• Hey, Mike Lieberthal will be signing a 1-day contract with the Phillies, and then retiring. The fans will probably give him a nice standing ovation as well, which will prove that Philadelphia sports fans are evil anti-semites. [Balls, Sticks & Stuff]
• So would hybrid taxis be a good idea in Philadelphia? Probably; I remember the idea was widely mocked when NYC got some a while back, but now that gas is super-expensive -- Worst. War for Oil. Ever. -- it sounds like a good idea. Plus green is hip with the kiddies, and the media will just eat it up! [The Illadelph]
• Patrick Murphy's wife on the perils of being Patrick Murphy's wife: "We have a Wawa right near our house in Bristol and I can’t buy Tastykakes because the guy behind the counter will say, 'Do you think you should be eating Tastykakes?'" [Bucks County Courier Times]
• Translated from French (originally translated from English, I assume), a quote from Flyers coach John Stevens: "Only the monkeys at TSN picked us to win." According to the comments Canada's sports network has an actual monkey pick games, and he usually does better than experts. Of course. [Philly.com]
This is doubly hilarious when one considers the situation in 2004, when all my friends from school moved away from Philadelphia to New York, Boston, D.C. and other cities not Philadelphia. But now that gas is $80 a gallon and a trio of pretzels costs $1.50 (a buck-fifty!), look who's laughing now? Muahahahahaha!
Er, anyway, the criteria for the study includes "the population of people age 20 to 24, the number of entry-level job openings suitable for new grads, and the average cost to rent a one-bedroom apartment." Because it's 2008, we kids (I'm 25 now, but 15 mentally, so it averages out) also want the all-important "green" buzzword.
But, hey, it's an article about Philadelphia, so it's not like there can't be some good old Philly-bashing: "The nice parts of Philly are really nice. But the bad parts are awful." Yes, just like every city anywhere ever. And then there's this:
Hopkins, the Select Greater Philadelphia executive, says that his son, a 24-year old working at insurer AIG and living with his parents to save money, is now debating whether to move to the New York area or stay closer to home. Because he wants to buy a home, he has no options in Manhattan—and few options in nearby New Jersey cities.
“He can’t afford the monthly payments in Hoboken, Jersey City, or Manhattan,” Hopkins says. “So now he’s thinking about Philadelphia.”
Ahh, yes, he can't afford Hoboken, so he's moving to Philadelphia. If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere!
Awful Announcing has posted part of the clip of Buzz Bissinger's rant about how much he hates the Internet and "Big Daddy Balls" last night. (I also loved how the topic was just "The Internet.") This particular clip is even better because a reminder for a documentary about NOFX (NOFX!) is plasted on the bottom of it the entire time, a reminder that television is inherently a better medium than the Internet.
Cleveland Browns wideout Braylon Edwards is also there, but doesn't say anything of note, doesn't blog and doesn't have any teammates who blog.
Hey, it's almost May, and we haven't had a drummed-up pointless controversy in a while. Hmm, hmm... ahh, here we go: It seems some transit agencies took down ads for Grand Theft Auto IV, already hailed as the greatest video game of all time. (I can't believe I don't have a system to play it on. I feel like crying.)
Septa officials would not be interviewed, but they issued a statement saying while some might consider the game offensive, "the advertisement is not." The ad campaign is slated to run for six weeks, with 350 posters on buses and other locations, generating $83,000 in revenue for Septa.
Septa last year was criticized for accepting ads for the movie "Hitman," ads featuring images of guns. The "Grand Theft Auto IV" ads show only the faces of three characters in the game and "Grand Theft Auto" logo.
Six weeks? Puh-leeze. SEPTA had an advertisement at Bridge Street for How Stella Got Her Groove Back (released in 1998) well into this decade. As a friend (okay, Chrissmari said to me online: "It's supposed to last 6 weeks but it'll be up for ages along with posters for Big Momma's House and last year's Jewish Career Fair." Exactly.
On the other hand, there was a noticeable drop in gun violence last year after SEPTA took down its ads for Hitman. Okay, maybe not.
Although he dropped out of the race and will no longer be a State Senator come next year, Vince Fumo is still in Harrisburg, fighting for your kitchen.
The remarks came during an Appropriations Committee hearing in Harrisburg on a bill that would define marriage as between a man and a woman – a measure Fumo opposes. "What you are advocating here is that we take away the rights of a minority. And I don't think that's right," Fumo told Gilbert Coleman, Jr., senior pastor of Freedom Christian Bible Fellowship in Philadelphia, during the hearing. ". . . If we introduced a bill on slavery, it might pass. That doesn't make it right."
"I doubt that sir," responded Coleman, who testified in support of the measure.
"Oh, don't bet on it in this General Assembly," the Philadelphia Democrat shot back. "I know some people up here, especially on a secret ballot, it would be almost unanimous."
If you didn't see it, Bissinger went on a rant about blogs, asked Will Leitch if he had ever read W.C. Heinz, called him full of shit and also said this: "This guy, whether we like it or not, is the future. The future in the hands of guys like you is really going to dumb us down to a degree that I don't think we can recover from."
Let me write about the W.C. Heinz reference for a moment. Heinz is famous for writing "Death of a Racehorse," a 1,000-word piece about how a dying racehorse. In contrast, Bissinger's column on Barbaro was 13,000 words. (Update: Hey, I made the comments of Fire Joe Morgan!)
I will say that I don't -- can't! -- believe that Bissinger was serious last night. This whole 'blogs-vs.-newspapers' debate is so, uhm, 2005, maybe earlier. By 2006 Phillymag (Phillymag!) had given my blog a B+ rating and that was back when PWD was even worse. Blogs are a medium: Most of them suck, some of them are good -- just like newspaper columnists and TV shows and movies and penny-farthings and cheeseburgers. (The only two things that are mostly good are sex and pizza.) Right? Right?
Then again, maybe not. PW Music Editor Brian McManus was recently on a music panel with Tom Moon; the former Inquirer music writer read the Pitchfork review of In Rainbows and angrily ranted about it afterward. And this is another good ex-Inquirer writer!
It might just be as simple as what a friend told me this morning: "They're all just bitter that they didn't think of writing The Wire." Well put.
Riders would pay a variety of fees (daily, weekly, yearly, etc.) to ride a bike; riders could even take one-way trips from bike station to bike station, which is pretty neat. Bike Share Philadelphia wants to start with 1,000 bikes, hopefully old Huffy White Heats.
And everybody loves the idea, except for maybe whoever called in a bomb threat. "This would provide a welcome addition to our public transit options here in the City," SEPTA Watch writes. The hearing's on the fourth floor of City Hall at 2.
Last night, Fox 29's Jeff Cole reported on some sort of scam email that says if you don't pay several thousand dollars to a hitman, he'll kill you. This was part of "Fox 29 Undercover," even though it didn't really involve any undercover work.
The highlight of the segment, though, is the voice-over reading the email; any of the death threats I've received would be way better if I could get somebody to read them in that voice. Also, apparently some versions of the email are in all caps, always the sign of a competent and professional hit man.
Zombie Barbaro must be pissed! The Philadelphia Park Liberty Carousel in Franklin Square -- that carousel is everything our founding fathers hoped and dreamed of -- recently added replicas of two racehorses: Smarty Jones, who blew the Triple Crown on the backstretch, and Afleet Alex, who won the second two legs of the Triple Crown and cured cancer.
Did I hear that right? Two better horses -- who won 66.7% of the Triple Crown races, instead of just 33.3% -- got replicas and Barbaro is nowhere to be found? That's what I'm talking about! Let's get confirmation from Amy Needle, CEO of the carousel or something:
"These horses are made for us by our horse carousel-making company in Wichita, Kansas. We sent them pictures of the horses and these are exact replicas of racing carousel horses painted with Smarty and Afleet colors and numbers."
It makes sense that there are only replicas of Alex and Smarty; unlike a regular racehorse, you can't ride a carousel horse to its death.
Each carousel horse cost $30,000 of course, which in these booming economic times is no big deal.
John Baer: It's a fake debate from Obama and Hillary pieced together from real things they've said. Okay.
Jill Porter: Boy, it sure would be better if politicians didn't do politics.
Elmer Smith: You're going to need to eat your rebate check, which will be made out of butter.
Fatimah Ali: Hey, look, Ms. Ali got a quote from an expert: Her friend! "Today's parents are busy text messaging, instead of trying to mediate hostile situations by meeting face to face." Uhm.
Oh, yeah, and it's all the media's fault: "Many parents blame media decadence for creating society's climate of violence. I agree, but it's still our parental responsibility to enforce censorship on computers and TV. We have the right to know what our children are being exposed to, and we have access to computer passwords and can turn off violent TV. If you flip through some of the toxic programming, it will make your head spin."
Okay, so the 76ers got destroyed by the Pistons tonight, and now trail 3-2 in the series. But check out Samuel Dalembert's new haircut! He now has a mohawk and has "SD" (which stands for Sammy D, or "strong defense") carved on one side and his girlfriend's initials carved on the other. (I think; the announcers didn't do much but identify the 76ers as "young" and urge fans to go to Game 6 and I had stopped paying attention to them by pre-game.)
Yeah, I have no idea. But if someone told me before the season how much I'd end up liking Samuel Dalembert by late April, I probably would have punched him in the mouth. Who even knew the 76ers would be playing in late April?
My cold has come back, inexplicably, and so I'm going to take a long nap in the hopes it will disappear and probably just take the day off. I know, I know, I'm letting youse down, but if you've been reading my blog and haven't realized I hate everything and everyone... well, yeah, you all realize that, I hope.
• Jungle Joe, Pet Detective -- I swear I am not making that up, that's what he calls himself -- wants to open a zoo in Bucks County because his house is overrun with animals now. [Courier Times]
• Oh, the city's still planning on kicking out the Boy Scouts unless the national chapter decides to admit gays, which they won't do. Oh, I am more tired of this story than I am of Joey Vento. [KYW 1060]
• Hey, Brian Hickey wrote his campaign recap thingy and it's pretty much clear-headed and such. Sadness! [Philly Blunt]
• A man up in the Alpha, New Jersey, allegedly got his friend and went and beat up a neighbor he didn't like with a baseball bat and a stick. So, kinda like with two sticks. [PennLive via Walkoff Walk]
Fox 29 on Friday featured a report on 76-cent gas prices at the Lukoil station at Delaware and Spring Garden; the 76-minute long promotion was sponsored by the 76ers.
But drivers started filling up with 76-cent gas a little early and -- whoops! -- the promotion ended about 15 minutes early. The Fox report features angered drivers claiming "They lied to us!" and "They owe us 16 minutes!" Apparently everything was straightened out in the end, but not before some screaming.
Redlasso video after the jump (includes Kerri-Lee Halkett intro, naturally).
Since the Pirates beat the Phillies yesterday, let's make fun of Western Pennsylvania! The ravishing bride at left is the former Christa Vattimo, who was married to David M. Wielechowski on Saturday.
Then they went to the Holiday Inn -- the Motel 6 was completely booked -- dafter their wedding, got into a fight and were both arrested:
According to a criminal complaint, the Wielechowskis had just checked into the Holiday Inn-McKnight Road in Ross and were ready to enter their room on the seventh floor when they began arguing. Dr. Wielechowski "then used a karate-style kick with his leg to kick Christa, knocking her to the floor," the complaint reads.
Upon hearing her screams, two guests of the hotel who had been attending another wedding reception ran to Mrs. Wielechowski's aid. But when they attempted to restrain Dr. Wielechowski, he began fighting the would-be rescuers only to have Mrs. Wielechowski "turn against [them] and also begin to assault them," according to the complaint.
The fight moved from the hallway into an elevator, then spilled out onto the floor of the lobby, where Dr. and Mrs. Wielechowski picked up metal planters containing live plants and threw them into the elevator at the two rescuers, the complaint says.
Oh, yes, Mr. Wielechowski is a dentist, of course.
Meanwhile, in Bridgeville (also in Allegheny County), a man was arrested for annoying government officials by calling them and telling them they suck. The police chief said: "In section 2709 of the Pennsylvania crimes code, dealing with harassment, it specifically states that when a person, they harass, annoy or alarm an individual based upon the conduct, then it's harassment." Watch it, commenters, or I'm going to have you all arrested.
Oh, no, won't someone think of the children! Clearly, children should be left in a room with strangers (or something) rather than hang with their parents as they throw their money way. KYW's Tony Romeo reports some toddlers were actually gambling themselves, even though they don't even know what gambling is.
Gaming board spokesman Richard McGarvey says the complaint also alleges security personnel were slow to react:
(McGarvey): “Correct. There was a number of minutes that went by where they were actually out on the gaming floor with their parents or grandparents.”
(Romeo): “I guess in one case, one of the children was actually playing the machine?”
(McGarvey): “Certainly, sitting there with the parent or grandparent. Obviously, playing the machine is hard to describe for a child that young, but again, interacting with the machine.”
When will the terror of toddlers pulling the casino lever for their grandparents end?
The Eagles' drafted a bunch of players you probably never heard of in the NFL Draft over the weekend, including safety Quintin Demps, who is the greatest player of all time:
"I'm not a Pro Bowl player, I'm a Super Bowl player," declared Demps.
Woohoo! I can't wait 'til Quintin Demps is MVP of the Super Bowl this year.
The guys at Baseball Tonight also noticed Jayson Werth's hot mom -- and unlike the Phillies announcers, were unable to avoid commenting on her attractiveness.
This is Alicia Folmar, running at the Penn Relays on Friday. During the distance medley relay, she fell and was spiked in the head. (Being spiked sort of feels like somebody hammered a nail into your body.) Then she got up -- and finished third.
This New Daily News Eagles Blog Is Going To Have The Best Comments Ever
Reid Banner and Lurie flat out lie to the people, much like Osama and Hiller did. They all make it sound like they have the best of intentions, but, in the end, they say what you want to hear until they get what they want(money or vote), and then go on doing what they have done their whole life.
The seventh-seeded Sixers -- who were 40-42 during the regular season -- are now up 2-1 in the Best-of-7 series, and now people are thinking they might be able to actually win this thing. The 76ers' star, Andre Iguodala, hasn't done anything offensively in the three games so far, but maybe it won't matter. The teams play again Sunday. Let's go Sixers!
Jonathan Tannenwald is blogging the Penn Relays 'til he drops, and above he got a nice photo of the mascot race (mascot race!) that took place on the field.
As you can see, all the mascots were there: The Geico Gecko, Swoop and, of course, the Dunkin' Donuts coffee cup! Uhh, yeah, that guy. The coffee cup won the mascot race because, well, the dude in the costume didn't have to run with giant furry costume legs.
This is a prime example why you do NOT want the government running the health care industry. Time for my surgery today -- "opps, the computers are down, come back tomorrow", she said with a think foreign accent from behind a inch of bullet proof glass.
The Internet is abuzz over the attractiveness of Jayson Werth's mom, who cheered on her son yesterday (along with, for some reason, Digger Phelps) during the Phillies' game in Milwaukee. (The screencap doesn't really do her justice; she's no TV news anchor, but she's definitely a nice-looking woman.)
Werth's mom is Kim Schoenfield Werth; she's a former track star (11 flat in the 100 yard dash in high school!) and therefore naturally still looks pretty good at 50-plus. And, so, yes, Jayson Werth's family is full of good-looking athletes, probably all destined for millions of dollars playing sports.
Redlasso video of Werth's homer and his mom celebrating it after the jump.
Speaking of track stars, a team called "Sprint Force America" has set a new world record at the Penn Relays! Okay, it's a world record for the 4x100-meter relay for an over-70 team. Still, a record's a record, especially if you can run a 51.96 at the age of 70. I wonder what Ms. Werth could do.
Get this: The Philadelphia Soul are still undefeated with an 8-0 record, a game better than also-undefeated Dallas. For those of you not familiar, the Soul are Philadelphia's Arena Football League team owned by Bon Jovi. (Duh.) They also prevent a problem to writers who aren't sure whether the name should be treated as singular or plural (either way it sounds weird, I'm sure I'm doing it wrong no matter what).
The Soul actually play the Dallas Desperados on Monday night at the Spectrum for sole possession of first place in the Eastern Division. (No, I don't know why Dallas is in the East in Arena Football.) And Miss America, the President of Women, is going to be there!
And get this: Apparently, the Soul have drawn over half a million fans to watch its games in the first four years. Judging by how Philly sports have been going recently, though, the Soul will probably lose the battle of the undefeated teams on a bad call from the ref.
The day after Christmas, a man robbed the Huntingdon Valley Bank of $38,000. The alleged robber, Richard Boyle, was arrested. And now the bank is suing him for the money back.
I didn't know banks could sue bank robbers, but I suppose it makes sense; Laurie Mason of the Courier Times writes it's "an unusual move." The head of the American Bankers Association says even she's never heard of such a lawsuit. "It's very unusual,” Margot Mohsberg said. "Robbers don't usually have much money, so unless there are some unique circumstances here it would seem like a futile effort."
Boyle's lawyer, though, says his client has no assets and is "judgment-proof." The bank couldn't be reached for comment, but if it needs to sue a bank robber to get 38 grand back, its employees were clearly out checking coin return slots for quarters.
I feel bad for Brian Hickey, who left his job at Citypaper to work for Johnny Doc only to have Johnny Doc lose to a dude with the most annoying commercials ever. Ah, but such is politics, I suppose, and at least we have promises of an awesome blog post:
Coming later today, or maybe tomorrow, depending on how much work we have to do today to keep our fledgling organization to push John's initiatives going strong, I'll be offering a full breakdown on why the residents of the First District made out worse on Tuesday than either John or Anne Dicker; complete with a breakdown of how the city's established media used a disgusting, all-out smear campaign to keep a good man down.
The bolding is his; God, that is pretty much the best sentence ever. I am so excited for this blog post and the detailing of the established media's smear campaign to help Vince Fumo defeat Johnny Doc. Or something.
Now that John "Walnuts" McCain has clinched the Republican nomination, it's only fitting that everything seems to be going Ron Paul's way -- now that he has exactly zero shot of becoming president.
First, there's the ongoing spike in gold prices and the popularity of gold parties, where everybody gets together and sells their gold to some dude who then sells it for higher on Jeweler's Row. (I don't know if they're popular, but I heard it on the radio.) Ron Paul pays his bills in gold bars, so while he spends a lot of money on postage, he's doing well in the pocket right now.
But, still, people still do love some Ron Paul, or at least love the things he loves (i.e., gold). This will surely culminate in his takeover of the White House via write-in vote this November, after which he will abolish the federal government, including the presidency.
You're all familiar with gingko trees, no doubt. All over the place in Philly, smelly, but nothing all that awful. Right?
Apparently not. In Easton, Pa. -- home of Lafayette College and its more prestigious counterpart, the Crayola crayon factory -- they're knocking down all the gingko trees and replacing them with "[s]weeter-smelling trees," reports NBC 10.
Naturally, this tree replacement program is bathed in the language of battle: "Easton is waging war on all aging trees in the city and the female gingkos are first on their line to go." Anyway, apparently Easton can't deal with a the smell of a few aging female ginkgo trees. Wimps!
In a post on about 100,000 different topics, the man who's bigger than the Beatles and Jesus speaks his mind:
Final item: AIR. Congress should pass a law forbidding service stations to charge money to use air pumps to fill up your tires. Isn’t it bad enough that we are paying $3.50 or more for a gallon of gas? Now we have to pay 50 cents more for AIR. Air should be free.!!!
Yes, what this country really needs is a law to prevent people from selling a product. You give that product to us for free or we'll make you!
More importantly: Can we pass a law like that for beer?
In a city where horrors happen daily, this crime seemed more horrific than most.
Oh, man, what was it? Did Christine Flowers shoot somebody who made fun of the Pope? Did 500 kids get killed all at once?
No, wait, of course: It was an attack on a dog. Okay, so the woman allegedly attacked the dog with a hatchet, which is pretty ridiculous -- fight fair, lady! -- but of course the Daily News treats it as if Zombie Barbaro had been killed. Uhm, again.
Christine Flowers: Oh, man, Christine Flowers is writing today about an even more oppressed group than white people: Catholics! Yes, the Pope recently made his fake apology for sexual abuse (if he really cared he'd return Cardinal Law to the U.S.), and so you're not allowed to make fun of Catholics. Specifically, you can't call the Pope a Nazi, even though he was in Hitler Youth.
"Catholics are probably the last acceptable targets of thoughtless mass prejudice," she writes, apparently unaware that, uhm, lots of white people hate black people. But this is a woman who wants to execute kids, so who knows. Oh, and then at the end of this column she calls for Bill Maher to be killed by vigilante justice. Ha ha!
Elmer Smith: Blablabla I dunno, it's some Democrat-specific column that I don't really care to read.
The mayor stood for about 40 minutes shaking hands and taking pictures with all the kids in City Hall for the day. Clout reports one boy about 4 or 5 grabbed the mayor's thumb for an impromptu throwdown.
The mayor lost. "He did take me down and I am... I am... really impacted," Nutter said. "I'm dealing with it. By the end of the day, I'm going to track that kid down and demand a rematch."
Tonight's games are at The Dive starting around 9:30. Doesn't look like I'll be there, but if you go, call a timeout and support your local blogger. And I'll work on challenging Mayor Nutter to a friendly game of RPS.
Ha ha, New Jersey has a primary coming up, too, and it's not until the first Tuesday in June. Apparently the state only moved up its presidential primary, and other primaries -- including U.S. Congressman Rob Andrews's challenge of current U.S. Sen. Frank "Secaucus Junction" Lautenberg -- aren't for over a month away. This ad shows that Congressman Andrews specifically killed like 300 million Iraqis. I can't wait for more of it!
Yes, I'm blogging here every day, for the most part. Today, I write about the big drug bust today and the staunch rhetoric of public officials -- ahem, Mr. Mayor -- who should know better.
Update: A (female) friend asks, "Is that sister wearing a bra under her bikini top?" I think it's just the design of the bikini top, but it definitely looks like it could be a bra.
Update 2: The same friend contends the buckle is "clearly meant for bare skin" and it's definitely a bra underneath. Clearly, more investigation is necessary.
This segment from last night's Daily Show is extremely well done; correspondents Jason Jones and John Oliver speak to people "in local taverns, local bowling alleys with attached taverns and diners with liquor licenses" about how the news media doesn't care about Pennsylvania anymore.
"This is tire country," the Daily News' Phil Jasner writes. "And the Sixers had a blowout." Rimshot!
The 76ers get a day off before playing the Pistons Friday night in Philadelphia; the big disappointment in the series so far is Andre Iguodala, who didn't score in the first half last night and finished with 4 points. He is shooting just 5-for-24 in the series.
But, hey, Reggie Evans is upbeat. Just see what he has to say: "We're going home, going to one of the greatest arenas in the NBA. We have to show them how we do it at home, come with our heads high. Our fans are waitin' on us, and we're waitin' on them."
"This is about the only place I've seen that. Shoot, they booed Santa Claus. They've taken this to a whole new level..." -- Mets closer Billy Wagner, on the fans of Philadelphia, some of whom cheered when Mets shortstop Jose Reyes was injured in an on-field collision Friday
Bahahaha! They booed Santa Claus! Yes, back in 1968 that was quite the story, Billy. Being negative three years old, you must have remembered it well.
the team is requesting that travelers in the Greater Philadelphia Region refer to the Schuylkill Expressway by its proper name (I-76) and add "ers" to the end. The team hopes this will spread and people will immediately begin calling the popularly traveled highway "I-76ers."
"It's playoff time and we want to get our fans revved up for the postseason," said Sixers Senior Vice President Lara Price. "As patrons utilize I-76ers every day to get to work, they’ll think of us and support our run in the playoffs."
I-76ers is 25.2 miles of highway that extends from the Pennsylvania Turnpike at Valley Forge through Downtown Philadelphia to the Walt Whitman Bridge.
A friend of mine pointed out the proclamation from Ed Rendell noted the team "faces the Detroit Pistons in the first round of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals." This is only the first round of the quarterfinals? Man, the 76ers have been out of the playoffs for so long I forgot over 300 teams qualified for the playoffs.
A very nice reader sent in a photo taken last night after the election. As you can tell from the shot, Hillary Clinton and Michael Nutter got married last night.
And let's assume this is true also: He writes all the Center City Wawas will be leaving when their leases are up -- even my beloved Jefferson Hospital location?! -- and that Wawa hates us. Well, duh, they're a business. But why just leave Center City?
Naturally, the twentysomething white people of in and around Center City will not be standing for this business decision travesty, and will no doubt be protesting for the rest of the year. Although 6 of 10 Center City Wawas have closed since 2000, 2/29 will forever be the official start of the Great Wawa Massacre of 2008.
PW's Alli Katz was apparently not as tired of the election as I was and lugged a video camera all across the city yesterday, including the Famous 4th Street Deli. There, she interviewed Anne Dicker and Johnny Doc, who both lost to Larry Farnese in the First District Senate Race. What a sad video!
Hey, guess what? A comedy show came to Philadelphia for a week, and while it was here filmed a little bit about cheesesteaks. Yes, I"m pretty shocked as well, since nobody who ever comes to Philadelphia ever mentions cheesesteaks.
Stephen Colbert introduced the bit with a quip about how Hillary vs. Barack wasn't the only battle Tuesday night. He then said Pat's vs. Geno's does a battle every day! Oh, man, how do these comedy news producers find this stuff? I didn't know anybody knew about Pat's and Geno's!
Despite all that, it's still pretty funny. Video after the jump.
The real winner in Pennsylvania yesterday wasn't Hillary Clinton or those of us who never have to see TV ads again. No, of course not: The real winner was none other than Ron Paul, who took 16 percent of the vote for second place in the Keystone State.
Sure, he didn't beat John McCain -- who clinched the nomination weeks ago -- but, then again, only 73% of voting Republicans yesterday selected the GOP nominee. And Ron Paul beat Mike Huckabee (who took third) by around 35,000 votes! Meanwhile, in Bucks County the Ron Paul supporters were "few but proud," says the Courier Times (which has already received a complain about it):
“Ron Paul speaks up and (appeals) to the college kids and the old-timers like myself,” said Joe Mallon, a 71-year-old Paul supporter from Upper Moreland. Mallon said he believes his party has been hijacked by a bunch of neo-conservatives. [...]
Some Republicans said a vote for Paul was a message vote — a way to tell their party they are not happy with its direction and presidential selection. Richard Dekalb, an 80-year-old Republican who lives in Ann's Choice in Warminster, doesn't like McCain and wanted to vote for “anything as far away (from him) as I could.”
Let's all hear it for Ron Paul, the next president of the United States!
A cop in Moorestown, N.J. -- America's greatest place to live, or something -- was recently charged with sexually assaulting three girls.
And now, naturally, he's facing more charges related to sex he allegedly had with a cow. Yes, Officer Robert Melia Jr. allegedly engaged in sex with cows four times between June and December of 2006.
The best part of last night's Phillies game was not Pat Burrell's game-winning double, though that was pretty awesome, too. And it wasn't the female streaker, since the TV didn't show that -- and she kept her bra on, anyway. (Okay, the female streaker is pretty cool, also.)
No, it was Ryan Howard running just a half-step behind Chase Utley as they both rounded third, looking to grab the go-ahead and insurance runs from the Colorado Rockies. Because Burrell's hit could have been caught, Utley held up at second and Howard went all the way near the bag; once it dropped, both sprinted for home plate like it was that one scene from Rookie of the Year.
The Phillies are finally above .500 (they're 11-10) and swept the Rockies in a two-game series. Video of the game-winning hit and hilarious basepath action after the jump.
Although they managed to make it to overtime, the Flyers looked like they were just about ready to head to the golf course. They were outshot, 16-5, in the third and they were from Philadelphia: Clearly, Game 7 was going to go the way of the Washington Capitals.
But Joffrey Lupul knocked in a rebound just over six minutes into overtime and the sixth-seeded Flyers advance to the second round to play the Montreal Canadiens, a team we can hate for its name, its 26 Stanley Cups and probably a few more things. (Update: Oh, yeah, I forgot, Montreal's fans rioted after a first-round win and burned up some cop cars. Whoo!)
As you can see in the photo, after the win the Washington Capitals fans threw things onto the ice to celebrate the loss -- Joffrey Lupul was even hit with a pizza box! Whenever the pre-Woodstock incident of throwing snowballs at Santa is brought up, I'm going to counter with a simple mention of Caps fans wasting pizza.
Jill Porter: Uhh, apparently because Pennsylvania managed to vote without a hitch (as it usually does) it means we're all winners for participating in this electoral process that decided nothing.
John Baer: Vince Fumo is now all nostalgic for his 300 years in the state senate now that he's going to be tried for allegedly abusing it. Aww.
It's been roughly an hour since the polls closed, and... we dunno. Hillary Clinton is ahead on early returns, with about 3 percent of the vote, and notorious funnyman Bill Bennett is now saying on CNN that Barack Obama can't win, so that means Hillary Clinton has won the nomination.
Or maybe not! It was 55-45, Clinton, a minute ago and now it's 53-47. Meanwhile, the Flyers were up 2-1 on a cheap goal but then fell asleep and let the Capitals tie the game. The Phillies, who aren't on TV apparently (update: Oh, they're on 57. Stupid Comcast.), are scoreless. Since the Phillies and Flyers will each be winners or losers tonight -- unlike the pointlessness of the Pennsylvania primary, it seems -- I think I'll be paying attention to those the rest of the night.
Filmmaker M. Knight Shyamalan was at the polling place at the Gladwyn fire company in Lower Merion township to cast his vote: "I had a tough time deciding. I did. You know, I hung out with them, I've listened to them and it was a tough one. It's great; we had some amazing choices this year"
No he didn't offer who got his vote, Clinton or Obama. But in this case, there's an "Unbreakable" bond between voter and candidate.
Okay, I'm making the "Signs" for a foul call here. You don't need a "Sixth Sense" to know that's even worse than any joke I'd make. Actually, I would guess Shyamalan would be a Hillary Clinton fan, since he probably read her book, It Takes A "Village." That joke was almost as bad as that awful movie "Lady in the Water."
Some dude named "Donnie Fowler" (Al Gore's field director in 2000, and what a bang-up job he did) was on Fox News today claiming there is no such thing as street money, even though there is, and it's how politics is done in Philadelphia. But he says it's just people getting a fair wage for working for a day for a politician. So... only $100 is a fair wage to Democrats for a hard day's work? (Update: Well, if it's cash...) How Republican of them.
I was a little confused, but then I got it: He's on Fox News. Sticking to the "truth" isn't what you do when you go on Fox News. Video after the jump.
Here's a PW video from West Philly asking people about whatever is going on today. (An election of some sort?) And Steven Wells listens to right-wing talk radio all day, including the show of Bill Bennett, who still has a job somehow.
A few incidents of recent vandalism are sure to have people angrily writing on messageboards and blogs. Let's go over the recent attacks on inanimate objects and how they show the downfall of America, or something.
• The vandalized item:Daniel Faulkner's memorial plaque at 13th and Locust. The time: Sometime between Saturday night and 10 a.m. Sunday. The damage: "Fuck him" written across the late officer Faulkner's plaque. The culprit: Uh, Free Mumia people were in town over the weekend, so them. Or could it be a set-up attempting to demonize the innocent (but annoying) protesters? Yeah, I'vealready thought about this too much. The likelihood alcohol was involved: 100%.
• The vandalized item:About two dozen flags, part of a display of over 4,000, one for each solider killed in Iraq. The time: Sometime overnight. The damage: Two dozen broken flags, duh. The likely culprit: Unclear, but probably the Mumia people, or some right-wing warmongers. There's also a chance it was a hard-up flag manufacturer. The likelihood alcohol was involved: 100%.
• The vandalized item:Mets fans' dignity, as at least two fans of the New York National League club were arrested. The time: Saturday's Phillies-Mets game. The damage: I'd say "clean arrest records," but who knows if that's true. Let's say the price of a ticket and bail. The likely culprit: The Mets fans themselves, of course. Phillies fans are veritable saints. The likelihood alcohol was involved: 100%.
Wow, annoying people vandalizing heartfelt displays. Uhm, shocking.
Ward 5, Division 13. Irrate pro-Hillary business owner (of Bolivian extraction) of store adjacent to polling place kicked Obama signs, paid people on the street to tear signs down, confronted and physically intimidated Obama campaign volunteers and pursued workers to their local office down the block where he continued his intimidating behavior until escorted out/asked to leave.
We salute you, irate pro-Hillary Bolivian, for making this election day worthwhile.
Here's an ad for the environment airing on CNN today, and how you should vote for it instead of John McCain if you're one of the 12 Republicans left in Philadelphia. Perhaps the Republicans should just nominate "The Environment," since that would have a better shot at winning than any actual human Republican.
Apparently McCain supports giving tax dollars to polluters, which they will then burn in order to create pollution-creating fossil fuels. He also supports "dangerous" non-polluting nuclear power, which fuses tax dollar atoms together. John McCain is, essentially, in favor of the destruction of the earth.
He said he was switching because he felt Clinton was the best candidate and that she'd be easier for John McCain to beat in November. "It might be the vote I remember for my lifetime," Giordano wrote. "And it might be my best vote."
Well, ha ha, Dom Giordano, get this: I specifically switched from not affiliated to Democrat to vote for Barack Obama to cancel out your vote. Your vote didn't count! I did this not out of any affinity for Barack Obama or distaste for Hillary Clinton, or even really out of any hatred for you or John "Walnuts" McCain. I pretty much just wanted to ruin your plan just for the fun of ruining it. And, oh boy, was it fun!
I didn't even want to vote for Obama. He annoys me with his message of hope and change and his supporters are almost as annoying as Ron Paul's. I wouldn't have switched over to Democrat to vote for the Hopemonger if not for the opportunity to ruin this dude's plan. (I'll have no problem voting for Obama in the general, if only to vote against John McCain.) Now somebody tell him. Or don't, really, because I'll know his vote didn't count and that's really all that matters. (Unless my plan didn't work; I was still marked as "not affiliated" in the book at my polling place. But, if that's the case, then I exposed a flaw in the state's voting system. A hero either way!)
In my brief time as a Democrat -- I'll be switching back when I get a chance -- I voted for Brian Hickey for First District Senate and Chrissmari for State Treasurer.
And then he said "shit," because he's a normal person and lots of people say "shit" all the time, probably way more than Bill Clinton does, and it has to be really stressful when you've already done this twice and your wife was supposed to be the nomination lock and now there's this upstart freshman senator who everyone likes more than you. Right?
And so he says, "I don’t think I should take any shit from anybody on that, do you?" in response to his record on racial issues. Because Bill Clinton freed the slaves and everyone knows he is unassailable, as he is the first black president.
Mike Carminati writes the truth, saying his current pace means "he is clearly a lock to tie Barry Bonds' record, at least by the end of the season." Utley's best homer so far this year was his second Sunday night; it's after the jump.
Citizen Mom went down the shore over the weekend and spotted this wall of incredible bootleg t-shirts on the Wildwood boardwalk, including shirts for Obama, Clinton and even creepy old John McCain. The "Osama for Obama" one begs the question: No "Barry Hussein" shirts?
Ronnie Polaneczky: Uh, she wants law enforcement to come in and take all the babies from poor, unwed teen mothers in Philadelphia. That's what she wrote!
Deborah Leavy: Whenever someone debates whether the president should attend the Olympics, she thinks of a cliche. Ooh, okay.
Elmer Smith: Ha ha, he writes about an old person who still hasn't figured out that voting doesn't matter.
On this election day, it's important to remember the candidates who have since passed us by and gotten us to this point. On the Democratic side, there's a bunch of well-meaning goobers who couldn't possibly raise as much money or get as many votes as either Obama or Clinton; on the Republican side, there's a ton of idiots who couldn't even beat John McCain. Remember when Fred Thompson from the television was going to be president?
The seventh- and eighth-graders were asked to pick among Obama, Clinton, John McCain, Ron Paul or Mike Huckabee.
Obama captured about 60 percent of the 253 votes cast in the mock election to Clinton's 30 percent, officials said. McCain received about 9 percent, Huckabee collected just under 1 percent of the vote and Paul received no votes in the mock election, officials said.
Have we extinguished the Ron Paul menace? Is the income tax just not an issue for seventh and eighth graders? All I know is there are some pretty smart seventh- and eighth-graders in Bensalem. No doubt they will soon all be harassed at their homes and places of business by angry Ron Paul fans wondering why they didn't vote for him.
After 84 million weeks or so of build-up, primary day is finally here. Oh happy day! You guys know the drill: Send in funny stuff, don't send in funny stuff, whatever. Frankly, I am just so happy that I can watch TV again without seeing a million political ads. It's a miracle!
In most elections, like the Philadelphia mayoral race last year or the general election this coming November, we already know who's going to win. (Respectively: Michael Nutter and Ron Paul.) But tomorrow we don't know who's going to win! Alli Katz has posted this poll chart from Pollster (that I've made a little easier to follow with some additions) that shows that ... I dunno.
Clinton is up by a few points, and will probably win by a few points. But we're not 100 percent completely sure, and so tomorrow will be fun.
"I really think this is one of the defining issues in this campaign between me and my opponent. Now unfortunately, he doesn’t cover everyone. And he is attacking me with a new ad that he has put up because I do cover everyone with more misleading information."
He also notes the day, April 26, is still during Passover, which means observant Jews aren't supposed to eat leavened bread until Sunday night (or something like that, I don't know) and therefore can't partake in the free pretzel mania. Sadness! Everybody else is probably free to chow down on some free pretzels at any of the locations, though.
Above: The bottom half of Friday's Philadelphia Gay News cover.
Aw. It looks like the Philadelphia Gay News daily email annoyance is over, as Publisher Mark Segal emailed over the weekend to let everyone know his one question for Barack Obama has been answered, "thanks to our friends at Capitol wire."
