Gossip Girlfriend

The oh-so-clever use of “gay” as an insult did not sway us: Gossip Girlfriend is back for one last hurrah. Yes, last night was the season finale, and since Sarah and I can’t plan anything past, say, this weekend, we’re declaring it the end of the feature youse all love so much, Gossip Girlfriend. But not before a recap of last night’s episode!

(Note: If you actually like the show, or hate it, or something, New York pretty much owns the Gossip Girl recap genre; one of the co-writers of NYM’s blog is Jessica Pressler, etc., etc.)

After the jump.

Sarah: Although I would have much preferred a showdown between the unified force of Blair/Serena/Chuck/Nate and Georgina, Blair handles it pretty well on her own. I like the idea of putting Georgina face to face with her parents because if she’s that rich, I imagine she’s been avoiding her parents while selling her show ponies for coke for years.

Dan: I really wonder how that deal went down. Was it a straight-up trade — here’s my pony, now give me some blow — or was there a middleman involved? Furthermore: Was the middleman Barack Obama?

I assume there isn’t a big black market in show ponies and it’s probably just easier to sell them legit — but if it wasn’t exchanged for cocaine straight up, how would her parents know what she spent the money on? I also like the Vinnie Jones-type muscleman in the background, and the idea that Georgina’s parents conspired with their daughter’s enemy to embarrass her. Ha ha, I am so doing that to my kids one day.

Sarah: I was so right that Dan was too emo to forgive Serena! She like betrayed his trust or something and now he’s hurt. I would say suck it up because she’s the hottest girl in school, but whatever. And her look of shock is so appropriate, because who dumps Serena?

Dan: As a fairly emo person myself in high school — and probably now, too, though I’ve gotten better — I can say there is no way Dan would be able to go through with breaking up with Serena. He’d put on some Dashboard Confessional — “This paint has been tasting of lead,” etc. — and run back to her in about 15 seconds, if he could actually go through with breaking up with her in the first place.

Also, Sarah, you’re allowed to conceal your homicides from me. I don’t mind.

Sarah: So in the end, everyone goes back to pretty much where they started, which is such a letdown because we had poor Brooklyn kids hanging out with rich Manhattan kids! Some sort of class boundaries were being broken down and everyone was making out with each other!

The only glimmer of hope is Jenny’s Cinderella story, which will undoubtedly end up with her as a famous (and rightly so, because she’s talented even though she made Vanessa that hideous orange thing) fashion designer designing clothes for Blair and Serena and their four weddings apiece. Poor Jenny, even though she can make (and wear) the clothes that rich people do, she’s learned the hard way that it sucks when your parents aren’t multi-millionaires. And now, thanks to Gossip Girl, so have we!

Dan: Yeah, Jenny is totally my favorite character now that Georgina is gone, though she didn’t get much screen time in the last two episodes. That’s why I prefer Saved by the Bell-style casts: Not only did that only have 6 main characters instead of 45, they also never focused on the parents — Zack had about 5 different actors play his father — and there were also only 6 students in the entire school, since every event at Bayside revolved around them. Could you imagine a whole episode with nary a mention of Kelly? (She was the poor one, right?)

Also, that dude Blair is going on the plane with is like 35.

Hey, that’s it! Thank you for putting up with this the past few weeks, though I say fuck all y’all, this shit was awesome. I think Sarah and I need to MST3K some episodes of Gossip Girl or something now that it’s off-season. Let me know what you hate, readers, and I will certainly oblige by posting about it.