February 29, 2008

MLS Fans Already Mugged In Chester

"My mental impression is it's like Camden but without the glitter," said Gray Safford, 54, a Process Engineering manager who lives in Abington. He's taking "a wait-and-see attitude: What do I hear from other people who have gone [to games]? Because I don't want to be the first one to go down there with my kids."

That's a quote in today's Inquirer piece on the Chester redevelopment along the waterfront, the centerpiece of which is a new stadium for the Camden Riversharks of Chester. Jeff Gammage asks if people will go to the games, especially since the stadium is in, um, Chester. ("People who know nothing else about Chester know it's somewhere they shouldn't go at night.")

All the soccer team needs to succeed, allegedly, is about 13,000 people a game and a couple sellouts when David Beckham comes to town. The mayor says people already go to the casino, but nothing can bring the allure like a slots parlor. Plus, is the Harrah's demographic also likely to go to a soccer game?

But, uh, really: I think you might be okay safety-wise if you go to a soccer game in Chester. Are there routinely muggings at Kixx or Wings games? Or, for that matter, the Camden Riversharks? I think the team might also have security, too; plus the $50 million of state money is going to turn that waterfront into a new Garden of Eden, only with golden sidewalks and no forbidden trees. Your children will be safe!

Me, I care more about the train stop, which is eight blocks from the stadium, thus continuing the recent tradition of having the transit stops ridiculous distances from our sports arenas. I can barely do the four-block walk to Citizens Bank Park. There will be shuttle buses, but I don't know if I'll settle for anything else than shuttle Segways.

How will Chester play to MLS fans? [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:33 PM | Comments (1)

WawaTF, People: The Vigil Video

The results are up there with Mascot Monday and Milton Street's casket jam. WawaTF, indeed.

Truly, a lamentable loss for the community. There is a Flickr series here done by djstarr as well. We will never forget.

Wawa Vigil [PW]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:01 PM | Comments (0)

Rick Santorum Breaks Big News

American voters will choose between two candidates this election year.

This is the first sentence of his column yesterday. (Also, the Inquirer printed his email address wrong.) Thanks for the big scoop, Ricky!

Obama: A harsh ideologue hidden by a feel-good image [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:39 AM | Comments (0)

Demons! Well, Okay, Not Demons

Anyway, it looks like it was just a bunch of stupid kids! Everyone already knew this anyway, but it's more fun to write about demons and devils and whatever other shit was printed.

Four kids from Falls were arrested for allegedly vandalizing Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church earlier this month. There was also graffiti all over the area, but, you know, demons. Oh, and when one of the kids parents apologized the church was all like "OMGWTFHOWDAREYOU!!"

“He's not a demon. He's not a monster. This was not a hate crime,” Klein said. “He's a smart kid who made a stupid mistake.” Klein said the vandalism had nothing to do with religion. He said Stetson's parents are “mortified” but standing behind their son.

“Harry has never even tagged [done graffiti] before,” Klein said. “He bowed to peer pressure that night. He's very sorry and willing to scrub it off if the church will let him.” It's too late for that, said Kay McFarland, a spokeswoman for the parish.

“We took care of that already. We're not going to let that kind of hatred and dirt stay on our statues. Come on, we weren't going to leave that on our church,” she said.

Let's just throw these stupid kids in jail for 30 years so they can be in prison with the rest of us. DEMONS!

Teens charged with church vandalism [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:07 AM | Comments (0)

Die Hard With A Suffix

I have no idea why this clip from Jeopardy! last night amuses me so much, but it does.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:39 AM | Comments (0)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Jill Porter: Whoo! We got that criminal who stole $100 fifteen years ago! JUSTICE!

Stu Bykofsky: Leave it to old people to do something about 150 billion times stupider (and, apparently, larger?) than the Wawa rally!

Posted by D-Mac at 09:48 AM | Comments (0)

February 28, 2008

Wawa Vigil: TONIGHT! 11 PM!

A reader sends in another protest piece from some website where you can make your own ribbon magnets for your SUV.

Don't forget, tonight at 11 is the Vigil for the Rittenhouse Square Wawa. I heard about this earlier today and I am now convinced it is the greatest thing ever, even though I'm not totally convinced it is real. Tonight at 11, we shall all stand tall for freedom and Tastykakes. I mean, as long as those Wawa fatcats don't change the temperature to below 0 with their weather-controlling machines.

Posted by D-Mac at 05:30 PM | Comments (0)

Here's The Deal

In short, things broke yesterday (due to Ron Paul spambots, I bet!) and I couldn't post; turning off comments fixed it! They will return soon, though I don't know when. But don't worry! I enjoy being told I suck just as much as you guys like telling me, so I am going to work to make it happen ASAP. Honest!

Posted by D-Mac at 05:21 PM | Comments (0)

Leftovers: News For The Mature Reader

• Former Fox 29 newsman Rob Guarino is writing a novel in the "weather-mystery" genre. (Does that just mean the killer is Hurricane Schwartz? Bolaris would make more sense.) Like Hemingway, Faulkner and the writer of the Book of John, Guarino will be asking for suggestions from his fans. [Phillygossip]

• I really enjoyed this headline from yesterday: "At City Hall Ceremony, Nutter Praises Black History Month Founders." And why isn't there a class on Black History Month's founders in the public school system? [KYW 1060]

• Hey, hundreds rioted in Reading yesterday! [Reading Eagle]

• Lead of the day, from The Evening Sun (in Hanover): "Maybe the theory comes from cartoons, but it's generally believed that dogs and mailmen are archenemies. That theory was tested Wednesday in West Manheim Township. " [Evening Sun]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:50 PM | Comments (0)

State-Funded Soccer Team Official!

We finally have a soccer team in Chester. The heroic agreement between a bunch of politicians and a bunch of investors will give $47 million of free money to rich people. There's also going to be development! The stadium will be anchoring this even though everything everywhere ever has said stadiums aren't a great anchor for community development. It will also be near a casino, of course, so that the transfer of money from the poor to the rich will continue. Chester and Delaware counties will also be contributing $30 million.

Why all this public money for a soccer stadium? Well, team investor Nick Sakiewicz summed it up nicely: "So - otherwise it would not happen." On that note, this is $77 million politicians can't waste on things other than a soccer stadium, and they'd just screw it up anyway.

The team doesn't have a name yet, and the possibilities are endless: Bandits (as in one-armed), Vandals (it's near the prison!), Chester Gentrification FC and, of course, the Subsidies. But, really, there's no name better than the one a friend came up with, the Camden Riversharks of Chester. I can't wait!

Update: In other soccer news, some 23-year-old youth soccer coach in Montco pled guilty today to unlawful conduct with a minor for sending dirty texts to a 13-year-old. And the prosecutor tries to make a funny, I think: "The thing that really struck me is he’s talking about skills in terms of sexual skills when he’s supposed to be teaching her soccer skills and that’s what’s really troubling to me…the context in which they met." Yeah, that's what struck me too.

Update 2: Just so you know, I am way totally psyched for a soccer team in town! Not as psyched as I would have been when MLS formed, but you take what you can get.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:58 PM | Comments (0)

Today On PW

Was it good for you? [PW]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:05 PM | Comments (0)

Yes, Yes: Wawa Vigil At 11 Tonight

Despite being a multi-billion dollar corporation, Wawa is a regional chain; instead of inspiring hatred like Starbucks, regional chains are adored by residents of that particular locale. People will argue for hours on ends about how much better Wawa is than Turkey Hill or Sheetz or whatever. (This is true, of course.)

To be fair, it's a sad state. The mysterious Jerome Nottingham IV gave us a description of the one-stately Wawa in yesterday's Metro: The Wawa here looks like a Soviet grocery store in the 1980s, filled with empty shelves and customers complaining there's no mustard for their pretzels. A young man in his 20s tries to order a roast beef sandwich, only to learn the store has run out of roast beef. An ATM screen simply reads 'out of service.' It won't be repaired." The place is closing tomorrow.

There's also a Wawa at 20th and Chestnut -- as opposed to 20th and Locust -- but that one has more homeless people in front of it, though I always found it cleaner. As such, the minor inconvenience has nonetheless inspired a movement so great you'd think the Real World pretended to move out of town!

Yes, there's a vigil tonight at 11 at the Rittenhouse Wawa.

Update: Whoever the dude is who blogs at The Illadelph -- who is also among the Very Angry Wawa Customers but has some good comments as usual -- has some extra info from an awesome release of some sort.

It is "not going to disrupt commercial activity in the store — on the contrary, [they] plan to buy up whatever is left, and thank everyone inside for serving [them] all these years — but after indulging in the Wawa goodness, [they]'re hoping to stage some nice photo opps [sic] out front with signs, maybe some candles, who knows."

Man, I was kind of hoping people would be tearing shit up, though I do kind of like the idea of protesting Wawa by purchasing a ton of products. Plus if this were my 10th & Walnut location I would probably have organized this myself.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:35 PM | Comments (0)

Ted Williams Livens Up Courtroom

It's also, though, apparently popular for those trying to inject a little humor into a preliminary hearing for a drug addiction-fueled robbery case! Bensalem's Ted Williams -- the Priceless ad campaign debuted the year the Splendid Splinter hit .406 -- described his loss in court. The late slugger's frozen head apparently gives presentations at the planetarium at the Franklin Institute:

"Planetarium software ... $1,000.

"Two flash drives … more than $150.

"Kids missing planetarium presentations … priceless."

I'd agree, though, but the kids probably did get to see a noted white European ruler King Tut, which was the biggest exhibition of antiquities since Geraldo opened Al Capone's vault. And, hey, now it's Star Wars!

Later, one of the other robbery victims testified, "My stuff went away! It just kept going and going and going and going..."

Residents line up to testify [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:44 PM | Comments (0)

Angry Ex-Journalist

By now you may have seen the site Angry Journalist -- Is that a hacked Wordpress install? Pretty clever if so! -- where anonymous journalists rant about why they hate journalism.

While things aren't exactly going all that smoothly in the industry right now, journalists have been complaining since Johan Gutenberg said, "Fluch! Bewegliche gedruckte Art ist ein Ausfall." (According to Babelfish, "Damn! Movable printed type is a failure." I translated that from English, so the German translation is no doubt wrong.)

Anyway, a co-worker of mine (thanks, Alli!) came across a possible recent anonymous post that really fits well with a certain former editor of a local alternative weekly.

Oh, now, come on, Hickey! I can't speak for everybody, but I never trusted you -- to soil our youth by mocking a man trying to show them the evils of 4:20... becoming Johnny Doc's campaign manager was really your only option.

Update, 2/29: Aw, Hickey says it wasn't him. Which is what I knew, which is why I didn't ask, because then I'd have to make a new joke. If you need me, I'll be circling around a dying man somewhere in Arizona.

Posted by D-Mac at 12:57 PM | Comments (0)

Socialist Workers Party Running A Candidate Just As Eligible As John McCain

As you know, I'm a bit interested in ineligible candidates (aka "criminals"); I paid a bit of attention to Larry West's ultimately doomed campaign for mayor. And, as such, it's nice to know I'll be able to joke about another (Walnuts!) one in the presidential.

But that doesn't mean he's the only ineligible candidate! In addition to McCain, the presidential race also has Socialist Workers Party candidate Róger Calero. The SWP candidate visited Temple recently, and PW's über-talented Cassidy Hartmann talked with him for her MTV political thing.

Calero was born in Nicaragua, though. While the U.S. had invaded and taken the Panama Canal Zone at the time of McCain's birth (1786), by Calero's time Uncle Sam was content simply to destabilize these countries in more clandestine ways. And while he is of age to run for president, the Constitution forbids him from actually being elected. He can still get on some states' ballots, though (but not Pennsylvania, where it is impossible).

One might think Calero could at least have an army of hilarious online followers, but dedication to the Socialist cause is a little lacking these days. (The illegal presidential candidate summed up Temple the way you could sum up pretty much every school: "Temple is generally a liberal school, but not that liberal in the sense of revolutionary politics.")

But with smaller numbers, it appears the supporters of our fair Socialist candidate are a bit more realistic than fans of a certain other candidate with socialist supporters. Gordon Barnes (at left in photo) brought Calero to Temple, and here's what he said: "We realize Róger’s not going to win." Now if only Ron Paul's supporters could get that. Or, for that matter, John McCain's.

The Candidate for Change? It’s All Relative. [Think MTV]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:25 PM | Comments (0)

Pol-Threatening Newest Hot Crime

The county north of Philadelphia is well known for being shaped like a short fat man's boot, but maybe there is something more sinister going on. The demons who vandalized churches have been caught, it seems, but now 49-year-old Katsuo Matsui Clark of Bensalem is terrorizing Buxco.

According to Bensalem police, Clark was meeting with state Sen. Tommy Tomlinson, who -- like most politicians -- has been in office since 1642. Sometime before, he had told Tomlinson (at the funeral home he owns, natch) that neither he nor Bensalem mayor Joseph DiGirolamo had much security and to watch out. For some reason, apparently Tomlinson took a meeting with him later, just to be nice or something, and Clark told Tomlinson to look under the couch cushions to see what he could do; the senator found a hunting knife and a cap gun!

I'm not totally positive about the timeline above; things are a little confusing in the Bucks County Courier Times story, and with good reason. The cops didn't even want this in the newspaper!

Bensalem Public Safety Director Fred Harran declined to comment on the specifics of the case. In fact, Harran did not publicize the charges against Clark in the police department's daily press releases to the media because he said he's concerned about the possibility of “copycat” crimes.

“I didn't want to comment on security issues knowing this would start a media frenzy,” Harran said Wednesday morning. “We don't want to make too many comments on this particular case. I don't want to sensationalize the case.”

They must be in a lot of danger. Man, how much do people hate the mayor and state senator in Bensalem? This isn't apparently just one man with mental and other issues, there's a whole mob out to get those two. (It's like Resident Evil 4, only instead of disease-infected Spaniards it's dudes with cap guns. These guys must be awesome politicians to keep getting re-elected, though.

Cops: Officials threatened [Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:31 AM | Comments (0)

Childish Graf Taken To New Levels (Penis!)

Penis graffiti is a well-known tradition on subway ads and school posters. Meh. But when somebody goes out all, like on this Robbins Diamonds sign on 76 near Spring Garden, one just has to applaud:

This has since been taken down, sadly, but Art of the excellent Foobooz had captured it on his iPhone a little bit back. The replacement billboard is the same one, so it's only a matter of time 'til it happens again. Only one the guy with the jewel in his beard this time.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:45 AM | Comments (0)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

I'm so excited about posting working this time that I'm going to do two days of ADNC!

Thursday
Michaerl Smerconish: Ha, ha, remember when Ronald Reagan essentially tried to steal the Republican presidential nomination? Oh, well Hillary Clinton won't do that.

Stu Bykofsky: Neat, people doing nice things for cancer patients.

John Baer: Much like random Internet commenters, your friends and random dudes in bars, the media loves Barack Obama and is really annoying about it. (Just wait 'til a bunch of octogenarians start crowding the street for Republican candidate WALNUTS! McWars.)

Wednesday
Jill Porter: The word bitch, bitches!

Phil Goldsmith: "Me, Fidel Castro and my congas."

John Baer: Hey, Hillary didn't do well in the debate either.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:06 AM | Comments (0)

Technical Difficulties!

Yes, the site was down yesterday due to tech stuff! Still having a few problems, but things will hopefully be back to normal as soon as possible and I can write about puppies and porn stars to my little heart's content.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:30 AM | Comments (0)

February 26, 2008

Center City Wawa To Close

Wawa spokesperson Laurie Bruce says there is no secret plan to close all the Wawas in the city limits without gas stations, despite the rumors. (But of course.) I have to believe the one at 10th and Walnut is safe. It better be, Wawa!

Protip: I usually go to The Foodery (10th and Pine) and the Serv-Rite Deli (10th and Locust) anyway, but neither are open 24 hours.

Posted by D-Mac at 03:32 PM | Comments (3)

Cecil Fielder To Manage A.C. Surf

The robust slugger, who hit 51 homers in 1991, managed the Charlotte County Redfish last year and moves up to the Canadian-American Association of Professional Baseball team this year. (The team is no longerin the Atlantic League with Camden; the Battle of the Atlantic City Expressway is no more.) He's also the dad of 2006 NL Rookie of the Year Prince Fielder!

"I’m excited to join the Surf organization," Fielder said in a release, because he certainly wasn't going to be disappointed to get a new job. “This is a great opportunity, and we’re putting together a team that will give one hundred percent every night. I’m looking forward to managing in such a strong baseball area, and we’re working to bring another championship to Atlantic City.”

The Surf previously employed Mitch Williams as a pitcher/manager; it seems unlikely Fielder would be called on to pinch hit, but we can hope. (Here's a photo of Cecil now.)

Things must be going better for Fielder nowadays. It is not always a man who lost his fortune gambling takes a job in Atlantic City.

[img via Check Out My Cards]

Posted by D-Mac at 03:03 PM | Comments (0)

Crack, Weed, Nicotine Make Local News

The kid won't be punished -- hooray! -- but his parents have been arrested on drug charges and endangering the welfare of a child. A commenter on Action News' website plainly states: "does anyone who has made it out of the inner city care enough 2 put their successes aside 2 mentor 1 child 2day honestly it does no good 4 the white community 2 step up 4obvious reasons 2 numerous 2 list as a community both blk n wht n other we r in trouble." Uh, yes.

The Eagles' Mike Patterson was recently charged with possession of a drug of a less dangerous nature, i.e. marijuana, reefer, pot, ganja, cannabis and about 150 other stupid names. The Daily News' John Smallwood goes and says he shouldn't be smoking pot because of Andy Reid's sons!

Considering his family's ordeal, it would be difficult for Reid to simply dismiss Patterson's actions and let them drift away. For Reid to do nothing to Patterson would be a tacit acknowledgment that drug use isn't that big a deal, and really, how can he possibly do that? Yet, if Reid hands down an overly harsh penalty on Patterson, would it be viewed as him allowing his personal issues to influence his professional duties?

Sigh. Meanwhile, Philly Edge points to a debate about a legal drug: Some snooty teenagers in Bensalem want to take away our right to smoke in parks and playgrounds! If not the suburbs, there's nowhere else to smoke! The kids are part of the Extreme Service and Intergenerational Training Experience, and we all know how much extreme power that group has. Guess we'll have to be content to smoke elsewhere. Who knew you were even allowed to smoke at a playground anyway?

Posted by D-Mac at 02:25 PM | Comments (1)

Get Drunk And Curse Out Castro

So, hey, Cuba Libre says, let's just get really drunk and celebrate anyway! Until Thursday, you can get a free cocktail if you buy food a the Second St. restaurant or the one in Atlantic City. And the one in Philly has "Fidel Castro's yearbook" on display! This is as good as we'll do until Dan Gross exhibits his Lower Merion H.S. yearbook with Kobe Bryant.

Down Goes Fidel! Lets Drink! [Foobooz]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:28 PM | Comments (2)

Bear Patrol Apparently Working Smoothly

Bears have five prints on their paw tracks; dogs only have four. Hey, wouldn't you know.

The large dog is still at large.

Experts Determine Paw Prints Belong To K-9 [CBS 3]

[Photo via Flickr]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:21 PM | Comments (0)

Cops Bring Out Firepower For Rushdie

Rushdie was kinda confused at all the security. "It's insane!" he told the Daily News. "I was absolutely horrified. Assault rifles, tracker dogs - they scare me!" The school said it knew Rushdie, who called Barack Obama "the change guy" during his speech, didn't want security; top brass from Chester County met him at 30th Street Station.

There don't appear to have even been any protesters at the event. Still, at least the dogs could search for kids who know you really need to be stoned to enjoy Salman Rushdie in full. It's of no surprise this kind of thing happened at Widener.

Salman Rushdie 'horrified' by security for Widener U. visit [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:00 PM | Comments (3)

MSM Finally Recognizes Datruth4life

Inquirer 76ers beat writer Marc Narducci thinks the team isn't headed to the playoffs like a lot of people are hoping. Although Hollinger's playoff odds give them a 76 percent shot of making it, the 76ers do face 11 teams with winning records in their next 17 games.

And then, there's the prediction of a noted NBA expert:

And as stated in the previous blog, if the Sixers are having trouble putting away teams such as Miami while losing to the Timberwolves, what happens now, with consecutive games against Orlando, Golden State and Phoenix. As one reader datruth4life says, “I think it’s fool’s gold to think this team can win enough games to get in the playoffs.”

Well, datruth4life has spoken. It's back to the lottery for us again.

Will the Sixers Make The Playoffs? [Deep Sixer]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:25 AM | Comments (1)

Stern Gives Lane His Seal Of Approval

But by far the best report comes from Mighty Dan Gross, who chats it up with Howard Stern to get the King of All Media's report on Alycia Lane.

"She's hot...she has nice big titties... and is the best piece of ass Booker's ever had," Stern said of the former CBS3 anchor.. Lange chimed in that he had only met Lane for 10 seconds, but he had enough of a lasting impression that he was able to, we're paraphrasing here, fantasize about her while masturbating.

Thanks, Dan! I was wondering if Howard Stern thought Alycia Lane had big tits and if Artie Lange jerked off while thinking about her!

Oh, and Alycia Lane wants to go work for another station in Philly. Sounds good to me!

A liberated Lane aiming at CBS3 [Inquirer]
Booker's friend Howard Stern approves of Alycia [Phillygossip]
Alycia Lane: 'I'm so glad this is over' [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:33 AM | Comments (0)

Why Hasn't Michael Nutter Re-Funded The Bear Patrol Yet?

It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's a bear in Philadelphia?

Two witnesses reported seeing a bear a wandering the streets of West Philadelphia late Monday night.

Authorities said police officers responding to the reports discovered large animal tracks near Bryn Mawr and Parkside Avenue in Fairmount Park.

Oh, the bear was probably just trying to enjoy some shopping on the 52nd Street corridor.

Bear Sighting in West Philadelphia? [CBS 3]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:59 AM | Comments (0)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: Oh, the guy who got stabbed for supporting Obama "loves Obama because of the hope he inspires." Really? You can write "hope" and "Obama" in a serious matter?

Debbie Woodell: Hey, gay men still can't give blood, how about that.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:16 AM | Comments (4)

Tour Guides Tell Hilarious Lies

He submitted to Heard in the Hall a list of 84 falsehoods he's heard tour guides say, which is kind of a lot of work to do for tour guide regulation research. Do you think he'll open a tour guide regulation test prep service?

Some of these lies are pretty awesome, and I submit we should pretend they are true anyway. Go forth, people, and spread these awesome tall tales!

• Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would know the name of streets. So Pine Street was lined with pine trees etc.
• It’s called Society Hill because Penn gave it the Society of Freemasons.
• Dr. Rush responsible for death of George Washington. He bled him so much and gave him cough medicine with mercury.
• Ben Franklin had 80 illegitimate children all in Sweden.

• George Washington and Abraham Lincoln ate together at the Powel House.
• Prince Rainier proposed marriage to Grace Kelly at the Embassy Suites on the Parkway.
• City Tavern is where the First Continental Congress met.
• The Second Bank of the United States is an example of “Reefer Bible architecture.”
• The large house at 3rd and Walnut is where Kevin Bacon lives.
• Dolly Madison invented ice cream at Ben Franklin’s Library.
• Betsy Ross had three cats she named Red, White and Blue.

Oh! I believe that cat pictures is White, actually. I'm off to eat ice cream with George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Ben Frankin's Swedish descendants. Hey, who does live in that house at 3rd and Walnut, anyway?

Stop me if you've heard this one before.... [Heard in the Hall]
[Photo via Flickr]

Posted by D-Mac at 08:20 AM | Comments (19)

February 25, 2008

Leftovers: No Doubts

Above, the highlight of yesterday's Public League championship, where Fox 29's Don Tollefson said "no bout a doubt it."

• Yeah, so ex-City Paper scribe Brian Hickey is now campaign manager for Johnny Doc. And here I thought it was going to be Milton. [PW]

• The second part of the Inquirer's homelessness three-parter is much better than the first. Still depressing, though, which a lot of good articles are. [Inky]

• And it's worth it to read Jeff Deeney's piece over at Phawker, which is also good and also better than yesterday's! Hey, solid writing on a complicated issue is hard to find; I try to read it when I can. [Phawker]

• Speaking of worth reading, David Sullivan's That's the Press, Baby!, about department stores and the future of journalism, is much more interesting than its URL would have you believe. Love all around today. [That's The Press, Baby!]

• Apparently some Temple idiots beat up a kid while chanting "We hate Jews!" Hey, nice to see people are shaking off the winter doldrums in new and exciting ways. [Daily News]

• Use a potato gun in New Jersey, get charged with disturbing the peace. [Burlington Co. Times]

• "The Mighty" Dan Gross' Alycia Lane post is updated ridiculously and features photos of the ex-CBS 3 anchor that are, um, interesting. [Phillygossip]

• Ed Rendell says dumb things so he won't have to run for Vice President. I think that's what he meant by his comments. [AP/6 ABC]

• Ha ha, there's a new hilarious Ron Paul flier. It's... direct, to say the least. [Wonkette]

Posted by D-Mac at 06:12 PM | Comments (0)

Forsberg To Colorado Avalanche

Gee, thanks, Foppa. I hope you get cross checked by one of the Flyers' many goons.

Hey Foppa, Kick Us While We're Down Why Don't Ya? Forsberg to Avalance [The 700 Level]

Posted by D-Mac at 05:11 PM | Comments (0)

Well-Drawn Creepy Guy Wanted

Hey, so here's the newest guy wanted for a crime who has a funny police sketch.

Previously in this series: Paleface, King Tut.

Posted by D-Mac at 04:12 PM | Comments (1)

Obama's Philly Offices Open--Upstairs

Hey, guess who's moving in directly above the offices of Philadelphia Weekly? That's right, the Philadelphia offices of the Prince of Hope himself, Barack Obama! That news comes from an editor who is actually in the office today; I am left, hopeless, in my living room with my notebook on my lap.

Perhaps the smells of hope and change will waft down a floor to the PW offices. I'll be the most hopeful change-oriented blogger in history!

Posted by D-Mac at 03:02 PM | Comments (2)

Possible Demon Arrested, Charged

The Bucks County Courier Times was nice enough to print all the weird shit she said:

Inside the court on Trenton Road in Middletown, Banks-Kastrup questioned why officers weren't arresting other people in the court lobby for “killing Brittany.” She told three retail theft suspects who were in handcuffs on a nearby bench that she was God and her daughter was the mother of Jesus Christ.

She repeatedly asked police to take off her handcuffs, but was told that rules of procedure require suspects to be handcuffed during arraignment. “I don't care about your rules; I made the rules,” she responded curtly.

Nice use of the word "curtly." No new word on her or any of the other demon vandals. There were, however, other signs of new Satan infestations:

Falls police said they're increasing patrols at all the churches in that township after a man wearing a sweater with occult symbols warned the pastor of St. Joseph the Worker Church to get back inside the church after Mass. Police also said a woman in black goth-style clothing was begging for money in the church parking lot. And on Sunday, officers received several reports of thefts from vehicles in the church parking lot off New Falls Road.

May the witch hunt for the wearers of "black goth-style clothing" commence.

Update, 3:31 p.m.: Oh, one of the commenters on the Courier piece also sheds some light on the justice system and Main Stream Media's pro-demon bias.

AMEN!! So now, who did I offend by that statement?? Any of you other "Demons" out there have any comments? I guess you'll say that she is being profiled, or I mean discriminated against. Blah, it's ashame if she is truely crazy, one may never know. But she needed to be caught and now needs to take responsibilty for her actions. Unless again for you "Demons" out there, it wasn't her fault and it was someone elses. I guess the churches shouldn't have been there at the time of her actions, huh? One caught, who knows how many left to go....... GOD bless the police forces of our townships. Bravo!!!!

Church vandal suspect charged [Bucks County Courier Times]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:18 PM | Comments (1)

Jersey Cops Crack Down On NFL Players So Stoned They Get Caught With Weed

Most people caught with weed don't go to prison, and NFL players are no exception. The Eagles aren't treating Patterson's marijuana infraction as anything serious; he supposedly won't face a suspension from the league. Lundy was apparently found smoking pot at a playground, which means he will probably be tried as a juvenile. They'll both just end up having to pay, essentially, a fine.

Former NFL and county standout charged with drug possession [Burlington County Times]
Eagles’ Patterson charged with marijuana possession in N.J. [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:06 PM | Comments (0)

Clinton Supporter STABS Obama Backer!

It's fitting, then, that political have-nots are also debating whether to vote for Clinton or Obama. (Here's a t-shirt of the attached image.) While the political elites woo favor with promised and money and puppydogs, the plebs have to use a more brute force approach. In Montgomery County, two brothers argued about Clinton and Obama 'til the Clinton supporter stabbed the Obama supporter. (The Obama supporter, Sean Shurelds, was allegedly choking the Clinton supporter first.)

Hillary's camp is sure getting desperate. Obama looks like a shoo-in for the Democratic nomination anyway, and it's not like 28-year-old Jose Ortiz (the alleged stabber) would be able to help Clinton's cause anyway. KYW 1060 reports he's a registered Republican. The knife the Clinton supporter stabbed the Obama dude with was found in the dishwasher, which is probably some sort of sexist commentary on a woman's place in society.

Posted by D-Mac at 12:19 PM | Comments (0)

TV News Reports On Beer, Women

Above, NBC 10's weekend report on In Pursuit of Ale, the Philadelphia women's beer club. (Friends of Philadelphia Will Do!) With so much incredible editing during this report, you'll wonder whether you're watching the local news or a movie!

[via Foobooz]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:48 AM | Comments (2)

Alycia Lane On Path To Sainthood

Oh, yeah, the former CBS 3 anchor allegedly punched a cop while sending bikini photos to a married man while calling somebody a "fucking dyke" on Dr. Phil. Anyway, she has a court date today in New York, and Dan Gross is up in New York covering it.

And, ta da, he reports Lane served her one day of community service already and is free to go. She just has to stay clean for six months or whatever.

The final chapter closes on Alycia Lane, and now we can just only hope Jennaphr Frederick punches a fireman or something so we have another local anchor to talk about.

Alycia gets her day in court [Philly Gossip]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:49 AM | Comments (4)

There's Something In The Corner

Front of Philly.com:

I can't be sure, but I think the Philadelphia police department is never going to have trouble finding evidence, as they apparently always check each and every corner.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:51 AM | Comments (2)

Abridged Daily News Columnists

John Baer: This lead. Is full of. Sentence fragments. Each with its own paragraph. But then it gets into how screwed up health care is. Then, here's a shocker: Money control politicians!

Stu Bykofsky: Hey, that national ID card everyone hates.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:20 AM | Comments (1)

Snowball Fight Leads To Shooting

A few tow-headed residents even decided to throw snowballs at people, a tradition of young brats since snow was invented. Unfortunately, uh, somebody shot one of the teenagers throwing snowballs. Two sixteen year olds were having a snowball fight when one of their throws accidentally hit a neighbor in the face. And, then, the neighbor returned and shot one of 'em in the head at point blank range.

Meanwhile, the Daily News account is full of WTF moments:

A man Travis said he knows only as Omar, in his early 30s, witnessed the incident and chastised the teens for throwing snowballs at the man. The boys sassed him and Omar told the boys, "I'm going home to get my gun and you better not be here when I come back."

Travis said through sobs that he warned Tavin, who was visiting for the day, that he knew Omar and had seen his gun. He told Tavin to get out of sight. Tavin went into a friend's house, where other teens urged him to stay indoors.

Instead, he went outside and sat on the steps. Omar came back with a gun about 4:45 p.m. and found Tavin, witnesses said. "I'm not going to fight you," Tavin told the man, witnesses said. "If you want to shoot me, shoot me."

The man fired one shot that hit Tavin in the head, then he jogged toward Eleanor Street, about a block away.

Omar, really setting a good example for everyone, it seems.

Update: Tavin sadly passed away later Monday.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:06 AM | Comments (4)

February 23, 2008

Inquirer Building: SOLD!

Patriot Equities LP of Wayne -- whoever that is -- is going to buy the building and turn it into a rocket to the sun. Something like that. Congratulations, Inquirer! Hopefully this will let everybody currently there keep their jobs.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 22, 2008

Even Better Breaking: Milton Convicted!

Oh, wait, that's much worse. Yes, Our Pal Milton has been convicted of tax evasion, though he escaped some other charges due to deadlocking and acquittal (!).

He faces 27 to 33 months in prison. Appeal, Milt! Appeal!

Posted by D-Mac at 03:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Breaking: Bulletin Evicted?

So apparently the Bulletin's new offices aren't all they're cracked up to be. Phone lines are down, staffers were told to pack up their stuff in boxes. Apparently, the paper's been evicted from its offices, say mysterious sources.

Let's try this again, since I phrased things not even close: Word out of 1518 Walnut Street is that staffers of The Bulletin were handed boxes and told to pack their things, as the paper had been evicted. The place wasn't supposed to move to its new offices a few doors down at 1500 Walnut Street 'til May 15 March 1.

Say Mysterious Sources.

Posted by D-Mac at 02:04 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Ex-Con Hired To Hire Ex-Cons

If you've been in Philadelphia for a while, you might remember Ron Cuie, the deputy mayor who tied up and tortured a friend back in 1999. Well, ha ha, he's back in the deputy mayor's position!

This time, though, he's the head of the Mayor's Office for the Reentry of Ex-Offenders, which is appropriate. It seems that as long as you are a former deputy mayor, you can return to your old job (deputy mayor) eventually. Anyway, Nutter, Cuie and (of course) Arlen Specter want to make it so that you don't have to be a deputy mayor in order to have a job coming out of prison.

And here's the best sentence written about his appointment, over at Young Philly Politics: "If he hadn't gone too far, and hadn't ended up beating, tying up, and torturing a companion, it is pretty unlikely that his coke habit would have gotten him thrown in jail."

Nutter taps ex-con for prisoner re-entry office [Daily News]

Posted by D-Mac at 12:30 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Demons Still On Loose In Buxco

Cops arrested one woman, according to the Inky's Larry King, but are on the lookout for, uh, demons. 40-year-old Sandralee Banks-Kastrup was arrested for vandalizing St. Michael the Archangel church, but cops want to round up more demons to burn at the stake or try for vandalism or whatever. No names, though:

In recalling his encounter with the purported "demons," [St. Mike's Pastor Fr. Michael] DiIorio said that it was not threatening, but that it came back to mind during the recent desecrations. "There was nothing remarkable in their dress or demeanor," DiIorio recalled. "I greet every person in church after the liturgy at the main door. They made themselves last in line."

When the two visitors reached him, he said, they told him that they wanted him to know "that they had moved into the area and that now they will be here." When DiIorio asked if they wanted to register with the parish, "they had no intention of doing so." Instead, he said, "they described themselves by names of demons. They didn't say 'Cheryl' or 'Samantha.' It was a demonic name."

DiIorio said police had told him not to provide further details, including the sex of the visitors. He did say one "would have been in her early 50s," while the second was younger. "They didn't use the generic term demon. We're using that to guard against evidence being contaminated," DiIorio said. "But they used a name that anyone would associate with demons."

Why, exactly, do the demons' names have to be confidential? What if I know them? I know a couple of demons, and I'm hoping they weren't involved. For instance, I've already cleared my demon friend Samantha.

Oh, yeah, and Archdiocese spokeswoman Donna Farrell said she didn't know of any link between the demonic visitors and the vandalism. Satan sells, I guess.

Ill-spirited acts haunt churches in Bucks [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 10:31 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Christine Flowers: Oh, it's Christine Flowers on Obama. Let's find the stupidest quote and laugh at it, usual. No, wait, it's a fake conversation between Michelle and Barack Obama. Oh, this is supposed to be "funny." Aw, cute.

Jill Porter: And the Jill Porter Award for Most Awkward Transition of the Day goes to... Jill Porter!

Thus the feverish glee of TV and radio talk-show hosts yesterday with the arrival of fresh meat regarding the presumptive GOP presidential nominee.

And who wouldn't rather devour fresh meat than, say, worry about whether our own schoolchildren devoured some of the tainted meat from a California slaughterhouse?

Elmer Smith: Oh, yea, now that Castro's dead or whatever, we should probably let people visit Cuba and such. Right?

Posted by D-Mac at 09:25 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Finally, We Get Some Decent Snow

We're supposed to get about 1 to 3 inches, with a changeover to rain by late afternoon.

We could get ice, too, making this nighttime just ever so fun. Good thing there's RPS tonight!

Posted by D-Mac at 08:54 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

February 21, 2008

TV News Not Bastion Of Journalism

Braxton, sources say, had been suspended for making calls and inquiries about the criminal case of Steve DiDonato, of Lower Salford Township, who happens to be the husband of NBC 10 Managing Editor Lisa Spinosa.

Last month a judge sentenced DiDonato, 47, to a probation-like program over charges that DiDonato set a fire in January 2006, outside a Lehigh Valley bar. The fire was set to distract police from the fact that he was about to get in his car and drive under the influence, Debbie Garlicki of the Allentown Morning Call reported. DiDonato was not arrested until seven months after the blaze, which he allegedly drove through.

But The Mighty Dan Gross also reports Braxton was paid during her suspension, and didn't have to do any reporting. Which means it sounds more like a "vacation" to me.

NBC10 boss to Braxton: Don't investigate my husband [Phillygossip]

Posted by D-Mac at 01:42 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Death At, Erhm, Hobo Camp

Violence in Philadelphia last night left five dead and an armed man wounded in a span of eight hours. Another death in a West Philadelphia hobo camp is under investigation as a possible homicide.

Wait, really? HOBO CAMP? Well. There is a National Hobo Convention, so I guess it's accurate. Erhm.

Yeah, I never really thought I'd see the words "hobo camp" in the newspaper. I'm not quite sure how to react.

Update: Google News shows three instances of "hobo camp" in newspapers this month.

Eight hours, six dead in Phila. [Inquirer]

Posted by D-Mac at 11:44 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Only 38 (!) Days 'Til Season Opener

"I have a six-pack already, but I'm looking for--I don't know what other games I'm looking for after that, but I'm up here to get some other games, probably two or three more," Anthony told KYW 1060. He's already in line and he's not sure what games he's going to get?

We are getting closer and closer to the season opener, March 31 against Washington. The biggest boring story of the offseason, Ryan Howard's arbitration case, ended with a victory for the Big Man. He'll get $10 million dollars, a record of some sort. I was rooting for Howard, if only because I wanted to root against Phils management. But now that Howard's contract is settled, we can get on to exciting arguments like how to trade Wes Helms.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Rollins responds to the Mets' Carlos Beltran, who said the Mets were the team to beat this year.

"One, there are four other teams in our division who are going to make sure that doesn't happen. And two, has anyone ever heard of plagiarism?"

I am getting more excited for the season every day.

Posted by D-Mac at 10:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Karl Rove In Midseason Form At Penn

These earlier travels were juxtaposed with Rove's trip on Air Force One the morning of Sept. 11. After receiving word of the terrorist attacks, Bush and his staff got in the air "as fast as a 747 could.

Was that before or after George Bush won the 100 meter dash at the world championships?

Rove addresses U.S. politics [Daily Pennsylvanian]

Posted by D-Mac at 09:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: "It's about using objective data to inform our laws. The way we always have, when it comes to driving." Why would we do that with driving when we don't do that with anything else?

Michael Smerconish: This week was the three-year anniversary of the couple who disappeared after going to Abilene's. Michael Smerconish is Googling frantically to figure out why people like missing white women, and he comes to the correct conclusion that there's nothing America loves more than white teen jailbait.

Stu Bykofsky: Oh, this is a column comparing the Oscars to the presidential election.

Posted by D-Mac at 09:22 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 20, 2008

Leftovers: Undecideds And Free Markets

• Apparently some people on the Internet are mad about a Christine Flowers column; basically, you need to visit this link (to The Moderate Voice) just to see the incredible commenting policy, which is roughly 5,000 words long. The first time I visited the site, there was also a poem -- a political poem! -- on the front page. The site does say Flowers' column wasn't any good, so it's got that going for it. [The Moderate Voice]

• Also angry: Republicans! The lovers of free markets are angry that the free market paid Patrick Murphy $100,000 for his memoir. Some spokesperson for a dude running against Murphy said, "The people in Bucks County didn't send him to Washington to write a book." How dare a Congressman write his own book! Doesn't he know what ghostwriters are for? Oh, wait, "with Adam Frankel." Why is everyone angry again, then? [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Look what undecided mayors get to do to Barack and Hillary: "Both Obama and HRC want Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson’s endorsement. So, how to get it? Simple — none of this “new day politics” for Jackson. No, he’s old-school. He wants cash, or a check. He drew up a wish list asking for $6.3 billion over five years for Cuyahoga County, with the lion’s share going to Cleveland. He sent his 14-page plan to HRC and Obama earlier this week." Man, Nutter, we coulda got a water slide for City Hall but you had to go endorse Clinton early. [Kansas City Star]

• The most boring drama in Philadelphia sports since anything involving Donovan McNabb and/or Andy Reid is close to an end, as Ryan Howard's arbitration hearing is over. And supposedly it wasn't contentious! Will the Phillies' first baseman be able to survive with less than $10 million in 2008? Ooh, I can't wait to find out. [The Zo Zone]

• Doug Kammerer gets a slideshow for his welcome at KYW. Er. [CBS 3]

• Somebody in the office just said it had started snowing, but then backtracked. In the meantime, here's a recap of all the forecasts. [Philly EDGE]

Posted by D-Mac at 04:03 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Tour Guide Regulation Moving Along

"Right now anybody can be a guide in Philadelphia... A test on those facts at least gives them the basics -- so they'll know that Betsy Ross did not sew half the uniforms for the American Revolution, as one guide told me."

Oh. So will the tour guides be required to tell everyone the Betsy Ross story is a complete fabrication? Hopefully.

Also, the Inky's Jeff Shields reports there's still a little work to do on the bill: "Brown said the bill still has work to do -- defining what exactly constitutes a tour operator, what types to exempt (such as foreign-language or out of town interpreters)." So, you know, a large majority of the bill. Unless the history tests are already written!

Tour Guides moves out of committee [Heard in the Hall]
History Tests May Soon Be Required for Philadelphia Tour Guides [KYW 1060]

Posted by D-Mac at 02:33 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Courier-Post Employees Write Open Letter

This climate of crisis is embodied by the soiling of the bathrooms. In the first incident, in the men’s bathroom, it took 24 hours for the feces to be removed from the floor. A reporter had to send out an electronic message warning employees about the situation. In the second incident, in the women’s bathroom, management quickly responded to have the feces removed and the area sanitized. Still, some employees believe the incidents were meant as a symbol of the mounting frustration they face on a daily basis.

The full inside baseball letter is after the jump.

Dear Mr. Lafferty:

The Courier-Post newsroom is in crisis.

Employees are overworked with no relief in sight, and not being paid for working overtime. Reporters often lack necessities to do their job, like having new notebooks; the photo department sometimes cannot handle assignments because of a lack of equipment. Upper management has taken an increasingly critical tone, often demeaning employees in public. The tension has increased to the point that the men’s and women’s bathrooms in the newsroom have been deliberately soiled by feces in separate incidents. This appears to be a result of demoralized employees seeking an outlet to vent ever-mounting frustration.

The staff has shrunk significantly since November – at least eight newsroom employees have left – leaving fewer people to handle a workload that continues to increase with the addition of new publications. This comes on top of dealing with the daily newspaper, zoned Communities pages, special sections and online coverage beyond what goes in the newspaper. The executive editor and the managing editor seem oblivious to the impact of this workload on the remaining employees.

The result is a staff that is overworked to the point where it often is physically impossible to complete the required work within the scheduled work week. As a consequence, many non-exempt employees work beyond their allotted hours without being paid overtime. The issue often is addressed by telling the employee to take time off as compensation, but that seldom occurs because the workload does not make it practical.

Employees who have worked overtime in the past must be compensated for their time and they must be advised of the newspaper’s overtime policy and assured it will be enforced. If these steps are not taken by Feb. 22, we see no recourse other than to file a complaint with the hour and wage division of the U.S. Department of Labor.

The lack of equipment has made it difficult for people throughout the newsroom to do their job. Beyond notebooks and photo equipment, layout editors frequently have to wait their turn to use the inadequate number of pagination stations. This results in a loss of production time for the newspaper. The two newsroom copy machines are frequently broken, forcing employees to use the copy machine in advertising and often having to wait in line. There have been occasions when the newsroom has run out of copier paper.

Dealing with these challenges has been exacerbated by the increasingly critical tone taken by the executive editor and managing editor toward the staff. The result is a chaotic, mismanaged workplace in which the executive editor and managing editor are inconsistent in their direction to employees. Such an environment stifles initiative, creativity and productivity. Employees often are left frustrated by the lack of a clear, defined approach.

This climate of crisis is embodied by the soiling of the bathrooms. In the first