "I don't care about transgender rights," (or anything similar about any issue) you have to take the criticism that could come with that statement. You can't say, "Transgender rights are not important," and also say, "I'm not making a statement on transgender rights." And Andrews isn't even running for re-election. And you're a Republican in fucking New Jersey who is running for a seat which represents, say, Collingswood and Haddonfield (and other towns where lots of gay people live) and you say things that will make no gay people vote for you and, seriously, how fucking stupid are you?

New rule: I don't want to go on a rant here. But, come on.

Transgender rights hearing earns Andrews praise, pans [Courier-Post]
Image via Dale Glading's website

Posted by D-Mac at 10:14 AM | Comments (1)

Now This Is A Way To Start An Editorial

Thank you, Northeast Times:

It’s time for the vocal minority of tree-hugging, narrowminded naysayers who live in fantasy land to put up or shut up. Come up with a cure for cancer or step back and let Fox Chase Cancer Center do its job unfettered.

Ahh, the ol' "find a cure for cancer" demand.

A crucial decision [Northeast Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:58 AM | Comments (1)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Jill Porter: Hey, look, it's a sarcastic (and incredibly annoying) column on the Supreme Court DC gun ban ruling!

Christine Flowers: Hey, look, it's a sarcastic (and incredibly annoying) column on the Supreme Court DC gun ban ruling with the added bonus of a random attack on contraception.

Elmer Smith: This column shows some staggering statistics in the number of people in this city who won't graduate high school. Sad, even. So let's just quote the headline and make fun of it: "Can bureaucracies together stem dropout tide?" Umm, I'm going to have to guess: No.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:49 AM | Comments (0)

June 26, 2008

Sixers To Make Predictably Bad Pick Tonight

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The NBA Draft is tonight! While some teams are wheeling and dealing, the 76ers seem content to see who falls to them at the #16 spot.

The 700 Level links to John Smallwood, who writes about the 76ers' awful draft history. And, yes, since the lottery, the 76ers best pick is Allen Iverson. Ignoring the recent picks who appear to be panning out at least somewhat, the second best is probably Jerry Stackhouse or Clarence Weatherspoon. Simply frightening.

(In other 76ers news, the team's offered contracts to Iguodala and Lou Williams.)

The NBA Draft used to be probably the best off-season day in sports; now that it's been moved to ESPN it is significantly less fun. Still, might want to tune in and see who the newest cager in town will be.

Posted by D-Mac at 05:07 PM | Comments (0)

Phillies: Sign Stealers?

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On his Phillies blog, Wilmington News Journal Phillies beat writer Scott Lauber notes the Phillies have been accused of stealing signs:

Major League Baseball has not received a specific complaint about the Red Sox being victims of sign stealing, but the Phillies have been investigated for this in the past. The Sox played the Phillies last week, and one major league official thought the Phillies were taking Boston's signs.

Lauber notes that after they were swept at CBP last year, the Mets accused the Phillies of stealing signs. "They can check us out any time they want," Manuel said at the time. "When stuff comes up like that, it's no big deal. They can sit up there during the game with the camera crew, for all I care."

You may note the Phillies were allegedly stealing signs from the Red Sox, who beat the Phillies in the last two games of that series by a combined score of 10-4. Wouldn't it be just like the Phillies to steal signs and receive absolutely no benefit from it?

Sign Stealing? Wade Attacked? [Phillies/baseball]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:50 PM | Comments (0)

Ocean City's Beaches Freer Than Its Speech

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Down the shore: Ocean City is planning on voting to make the beach open 24/7, and (get this) everyone is pretty psyched about it. The cops say they already patrol the beach 24 hours a day, and the state was the one who suggested it in the first place. (State and federal funds are being used to replenish the beach.)

Meanwhile, the literary magazine at Ocean City High School was censored before publication, due to curse words and "inappropriate content."

Council Considers Lifting Beach Curfew in Ocean City, NJ [KYW 1060]
Students learn can’t speak that easy at OCHS [ShoreNewsToday.com]
Photo by dogfrog, Creative Commons license

Posted by D-Mac at 01:15 PM | Comments (0)

It's Been A While Since I've Done So...

... so let's post a puppy photo.

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Photo by Indiana Adams, Creative Commons license

Posted by D-Mac at 11:46 AM | Comments (2)

City Council Is Like The Internet

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Where can you find people who treat things like the closing of a cheesesteak shop with all the intensity one might find at the Battle of Guadalcanal? Right: The Internet. But you can also apparently find them in City Council.

Yesterday, At-Large City Councilman Bill Green wrote a hilariously serious letter to the Daily News titled "cheesesteak in society." In the letter -- about the booting of Rick's Steaks from the Reading Terminal -- he wrote that "people entrusted with preserving public assets apparently abusing their positions of authority to advantage their friends and associates." He also noted that he went to grade school with Rick Olivieri.

Councilman Frank DiCicco wasn't having any of it, firing off a letter (and CC:ing City Council and the mayor) telling Green: "I read with interest your letter in today's Daily News and continue to marvel at your inexperiences, your political naivete and your inability to see an issue for what it truly is." He also accuses Green of "merely attempting to grand stand and gain public notoriety."

And then, at the end of the whole hilariously over-the-top letter, he writes this:

In closing, I have earned a reputation of being one of the most level-headed members of Council. I am proud of my ability to build consensus because I treat each member, whether freshman or veteran, with the respect he or she deserves. Unfortunately, with you, I have reached the end of my rope and would strongly suggest that you alter your tactics and tone.

You really need to read the whole letter. As you can see, it is certainly nice and level-headed.

Cheesesteak retort comes with some hot pepper [Daily News]
Photo by kaplanbr, Creative Commons license

Posted by D-Mac at 10:26 AM | Comments (0)

Slow News Day (But The Phillies Play At 3!)

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For some reason, this headline made me chuckle. What renovations? She's dead!

Study to determine renovations needed for Eleanor Roosevelt [Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:50 AM | Comments (0)

Astros Pitcher Does What Phillies Fans Have Wanted To Do For Years

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Astros pitcher Shawn Chacon has been suspended for pulling a Latrell Sprewell on GM Ed Wade.

Yes, this is the former Phillies GM, the one who looks like a Dilbert character.

"He started yelling and cussing," Chacon said of Wade. "I'm sitting there and I said to him very calmly, 'Ed, you need to stop yelling me. Then I stood up and said 'you better stop yelling at me.' I stood up. He continued and was basically yelling and stuff and was like, 'You need to (expletive) look in the mirror.' So at that point I lost my cool and I grabbed him by the neck and threw him to the ground. I jumped on top of him because at that point I wanted to beat his (butt). Words were exchanged."

Ha ha, Ed Wade was cursing somebody out. One can only assume this means Chacon will be sent packing. Well, that, and his 5.04 ERA. Now, if he were Brett Myers...

Update: Enrico and I are on the same page here. I also love Matt's comment:

"We can’t have anarchy," [Astros owner Drayton] McLane said. "You can’t have rebellion."

Even I didn't think the Wade Era in Houston would include this quote this fast.

Breaking: Shawn Chacon Chokes a Bitch, Gets Suspended [Walkoff Walk]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:09 AM | Comments (0)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: Hey, somebody finally wrote about how Aaron McKie could go to prison for a long, long time for lying on a gun application. Fortunately for us, Stu has a sentence in mind of his own, and he wrote about it.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Ha ha, some people wrote some not-so-subtle racist letters in response to a Polaneczky column.

Michael Smerconish: Oh, no, now some Muslims are pissed at Barack Obama!

Posted by D-Mac at 08:40 AM | Comments (2)

June 25, 2008

Leftovers: Gas And Growlers

• Due to high gas prices, there may be another 50-cent surcharge for fuel on taxi rides. But will you be able to pay with a credit card? [KYW 1060]

• A bunch of local Congressman who the liberals fawn over have voted with the Bush Administration in two recent votes. You mean to tell me these people are (gasp!) politicians? [Young Philly Politics]

• Lew Bryson got a ruling on growlers from the LCB, and it's.. uhm, confusing. But, apparently, growlers are legal in Pennsylvania, despite what some people may tell you. (People are always just passing me on the street, telling me growlers are illegal.) [Why The PLCB Should Be Abolished]

• A school in New Jersey was shut down after a student said he spotted a ninja in the woods. Oh, kids. [Daily Record]

• Ex-Bulletin editor Kevin Williamson has an op-ed bashing the Philly papers in the current issue of National Review. Rest assured I am going to be expensing a copy of the magazine tomorrow. [Clout]

• A lightning strike in Europe briefly knocked out the feed for Euro 2008 for the entire world, apparently. Ha, ha, ha. Lovely.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:14 PM | Comments (1)

Philly Cops Take On Criminals, Grenades

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Philly police officer Mark Uffelman was shot in the arm yesterday, but still managed to chase down a robbery suspect, and was even out of the hospital on the same day. Impressive!

What's even more impressive: Uffelman, 52, finished the Broad Street Run this year in 65 minutes, a 6:30 mile pace for the 10-mile run.

In other cop news today, somebody put a grenade on top of a police cruiser in West Oak Lane. Somebody really has a vendetta against Crown Vics.

Wounded cop runs after suspect - and nabs him [Daily News]
Grenade Found On Philadelphia Police Cruiser [CBS 3]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:36 PM | Comments (0)

Batman To Team Up With The Slowskys

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As part of a promotion for this summer's new Batman movie, Warner Bros. has launched Gotham Cable News. The fake news website includes news reports about batman and crime in Gotham -- and horrifying fake ads for Comcast. Apparently, the residents of Gotham City have to deal with the same poor HD picture quality and unreliable Internet service we suffer here in, uhm, Brotherly Love City.

[via Gizmodo]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:56 PM | Comments (0)

The Great Chick-O-Stick Prison Scandal

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Two inmates in Bucks County prison have filed a grievance against high snack prices in the commissary. The Intelligencer explains their complaint:

Ryan Barrie and Ryan Kerwin have each filed a grievance citing a “price fixing/monopoly scandal” against the correctional facility and the Keefe Commissary Network, which supplies snack food for inmates. [...] The main beef, according to their complaint, which they mailed to the newspaper, is the cost of an Atkinson's Chick-O-Stick, an orange-colored, crunchy peanut butter and toasted coconut candy. It previously sold for 40 cents but the price was raised to “an unbelievable $0.90 overnight,” the complaint says.

The other item specified in their complaint is the three-ounce package of Maruchan Ramen noodle soup. It sells for 18 cents in state prisons but is 95 cents in Bucks County jail, the inmates wrote. “Why and how is Keefe allowed to offer the same product, in the same region, with such a great price differential?” the complaint asks.

A 50-cent price raise on Chick-O-Stick?! Simply unconscionable. Forget about prison overcrowding in Philadelphia, where are the lawyers fighting for the inmate rights to cheaper Chick-O-Stick and ramen noodles?

Prison inmates complain of snack 'scandal' [The Intelligencer]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:53 PM | Comments (2)

Stolen Chicken Found In New Jersey

Chicken
Ahh, yes: The 57,000 pounds of chicken stolen from a Delaware food bank has been found, naturally, in Jersey City.

Someone who saw the story on the news phoned police after seeing the stolen Food Bank of Delaware trucks in the northern New Jersey town. There's still food in there -- no word on its condition -- and police have no suspects. Even if it's spoiled, give it to the hungry people anyway. They gotta eat!

Chickens Stolen from Del. Food Bank Found in Jersey City [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:17 PM | Comments (2)

NBC 10 Investigators Uncover Dark Mystery

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The NBC 10 investigators love a mystery. How do I know that? Why, it says that right there in the first sentence of their latest report.

The mystery Lu Ann Cahn and crew recently uncovered was one of the darkest scandals they've ever done: Remote car door locks weren't working in the parking lot of a local Kohl's.

"Weird mystery," one person said.

"I could not believe this," another person said.

Yes, who could believe this wild story! Perhaps it's a ghost of a motorist run down by an automatically locked car, catching the radio waves with his ghoulish powers. Or maybe it's interference somewhere. The Investigators got two members of the Pottstown Area Radio Club to investigate; they fingered a source inside the Kohl's. How deep will this mystery go?

Not much further, actually, as Kohl's simply said they were looking into the problem -- but three days after the report was filmed, remote car locks were working again.

"Now it's working," one person said.

"It works now, thank you," another person said.

Whoo! Good job, NBC 10 Investigators: You've made the world safe for remote unlocking of car doors.

Remote Car Locks Jam In Store Parking Lot [NBC 10]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:29 AM | Comments (2)

Barnes Backers Dead Serious About It

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Although the Barnes Foundation is pretty much set to move to Philadelphia -- at this rate, I expect it to be in Philly just in time for the tricentennial -- those rapscallions at Broad Street Review are still protesting the move.

Nothing wrong with that, of course, but apparently people are writing letters to editor Dan Rottenberg -- or stopping him on the street, maybe -- saying it's a done deal so his publication should stop writing about it. Let's take a look:

Why debate moving the Barnes Foundation? It’s a done deal! But so were slavery, segregation and the Soviet Union, once upon a time.

I expect future columns in the BSR on why the United States should not re-instate slavery. And maybe we can get some sort of "underground railroad" to sneak the Barnes paintings back to the suburbs.

'It's a done deal' [Broad Street Review]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:16 AM | Comments (3)

Atlantic City Will Not Store Your Heroin

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Atlantic City law enforcement is still looking for the person who killed four prostitutes 18 months ago. They're turning to the drug dealers and prostitutes themselves for clues (obviously), and are totally not going to arrest anyone.

Well, as long as you don't do this:

Atlantic County Prosecutor Ted Housel says the deaths are sufficiently similar to make it appear that they are the work of a serial killer. Housel is asking other prostitutes and drug users to tell police what they know about the case, with the promise they won't be arrested.

"Short of putting a bag of heroin on the table and asking us to hold it while you talk to us, I can promise that you won't be pursued for anything like that," he said, referring to prostitutes or drug dealers who come forward. "Nobody is going to be scrutinized because of lifestyle choices in an investigation like this."

Good advice for all situations, really: If you go to talk to a law enforcement officer, keep your heroin at home. Or at least in your pockets.

Prostitutes' help sought to solve 4 killings [AP/Courier-Post]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:57 AM | Comments (0)

$75K Painting Is Missing

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Have you seen this painting? The 19th-century painting by John Woodside is missing from the Philadelphia Park Systems office.

The painting, titled Fairmount Water Works, is worth around $75,000; the FBI is offering $10,000 for information related to its return. So if you see a dude walking down Market street carrying this painting, turn him in -- you get $10 grand!

I'm not sure why the thief only took a painting worth$75 grand. I'd totally go for The Gross Clinic instead. That sold for millions.

Reward Offered For Missing Philadelphia Painting [CBS 3]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:29 AM | Comments (1)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Jill Porter: "Gossiping about Alycia Lane and Larry Mendte is no longer fun now that serious accusations have overshadowed the giddy scandal." What, reading someone's email? I mean, yeah, that's a shitty thing to do, but it's not like Larry Mendte put a gun to anyone's head. This wouldn't even make for a good episode of Gossip Girl.

John Baer: The drug companies don't want Pennsylvania to spend less on prescription drug costs, so it's not going to happen. No $100 million savings for us!

Posted by D-Mac at 08:42 AM | Comments (0)

June 24, 2008

John Grogan's New Book Gets Release Date

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Oh, yes, but will it sell without a puppy on the cover?

Author of the bestselling Marley & Me John Grogan’s new memoir, THE LONGEST TRIP HOME, has been announced for publication on October 21 by William Morrow. “From his troublemaking childhood to his courtship of a fiery blond named Jenny, Grogan writes about how he came to terms with who he is and what he believes.” It’s called the “story of a son in the making, and of growing up in a loving, but comically old-school Catholic family.”

Grogan says in the announcement, “Even before Marley & Me was published, I knew this was the story I wanted to tell next. The Longest Trip Home is a story very close to my heart.”

How well will it sell? Who knows, but A Very Marley Christmas will be out on Sept. 30, in case you're wondering if John Grogan will be able to eat this winter.

Apocalypse Now [The Doree Chronicles]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:57 PM | Comments (1)

Fake Tallest US Building Too Tall For CC

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A bunch of news stations covered the zoning proposal for the super tall American Commerce Center (slightly edited rendering, above), which would soar to a height of 1500 feet. Brad Maule notes that -- in a shocker! -- the news stations actually got it wrong, since there are towers in New York and Chicago currently being built that would be taller.

Anyway: Let's get to the big quote from everyone's favorite state senator, Vince Fumo.

State Sen. Vincent J. Fumo, the Philadelphia Democrat in whose district the tower would be built, called yesterday for an "end to spot zoning."

"This is totally out of scale with the rest of Center City," he said.

An end to spot zoning, indeed. Skyscrapers aren't meant for Center City, silly! (Don't worry, Comcast, there is no tenant lined up yet. Your tower is probably safe.)

Zoning proposal introduced for "tallest building" [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:08 PM | Comments (0)

Denenberg Takes On The Critics

HERB
Bulletin columnist Herb Denenberg has been answering readers' questions about DeLoreans, when to wash your car and whether a truck driver can get in trouble for drug possession for almost three years now.

He also frequently opines about how Barack Obama is a horrible presidential candidate, how Steven Spielberg is evil and the divide between patriots and America haters.

And, today, he does them both at the same time:

Question: I simply don't understand how Herb Denenberg's drivel counts as responsible journalism. In his haste to attack anyone that has the audacity to disagree with him, he simply levels unsubstantiated charges against them. Furthermore, his claims that he is railing against the 'dishonest and biased' media makes me question his own objectivity. Should we accept Herb as being the bastion of disinterested reporting? Why are his statements - peppered with the name calling - more objective and fairer than other forms of press? I read his column simply to laugh, but never to take it seriously. If The Bulletin really wants to improve their quality, don't you think you should get rid of him?
Answer: The writer does exactly what he falsely accuses me of doing. He makes unsubstantiated charges without a single example or a scintilla of evidence. I just figured I've written over one million words for the new Bulletin since I started writing my columns a couple of years ago. Yet, the writer does not contest one of my facts or any of my logic. Obviously he doesn't read my material very carefully and remembers none of it. He claims I rail against the "dishonest and biased" media. That should be the "dishonest, fraudulent, and biased" mainstream media. There is a big difference when you leave out "mainstream." And I'd add that if the writer isn't smart enough to recognize the bias of the mainstream media, I know I won't be able to educate him. But I'm happy if he finds my columns humorous. It sounds like he ought to lighten up. What's more, this column has frequently pointed out that humor and laughing are good for your health. So ,my final word to the writer is keep reading my column and keep laughing for the sake of your health if not your politics. And does he know why six is afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. That's an old one but it doesn't take much to make that writer laugh. Also I want to thank the writer for "Denenberg's Drivel." I love alliteration, can't resist it, and always strive for it, even when it comes from wacky writers who are obviously loony liberals and jerks and jackasses.

He's written over a million words? Man, a million words, and, like 50,000 of them were "loony liberal."

The next two questions, if you're wondering, were about the estate tax and credit scores.

Denenberg Answers Questions On Glaucoma, Credit Scores, BBQ Sauce And Himself [The Bulletin]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:38 PM | Comments (2)

Philly.com's Quest For A Traffic Spike

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Ah, yeah, the current Philly.com front is the kind of thing that gets put into museums of pure awesomeness. It was great when I woke up this morning, but since then it's only gotten about 100 times better. My personal favorite part came when I realized that none of these people pictured are even all that remotely famous, but the new photo arrangement is completely amazing, too.

A friend and reader chimes in: "I think getting Kidd Chris' thoughts on the whole ordeal puts it over the top. There are just so many layers. It's getting to the point where I no longer think, 'Oh, the paper i once loved,' and instead think 'Well, this is pretty hilarious.'"

Bravo, Philly.com.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:16 AM | Comments (9)

A Genital Country Town

PENIS

It seems as if everyone's going for seventh-grade humor today. A Phillyblog poster notes the Google Trends page for penis, which shows Philadelphia ranked #2 in number of searches for "penis." We'll catch up one day, New Dehli!

Unless the blue bars represent penis size, in which case: Ladies, move to Philadelphia!

Philadelphians Are Obsessed With Penis [Phillyblog]
Thanks, Alli!

Posted by D-Mac at 10:34 AM | Comments (3)

57K Pounds Of Chicken Stolen In Del.

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Still missing this morning in Delaware: 57,000 pounds of chicken, stolen from a Delaware food bank.

Two trailers and a freightliner tractor from the Food Bank of Delaware were stolen over the weekend, leaving the bank with only two vehicles left. The head of the bank says food donations are down, costs are up, etc.

The three stolen vehicles are, of course, marked with the insignia of the Food Bank of Delaware. Be on the lookout for a few very hungry men.

57,000 lbs. of chicken stolen from food bank [6 ABC]
Photo via dannyboyster, Creative Commons license

Posted by D-Mac at 10:20 AM | Comments (1)

Jocelyn Kirsch Now Being Sued

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Hey, Jocelyn Kirsch is back in the news again! This time she hasn't done anything newsworthy like work at a Starbucks or get charged with a felony. No, a stylist Jocelyn "Bonnie" Kirsch allegedly ripped off is suing her.

This was the greatest haircut of all time, apparently, since she's suing for $50,000. Oh, I see: The suit says 25-year-old Jennifer Bisicchia "has had to endure emotional stress from the case." So she totally deserves 50 grand! The hairstyling and extensions part of the lawsuit is a mere $2,500.

According to the lawsuit, Bisicchia also received angry text messages in the middle of the night! All of the following is [sic], of course:

HELLO JEN BISICCHIA. YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME. BUT I KNOW YOURS. I ALSO KNOW UR NICE PLACE ON ... ST AND HOW U GET HOME AT NIGHT. YOURE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT VISITORS AT UR DOOR. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'VE GOTTEN URSELF INTO. YOU SEEM LIKE A SMART GIRL. WALK AWAY NOW OR YOU WILL REGRET IT

After receiving that text, Bisicchia then made her boyfriend sit outside of her door, all night. He better get a cut of that $50k.

Payback time: Stylist behind 'Bonnie's' tresses files suit [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:27 AM | Comments (0)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Elmer Smith: Um, this is a pretty sad story, except for the part where the guy pretends to sell his 6-month-old son as a prank. That was pretty hilarious.

Fatimah Ali: "I draw the line at their children. But, mark my words, there are some unscrupulous journalists who will feast on them, too." Oh, let me be the first: Barack Obama's children do blow just like he does!

Posted by D-Mac at 08:58 AM | Comments (0)

CBS 3 Fires Larry Mendte

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Well, we all saw this coming: CBS 3 has released Larry Mendte from his contract. When Alycia Lane filed her lawsuit alleging sexism (and other -isms) at the station, it pretty much sealed Mendte's fate.

(Lane's lawyer says CBS 3 wouldn't agree to change a court deadline, so the suit had to be filed last week. Convenient for the station!)

But that's not all! According to the Inquirer, CBS 3's internal investigation discovered a Keystroke logging program on one of the station's computers. (Shouldn't IT be looking for that kind of traffic going out over the network anyway?) Mendte's lawyer didn't say much of note, but did say, "I fully expect that Larry will resume his broadcasting career."

And so, in just about six months, CBS 3 has gone from lead anchors of Alycia Lane and Larry Mendte to Susan Barnett and Chris May. Sounds about right to me.

CBS 3 fires Mendte [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:31 AM | Comments (3)

Nothing Ever Gets Old On The Internet

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Although it got a little windy last night (at least in Center City), at least we avoided any scat storms. Phew.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:17 AM | Comments (1)

June 23, 2008

Aaron McKie Arrested; Faces Up To 15 Years

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Aaron McKie, who not only was the Sixth Man of the Year when the Sixers went to the finals in 2001 but also scored 20 points for Gratz in a 79-27 win over Bok in a Pub first round playoff game in 1989, has been arrested in Montgomery County. First Marvin Harrison, now this: What is going on with hometown Philadelphia sports heroes? Rasheed Wallace, please don't do anything illegal.

McKie was charged with lying on a gun application. The state never said something this awful could happen if we passed gun laws.

Allegedly, McKie went to purchase two guns in Abington, and wrote he didn't have a protection from abuse order. he has an active one in Delco preventing him from buying a gun. Hmm, okay. So, ah, what's the penalty there for lying on a gun application, like a fine or something?

McKie faces a felony charge that carries a maximum prison sentence of fifteen years

Oh, I see. Well, goodbye, Aaron. Memories of the 2001 Sixers continue to fade off into the distance.

Former Sixer McKie Charged with Lying on Gun Application [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:59 PM | Comments (5)

John Bolaris, Crimefighter

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A promo last night let us know John Bolaris has a special tonight about how he (I guess, maybe not him) can fight crime with the weather. "Because the weather never lies," he tells us; please note he did not say the weather forecast never lies.

Redlasso clip after the jump.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:29 PM | Comments (1)

Predicting Sports Is Hard

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Ex-City Paper editor and Johnny Doc spokesman Brian Hickey made his picks for Euro 2008. Let's see how he did in the first round:

Portugal vs. Germany [Already complete 2-3]

Croatia vs. Turkey (2-2, Croatia advances on PKs)
Netherlands vs. Russia (3-1)
Spain vs. Italy (1-0)

Not to be nitpicky or anything, but the only one he got right was the one he picked after the game was over. Predicting sports is hard, which is why I like to stick to betting on sensible things where you can get good odds, like American Gladiators.

Photo by gereg, Creative Commons license

Posted by D-Mac at 10:33 AM | Comments (3)

Stephen Starr Buys Broad Street Diner

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Stephen Starr has bought the Broad Street Diner at Broad and Ellsworth streets. Michael Klein notes that Kirsten Henri dreamed of this in January on Foobooz. Starr says he googled "Broad Street Diner" and found the post after he signed the letter of intent to buy it.

(Google now updates its results so quickly the new posts about Stephen Starr at the diner are up on the front page. It would be much funnier if Stephen Starr googles himself or perhaps this.)

Henri's reaction: "I AM INSIDE THE HEAD OF STEPHEN STARR."

Photo by pwbaker, Creative Commons license

Posted by D-Mac at 09:32 AM | Comments (0)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: Get this! People are holding rock concerts in order to sign people up to vote! I know, those longhairs are finally doing something useful -- must be low on the reefer! (Or perhaps have some of that more potent pot.) Perhaps they could tell people to "rock the vote" or something.

Stu Bykofsky: This column is awesome, just because I know it's going to draw incredible comments.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:35 AM | Comments (0)

7 Words You Can't Say When You're Dead

George Carlin is dead. Here he is complaining about the most annoying people of all, white people.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:08 AM | Comments (3)

Texting Her Way To Gold

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Ahh, yes, the Olympic Trials for gymnastics (held at our own Wachovia Center) are over. Or maybe not. I think they are. The gymnastics trials are the only one where you'll find its competitors texting immediately before their performance. I think, at least. Okay, maybe rhythmic gymnastics, whatever that is.

Johnson, Liukin claim first two spots on gymnastics team [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 07:53 AM | Comments (0)

June 20, 2008

Leftovers: O, Canada!

• The Canadian Press (of course) reports there's a new race car museum opening in Philadelphia. Why, thank you, Canada, for this information about our fair city. [Canadian Press]

• A soccer player in Delaware is wanted for biting a ref after he got a red card. Knowing soccer refs, I'm going to say this man deserves a medal and not an assault charge. [NBC 10]

• For just $17.99, you can get Mike Schmidt's new wine at the state store. (Probably not all of 'em.) [Phoodie.info]

• Hey, a woman in Warwick allegedly attacked a man with a vacuum. Unfortunately, it wasn't a Dyson, so the suction wasn't as powerful as it could have been. [The Intelligencer]

OMG NEW TD COMMERCE BANK! [Camden Courier-Post]

• Vai Sikahema is training for his bout with Jose Canseco down the shore. Better get on the 'roids! [NBC 10]

• And, finally, your Phillyblog thread of the week: A crossing guard caught smoking pot. [via Hickey]

Posted by D-Mac at 05:19 PM | Comments (0)

Archie Hamburger Headed To Ohio?

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Oh no! Philadelphia Will Do favorite R.J. "Archie Hamburger" Umburger could be traded to Columbus, reports the Columbus Dispatch.

Who even knew Columbus had a team? Who even knew that on Friday afternoons I'd have to resort to hacky jokes like the previous sentence? (Okay, we all knew that one.) The story (cleverly headlined "Umberger?") notes that ol' Archie went to Ohio State and that the Flyers re-upped Jeff Carter for three years and $15 mil.

Umberger? [Columbus Dispatch via The 700 Level]
[Image via Big Ben News]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:23 PM | Comments (1)

CBS 3 Responds To Lane's Lawsuit

And what a salacious response!

"We have received a copy of Alycia Lane's complaint against KYW-TV. The station believes the claims are without merit and will defend the case vigorously in court."

Oh. I guess it wasn't quite so salacious.

Lane Files Law Suit; CBS 3 Responds [CBS 3]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:47 PM | Comments (0)

Boston Mag Writer To Inquirer

Boston magazine senior writer John Gonzalez is heading to Philadelphia to write sports for the Inquirer, the Boston Phoenix reports. The paper also reports Gonzalez wrote a nice article on the "Inside Track Gals," whoever the hell they are. Update: Read it. It is pretty good! I particularly loved this part: "'I usually hold my breath when I turn to the Inside Track each morning,' Senator Ted Kennedy writes in an e-mail, a canned comment indicating he does no such thing."

Posted by D-Mac at 11:50 AM | Comments (1)

Obama Still Anti-Christ, Says Internet

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Some dude "Kevin" from Rittenhouse Square sent an email to Gar Joseph about a website that asks if Barack Obama is the Antichrist.

Morons on the Internet have been claiming Obama is the Antichrist since at least October 2006 -- when the 2008 presidential campaign was but a few years old -- but this Blogspot blog really looks to settle it once and for all with his online poll in the sidebar.

My favorite headline on the blog is "Obama -- False Prophet or Anti-Christ?"

Posted by D-Mac at 11:27 AM | Comments (2)

Ben Franklin, Betsy Ross To Wed

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OMG! Ralph Archbold, who plays Ben Franklin, is getting married to Linda Wilde, who plays Betsy Ross. Ol' Franklin not a swinging bachelor? I guess he's deviating from the character a bit, but overall this is completely awesome.

The wedding is on July 3 and the post-ceremony reception is at City Tavern. Naturally.

Ben Franklin, Betsy Ross actors set wedding date [AP/Philly.com]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:18 AM | Comments (3)

Alycia Lane Finally Sues CBS 3

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Hey, what do you know? Alycia Lane finally went and sued CBS 3, and it actually contains the phrase "the Prince Albert of Monaco Exploitation." Oh, this is excellent.

Lane's lawsuit against her employer alleges the station didn't respond to complaints her private email had been viewed and also said the station treated female employees worse than its male ones. The suit also says co-anchor/alleged email snooper Larry Mendte was jealous of Lane's higher salary (reportedly $800k vs. $700k) and her popularity.

Michael Klein writes:

Lane's suit claims that a statement from Colleran that Mendte read on-air on Jan. 7 killed her career. It read in part: "After assessing the overall impact of a series of incidents resulting from judgments she has made, we have concluded that it would be impossible for Alycia to continue to report the news as she, herself, has become the focus of so many news stories." It added, "We understand that Alycia expects to be fully vindicated in that proceeding" in New York.

The suit says the "clear meaning" was that Lane was "now unable to report the news for any news station anywhere in the world."

Well, besides on UHF.

Alycia Lane sues CBS 3 [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:40 AM | Comments (1)

Horrible Monster To Invade Love Park

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See the tentacled beast above? Fox will be bringing a replica of that monster to Love Park on Monday between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. It's 12 feet high and 12 feet wide, and the press release lets us know, "THERE’S NO ESCAPE FROM THE HOT TENTACLE ACTION!"

The beast's name is Yivo, the antagonist in the new (incredibly disappointing, sadly) Futurama movie, which comes out on DVD Tuesday. Yeah, who knows. Don't try to escape the hot tentacle action; it's clearly impossible.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:13 AM | Comments (1)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Elmer Smith: He thinks your vote matters.

Jill Porter: Hey, apparently -- and I know this is kinda wild -- people have the right to protest police procedures without being detained by the police.

Dave Davies: Ha ha, here's a whole column about how L&I never comes out for anything but did come out for these protesters of police brutality. It's probably my favorite column by anyone so far this year.

Okay, besides that Christine Flowers column where she defended police brutality and then the next week claimed no one defended police brutality.

Christine Flowers: If you vote for president on any issue besides the Supreme Court, you're wrong, stupid! Anyway, Flowers thinks the federal government should be able to lock up anyone it chooses for no reason. Are you surprised?

Posted by D-Mac at 08:18 AM | Comments (0)

June 19, 2008

City Council Members To Get New Wheels

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Before City Council leaves for its three month vacation today, let's tell them what they've won: A new car!

Yes, it's time once again for the tradition where City Council members all get new cars for their service to the city. Chris Brennan lets us know their options: "Council members can replace their city-issued cars with one of three new models: the Chevrolet Impala, the Chevrolet Malibu or the Ford Taurus." And they don't even need to have a dollar left to give to Bob Drew to buy the car after they guess all the numbers.

Grads & Council: Can I Get A New Car? [Clout]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:59 PM | Comments (1)

Carl Lewis Offers Words Of Encouragement

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Hey, Olympic champion Carl Lewis showed up on a video screen the graduation of Willingboro High School (where he went) yesterday and... why, what did he tell the kids?

He also offered a dose of reality and asked all of the black males in the cafeteria to stand up. "By the time you are 30 years old, right now factually, half of you will be either dead or in jail," he said. "You are the half that isn't dead or in jail. You have to take control of your lives."

"So... uh... enjoy this graduation day, where you are neither imprisoned nor dead!"

Carl Lewis surprises Willingboro seniors [Burlington County Times via Philly EDGE]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:38 PM | Comments (0)

Soccer The Solution To Grocery Woes

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The Inquirer's Jeff Gammage wrote a piece today recently-ish about what Chester residents want the new soccer team to bring -- besides $47 million dollars of state money to build a soccer stadium for under a dozen games a year.

And what is it that they want from their soccer stadium? Oh, that's right: A new grocery store.

In downtrodden Chester, the absence of so elemental an enterprise as a supermarket rankles. People want a well-stocked store not only because of the convenience but also because supermarkets can help transform the health and welfare of entire communities - offering nutritious vegetables, fruits and meats; increasing the tax base; and, not least, providing jobs for young people.

When many Chester residents need groceries, they shop at mini-marts or bodegas. Some travel to Eddystone, which has a ShopRite and a Wal-Mart. Some drive to Delaware. Others can't, because they don't have a car

Chester hasn't had a grocery store since 2001. You know what they could have built in Chester for under $47 million? Not a supermarket, that's what. Now that we've solved one poorer community's problem of not having a market, it's time to just build soccer stadiums across the country until everyone has a brand new ACME.

One goal of soccer deal: Close grocery gap in Chester [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:21 PM | Comments (1)

An Example Of Pittsburgh Nightlife

From Pittsburgh Craigslist: "I saw you couched down with your pants around your ankles. I asked "Hey, what are you doing?". Your reply was 'Pooping in a groundhog hole! I read about it online. It's suppose to trick the groundhog into thinking another animal has moved into it's lair.'" Let's remind ourselves it's not a good idea to do everything the Internet tells us. And also that it's probably not a good idea to do everything people from Pittsburgh tell us as well. Thanks, Emily.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:24 PM | Comments (0)

Phillies Season Ends With 2 Losses To Sox

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Remember those glory days, just two days ago, when the Phillies were flying high, 3 games on top of the NL East. Well, apparently they're now over, as Philly.com notified us on the front page this morning (above). Yes, indeed, the Phillies lost to the Red Sox, 7-4, yesterday, and are now only 2 games up in the division.

You may remember people (okay, Cole Hamels) talking about Phillies-Red Sox being a World Series preview just a two afternoons ago. Well, forget it, now, because Chase Utley is in a slump (the first player ever to suffer one) and the Fightins are doomed. Doomed, I say.

There are things to worry about if you're a Phillies fan. John Finger addresses them nicely here. It's mid-June. The Phils have lost a couple series in a row. It'll be okay.

Posted by D-Mac at 12:30 PM | Comments (2)

Happiest Day Of Year, With Extra Cheese

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Some scientists -- looking for some leisurely studies after curing poverty, no doubt -- have determined tomorrow, June 20, is the happiest day of the year. (The saddest day of 2008 was Jan. 24, or my father's birthday.)

The Courier-Times went out an did exciting person-on-the-street interviews and found at least one person who's spending her happiest day doing something fun: "I'll probably go home [after work] and order a pizza. If it's a good night, maybe I'll order myself extra cheese."

This Friday will be your happiest day [Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:26 AM | Comments (1)

Get Off My Lawn, Valedictorians

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Aw, it's time for Cherry Hill West to graduate. Congrats, kids! Now who's the Valedictorian? Wait, what's that?

If you're going to Cherry Hill High School West's graduation ceremony today, you might want to bring a midnight snack.


A record-setting six valedictorians will be making speeches.

Six valedictorians? Well that would certainly have ruined one of the plots in the last episode of Saved by the Bell. I hope all the schools' athletes were named Most Valued Player as well.

Big send-off for C.H. West Class of 2008 [Courier-Post]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:14 AM | Comments (1)

City Hall Is A Paris Cafe

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Transformers 2 has been shooting in town recently, and currently City Hall has been transformed (ho!) into a Parisian cafe near the École Militaire stop on the Paris Metro.

Why the Transformers go to Paris, I do not know. (For culture?) My favorite little bit of movie-filming-in-town gossip comes from my friend John on Twitter, who passed a box labeled "hero plates" sometime last week.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:37 AM | Comments (2)

McNabb Not Just A Chunky Soup Pitchman

Take it away, Keith Russell, with our lead of the week:

June 18, 2008 (WPVI) -- Donovan McNabb is always focused on football, but today he was focused on hypertension.

Did McNabb take his focus away from football to focus on hypertension yesterday? That slacker!

McNabb focuses on high-blood pressure [6 ABC]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:13 AM | Comments (0)

Your Bikini Cover Photo Update

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Kudos to Atlantic City Weekly for running what a down the shore newspaper cover photo should look like.

Beach Bars are Back [AC Weekly]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:57 AM | Comments (1)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: Stu is in New Orleans, apparently.

Ronnie Polaneczky: EMS hired some new people with some new rules City Council passed.

MIchael Smerconish: Remember John McCain's first wife, the one who wasn't a beer baroness? Of course you don't. Well, she apparently doesn't hate McCain, which Smerconish presents as if it's some kind of novelty. Because everyone hates John McCain.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:45 AM | Comments (0)

Renter Leaves Human Skull In Apt.

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Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. And he's so full of jest and fancy some renter left his skull in an apartment.

While cleaning out an apartment on South 49th Street -- A-ha! A Penn grad student, perhaps? -- a Campus Apartments manager found the skull sitting on a counter. One might have simply thought it was a message to the landlord from disaffected tenants, but the manager decided to call the police. The medical examiner's office confirmed that it was, in fact, a human skull.

Did a student just take the skull from a school building somewhere, like my freshman year roommate did? Perhaps. The Daily Summer Pennsylvanian reports it's unclear if a crime has been committed, but Campus Apartments did confirm the tenants were college students. I guess if it is Penn kids, it could be a case of Econ curve competition turned deadly.

Human skull left on kitchen counter [Daily Pennsylvanian]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:02 AM