May 09, 2008
Gossip Girlfriend
Each week, my girlfriend and I plan to discuss Gossip Girl. No, really. It's going to be awesome, and posted on Tuesdays from now on.
Three weeks ago, my girlfriend came over to watch the return of Gossip Girl, which she has become taken with: She has been reading the books and has been nice enough to regale me with awesome young adult descriptions like "a publisher of lesser-known beat poets" and a passage about buying weed in Central Park -- clearly the only way for a rich kid to get drugs.
I was, of course, immediately taken with the show as well. These girls have more drama in one day of high school than I did in four years. (And I took two AP English classes!) They drink every night (I was straight edge), have tons of sex (I was a loser) and hire people to take their SATs for them (I never had any money). It's like Degrassi with richer and prettier people! If this doesn't prove to my girlfriend how awesome American capitalism is -- I think she's some sort of socialist -- then we'll just chalk her up as a lost cause.
And, so, yes, everyone (in New York, but whatever) writes about Gossip Girl online. Why not join the party? I know what you're thinking: Dan, you kinda do dumb things, what if you do a dumb thing to your girlfriend and she breaks up with you? If you know me that well, you should also know I never plan ahead.
After the jump, a few video clips and some thoughts from the two of us.
Georgina
Dan: Okay, Sarah, if you're going to make me watch Gossip Girl, you have to let me be honest. And if this Georgina character comes to life and asks me out, I'm going to say yes. (The actress to plays her, Harriet the Spy, is 22, so I don't feel quite as skeevy.) This is what a villain on television should be like: Pretty, smart and just delightfully evil.
Sarah: The one who's supposed to fit that description is Blair, but apparently the TV series is about Serena because everyone thinks (myself included) that she's hot. Georgina is supposed to be that combination of crazy and hot that is so irresistibly sexy - in the books she meets Nate (after he gets caught buying pot in Central Park) in some cushy rehab center in like Greenwich, Connecticut, and proceeds to hit on him during group session so that even the real crazy people are like, man, she's crazy. In an attempt to win back her man, Blair checks herself into the same rehab center so she can do the same thing, but she just embarrasses herself because she lacks that particular strand of crazy.
Dan: Did you buy the books? I want to read them now.
The coming out comedown
Dan: I was going to comment on how obvious it would be that Little J's boyfriend would hook up with Serena's gay brother. And I did in the first draft. But it was so obvious even I couldn't really brag about it.
Sarah: The best part about this (besides the fact that I want Blair's dress) is that since Gossip Girl came back, they've been teasing us with the line "someone is coming out." And it's Serena's little brother? Thanks, the CW, for telling us that the obviously gay kid (c'mon, he has frosted hair!) is gay. Let's move on to the more pressing questions: where is Chuck's pet monkey?
Dan: I'm glad you remember promos from Gossip Girl from three weeks ago.
Serena's secret
Sarah: The "this is the one thing I can't tell you because that would make you a part of it" line is like straight from The Craft. Or Charmed. They're witches! That would totally explain why Georgina and Serena have this "horrible secret" and explain all the silly gifts that make Serena irrationally upset. Sending Serena some light bondage gear or a vial of white powder or a case of champagne (to her high school, but still) makes so much more sense if Georgina's like, 'Serena'll be able to cast some wicked spells with these!" (Haha, get it? Wicked.) Man, this show just gets better and better.
Dan: Best closing scene ever! There's no way Serena actually killed someone directly -- I'm guessing car accident fatality -- but maybe you're on the right track with this witches thing. Serena and Georgina got together, prayed for the car to hit that vagrant, and... wait, what happened in The Craft besides that? I must have watched that movie on HBO a million times, and I don't remember anything.
Previously, on One Tree Hill
Dan: Of all the reasons to watch Gossip Girl, none are greater than the ridiculous "Previously, on One Tree Hill" promos after it. I need a flow chart to figure this one out. This dude is also a murderer, like Serena. Does every show on the CW feature a murderous main character? What is this, MyNetworkTV?
Sarah: Apparently the CW is showing soap operas at night now, disguised as...no, they're just soap operas. No other genre has such convoluted familial subplots. And so much murder! Have I mentioned that I love melodrama?
Posted by D-Mac on May 9, 2008 10:59 AM
Posted to Awesomeness
, Fake High School Girls
, Gossip Girl
, Gossip Girlfriend
, New York City
, TV Shows
Comments
You've never read your roomates' gay erotica short stories then.
Posted by: Shawn at May 9, 2008 11:55 AM
My girlfriend got a "Gossip Girl" question right last night at quizzo. No shot I was going to get it.
Posted by: steve odabashian at May 9, 2008 12:00 PM
i have lost a lot of respect for... i didnt even read this page, i just scrolled down to the end. please stop this.
Posted by: an email chain friend at May 9, 2008 12:21 PM
no. stop. this is a bad idea
Posted by: chrissmari at May 9, 2008 12:35 PM
You guys should know that telling me to stop will only encourage me. If this is me jumping the shark, then I'll gladly do so while trying to figure out how Serena killed someone with her witch powers.
Posted by: dmac at May 9, 2008 12:53 PM
i'm telling on you!
Posted by: chrissmari at May 9, 2008 01:11 PM
Isn't this the show they were advertising on CNN Headline News back in early April?
Posted by: 207 at May 9, 2008 01:12 PM
P.S. who cares if the gf breaks up with you? Then you can start dating KLH.
Posted by: 207 at May 9, 2008 01:18 PM
This is your best post yet. After all this time I think you've found your niche. You should also review American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, The Hills, and when you run out of those just review some of the gay pr0n you watch.
Posted by: Faggy Arbuckle at May 9, 2008 01:51 PM
I read the whole post and the only thing that stuck was that DMac has a girlfriend. This gives us hope.
Posted by: parrishbrown at May 9, 2008 07:49 PM
I read the whole post and the only thing that stuck was that DMac has a girlfriend. This gives some hope.
Posted by: parrishbrown at May 9, 2008 07:49 PM
That was the best thing I ever read.
Definitely, witches, definitely.
Sarah is amazing!!!
Posted by: Julie at May 11, 2008 08:57 PM
This is hands-down the gayest thing I've ever read.
Posted by: barbaroos at May 9, 2008 11:22 AM