February 08, 2008
Columbus Gets To Keep America After All
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Or, you know, maybe not. Newtown Elementary school recently held a "mock trial" debating whether Columbus discovered America or if the Indians were here first The case -- debated in front of an actual district judge -- ended in a hung jury, of course, but America was declaring victory.
Despite the hung jury, the defendant [Columbus, I guess] — played by 11-year-old Ryan Conner — felt victorious. “We had all the proof we needed,” he said after the court adjourned. “The prosecution had a lot of evidence, but they couldn't prove the Indians had a civilization.”
Yes, sadly, 11-year-olds have never been able to prove civilization existed here before Columbus, even with arguments like "[t]o discover means that you're the first person there. Columbus wasn't." Works for me, but apparently this testimony was too damning.
Explorers including Ferdinand Magellan, Ponce de Leon and Amerigo Vespucci also stated in affidavits and under oath that they wouldn't have known about America without Columbus.
Brian, 10, also compared America to the cure for a disease.
“Say a scientist discovers it, but tells no one,” Brian said. “Then, another scientist finds it and tells everyone. Who would you say found it?”
Ahh, yes, if there's a part of the cure-disease pharmaceutical complex, America is definitely the cure.
Who discovered America? [BCCT]
Posted by D-Mac on February 8, 2008 03:06 PM
Posted to American Indians
, Mock Trials
, U.S. History
, WTF
, White People
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Comments
wow. those are some dumb kids.
Posted by: s at February 8, 2008 06:17 PM
Where you at, buddy? Don't tell me the Barbaro freaks succeeded in getting you fired...
Posted by: friendlynerd at February 11, 2008 03:07 PM
something tells me the plaintiff should be sanctioned for spoliation.
Posted by: Rubylegs at February 8, 2008 05:33 PM