March 31, 2008

Larry Kane Will Put Obama Over Top

Here was the absolute best thing to ever be written in an email by anyone anywhere ever:

janet is in touch with you concerning getting Barack on Lynn Doyle's show. I work with Comcast (hav my own show) and want to tell you that this show reaches ALL 67 counties in Pa... ITS A GREAT ONE

Secondly : I would like a 15 minute one on one with Sen Obama for KYW Newsradio. Anytime. Easy to do. Let me know... This will get super wide play because I'll be involved.

Once again. don't forget the union endorsements, this is for a commentary I'm doing tomorrow

Always with the union endorsements! Lynn Doyle mentioned in an email by Larry Kane accidentally sent out by Barack Obama's staff as Monday's "Daily Digest" is just about Philadelphia Will Do hilarity overload. I seriously just got high off typing that sentence. Oh, this is better than even runner's high.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:49 PM | Comments (1)

Nutter Tosses Out First Pitch, Is Nerd

Here's Philadelphia mayor Michael Nutter throwing out the first pitch of today's Phillies game. As you may have noticed, he has his shirt tucked in. Joe Moore (you don't know him) told me in fifth grade you don't tuck in a sports jersey, and I learned my lesson. Nutter could rap "Straight Outta Compton" and he'd still be the biggest nerd in all of Philadelphia, just because of that shirt.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:57 PM | Comments (3)

Blinq Loses The Staring Contest

Hey, so Blinq has moved to the Inquirer's in-house blogging platform and, ah, that's the new logo. I've screencapped it instead of simply shrinking the original image because the page now has Harry Potter and Ben Franklin and 10 other people blinking at you aaaaaahhhhhhhh.

Meet the new blog [Blinq]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:30 PM | Comments (4)

Liveblogging: Opening Day!

Speaking of opening-day lineups, here are your 2008 Philadelphia Phillies!

SS Jimmy Rollins

CF Shane Victorino
2B Chase Utley
1B Ryan Howard
LF Pat Burrell
3B Pedro Feliz
RF Jayson Werth
C Carlos Ruiz
P Brett Myers

Whoo! Can you feel the excitement of Pedro Feliz and his .288 career on-base percentage batting 6th? I know I can. Join me when the game starts (at 3:05 p.m., technically) for liveblogging after the jump.

2 p.m. -- Yeah, still a while 'til game time. I'm probably going to update this by half-inning, rather by time, because it's easier that way.

Pregame
I started reading a Phillies book over the weekend called The Fall of the 1977 Phillies: How a Baseball Team's Collapse Sank a City's Spirit about how much Philadelphians hate the Phillies; it also mentions how the Phillies were partly responsible for Philly's attitude as a racist city. It examines baseball in Philadelphia alongside 1977's crushing 6-5 loss to the Dodgers in Game 3 of the NLCS, aka Black Friday.

So, yes, a whole book essentially about the history of hating the Phillies. Totally awesome.

Exactly 3:00 p.m.
There is a Barack Obama ad on during my Phillies game.

3:03 p.m.
The Phillies just ran a nice promo package that somehow inexplicably ended with a bunch of baseball players lined up in starting blocks at Citizens Bank Park. Some guy then said, "Major league baseball teams, take your marks" and fired off a starter's pistol.

The Phillies play the Washington Nationals today, who for some reason opened their season last night at the new stadium in a one-game series against the Atlanta Braves. Ryan Zimmerman hit a solo homer in the bottom of the ninth to win it.

Mid first
And baseball season has begun! Brett Myers left a breaking ball out over the plate to Lastings Milledge, but Pat Burrell made a nice running catch in front of the track. 1-2-3 inning and the Phillies are coming to bat.

Top second
Jimmy Rollins opens the bottom of the first with a double, gets bunted over by Shane Victorino and scores on a Chase Utley sac fly. He's on pace for several hundred RBI, and the Phillies end the inning up, 1-0. Good start!

Mid second
That was a befuddling half-inning. Myers gave up a double to Nick Johnson, then hit Paul Lo Duca and walked Willie Harris before getting the pitcher (Matt Chico) to strike out to end the inning. But the strangest comment came from sideline/stands reporter Tom McCarthy, who said that Jayson Werth was making his first major league start.

Bottom second
Ahh, this is a good start for newcomer Pedro Feliz. After a Pat Burrell walk -- zOMG Pat the Bat and his constant getting on base -- Feliz gets a pitch almost as bad as the one Myers threw Lastings Milledge and hits it straight back. A pitch later, he grounds into a 6-4-3 double play.

Bottom third
Ryan Howard's fan club, Howard's Homers, is here, yet its members do not have their Homer Simpson masks when they're on.

Mid fourth
Pedro Feliz just threw out Ronnie Belliard on a nice play; despite my plan to rag on Feliz' low on-base percentage all season, I have heard he's slick with the glove. Meanwhile, Michael Nutter threw out the first pitch with his jersey tucked in.

Bottom fourth
The Phillies open the bottom of the fourth with three straight singles; Chase Utley scores on Pat Burrell's hit to make it 2-0. By the way, if you haven't seen President Bush being booed at the Nationals game last night, you need to. (Bush is also a fantastic pitcher when he delivers the first pitch, honestly.)

I remind you it was Philadelphia fans who booed and chanted "We want beer!" at the President Bush of the 1930s, Herbert Hoover, at a World Series game during Prohibition.

Top fifth
Hey, a military guy parachuted into Citizens Bank Park today; Tom McCarthy says when the fans found out there were no more parachutists after him, they booed. Myers has gotten into a bit of a jam, giving up two hits up the middle and hitting Milledge. Uh-oh.

Mid fifth
Crap. Myers gives up a sac fly and a 2-RBI double to give the Nationals the lead. A really sloppy Jimmy Rollins bobbles the easy third out of the inning and another run scores. 4-2, Nationals, after Ronnie Belliard pops up, and even the on-screen scoreboard is messed up.

Top sixth
Phillies go 1-2-3 in the bottom of the fifth.

I hate the Phillies.

Mid sixth
Lastings Milledge hit the first homer of the season at Citizens Bank Park, a 2-run shot that made it 6-2 Nationals. The Phillies should probably just pack it in and try to get a good draft pick this season.

Bottom sixth
Chase Utley hit a solo homer. Also, the first "Phillies players trying to be funny" ad has aired. It features Charlie Manuel cursing and stubbing his toe. Goosebumps!

Top seventh
Harry Kalas is back announcing, ending the joy that is a Tom McCarthy/Chris Wheeler sixth inning booth pairing. Chad Durbin is now pitching. I already forget why I was excited for baseball season.

Bottom seventh
And the Phillies ever so slowly begin coming back! Jayson Werth starts 0-2 and works a walk, and scores on a Carlos Ruiz double. It's now 6-4 and the Nationals are bringing in noted fat reliever Ray King.

Bottom seventh, still
Tie game! Jimmy Rollins hits a two-run homer to left center to send Harry the K and the crowd into convulsions. Ridiculous. Now don't screw up again, Jimmy!

Mid eighth
J.C. Romero shuts down the Nationals in the top of the eighth; it's still 6-all with Ryan Howard coming up for the Phillies in the bottom half of the inning.

Top ninth
Tom Gordon is in and gives up an infield single to start the inning. Once again, I realized I should have been better prepared for this.

Top ninth, still
The relay throw from Jimmy Rollins is just a bit too far offline. It's 7-6, Washington, and there's a guy on third. 0-162!

Top ninth, still
Let the boos begin. Tom Gordon implodes, giving up three more runs to make it four runs in just a third of an inning. 10-6.

Mid ninth
Dimitri Young added an RBI double for good measure. 11-6, Nationals. Gordon's ERA is now 135.00.

Bottom ninth
Ballgame. 1-2-3 bottom of the ninth, and the Phils ended up getting smoked on Opening Day. They always do, it seems like.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:00 PM | Comments (5)

Wawa + Fighting Strippers = Genius

Police said Katrina Maslakova, 21, of the 400 block of Eighth Street in Lansdale, was cited for public drunkenness and released to a relative. The other two women involved were not charged, police said. According to Chief Chris Engelhart, a physical fight broke out among the women while they were in their car on the way to the Wawa.

Inside the convenience store, an argument erupted again, with all three screaming at one another.

Store employees called police to break it up. “It was probably a stupid thing they were fighting about,” Engelhart said. “They were all drunk, so it doesn't really even matter what it was about.”

The first officers to arrive on the scene requested backup to help them break up the fight. Engelhart wasn't sure how the officers knew they were strippers or which establishment they were from.

This is what we're losing with the closing of Important Wawa Locations. Stripper fights! I can only assume they were fighting over the last bottle of Dr. Zip.

Strippers cause fracas in Hilltown Wawa [Intelligencer]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:31 PM | Comments (1)

Unfit For Command: Obama Bowls 37

Yesterday, Barack Obama continued his bus tour across Pennsylvania with a stop in Altoona, home of the creepiest mascot in sports. He didn't go to a Curve game, though; Obama went bowling!

And he bowled a 37. A 37! Some bowlers get as many points in one frame (30, for three consecutive strikes) as Barack Obama got in a game.

I'm not a good bowler, but we need our leaders to be the best in everything. What is Barack Obama going to do when Kim Jong-Il (an excellent golfer in his own right) calls him up at 3 a.m. and says he's going to nuke the planet unless Obama scores a 50 down at the Thunderbird Lanes?

Pennsylvania Sen. Bob Casey was somehow even worse, apparently.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:51 AM | Comments (6)

Hilarious Cops Suspended For Bad Joke

Commissioner Charles Ramsey suspended Schweizer and fellow narcotics cop Eric Dial for 20 days without pay and transferred them away from their elite jobs arresting black people for drug crimes. They're now back to their original districts. Ramsey said they were bad dudes but weren't racist, and so they get to keep their jobs. He actually even directly skipped a disciplinary hearing and just punished the guys himself they were so offensive and not racist.

Apparently, Dial actually created the "Blue by day, white by night" stickers and put it on Schweizer's locker. Schweizer just put the two stickers into his locker and left them there, and now for some reason both men are being branded offensive-but-not-racist jokesters! No, really. That's why they're being suspended. "It's my understanding that [Dial] thought that this was a prank, but it was in incredibly poor taste," Ramsey said. If we start suspending cops for making offensive jokes, I don't think we will have much of a force left.

The quote of the article once again comes from Rochelle Bilal, head of the Guardian Civic League, which represents the 3,000 black officers on the force. She says the demotion of the two officers "sends a message to the department that all jokes aren't funny."

All jokes aren't funny! The police officers sure have learned a good lesson here. For news on how this new affects the most oppressed of all peoples, the white man, please head to police messageboard Domelights. Do you think white Philly cops change their names (á la the Nation of Islam) because they are so oppressed?

Posted by D-Mac at 11:25 AM | Comments (0)

Phillies Home Opener Today!

Yes, today is the Phillies opener. The Fightins take the field fresh off a National League East championship last season and will probably not frustrate anybody 'til about the third inning today.

I'll liveblog the whole home opener, which starts at 3 this afternoon.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:45 AM | Comments (0)

Mayor Nutter On 'Meet The Press'

Now the mayor went to St. Joe's Prep and was raised Catholic. He's now Baptist -- which probably means one of those old Jesuits gave a sermon which was just too out there for Nutter. (One time in high school a priest was railing against the evils of the world and said, "Doctors... get to go on vacations... with their families!" I'm pro-doctor vacation, I believe.)

Our esteemed mayor was also on Face the Nation this weekend. Video after the jump.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:47 AM | Comments (0)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

There are no columns in today's Daily News. (Best Abridged Daily News Columnists ever, etc.) But lookie here: Stu Bykofsky won an award from the Humane Society for his column where he wrote from the eyes of an elephant. Damn, if only I had done one in the eyes of Barbaro, I coulda raked in the big bucks.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:22 AM | Comments (1)

Mantua Hall Implosion

The Necessity for Ruins shot this video of the implosions of Mantua Hall yesterday. Neat!

Posted by D-Mac at 08:45 AM | Comments (1)

March 29, 2008

Joe Sestak Has A Freudian Slip

After miming for a moment, Sestak said: "As Sen. Clinton said, she recognizes this is not about the party, Andrea. This is about the nation. If Sen. Obama is truly the man he says he is, I believe [he is], and if he is not the presidential candidate at the convention, he'll turn to his followers and say, 'Support her.' And I have no question that Sen. Clinton will turn to her followers and say, 'Support me.... er, him.'" Video after the jump.

[via Talking Points Memo]

Posted by D-Mac at 05:58 PM | Comments (0)

March 28, 2008

Hillary Responds To Oilmonger Barack

A press release from Hillary's camp:

But, wait, there's more:

Ahh, yes, those Pittsburgh politicians will have Hillary in the White House in a week or so.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:56 PM | Comments (4)

Barack Obama's New Ad

Whoa! Now Barack Obama is speaking directly to us like he's Vince Fumo or Tom Knox or something. But it makes fun of Exxon! And, oh no, $3.50 for gas! And for some reason they're going to pay a penalty for profits -- and this is going to make them want to make less profit which is good for us, the consumer.

Obama would get us off foreign oil, though, as he is insistent all new cars made after 2009 run on hope.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:32 PM | Comments (1)

Casey's Endorsement: Payback!

And then there's this!

But there's an inside story of what happened here, and it goes back to 1982.

The late Robert Patrick Casey, governor of Pennsylvania at the time, asked for a few moments from the Clinton forces to speak at the Democratic National Convention in New York City about his pro-life views. He wanted to show that there were other views on abortion in the Democratic Party.

He was denied that access despite pleas from James Carville and Sen. Harris Wofford. Casey -- father of the current senator -- was bitter and angry, and he carried that bitterness to his death as he forged ahead with his pro-life views across the country.

That was never forgotten by the Casey family, and you could say that this endorsement is somewhat of a payback politically -- but also a sincere endorsement on the part of the younger Bob Casey.

Hey, Zombie Robert Casey forced his son to endorse Barack Obama! It's nice they're at least listening to a dead man besides Jesus for once. Glad to see the elder Casey was bitter until his death, too.

Analysis: Casey's Endorsement of Obama Has Deep Roots [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:19 PM | Comments (3)

Bob Casey Backs Barack Obama

The Associated Press says this could be a big deal because now Catholics -- also known as "Followers of Bob Casey" -- are now allowed to vote for Obama. It also pits Casey up against Ed Rendell again, just like in that hilarious, fantastic 2002 primary nobody remembers. Ha ha, remember that dude who bumbled away the election and lost to a dude from Philly in the general election for governor? I don't!

After the jump, part of Barack Obama on the view. Barbara Walters' intro is, well, a bit much.

Unfortunately, they don't make him dance like Ellen did.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:07 PM | Comments (2)

Ravers Fight Back Against NBC 10

Last night, Lu Ann Cahn allowed ravers to "defend their way of life" to the NBC 10 Investigators, and it was somehow about 500 times funnier than the first one. The first report went undercover at the Tru Skool Rave in a basement rented out by a church in West Philadelphia. The building's a charter school during the week; administrators say they have to clean up condoms every Monday morning. And a mother who has her face blacked out says raves are bad!

In tonight's report, party promoter Mickey Fronick waxes about how ravers are marginalized:

"We're forced to go into venues like this because the mainstream doesn't accept it, and it sucks," Fronick said.

NBC 10 also reported that the ravers said it's about the music and the love, and not the drugs -- which means this is one boring rave scene.

Both videos embedded after the jump.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:46 AM | Comments (11)

Man On Bridge Had Called Inquirer

Today both 35-year-old John Reed and 31-year-old Monica Hayman are under medical observation. And, what do you know, earlier this week Reed was looking for help at the Inquirer:

Reed called the Inquirer's South Jersey bureau on Tuesday complaining that his family was being threatened. He claimed he had contacted several law enforcement agencies but none would assist him.

"He seemed like a nice guy actually," said an editor who took the call. Though he didn't clearly articulate what the threats were, he said his phone and email had been "compromised."

So, can we call the Inquirer for our emergency calls? Are they this "311" I've been hearing so much about?

Posted by D-Mac at 11:15 AM | Comments (1)

Mumia People Angry, As Usual

Anything short of a ruling declaring Mumia president of America would make Mumia supporters irate, of course. The story was the lead on the French national news for some reason, and Pam Africa shouted "motherfucker" at someone a few hundred times, no doubt. And, guess what? Africa is holding a Mumia rally in Center City on April 26! And won't that rally be exciting!

Oh, Michael Smerconish really wants blood, because he's too lame to do his own killings and needs the state to carry the deed out for him.

Abu-Jamal's defenders irate; detractors see mixed bag [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:31 AM | Comments (0)

Mayor Chats With MC Hammer

Nutter tells PhillyClout that during the former rap star's visit to the Mayor's office, he played him the YouTube clip of his inauguration party performance of "Rapper's Delight."

And Hammer was impressed. "He thought it was good," Nutter said.

Now that he's locked up Hammer, the endorsement of Vanilla Ice can't be far behind.

The MC and the Mayor [Clout]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:20 AM | Comments (2)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Jill Porter: Yes, if Mumia is re-sentenced to life in prison nobody will ever speak of him again.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:00 AM | Comments (0)

March 27, 2008

Gov. Corzine's Job As Safe As Ever

Of course, the radio station also reports that no one is really worried about this recall movement, and with good reason. The petition was filed by "[f]ormer Glen Ridge mayor Carl Bergmanson, along with his son and a cousin." Whoo, a whole family wants to recall Big Jon! Of course, nowadays ballot petitions are usually million-dollar jobs for New York City guys in suits, but maybe they'll get lucky and get the 1.2 million signatures by the end of June a recall petition would need to get on the ballot.

Plus, his last petition didn't go so well: Bergmanson also started a drive to get Pluto reinstated as a planet. Keep on fighting the good fight, Mr. ex-Glen Ridge Mayor!

Push Underway to Give Gov. Corzine the Boot [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:58 PM | Comments (352)

Mexico Declares War On Emo

The above video appears to be some sort of declaration of war on emos in Mexico. Apparently in Mexico instead of sitting back and tolerating annoying subcultures, they destroy them to a bloody pulp.

According to Daniel Hernandez, who’s been covering the anti-emo riots on his blog Intersections, the violence began March 7, when an estimated 800 young people poured into the Mexican city of Queretaro’s main plaza “hunting” for emo kids to pummel. Then the following weekend similar violence occurred in Mexico City at the Glorieta de Insurgents, a central gathering space for emos. Hernandez also reports that several anti-emo riots have now also spread to various other Mexican cities.

Forget Canada. If Walnuts McCain wins the presidency, I'm moving to Mexico. And if you're wondering, the emos are fighting back.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:11 PM | Comments (1)

Benson Offspring To Overrun Philly

Well, no, okay, I guess that's what she did.

Anyway, Benson also says she's going to do about 400 million different things -- none of which are modeling -- but then says she'll pry just have a 50 kids and send them to the Prep:

“We want more babies. If he signs to Philadelphia, I’ll be pregnant in the next month I’m sure,” she says, explaining that the couple is delaying pregnancy until they figure out where they’re settling down. “It’s a long time [seven years] since I’ve been pregnant. We want at least two more. I’m willing to have as many as he’ll give me.”

Hooray! That would give the gossip columnists material for years.

"I May Get a Wild Hair." [PW]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:12 PM | Comments (1)

Frankenstein Approves Of Bill Cahir

"This is my wife Renee. This is Frankenstein."

Hey, so here's Bill Cahir, Democrat and Iraq war veteran running for office in the 5th district of Pennsylvania. On his website, he states that "The Cahir for Congress campaign becomes the first in the Pennsylvania fifth congressional district Democratic primary to launch a viral video advertisement."

Basically, this ad explains how Cahir's funny last name is going to cost him his democratic primary. But he does have the endorsement of his wife and Frankenstein. And since Cahir used to be a journalist and blogger, so he has the official endorsement of Philadelphia Will Do for Congress as well.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:33 PM | Comments (0)

Chelsea Clinton Lies, Too

Much like her lyin' mother, it appears Chelsea Clinton's appearance at Woody's (above, and all over El Internet) is a fraud. Alli Katz IMed to me that the flier is a big giant fat lie as the campaign says Chelsea Clinton won't be at Woody's.

Aww, major bummer! It's okay, though, if you as much as think about Chelsea Clinton the Secret Service gets your fired from your job, so it's probably best to just stay away.

Update: Couple IMs and emails say it's definitely on and OMG Chelsea is soooo going to be at Woody's and blah blah blah.

Chelsea Only Maybe Hanging Out With the Gays [Independence Brawl]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:52 PM | Comments (2)

Win Free Quizzo Bowl IV Tickets!

As part of a promotion for that, yours truly will be hosting a round of quizzo tonight on Philadelphia history at Bards (20th and Walnut) at 10 p.m. I'm pretty sure the Philadelphia Will Do readership pretty much overlaps with the quizzo-playing population, so come down and hear me stutter through a few questions about my favorite topics. (If you read this blog, you should get at least a couple of them easily.)

And the headliner of this year's Quizzo Bowl is Black Elvis. Black Elvis! There's no reason to miss this, except that my team is going to win so you're not gonna.

And, hey, you can do it for free: After the jump, Johnny has graciously provided three free pairs of Quizzo Bowl tickets that you, the reader, can win, if you just answer a question.

Okay, well, you can win one pair. But there are three pairs to win. The first three people to send the answers of these three questions to johnny@johnnygoodtimes.com wins a pair of Quizzo Bowl tickets. (Up to a $50 value!) If you email me instead of Johnny I will take $50 from you.

1. Philadelphia was the name of a city in this Middle Eastern nation before it was a city in America.

2. Will Arnett played G.O.B. on what television show?

3. Do the Right Thing took place in which New York borough?

Gawd! These aren't even hard. Everybody knows Do The Right Thing took place in the sixth borough.

Aw, but you didn't win, huh? Well, then go buy tickets here and check out all the info for the event. And, while we're after the jump, here's a press release:

Black Elvis to Headline Quizzo Bowl IV at the Blue Horizon

PHILADELPHIA (March 23, 2008)- After three straight Quizzo Bowl sellouts at the World Cafe Live, Johnny Goodtimes has decided to move Quizzo Bowl IV to a larger and more historic venue. Over 40 teams are expected to go toe to toe at the Legendary Blue Horizon (1314 North Broad Street) on March 29th to determine which squad can call themselves the undisputed Kings of Quizzo.

They won't be the only kings in the building, however. Black Elvis, best known for his appearance in Honeymoon in Vegas, will be performing throughout the show with his backup band, the Burnin' Loves. The halftime act will feature one of Philadelphia's most beloved comedians, the Legendary Wid.

Early favorites for the Quizzo Bowl title include the last year's winners, the Sofa Kingdom, and The Champs, who won the first two Bowls. Dozens of other teams hoping to write their own Cinderella story will also be chasing the dream of quizzo immortality with a Bowl win.

The bar game known as Quizzo, much like this great nation itself, has its roots in Philadelphia. Legendary local quizmaster Pat Hines brought the game from Ireland to Philly in the early 90s, and it is now a nationwide phenomenon, played in thousands of pubs in nearly every large city in the United States.

In addition to playing pubs throughout the city, Johnny Goodtimes has also performed at the Franklin Institute, the Palestra, and the National Constitution Center. He also runs one youth basketball league, coaches in another, and is an active participant in the Big Brothers Big Sisters Program.

Tickets to the event are now on sale both on the website johnnygoodtimes.com and at Johnny's weekly quizzos. Tickets are $25 in advance, $30 at the door and include beer supplied by Sly Fox Brewery. The winning team will walk away with $600 cash and free memberships to Zipcar, the world's largest car sharing service. To learn more go to the website.

Posted by D-Mac at 12:07 PM | Comments (0)

No Death For Mumia, For Now

Oh! There's going to be another appeal -- probably from both sides! -- and so we're going to hear about Mumia Abu-Jamal forever and ever and ever until he dies in prison of natural causes.

Mumia gets new sentencing hearing [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:43 AM | Comments (1)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: What the fuck is this bullshit column?

Phil Goldsmith: Goldsmith spends his last column for the Daily News telling us that, in reality, NCAA Division I men's basketball players aren't really getting an education on average.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Ahh, giant duck tour companies get all the perks while the little guy gets screwed. Welcome to America, home of the free and land of the duck tour!

Posted by D-Mac at 11:22 AM | Comments (0)

Technical Difficulties

We're back. Updates to resume soon. Bla bla bla.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:07 AM

March 26, 2008

LOLita Read-A-Thon

Tomorrow is LOLita, the marathon reading of Nabakov's Lolita at Kelly Writers House. It's done in anniversary of the 50th anniversary of its American publishing. People have been whining that it should be banned ever since. And tomorrow, I'll be reading from some of it. Take that!

The event starts at noon and goes 'til 11 or so. I go on around 7:20 p.m.

LOLita (a delirious read-a-thon)

Posted by D-Mac at 07:31 PM | Comments (1)

Man Beaten To Death In Concourse

PHILADELPHIA -- Police said a man was beaten to death during a fight on a SEPTA concourse in Center City Philadelphia.

The fight occurred Wednesday afternoon on the concourse, before the turnstiles, at 13th and Market streets, police said. One adult male was taken to Jefferson University Hospital but has been pronounced dead.

Police said homicide investigators have been summoned to the scene.

Cue the outcry and anger and people saying things need to change. I'll be over here.

Police: Man Dies After Fight On SEPTA Concourse [NBC 10]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:55 PM | Comments (12)

The Pride Of Philly Sports

Yes, it's Philadelphia's own Gerald Henderson! And he's delivering a cheap shot and getting floored in retaliation during an NCAA Tournament loss against West Virginia.

The lesson: Don't go to Duke out of Philadelphia. I mean, just do UNC at least.

[via Deadspin]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:51 PM | Comments (0)

'Idol' Odds From, Um, Andy Reid

Steve Odabashian, the Andy Reid impersonator I did the story on last year was on 610 WIP this morning talking about American Idol. Of course. The audio's embedded after the jump; plus he's going to piano duel with somebody who Angelo Cataldi likes.

Maybe it'll be Barack Obama!

Posted by D-Mac at 03:27 PM | Comments (1)

Hillary Clinton To Never Stop Running

And he even made a new friend in A.J. Daulerio, as in "I've been talking to some people today like my new friend A.J. Daulerio." (Hey: Congrats on the new job!)

Bunch has had a lot of awful media coverage to work with recently, so things are going well out in the blogosphere. Anyway, Daulerio and Bunch both say that Hillary can't win the election even if she wins every single vote anywhere ever and murders all of Obama's pledged delegates. Bunch asked her about it and she essentially gave a nonsense answer that didn't mean anything. I assume it means our new president is going to be John McCain.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:17 PM | Comments (2)

Laugh Of The Day

Stuff White People Like has a bookdeal. Things work quicker than back in the time of Maddox.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:36 PM | Comments (0)

SEPTA Uses Only The Finest Materials

SEPTA Watch has posted an innovative way SEPTA is now displaying its schedules inside its stations. Good job, guys! Maybe with the money we saved on proper schedule posters, we can build that trolley down Delaware Avenue.

Is there nothing that duct tape can't fix? [SEPTA Watch]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:15 PM | Comments (2)

Johnny Doc Has A Posse

I believe this version of the music video for U2's "Beautiful Day" is much, much better than the original.

[via Philebrity]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:10 PM | Comments (2)

Recent Philly.com Fronts

Last night:

Oh no, Chuckles the giraffe died! What's going to be even wackier is when the Philly.com staff has to attend Puzzles' funeral and the one staffer who didn't get why it's funny suddenly can't stop laughing during the service.

That was the lead yesterday. Never let anybody tell you Philadelphia is a big city again. The top story was Puzzles the giraffe's death. While it's not the lead today, this is on a front page tab today:

I love the caption. "He started wrestling because of Ric Flair and now may end his career." Yes, if Ric Flair loses this match, I am sure he will never wrestle again. With the way wrestling goes, there is more of a chance Flair will wrestle after he loses the same night at WrestleMania than him not wrestling again.

Posted by D-Mac at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)

Philadelphia Is Not Camden, Please

Gross also gets the requisite non-apology for lying that is standard for television.

"The program described Camden, N.J., as 'outside Philadelphia' because, as the closest major city, we felt it would give our national audience a better understanding of the location," an ABC spokeswoman said yesterday. "At one point during the two-hour program, we did say that we were 'back in the streets of Philadelphia,' which was an error that we apologize for."

I'm going to go watch some Lost episodes from BitTorrent. Oh, sorry, I was just giving my audience a better understanding of how to watch TV shows.

Diane Sawyer tapes Camden hookers, says they're in Philly [Phillygossip]
Archives: Camden, Pennsylvania

Posted by D-Mac at 10:11 AM | Comments (1)

Heroic Environmentalists Save, Kill Crabs

a long-sought goal of environmental activists who say the crab's eggs are needed to feed dwindling numbers of western Atlantic red knot shorebirds.

Woo-hoo! Environmentalists saved the crabs so they could be killed. The food chain in action! It's pretty clear we've seen a 75 percent decline in red knots," Corzine said.

Law bans horseshoe crab harvest [Gannett]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:35 AM | Comments (3)

Hillary Demands More Rock, Less Talk

Ms. Hilarity herself, Hillary Clinton, went on the John DeBella show yesterday to address concerns about some lie she told about how she, Sheryl Crow and Sinbad dodged bullets during a goodwill trip to Bosnia. Turns out she didn't do any bullet-dodging there, and as a result had to laugh at DeBella's awful Sinbad joke.

So, yes: Hillary lied and her punishment was going on the classic rock station and being forced to listen to the Morning Zoo crew yuk it up. I think she's served her penance.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:14 AM | Comments (0)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: Ahh, there's something in Hillary Clinton's tax returns she doesn't want us to see!

Deborah Leavy: Some people share more information than I am comfortable with. Conclusion: They have no souls. No, really. That's her conclusion. People who share more information than she finds adequate have no souls. Or maybe we've all lost our souls! Oh no CVS and SuperFresh track my purchases nowadays -- what ever will I do?!

Jill Porter: Ooh, some people are having a problem deciding between Captain Cokehead and the woman who'd take away all our violent video games.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:05 AM | Comments (1)

March 25, 2008

MC Hammer To Fight For Ex-Cons

The following press release was just sent to Philadelphia Will Do via a Yahoo! account.

I have no doubt that MC Hammer will take on discriminatory mandatory minimum sentences and three strikes laws. Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em!

Posted by D-Mac at 04:51 PM | Comments (3)

There Will Soon Be An Apple Store 20 Minutes From Center City

While Center City remains served only by Springboard Media and Bundy Typewriter, the Cherry Hill Mall will have its very own Apple Store starting March 29. It is roughly 20 minutes away. Here's info from Apple; the first 1000 nerds in attendance get a free t-shirt on opening day at 10 a.m.

You may complain in the comments about the lack of an Apple Store in Center City or trade conspiracy theories as to why there isn't one. I heard it's the Pitcairn monster's fault.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:18 PM | Comments (6)

Now Your Parents Know How To Rickroll

Above: A speedy Rickroll for people like me with no attention span.

Yeah, so the New York Times ran an article about Rickrolling, and the Internet exploded. Sorry, I have goo all over me. The lead of the story was about the real life Rickrolling at a basketball game.

Kaboom. If you're unaware of Rickrolling, ED explains it thusly: "To Rickroll is to intentionally misdirect one to a video of "Never Gonna Give You Up" from one-hit-wonder 80's pop icon Rick Astley."

As you may have guessed, the video of real life Rickrolling at the Eastern Washington women's hoops game contains shots of people holding up anti-Scientology posters, because it is from the Internet. Yay Anonymous!

Posted by D-Mac at 02:58 PM | Comments (3)

Johnny Doc Drama Online And Off

Oh, and his campaign also says it was Johnny Doc. DiCicco's people are angry that a flat screen TV and a $500 radio weren't taken. Well! Looks like DiCicco has the election locked up, since he's spending five hundred dollars on radios. It must be a radio that can hear the secret burglary plans of political rivals.

Johnny Doc spokesman Frank Keel says the campaign had nothing to do with it. (Basically, Johnny Doc is too smart to hire a guy to break in to a rival pol's office that he could be connected to, so there's no sense worrying about it anyway.)

DiCicco says it's "voter intimidation." Remember when Sam Katz was intimidated with a bomb? Yeah, come on, whoever broke in. Nowadays politicians do cocaine off the asses of prostitutes on live television. You're going to have to do better than this to get our attention. How about some white guys with clipboards in dark suits?

Meanwhile, ex-City Paper editor Brian Hickey continues to be unable to resist the urge to debate idiots on the Internet.

Back when I responded to things written about me on the Internet, Hickey even sent me angry emails. Then I remembered the eternal wisdom of that modern day Confucius, 50 Cent: "If they hate, then let 'em hate and watch the money pile up." That's what I've done, though the only things piling up are bills. (Ba-dum-pum.)

Hickey battled it out with commenters on The Clog, Will Bunch-style, only much, much angrier.

Sorry, but I’m done worrying about civil rights and people whining about inequities in death-penalty convictions.

If you kill a cop, you should lose your life.

Anybody who says otherwise is an enabler, with the blood of two beloved police officers on their hands.

It’s no longer up for debate.

Pretty awesome. Once Hickey left the world of journalism for that of politics, I wondered if he'd be prevented from duking it out in online comments section and calling for extrajudicial capital punishment. Nope! What makes this new argument extra-special is it's against YoungPhillyPolitics' Daniel Urevick-Ackelsberg, who also gets incredibly angry in blog comments sections.

Follow the bouncing ball:

• Daniel U-A writes Johnny Doc gives money to nearly everybody, including people not progressive enough for his taste: "John Dougherty can talk about his long record of public service. But if running a union and accumulating power are the main points of reference we have for him, and he has supported politicians with explicit anti-Gay and anti-gun control agendas, why should be believe what he says now? And considering that Doc has said he will not give up control of his union and its piggybank, it is time for everyone to start asking him some tough questions."
• Hickey volleys back with a post titled "Responding to Online Biased Critics" and lists every single good thing Johnny Doc has ever done except for that time he saved a puppy: "If you’re keeping it real, and not perpetuating tired myths, the answer is simple: John Dougherty."
• U-A with a sarcasm-laced return: "To their credit, that was a line that could easily be missed. It was buried all the way in the 6th sentence of the post."

And the argument will continue on, forever and ever until the end of time.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:27 PM | Comments (5)

Hillary Clinton To Level America

Here's Hillary Clinton's new just-for-Pennsylvania ad, where she speaks about how she's going to level the playing field by banning special interests and probably violent video games, too.

Posted by D-Mac at 12:23 PM | Comments (4)

A Real American Hero?

This all happened, naturally, at the parking lot at the Home Depot on Roosevelt Boulevard. Sgt. Smart works out of the 92nd District.

We now go to Domelights to find out how the white man is being kept down again, revealing what he heard Sgt. Smart said during the altercation.

Oh, please. He woulda said cracker, or maybe honkey. Unless the arresting police officer was Barack Obama's black-hating grandmother, noted typical white person. And those angry emoticons aren't just for show! Sgt. Smart wasn't arrested despite allegedly assaulting two cops. Ha ha, Sgt. Smart. He sounds like a G.I. Joe doll.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:15 AM | Comments (0)

The 76ers Have A Winning Record (!)

Last night, the 76ers erased an 11-point lead with a 19-0 run in the fourth quarter against the Boston Celtics and beat the best team in the NBA, 95-90. Andre Iguodala scored 10 straight for the 76ers in the run; Boston didn't score for almost seven minutes. After starting 18-30, the 76ers have gone 17 18-5 to climb above .500.

2008 has so far featured Eli Manning leading a game-winning drive in the Super Bowl, and now the 76ers winning 17 out of 22 games. I could have gotten better odds betting on Fan Man coming back to life and crashing into the Super Bowl.

After the jump, a sick Andre Iguodala steal and dunk.

The 700 Level has full highlights.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:21 AM | Comments (1)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: This is pretty good: Tour guide operators are limited to just one staging area at Independence Mall, so Ride the Ducks operates as four separate companies so it can monopolize the area. And city officials are like "I love Ride the Ducks! Quack, quack!" when asked why this is allowed.

Michael Smerconish: Oh man! Barack Obama hasn't been going to church during his campaign. Just like the rest of America!

Posted by D-Mac at 07:57 AM | Comments (1)

March 24, 2008

McDonald's Touches Black People

Like the unique African Boabab tree, which nourishes its community with leaves and fruit, McDonald's has branched out to the African-American community nourishing it with valuable programs and opportunity.

I saw an ad on the subway today for 365black.com which also encouraged people to "register and vote." (Note: It should be register to vote.) The website also features this sentence: "It's a place where you can learn more about education, employment, career advancement and entrepreneurship opportunities, and meet real people whose lives have been touched by McDonald's."

Posted by D-Mac at 06:27 PM | Comments (5)

SEPTA Underground Concourse Map

Speaking of things that are old, I just today came across this map of the Center City underground concourses, which is where Kevin Bacon was born or something. Pretty neat, especially since it's based off an old map in one of the concourses that was covered up for a while. There are bigger versions over here.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:06 PM | Comments (13)

Everything Old Is New Again

I remember this story, when I wrote about it in October 2006. Oh, so now the company is going to have caskets in addition to urns. (They've sold 50 urns, apparently.) I know that everything is old to me nowadays, since I read the entire Internet every day, but I am apparently so far ahead of the curve on sports-related burial news.

Or, you know, maybe it is shocking that company offering sports urns would then move to begin offering sports caskets. I do agree it is shocking that one of the eight teams selected for the first line of caskets is a Philadelphia one, though.

On a side note, what's getting really annoying is people telling you they've already seen something when you show it to them. That's so 1998.

Update: My mom writes in with an editorial correction: "No, no. You're wrong. A team that consistently kills you every year is the perfect one to offer caskets and urns." She's right.

Coming: Funeral caskets with Phils logos [Inquirer]
Oct. 19, 2006: First Customer Next Season: Team's Playoff Hopes

Posted by D-Mac at 02:09 PM | Comments (2)

Mega Man Graf Is Mega Awesome

Now, I hate Star Wars and everything about it -- I'm one of those nerds -- but it reminded me of the photo at right, which I snapped with my camera phone on a Metro box at 10th and Lombard. It's Mega Man! I'm too lazy to look up what weapon an orange-colored Mega Man means, but I will say that if I start seeing images like this posted as sticker art around town, I am going to flip.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:18 PM | Comments (0)

This Is Even Bigger Than Thermometers

Note: I have no idea how this will work, but I assume it involves people in giant chipmunk mascot suits.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:04 PM | Comments (1)

Phillies Rally At City Hall NOW!

Mayor Nutter will apparently paint the Phillie Phanatic red, and Garry Maddox will be there, probably cooking. Smiley the Pig, Hatfield's mascot, will be there as well! Oh, and some oh-so-adorable ballgirls.

There's only one week 'til the Phillies opener, Monday against the Washington Nationals at Citizens Bank Park. The Fightins play a couple of exhibitions against the Blue Jays at CBP on Friday and Saturday, and then play the Lehigh Valley IronPigs on Sunday at the team's new Allentown stadium for some reason.

Posted by D-Mac at 11:55 AM | Comments (1)

Downtown Has $1.3M To Give Away

So, yeah, go read it, add it to your RSS reader, whatever. Recently, Alli went to check out the top zip code for donations to presidential candidates in Philadelphia and, surprise, it's in Center City. The 19103 zip code stretches for some reason between Rittenhouse and Logan Circle, but doesn't include the tall buildings on Market or Chestnut. (That would be 19102, I believe. 19104 is West Philly and 19107 is the Gayborhood. I think. Man, this is confusing!)

The 19103 zip code brought in $1.3 million of donations to political candidates this election season. If you're wondering, these people have more of an influence on the election that you do with your vote. But they have to give all their money to politicians, and voting don't cost a thing, so it sucks to be them.

Where the Ballers at? [Independence Brawl]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:32 AM | Comments (1)

The Biggest Story Of Your Day

I just got this press release.

As you might have guessed, it does include "an earring thermometer, rescued from a 1650 whaling ship." Duh. A collection would be simply incomplete without it.

AccuWeather.com Founder Joel N. Myers Acquires World's Largest Collection of Thermometers [AccuWeather]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:50 AM | Comments (1)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: Negative attack ads! In the presidential election!

Stu Bykofsky: Paragraph 4 is, in its entirety, "If Jews and Germans can bury a horrific past, can't black and white Americans?" I'm not reading any more.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:33 AM | Comments (2)

March Madness, Literally

Seriously! 'Nova was down 12-2 to Clemson about three minutes into the game, and somehow they are now one of the top 16 teams in the country.

And Villanova didn't even practice. Looks like they just took some tips from Allen Iverson, then.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:00 AM | Comments (0)

March 23, 2008

Roots Picnic To Feature, Um, The Roots

But it also has a killer lineup: Gnarls Barkley, Deerhoof, Diplo, etc. The Roots' new album drops at the end of next month and is supposedly "political." That's usually a bad sign for an album, but this is the Roots, so it'll probably be full of smart lyrics and maybe even some anti-prison complex/War on Drugs commentary that people like me will just eat up. Huzzah.

The first single from Rising Down features Patrick Stump from Fall Out Boy. Again, this could normally be a bad sign, but this is the Roots. Also, Stump produced the best track on the most recent Lupe Fiasco album, so who knows.

Posted by D-Mac at 01:23 PM | Comments (0)

March 22, 2008

Happy Easter!

On Good Friday, Camden Catholics performed the Stations of the Cross in the streets of Camden, which is pretty much what I picture Golgatha to be like, I guess. And, as you can see, a naked -- or at least shirtless -- made sure to watch the procession as it passed his house. Happy Easter!

'Stations of Cross' reaches out to residents [Courier-Post]
[Photo via C-P/Douglas Bovitt]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:26 PM | Comments (3)

March 21, 2008

Fat Old White Dudes For Obama!

Check out one of Barack Obama's new ads in Pennsylvania, above. It's called "Carry," and though it's aired elsewhere, it's clearly attempting to show that, despite his pastor and his racist grandma, Barack Obama does not hate white people. Look how much those fat old white dudes love him!

Obama also has two just for Pennsylvania ads, which are about his life, and how much he hates lobbyists. Because I fully believe when President Barry takes office, he will eliminate lobbying.

Posted by D-Mac at 08:39 PM | Comments (1)

See?

Now this is what I was talking about. And, yes, that's Kyle Korver's younger brother Klayton -- he has another younger brother, Kaleb, who plays college hoops -- who the camera shows when they should be showing the winning team celebrating.

[via Soft Pretzel Logic]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:44 PM | Comments (0)

State Website Screwed Up, Shockingly

The Associated Press reports officials took down the form after learning Tuesday night it was possible to alter the coding and view anyone's information, including license numbers and the last four digits of people's social security numbers. Gasp!

State officials don't know how many people's information was compromised, but are attempting to find out. Unfortunately, Hillary Clinton's childhood voter registration information was already compromised.

Problem prompts state to take down online voter registration form [AP]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:35 PM | Comments (0)

Landscape Futures At Penn

Manaugh writes he'll be talking about the picture at right -- OMG best roller coaster ever! -- and other "landscape futures," which is something far too cool for me to understand. (Also: "climate change, ruined cities, tectonic warfare, James Bond, the literal end of the earth, and a bit of Hollywood-style archaeology.") BLDG BLOG is one of the smartest, most interesting blogs out there, and I even considered skipping some tourney games to go.

3:30 p.m., free, Meyerson Hall at Penn, probably in the basement.

Landcape futures at Penn [BLDG BLOG]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:15 PM | Comments (0)

Wawa Not As Welcome Outside City

The company wants to open a 5,800-square foot deli and 16 gas pumps in Warminster, but the city's zoning laws for some reason prevent this from happening. Much like Philadelphia nimbys, the suburban subspecies really doesn't want anything to change, anywhere, ever:

Longtime Street Road resident Charlotte Payne, who lives near the site, worries the project would bring more traffic to an already congested intersection. Cars have difficulties turning from Newtown Road onto Street Road and often back up 10 deep.

Wawa's attorney, Tom Hecker, pointed out that the township's traffic consultant approved Wawa's traffic report and plan to keep congestion to a minimum. Hecker asked Payne if she had seen this report, to which she replied “I don't need to look at it. I live there.”

Hey, can't the company just put some gas pumps on the corner of 20th and Locust and re-open the Dorchester Wawa? I really don't see any reason why not.

Wawa still a no-go [The Intelligencer]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:50 AM | Comments (5)

Problem Gambler Can't Use New Chips

Whoops! Turns out he loved to gamble, and since New Jersey shares its list of banned gamblers with other states, now S.D. can't really gamble anywhere. Yesterday, a state appeals court ruled the Commission didn't have to reverse the ban when S.D. asked.

It's a shame for our mysterious problem gambler, since Atlantic City has introduced a new chip that's worth $25,000. (We bloggers call that "a day's pay.") The $25K chip is the highest denomination the state offers, but Caesars notes they have special plaques for its customers who make single bets of $50,000 or $100,000. You may begin weeping now.

Court: Casino panel doesn't have to lift voluntary lifetime ban [The Star-Ledger]
High rollers raise stakes with new $25,000 chip [AP/Courier-Post]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:56 AM | Comments (0)

SEPTA: Our Buses Are First #1!

A reader sends in a scan of SEPTA's April TransPass. You will note SEPTA not only has "green" buses, but they are so green they needed a few extra modifying words to distinguish them from other trans agencies.

Thanks, RJ!

Posted by D-Mac at 09:58 AM | Comments (3)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Christine Flowers: See, my church hates gays, but that's okay because a line in a book originally meant for Jews told us to hate gays. (And clothes made from more than one fabric, but we ignore that one.) Anyway, Barack Obama's pastor hates white people, and that's not allowed.

John Baer: Hey, why isn't Arlen Specter paying attention to the causes some letter-writer wants him to?

Jill Porter: Sleazebags!

Posted by D-Mac at 09:21 AM | Comments (2)

March 20, 2008

Heroic Villanova Prof Protests Drug Laws

Cops arrested the 48-year-old at his Collegeville home yesterday. Action News got a nice moralistic quote from a Catholic student: "Any university, but specifically here, we uphold certain morals and values and that's completely against all of them." Drinking some unblessed blood of Christ on St. Patrick's Day is 100 percent Catholic, though.

Ritter faces 100 million years in prison, or maybe 1-3. I haven't talked with the other media guys, but is Professor Pothead okay for a nickname?

Villanova professor charged with marijuana possession [6 ABC]

Posted by D-Mac at 07:27 PM | Comments (0)

Leftovers: March... Something

• Here's a treasure trove of old timey -- okay, 1980s -- Atlantic City concert photos. And Richard Pryor! [Atlantic City Weekly]

• Sweeney posts some essays from people who like Penn alums The Disco Biscuits: "I have had the absolute pleasure of spending some of my most memorable moments of my life with this band (Jamaica), and I have had the pure bliss of taking someone to their first Biscuits show. Sharing this band with someone for their first time is a gift in and of by itself." Man, this band is complicated! Their concert tickets should cost like $1000 each. [Philebrity]

• A mom in Camden is accused of stabbing a boy her son was fighting. In the back! [AP/6 ABC]

• Joe Vento's sign at Geno's is ruled not discriminatory, which everybody knew was going to happen, and Mayor Nutter is like, "Eh, what, wasn't this a story in, like, 2006?" Which is sort of how everybody feels right now. Eh. [KYW 1060]

• Bensalem is cracking down on graffiti and litter. Here's what the mayor said on litter: "This issue is so bad that we're going to clean up some of the same places week after week." I'm actually all kind